Anonymous #1
#1
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my friends really hurt me. they left me alone on a night out with no phone as mine broke just to go to some boys house. if the time was reversed i know how infuriated they would be with me. they haven’t even apologised and when i said i was annoyed, she simply responded with ‘i told you i was going back to his in the first place’. this is true but i said i was annoyed that she couldn’t make sure that i was safe first by taking me nearby to another friend. all she thought about was herself. i can’t believe i haven’t gotten apology and i cried a whole load because it hurts how much it was evident she didn’t care. this is the 3rd time this year something like this has happened to me and it’s heartbreaking that someone i’ve known for over 7 years, who i called my best friend could do that to me. i don’t want to tell her i’m annoyed because it’s even worse she can’t notice it herself. my other friends advised me to cut them off because what they did was awful but i don’t know how to do that when i’ve been friends with them for so long and i’m so forgiving. this is however the first time i’ve thought of ending the friendship but i just don’t think i have it in me to do that. i really need some advice on what i can do :/
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StriderHort
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#2
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I have to say, one things that jumps out v strongly is a reluctance to do anything for yourself. If your friend had made it clear in advance when their plans with a guy were, why were you trying to change that? why does she need to 'hand you off' to another friend?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
I have to say, one things that jumps out v strongly is a reluctance to do anything for yourself. If your friend had made it clear in advance when their plans with a guy were, why were you trying to change that? why does she need to 'hand you off' to another friend?
because we agreed that would be the plan in the first place. she said she would go to a guys house after she knew i was with my other friend. this is because i had nowhere to go back to. so because she didn’t do what she promised (bare in mind it was only a 10 minute walk from where we were) i was all alone for the whole night, with no phone and accommodation. luckily after a while i was able to be sat next to two lovely people who questioned why on earth i was alone in the drunken state i was in and allowed me to stay at theirs. if it wasn’t for them who knows what else could’ve happened. i am very independent but it’s hard to find your other friend when your phone is broken and when you’ve just gotten drunk after clubbing. us girls always take care of our own but she didn’t do that for me. the people who allowed me to stay at theirs did what she should’ve done.
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StriderHort
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ok that does change things a bit, you didn't make it clear you'd got yourself into a state at first, and for the sake of a 10/15 mins walk to drop you off yea your friend could have done more.

But tbh I'd take the whole thing as a lesson to be more self sufficient in general, people can always let you down. Going clubbing with people, and them hooking up and vanishing with someone is what happens dozens of times every night in every club, trying to keep a group together can be trying to keep the tide from coming in.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
ok that does change things a bit, you didn't make it clear you'd got yourself into a state at first, and for the sake of a 10/15 mins walk to drop you off yea your friend could have done more.

But tbh I'd take the whole thing as a lesson to be more self sufficient in general, people can always let you down. Going clubbing with people, and them hooking up and vanishing with someone is what happens dozens of times every night in every club, trying to keep a group together can be trying to keep the tide from coming in.
The thing is I am very independent and can take care of myself. But if a plan was in place (simply being taken to my other friend) then you should stick to that no matter what. I was in no way **** blocking as I said it was fine for her to leave For instance a similar thing happened and I left her (but i left her with 3 of her other close friends) anyway, i still went back to them to make sure they were okay and safe.

do you think i need to cut off the 7 year friendship or get over it and just not trust her? also if you could take into account with her last relationship she would always leave me for him.
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Theloniouss
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The thing is I am very independent and can take care of myself.
Saying it doesn't make it true. If your friend leaves you 10 minutes earlier than planned and your phone breaks, that shouldn't leave you in a position where you have to rely on strangers' charity. I'm not sure it's really worth cutting off your "best friend of 7 years" over something like this, personally.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Theloniouss)
Saying it doesn't make it true. If your friend leaves you 10 minutes earlier than planned and your phone breaks, that shouldn't leave you in a position where you have to rely on strangers' charity. I'm not sure it's really worth cutting off your "best friend of 7 years" over something like this, personally.
i’m assuming you’re a guy but us girls we don’t leave once we have planned something unless you’re trash. if my phone was functioning it would at least be semi-decent for myself but in regard to the friendship it is AWFUL. this is the second time this year she has done this to me now. and it has happened in other ways several times before these two instances. so no, it’s not a one time thing. & as a matter of fact i wasn’t relying on any strangers. even though my phone was broken i was all by myself for at least an hour trying to figure out what i was going to do calmly at a bus stop (as i was drunk and wanted to sit down). the strangers who ended up being ANGELS spoke to me first out of their concern for my safety. so don’t even question my independence.
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MatureLikeManure
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(Original post by Anonymous)
my friends really hurt me. they left me alone on a night out with no phone as mine broke just to go to some boys house. if the time was reversed i know how infuriated they would be with me. they haven’t even apologised and when i said i was annoyed, she simply responded with ‘i told you i was going back to his in the first place’. this is true but i said i was annoyed that she couldn’t make sure that i was safe first by taking me nearby to another friend. all she thought about was herself. i can’t believe i haven’t gotten apology and i cried a whole load because it hurts how much it was evident she didn’t care. this is the 3rd time this year something like this has happened to me and it’s heartbreaking that someone i’ve known for over 7 years, who i called my best friend could do that to me. i don’t want to tell her i’m annoyed because it’s even worse she can’t notice it herself. my other friends advised me to cut them off because what they did was awful but i don’t know how to do that when i’ve been friends with them for so long and i’m so forgiving. this is however the first time i’ve thought of ending the friendship but i just don’t think i have it in me to do that. i really need some advice on what i can do :/
us guys have a code, bros before hoes. maybe you should invent one like chicks before d*cks.
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HC003
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#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
my friends really hurt me. they left me alone on a night out with no phone as mine broke just to go to some boys house. if the time was reversed i know how infuriated they would be with me. they haven’t even apologised and when i said i was annoyed, she simply responded with ‘i told you i was going back to his in the first place’. this is true but i said i was annoyed that she couldn’t make sure that i was safe first by taking me nearby to another friend. all she thought about was herself. i can’t believe i haven’t gotten apology and i cried a whole load because it hurts how much it was evident she didn’t care. this is the 3rd time this year something like this has happened to me and it’s heartbreaking that someone i’ve known for over 7 years, who i called my best friend could do that to me. i don’t want to tell her i’m annoyed because it’s even worse she can’t notice it herself. my other friends advised me to cut them off because what they did was awful but i don’t know how to do that when i’ve been friends with them for so long and i’m so forgiving. this is however the first time i’ve thought of ending the friendship but i just don’t think i have it in me to do that. i really need some advice on what i can do :/
You should try and talk it out. Don't cut them out of your life straight away because you will start feeling very lonely but if they are becoming toxic and horrible I would just get rid and find better friends. I've only just started uni this week hasn't gone that well socially because I haven't got a friend yet but I'd rather have no friends then have toxic friends. Because I've been there in secondary school and it isn't very nice.
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StriderHort
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The thing is I am very independent and can take care of myself. But if a plan was in place (simply being taken to my other friend) then you should stick to that no matter what. I was in no way **** blocking as I said it was fine for her to leave For instance a similar thing happened and I left her (but i left her with 3 of her other close friends) anyway, i still went back to them to make sure they were okay and safe.

