lcmari12
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So I started uni a week ago and it’s now freshers week. I don’t expect to settle in straight away but I am feeling so homesick it’s unreal. I live so far away from my uni (200+ miles away so over 4 hours of driving) so getting home isn’t easy. I miss my family and my boyfriend, who is also back at home (he lives around an hour away from my house).

The first night of uni I had a huge argument with my boyfriend on the phone and he told me that this would just not work whilst I’m so far away. We’ve spoken about it a lot since then and it’s still difficult, we’re currently on a break but I just know it won’t work out properly at this distance because he’ll be worried sick about me. We both love each other to bits but this situation is just horrible.

This isn’t the only reason I’m thinking of leaving uni though, I miss my family endlessly and I don’t really get along with my flatmates. I tend to enjoy my own company so that can cause me to isolate myself a bit and I haven’t really found any good friends. Everyone is going out every night which I enjoyed at first but now I’m sick of it. There’s noise every night and I can’t sleep or eat because I feel so down.

I’ve always been quite book smart so uni is always something I just assumed I’d do. I still haven’t decided if I want to go to uni later on, or if I’ll look for an apprenticeship in something else, perhaps veterinary nursing. I can still apply for uni next year, just one that is a lot closer to home so that I feel comfortable.

If I come home I can take the year out, look for a job and spend time with my family. I’ll have a boyfriend who will always be there for me along with my friends. I just feel like I might not be ready for uni yet, I’m really struggling. There are other options that will make me happy e.g. the apprenticeship. I don’t want to go out and party every night. I want to come home to my family and my boyfriend, every night I’ve just spent crying because I want to go home so badly.

If anyone could offer some advice I’d be so grateful <3
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by lcmari12)
So I started uni a week ago and it’s now freshers week. I don’t expect to settle in straight away but I am feeling so homesick it’s unreal. I live so far away from my uni (200+ miles away so over 4 hours of driving) so getting home isn’t easy. I miss my family and my boyfriend, who is also back at home (he lives around an hour away from my house).

The first night of uni I had a huge argument with my boyfriend on the phone and he told me that this would just not work whilst I’m so far away. We’ve spoken about it a lot since then and it’s still difficult, we’re currently on a break but I just know it won’t work out properly at this distance because he’ll be worried sick about me. We both love each other to bits but this situation is just horrible.

This isn’t the only reason I’m thinking of leaving uni though, I miss my family endlessly and I don’t really get along with my flatmates. I tend to enjoy my own company so that can cause me to isolate myself a bit and I haven’t really found any good friends. Everyone is going out every night which I enjoyed at first but now I’m sick of it. There’s noise every night and I can’t sleep or eat because I feel so down.

I’ve always been quite book smart so uni is always something I just assumed I’d do. I still haven’t decided if I want to go to uni later on, or if I’ll look for an apprenticeship in something else, perhaps veterinary nursing. I can still apply for uni next year, just one that is a lot closer to home so that I feel comfortable.

If I come home I can take the year out, look for a job and spend time with my family. I’ll have a boyfriend who will always be there for me along with my friends. I just feel like I might not be ready for uni yet, I’m really struggling. There are other options that will make me happy e.g. the apprenticeship. I don’t want to go out and party every night. I want to come home to my family and my boyfriend, every night I’ve just spent crying because I want to go home so badly.

If anyone could offer some advice I’d be so grateful <3
hey! i don't think ur bf should consider taking a break with you because of the fact that you've become long distanced. I think you should look into an apprenticeship and possibly look into a university closer to your home. Don't forget that you have an end goal you want to achieve, and like you said, you are quite book smart. I would advice you to either take a gap year and fully understand what you want in life and what possible ways you can achieve that without being upset. You could still go back to visit your family during the holidays if that's possible if you did decide to stay in uni. Your feelings are valid because staying away from home and leaving your life behind all of a sudden can have a harsh impact. Wish u the best of luck regardless of what way u choose out of this situation!
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Leave then
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mike23mike
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The first few weeks at uni can be bumpy but please hang in there. Once the lectures and tutorials start you will have met people off your course and have some focus. A week of partying during freshers week is too much. Join some clubs in order to meet like-minded people who share the same interests as you.
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leeeooonardo
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i would give it a few more weeks until you make a decision to leave, the course has either barely or hasn't started at all and you are bound to meet likeminded people there <3

