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Friends that never reveal details about themselves

I have a friend who is very nice, we met through work about a year ago.

She always asks me how I am and asks me what I'm doing and what's going on in my life. If I ask the same back she says very short responses like 'nothing much' 'same old' ...

If I don't fill the conversation with my own life stories and thoughts there is literally no conversation ... I have even tested this theory on the phone and the calls ended fast.

She does admit proudly that shes private and no one knows anything about her ... but my gut feeling around this isn't good.

At the same time she hasn't done anything wrong and has been out with me, checks up on me, says I'm one of her best friends and also was happy for me when I got a new job.

I'm not really sure what to think, she expects to maintain a friendship and shares absolutely nothing.

She has also said she finds me smart an valuable and likes to learn from me so I'm not sure if I'm being used.

Has anyone else ever had someone like this in their life. They speak on a very shallow level and mostly ask about you excessively and ignore questions directed back. How did you feel?
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. :smile:
I value my privacy a lot but always try to participate in conversations with friends and directly answer at least some of their questions.
Yes, I've come across someone like that before. She was not trustworthy and told others what I said to her - in my situation, she twisted my words to make me seem silly. There's a reason why they ask you so many questions.
Be careful and consider cutting her off if you don't feel like this is a beneficial situation for you.
I avoid conversations where I'll be asked reciprocal questions that I don't feel comfortable answering.

Like if my family were doing sh/t, I'd avoid asking someone else questions about their family. Because I don't want them to ask me the same, and then have to either:
a) Lie
b) Whinge
I have a mate like this we been friends for years yet i barely know them. not sure if it's privacy or if there's very little going on in his head/life. i try to open up deep discussions even abt general things not him but he doesn't get into these conversations. It feels one sided, and i've learned if it is like this then it isn't a real friendship and the person who doesnt open up shouldn't convince themselves it is because a real friendship requires both ppl to be vulnerable and know each other. You can't just admire or 'learn' from someone, could be a load of bs too. Are they private cus of low self esteem? or do they want the upper hand? idk but u need to confront them it's a waste of time and selfish if they r fixated on their boundaries and don't think they owe the relaionship any vulnerabiliy
I'm probably a bit like your friend in the sense that I also don't really like talking about myself. When I answer how she answers, it is usually because I genuinely have been up to nothing because my mental health stopped me from doing things. I have had pretty bad depression in the past and it made me feel ashamed when I couldn't even get out of bed, when people I know where going out and living their life to the full. Perhaps she has similar issues.
Reply 6
Thank you everyone for all your replies, its been a struggle to navigate this, she makes me feel pressured to talk by being how she is so I fill the conversation and I often feel uncomfortable knowing that even though I have no deep secrets or anything, she is listening and absorbing what I say.

Sometimes she will call me her best friend and make me feel bad if I don't keep up contact. I feel sorry for her at times, at work she had other friends that she seemed closer to yet it seems to be me that she likes the most ... and I have an uneasy feeling as I said

I am sure she has a full life, and mental health is defo not the issue but thank you for that perspective! , e.g. she did some errands (in her words) all day, so i asked 'what errands' and she wouldnt answer and asked me what i was doing in that moment. It feels so obvious and deliberate that she shifts the focus to me and learning about me but she had a full day of tasks.

I am grateful for all replies, you have all been so lovely to help and I will think about everything carefully and cautiously for a few days
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you everyone for all your replies, its been a struggle to navigate this, she makes me feel pressured to talk by being how she is so I fill the conversation and I often feel uncomfortable knowing that even though I have no deep secrets or anything, she is listening and absorbing what I say.

Sometimes she will call me her best friend and make me feel bad if I don't keep up contact. I feel sorry for her at times, at work she had other friends that she seemed closer to yet it seems to be me that she likes the most ... and I have an uneasy feeling as I said

I am sure she has a full life, and mental health is defo not the issue but thank you for that perspective! , e.g. she did some errands (in her words) all day, so i asked 'what errands' and she wouldnt answer and asked me what i was doing in that moment. It feels so obvious and deliberate that she shifts the focus to me and learning about me but she had a full day of tasks.

I am grateful for all replies, you have all been so lovely to help and I will think about everything carefully and cautiously for a few days

She's definitely acting suspiciously. It's weird how she won't even talk about what errands she does :wtf:
Trust that uneasy gut feeling as well :yy:
Good luck :smile:
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
I have a friend who is very nice, we met through work about a year ago.

She always asks me how I am and asks me what I'm doing and what's going on in my life. If I ask the same back she says very short responses like 'nothing much' 'same old' ...

If I don't fill the conversation with my own life stories and thoughts there is literally no conversation ... I have even tested this theory on the phone and the calls ended fast.

She does admit proudly that shes private and no one knows anything about her ... but my gut feeling around this isn't good.

At the same time she hasn't done anything wrong and has been out with me, checks up on me, says I'm one of her best friends and also was happy for me when I got a new job.

I'm not really sure what to think, she expects to maintain a friendship and shares absolutely nothing.

She has also said she finds me smart an valuable and likes to learn from me so I'm not sure if I'm being used.

Has anyone else ever had someone like this in their life. They speak on a very shallow level and mostly ask about you excessively and ignore questions directed back. How did you feel?

Yea I have a mate who is exactly same ..wants to know everything to what time is my boyfriend in what am I having for tea what houses is my son applying for very intrusive …I don’t ask her such questioning

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