do you think i need to cut off the 7 year friendship or get over it and just not trust her? also if you could take into account with her last relationship she would always leave me for him.
IMO plans and intentions are all well and good, but often simply go out the window a bit when people are partying, intoxicated or looking to get laid, we often get tunnel vision. I've seen hundreds do it and and i'm not about to pretend I've never done the same. If you are drinking and expect the drinker next to you to be in charge, there is an obvious risk there.

I personally find there is not really any such thing as a friend that ticks every box, I have friends that I trust or rely on for certain aspect more than others.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by MatureLikeManure)
us guys have a code, bros before hoes. maybe you should invent one like chicks before d*cks.
must say that’s a class idea. it’s usually an unwritten rule not to leave your friend if they are alone but maybe i should mention your code
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by HC003)
You should try and talk it out. Don't cut them out of your life straight away because you will start feeling very lonely but if they are becoming toxic and horrible I would just get rid and find better friends. I've only just started uni this week hasn't gone that well socially because I haven't got a friend yet but I'd rather have no friends then have toxic friends. Because I've been there in secondary school and it isn't very nice.
i really don’t want to cut them out because i’ve always been so forgiving, but maybe they are taking advantage of that :/ it’s just worse because this isn’t the first time she has done this but i don’t think i have it in me to completely end the friendship, then again i don’t know how to get over it. though i do agree, no friends are better than toxic friends :/ i’ll try talk it out with them but i know i’ll probably break down
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Anonymous #2
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Maybe she just didn’t want to be the babysitter again for a friend who’d gotten herself into such a state clubbing.
Some of the responsibility lies on you tbf- you shouldn’t get yourself into such states if you’re going to need looked after. You could have easily gotten less drunk and been able to make it to your other friends on your own.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
IMO plans and intentions are all well and good, but often simply go out the window a bit when people are partying, intoxicated or looking to get laid, we often get tunnel vision. I've seen hundreds do it and and i'm not about to pretend I've never done the same. If you are drinking and expect the drinker next to you to be in charge, there is an obvious risk there.

I personally find there is not really any such thing as a friend that ticks every box, I have friends that I trust or rely on for certain aspect more than others.
i know lots of people do the same thing to their friends (but i doubt they would leave them if they were alone). i’ve been heavily intoxicated before; i could hardly walk and was getting off with a guy i met but i still cared for my friends. even in the state i was in, when i saw my friend throwing up and evidently sick i took care of him even though his other friends were right by him (i did what i did because they were just leaving him to deal with it alone) i left the guy i was with to go to my hotel and get him water, tissue and everything he needed. that’s why it hurts more. because i could care for my friend even though my head was SPINNING like CRAZY showing using ‘i was drunk’ as an excuse to leave someone is out of character.

i do get where you’re coming from though as i’ve noticed my friends fulfil different purposes in my life. anyway i have learnt not to trust them and i doubt they’ll get that back.
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Anonymous #3
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I’m sorry you went through that, as others said if you can’t trust friends in certain situations it’s important to know but up to you if it’s severe enough to cut them out.

That said if you know you lose too much self control when drunk then rethink your drinking, it’s not worth losing friends over. Especially if you’re not having a good time and feel this vulnerable that you depend on flaky friends.
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Anonymous #1
#16
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#16
(Original post by Anonymous)
Maybe she just didn’t want to be the babysitter again for a friend who’d gotten herself into such a state clubbing.
Some of the responsibility lies on you tbf- you shouldn’t get yourself into such states if you’re going to need looked after. You could have easily gotten less drunk and been able to make it to your other friends on your own.
funny you say that because i’m always her babysitter. the only reason i needed her to take me was because my phone broke and i didn’t know the way there from the club even though it was a 10 minute walk. she agreed to do this beforehand anyway but was too desperate to get d***** down. it’s embarrassing.
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