Should I be feeling guilty about this?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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Ok so tomorrow I was meant to be meeting my new friend who is opposite sex to me. We met working together at the cinema and instantly hit it off

He has a really big crush on me but we’ve already had this discussion that I don’t feel the same cos I really don’t. He thinks that this is cos we’ve only worked and hung out together a few times and my feelings will change over the months but I know they won’t and never will cos I am not attracted to him at all. I do love him, like a friend and big brother but that’s as far as it goes for me. He always tells me how beautiful and pretty I am he doesn’t even try and hide it. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable when he flirts and compliments me but I try and hide it to spare his feelings

I enjoy spending time with him and hanging out as friends and I’d love to meet his friends. But he said his mum will be with him on our hangout tomorrow

His mum, who he said has been teasing him about me ever since we met in august, he told me she’s bound to tease us so I don’t want to go cos I know exactly what it’s gonna be “look at how he looks at you” “you two are a perfect match” “he never shuts up about you” etc. he’s admitted he thinks about me all the time. If I go tomorrow when his mum’s there i know I’ll feel uncomfortable and awkward af. And it might be building his hopes up which is not fair on him at all also what could I really talk to her about? I’ll feel like a gooseberry and jealous that they get on so well cos my own mum hasn’t got the time of day for me lately and it breaks my heart

I tried to cancel just now saying something’s come up and I’m not feeling too good. He always claims to care about my feelings but is trying to railroad me into going cos “I’m not happy lately and seeing you will help me feel better” he is normally really caring about me and now wants to know why I won’t go, what the hell am I supposed to say? I can’t tell him it’s cos of his mum

22f and 24m
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Hey!!
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Report 3 weeks ago
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No you shouldn’t, I’m sorry you feel like this but you have nothing to feel guilty about here. It’s actually really weird that he is bringing his mum along on a hangout....I don’t want to upset you and I know you don’t want to hear this (I hate to be the bearer of bad news) but I don’t believe he is really your friend. From what you’ve said I feel like he thinks by being your friend he can get closer to you eventually. How much importance and focus he puts on you i would say is because of his crush. Does this make sense? You said he flirts with you, and compliments you daily despite you clearly being uncomfortable about it. I don’t think he respects your feelings, he just seems to keep pushing his own feelings on you in the hopes you’ll start seeing him as more than a friend. It’s so disheartening to hear I know, but I think men like this are only bothered about you because of their feelings for you. If he didn’t think you were beautiful and pretty he wouldn’t even bother. I genuinely believe some men have ulterior motives about complimenting a woman. Do not go tomorrow under any circumstances whatsoever and actually seriously consider ending the friendship because no true friend would ever emotionally blackmail you to get their own way. That’s a big red flag right there.
This might be a deliberate stage by him to get what he wants, by having his mum there putting pressure on you which is so wrong. He’s probably asked her to help him snare you. There’s something afoot!
Last edited by Hey!!; 3 weeks ago
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bones-mccoy
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What 24 year old man brings his mum to hang out with a friend? Even if it's at their house and she'll be in the general vicinity, it's still weird if she tries to get too involved.

I'd cancel. It may sound harsh but why should you have to put yourself through so much awkwardness for a guy who clearly doesn't respect your boundaries and can't take 'no' for an answer?
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