i'm quite similar to you in that i prefer being alone, some nights can be crushingly lonely, i found getting involved with societies to be majorly helpful and just generally not being in my room also helps. keep in mind the reason you are at uni: studying! it's fine to not enjoy partying or clubbing every night, it's not what you're there for, and most importantly please remember to eat

hope the situation gets better
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Mysticalmystery
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Okay advice from a third year seriously considering dropping out too here, would be stick it out this semester or till December. Remember any overpayment in student finance has to be paid back now so that's a consideration and by December you will either have your grounding or not. It is best to make this choice by the end of your first year to entitle you to another course if needed in the future. Dropping out in December will avoid a massive overpayment, give you time to find your feet, time to experience coursework and exams and assessment methods and cancel any future payments. However, if your mental health is really bad don't be scared to drop out now either. I spent the first two years lying to myself that I love my course and am happy now Im unmotivated and crying every night. There's no shame in doing what's right for you!
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lcmari12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
hey! i don't think ur bf should consider taking a break with you because of the fact that you've become long distanced. I think you should look into an apprenticeship and possibly look into a university closer to your home. Don't forget that you have an end goal you want to achieve, and like you said, you are quite book smart. I would advice you to either take a gap year and fully understand what you want in life and what possible ways you can achieve that without being upset. You could still go back to visit your family during the holidays if that's possible if you did decide to stay in uni. Your feelings are valid because staying away from home and leaving your life behind all of a sudden can have a harsh impact. Wish u the best of luck regardless of what way u choose out of this situation!
Thank you for this. Me and my boyfriend were long distance before this, but it wasn’t half as bad. We both know that if I stay we will have to break up as he’s struggling a lot to cope. We both love each other so much but we’d have to say goodbye for now which would absolutely ruin me :/

As you said I still want to have a goal in life, whether that’s an apprenticeship or uni. The scary thing is I feel like I’ll probably end up doing an apprenticeship anyway after I finish at this uni, then I’d have lost someone I love and been away from my family for 3 years when I could’ve just done the apprenticeship/moved unis from the start!

Thanks so much again for taking the time to give advice
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lcmari12
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(Original post by Mysticalmystery)
Okay advice from a third year seriously considering dropping out too here, would be stick it out this semester or till December. Remember any overpayment in student finance has to be paid back now so that's a consideration and by December you will either have your grounding or not. It is best to make this choice by the end of your first year to entitle you to another course if needed in the future. Dropping out in December will avoid a massive overpayment, give you time to find your feet, time to experience coursework and exams and assessment methods and cancel any future payments. However, if your mental health is really bad don't be scared to drop out now either. I spent the first two years lying to myself that I love my course and am happy now Im unmotivated and crying every night. There's no shame in doing what's right for you!
Ahh I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m scared of this too, if I decide to stay I’ll lose my boyfriend and there’s a possibility that I could regret that if I then end up regretting staying at uni too, when I could just take a year out and decide properly what I want.

The way I’m trying to look at it is that I’m not giving up on the concept of uni, just this uni that I’m at. I didn’t do enough research and definitely rushed into it because I felt left out. After going through all of this I’ve kind of realised that life isn’t all about working hard, I have to be happy with my life too and I just know these next 3 years will be very tough. As you said I have to do what’s right and I need to put my mental health first, and if I drop out now I have a year to surround myself with people who love me.

im not sure I’ll be able to wait until the end of first year. I’ve researched a bit and read the same thing about needing to pay back student finance and stuff, which is tricky but also I feel like I need to do what’s right for me rn. I’d rather have a bit of financial stress which my family can help me through rather than be stuck on my own feeling depressed and alone.

thank you for taking the time to give me advice, and I really hope things work out for you too <3
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Mysticalmystery
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(Original post by lcmari12)
Ahh I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m scared of this too, if I decide to stay I’ll lose my boyfriend and there’s a possibility that I could regret that if I then end up regretting staying at uni too, when I could just take a year out and decide properly what I want.

