Why do some guys claim they can’t get dates or girlfriends?

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Anonymous #1
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Is there something wrong with their personality? Are they incels?
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hungrysalamander
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Lack of self esteem, doesn’t socialise, no self care etc
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Soontobesuper
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The above, including theyre shy, introverted and lack the confidence which girls can find attractive and generally to initiate things

But also I fell that they like wallowing in their own self deprecation woe is me the world is against me out look, to draw attention to them selves

Im not saying theyre all like that but imho
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Soontobesuper)
The above, including theyre shy, introverted and lack the confidence which girls can find attractive and generally to initiate things

But also I fell that they like wallowing in their own self deprecation woe is me the world is against me out look, to draw attention to them selves

Im not saying theyre all like that but imho
Is that a chicken or egg situation?
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1582
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Some men don't try.

Some men do try but go about it in a manner that makes women uncomfortable.

A few men have just gotten unlucky in that all girls they've made an effort to ask out so far simply weren't interested.
Last edited by 1582; 4 weeks ago
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Soontobesuper
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Is that a chicken or egg situation?
In terms of the lack of confidence? Yes probably. It also doesnt help that they pin the reasons for lack of confidence on being successful dating wise, instead of exploring other revenues for improving social skills.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Is there something wrong with their personality? Are they incels?
They probably can get women but they probably have high standards (want someone who is attractive)
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CountBread
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(Original post by Anonymous)
They probably can get women but they probably have high standards (want someone who is attractive)
You can't date people you don't find attractive, that is not high standards.
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Gaddafi
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Weak willed. This is by far the biggest one.

Pretty much anyone can get a date if they ask enough people IRL.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by CountBread)
You can't date people you don't find attractive, that is not high standards.
They do have high standards and that's why they can't get anyone. There's plenty of single women around.

But a lot of these men, they are unattractive or overweight themselves but they want an attractive woman and they are competing with attractive men, average men and rich men. A lot of average or unattractive women just settle for any guy they can get but unattractive men won't.
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Anonymous #2
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There's a huge gender imbalance in most countries, there are way more young or middle aged women than men around. There's a shortage of men so honestly men can get a woman, if they be realistic.
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CountBread
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(Original post by Anonymous)
They do have high standards and that's why they can't get anyone. There's plenty of single women around.

But a lot of these men, they are unattractive or overweight themselves but they want an attractive woman and they are competing with attractive men, average men and rich men. A lot of average or unattractive women just settle for any guy they can get but unattractive men won't.
You can't ''settle'' for someone you're not attracted to, it will be just theatre and pretension and nobody wants that, not the woman either. You want a partner who is attracted to you, really, not someone who went for you because they had no other option. That's demeaning at best.

No woman I have ever met settled for any guy, quite the opposite. Rightly so, btw.
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Anonymous #3
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Kind of a bit of an arrogant post some guys just aren't good looking appealing to the opposite sex I have never had a girlfriend in my whole life.
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Anonymous #4
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There are many possible reasons. Could be due to lack of effort, shyness, ugliness.

I am one of those guys. I am in my late 20s. No woman has ever been attracted to me. It isn't hard to understand why - I'm ugly, 5ft3, and have a minor physical disability. I've been called "ugly" to my face and behind my back before (by both men and women), and women have made comments such as "I'm too short to ever find a partner".

I do reasonably OK in other respects. I have friends, a good career etc. But I'm simply not attractive to women. And that's fine - people can't exactly force themselves to be attracted to me. I completely understand that I am physically unattractive, and I will therefore seriously struggle to find a girlfriend.

I don't really see why male virgins are the target of so much criticism. I'm a romantically lonely male virgin (and believe me, that has a very serious impact on my self-esteem and mental health). I'm not hurting anyone. As far as I'm concerned, society should probably stop mocking and insulting lonely single men so much. If people want to criticise others, why not criticise people who are angry, people who hurt others, or people who are violent? I don't really see the fascination behind ganging up against lonely, pathetic, male virgins, whose self-esteem is already at rock bottom.
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Little pecker
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I bring nothing to the table tbh so I’ll stick to my cat / work colleagues.
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londonmyst
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Plenty of possible reasons.
Very unattractive, have clear health problems, won't attempt to hide their lousy personalities, poor personal hygiene, unpleasant backgrounds/close ties or dreadful communication skills.
While others have unrealistically high dating expectations and are only targeting obviously incompatible girls.
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LittleBear04
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Plenty of possible reasons.
Very unattractive, have clear health problems, won't attempt to hide their lousy personalities, poor personal hygiene, unpleasant backgrounds/close ties or dreadful communication skills.
While others have unrealistically high dating expectations and are only targeting obviously incompatible girls.
I would definitely agree with this, particularly with the bottom part especially with online dating. It's important to have expectations but not to make them totally unrealistic
Last edited by LittleBear04; 4 weeks ago
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Anonymous #5
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Really ugly boys don't have many options lol. Many of them will genuinely be unable to get dates/girlfriends. Tbh your post seems a bit arrogant. Like you are unwilling to consider that others might have it hard compared to you.
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Zarek
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Dating is hard work not helped by the fact everyone wants to go out with models with a great personality. Unless you’re in the very attractive set you need a lot of effort, patience and resilience
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Napp
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Probably because they cant get a lady friend, as to why? Who can say...
Simply not being able to get a gf or fuyckbuddy etc. doesnt make them an 'incel' though..?
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