The way I’m trying to look at it is that I’m not giving up on the concept of uni, just this uni that I’m at. I didn’t do enough research and definitely rushed into it because I felt left out. After going through all of this I’ve kind of realised that life isn’t all about working hard, I have to be happy with my life too and I just know these next 3 years will be very tough. As you said I have to do what’s right and I need to put my mental health first, and if I drop out now I have a year to surround myself with people who love me.

im not sure I’ll be able to wait until the end of first year. I’ve researched a bit and read the same thing about needing to pay back student finance and stuff, which is tricky but also I feel like I need to do what’s right for me rn. I’d rather have a bit of financial stress which my family can help me through rather than be stuck on my own feeling depressed and alone.

thank you for taking the time to give me advice, and I really hope things work out for you too <3
Yes don't sacrifice your mental health for anyone even if you end up poor (which won't happen) it's not worth it, if I leave uni I'd have little financial support from others so would mean balancing two part time jobs and even this isn't changing my mind. I think sometimes you need to know when enough is enough like people are telling me you have a year left stick it out but next term semester with my dissertation might damage me more than not having a degrees.

In regards to finance for you my advice would be get your total sum, take 400 or more if you can put it in a saving account. Divide the remaining by the 17 weeks term to work out your weekly limit and don't spend more than this each week that way if you drop out you have money not touched you can pay back and should have enough just to spending your limit so no overpayment.

Leaving home is hard for anyone, I never did it but the thought of having to leave my part time job because uni wouldn't change my timetable makes me feel sick. Remember at uni your the customer! If you want a day off take it, if you want two weeks to go back home go. If these are things that make you happy don't think twice about it worse uni can do is kick you out. Honestly, take it from someone who is crying every night and in a mess do what makes you happy, money and status means nothing! I'm here if you want to talk to me or here it from a average estate gal experiences. Also remember there's online unis you can attend if this doesn't work. Out
Last edited by Mysticalmystery; 4 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by lcmari12)
Thank you for this. Me and my boyfriend were long distance before this, but it wasn’t half as bad. We both know that if I stay we will have to break up as he’s struggling a lot to cope. We both love each other so much but we’d have to say goodbye for now which would absolutely ruin me :/

As you said I still want to have a goal in life, whether that’s an apprenticeship or uni. The scary thing is I feel like I’ll probably end up doing an apprenticeship anyway after I finish at this uni, then I’d have lost someone I love and been away from my family for 3 years when I could’ve just done the apprenticeship/moved unis from the start!

Thanks so much again for taking the time to give advice
Hey, i do think that if he's already struggling to cope with the relationship that you should take time out for yourself and take care of your needs rather than what he wants. Although it will be hard, i do think you will gain more out of staying in a circle full of people you know will be there for a lifetime! I understand the feeling but you can't force something that you know probably won't last. Take time to heal and become more confident in your choices before committing. I'm sure everyone's more than proud of you for making it this far anyways!
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jonathanemptage
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Give it a few weeks the first couple of weeks are hard but it might get better if you still feel sad in say six weeks then leave part of growing up i recognizing when something isn't working. There is no shame in dropping out whatsoever the shame is not giving it a fair chance.
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Coventry University Student Ambassadors
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(Original post by lcmari12)
So I started uni a week ago and it’s now freshers week. I don’t expect to settle in straight away but I am feeling so homesick it’s unreal. I live so far away from my uni (200+ miles away so over 4 hours of driving) so getting home isn’t easy. I miss my family and my boyfriend, who is also back at home (he lives around an hour away from my house).

The first night of uni I had a huge argument with my boyfriend on the phone and he told me that this would just not work whilst I’m so far away. We’ve spoken about it a lot since then and it’s still difficult, we’re currently on a break but I just know it won’t work out properly at this distance because he’ll be worried sick about me. We both love each other to bits but this situation is just horrible.

This isn’t the only reason I’m thinking of leaving uni though, I miss my family endlessly and I don’t really get along with my flatmates. I tend to enjoy my own company so that can cause me to isolate myself a bit and I haven’t really found any good friends. Everyone is going out every night which I enjoyed at first but now I’m sick of it. There’s noise every night and I can’t sleep or eat because I feel so down.

I’ve always been quite book smart so uni is always something I just assumed I’d do. I still haven’t decided if I want to go to uni later on, or if I’ll look for an apprenticeship in something else, perhaps veterinary nursing. I can still apply for uni next year, just one that is a lot closer to home so that I feel comfortable.

If I come home I can take the year out, look for a job and spend time with my family. I’ll have a boyfriend who will always be there for me along with my friends. I just feel like I might not be ready for uni yet, I’m really struggling. There are other options that will make me happy e.g. the apprenticeship. I don’t want to go out and party every night. I want to come home to my family and my boyfriend, every night I’ve just spent crying because I want to go home so badly.

If anyone could offer some advice I’d be so grateful <3
Aw, I feel for you. You seem so far away from your support network that it's impacting you already! I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Starting uni far away, not getting along with your flatmates, isolating yourself and not really enjoying your uni experience feels like you're being drawn towards moving back home.

Considering the unhappiness you feel, it seems the likely option is to take a year out and figure out what you really want to. As you say, taking the year will give you the opportunity to find employment and spend time with people you care about whilst having a support system to fall back on.

You don't need to have it figured out right now and if it means dropping out of uni to find what works for you, you do that. There isn't stopping you right now from moving back home and finding things your own way.

Alternatively, you can spend a bit more time at uni and explore societies, getting out and about the uni, campus, town, city etc. and see how you feel. Do you enjoy your course? What are you hoping to get out of your studies? Have you come across anyone you want to build a friendship with? I get it's hard being away from home and not being able to see familiarity for a while, and that's just a part of the uni experience and adjusting to the university lifestyle. I wouldn't worry about not getting along with your flatmates but not everyone does. Everyone's put together and the expectation to get along with everyone for the sake of living with each other can be difficult. There are plenty of people and a wide range of diversity at uni that the people you live with are miniscule.

I hope this helps. Chin up!

Veronica
Student Ambassador
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gjd800
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Trust your gut.
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MatureLikeManure
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(Original post by lcmari12)
So I started uni a week ago and it’s now freshers week. I don’t expect to settle in straight away but I am feeling so homesick it’s unreal. I live so far away from my uni (200+ miles away so over 4 hours of driving) so getting home isn’t easy. I miss my family and my boyfriend, who is also back at home (he lives around an hour away from my house).

The first night of uni I had a huge argument with my boyfriend on the phone and he told me that this would just not work whilst I’m so far away. We’ve spoken about it a lot since then and it’s still difficult, we’re currently on a break but I just know it won’t work out properly at this distance because he’ll be worried sick about me. We both love each other to bits but this situation is just horrible.

This isn’t the only reason I’m thinking of leaving uni though, I miss my family endlessly and I don’t really get along with my flatmates. I tend to enjoy my own company so that can cause me to isolate myself a bit and I haven’t really found any good friends. Everyone is going out every night which I enjoyed at first but now I’m sick of it. There’s noise every night and I can’t sleep or eat because I feel so down.

I’ve always been quite book smart so uni is always something I just assumed I’d do. I still haven’t decided if I want to go to uni later on, or if I’ll look for an apprenticeship in something else, perhaps veterinary nursing. I can still apply for uni next year, just one that is a lot closer to home so that I feel comfortable.

If I come home I can take the year out, look for a job and spend time with my family. I’ll have a boyfriend who will always be there for me along with my friends. I just feel like I might not be ready for uni yet, I’m really struggling. There are other options that will make me happy e.g. the apprenticeship. I don’t want to go out and party every night. I want to come home to my family and my boyfriend, every night I’ve just spent crying because I want to go home so badly.

If anyone could offer some advice I’d be so grateful <3
Leave. Im doing a year abroad online (Chinese). I get far more chinese teaching hours from my chinese uni and it is much better quality. And yet Unis in this country have (according to LBC i forget what they sourced) the highest fees for any publicly funded uni in the world
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lcmari12
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(Original post by MatureLikeManure)
Leave. Im doing a year abroad online (Chinese). I get far more chinese teaching hours from my chinese uni and it is much better quality. And yet Unis in this country have (according to LBC i forget what they sourced) the highest fees for any publicly funded uni in the world
Wow that sounds great!! I’m not sure what I’ll do yet, but I’m considering an apprenticeship, perhaps maybe in something like dental hygiene. The course that I am meant to study is biochemistry, so it still has that science aspect to it which I’d find very interesting, and I’d literally be paid while studying despite the fact that some people do a 3 year degree to become dental hygienists. It’s so strange how schools/colleges never really tell students about the other options they have and seem to focus soley on university, as if that’s the better option for everyone when that’s simply not the case.
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lcmari12
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(Original post by Coventry University Student Ambassadors)
Aw, I feel for you. You seem so far away from your support network that it's impacting you already! I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Starting uni far away, not getting along with your flatmates, isolating yourself and not really enjoying your uni experience feels like you're being drawn towards moving back home.

Considering the unhappiness you feel, it seems the likely option is to take a year out and figure out what you really want to. As you say, taking the year will give you the opportunity to find employment and spend time with people you care about whilst having a support system to fall back on.

You don't need to have it figured out right now and if it means dropping out of uni to find what works for you, you do that. There isn't stopping you right now from moving back home and finding things your own way.

Alternatively, you can spend a bit more time at uni and explore societies, getting out and about the uni, campus, town, city etc. and see how you feel. Do you enjoy your course? What are you hoping to get out of your studies? Have you come across anyone you want to build a friendship with? I get it's hard being away from home and not being able to see familiarity for a while, and that's just a part of the uni experience and adjusting to the university lifestyle. I wouldn't worry about not getting along with your flatmates but not everyone does. Everyone's put together and the expectation to get along with everyone for the sake of living with each other can be difficult. There are plenty of people and a wide range of diversity at uni that the people you live with are miniscule.

I hope this helps. Chin up!

Veronica
Student Ambassador
Thank you so much for taking to time to give such a detailed reply. I think I’ve made my final decision to leave and perhaps find an apprenticeship, or maybe give uni another shot next year. You’re definitely right in suggesting that I maybe sign up to some clubs/societies and put myself out there, I think that’d definitely help me settle in. However, I feel like I’d still be dissatisfied with my choice to go to uni as I feel so unprepared at the moment. A whole year, or maybe two years if I need it, to decide what I want whilst also having my family/friends around me would really benefit me. Thanks again!!
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Coventry University Student Ambassadors
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(Original post by lcmari12)
Thank you so much for taking to time to give such a detailed reply. I think I’ve made my final decision to leave and perhaps find an apprenticeship, or maybe give uni another shot next year. You’re definitely right in suggesting that I maybe sign up to some clubs/societies and put myself out there, I think that’d definitely help me settle in. However, I feel like I’d still be dissatisfied with my choice to go to uni as I feel so unprepared at the moment. A whole year, or maybe two years if I need it, to decide what I want whilst also having my family/friends around me would really benefit me. Thanks again!!
Hey lcmari12,

That's great to hear! Knowing you're choosing what's best for you is wonderful. Eventually, you'll find your way

Veronica
Student Ambassador
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