Need someone’s opinion Think she’s pulling away and I’m not sure what to do

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
So I’ll start with a quick recap of the year with my relationship. On April 2021 I parted ways with my ex of 5 years due to me not seeing us progress any further we don’t speak but we still are friends. Skip about 2 months I matched with this girl on tinder and chatted a little but had a bad phone call experience due to nerves. 2 weeks later I actually met her in a nightclub and we hit off really well and she saw different side of me compared to the phone call, we exchanged social media and cracked on from there.So it was a on off talking stage for a good month I saw her only once in that time and she had a holiday and the week she got back I had a holiday it was bad timing really. But after my holiday we went on dates and yeah we progressed and started mention relationships, meeting parents etc. On the 6th date we went out had a good time and finally to the bedroom we were gonna have sex but unfortunately probably due to nerves I couldn’t really hold an erection. She said don’t worry plenty of time and kind of shrugged it off and now this is where the problem started.It’s been 2 days since that night and she had been very blunt, slow replies and just been very distant. I knew what the reason was so last night I addressed the elephant in the room. I explained it must of been due to stress, anxiety nothing to do with her I’m very into her and find her very attractive. Ill mention now that she was in a 5 year relationship but hers was very sour with her ex cheating etc. And her response to me that it has brought back insecurities about her past relationship and feels she’s not good enough, she has also insecurities about her body. I really have developed feelings for her and I would hate for this to end like this she isn’t replying to me now I see her snap score going up so I know she’s talking to other people it’s just making me feel so depressed and I can’t sleep or work I really can’t go on like this would love for peoples opinion and advice it will help me out a lot thanks.
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Anonymous #2
#2
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Sorry your feeling so down right now! Please don’t think it’s you as I’ve been on this situation myself before but I’m a girl, so on the receiving end.

I met a guy online around 8 years ago and we spoke for months before meeting. Like you we went on a few dates and then finally tried to have sex but he just couldn’t get an erection at all. Like the girl your talking about, I kinda shrugged it off too and went home that night like nothing happened. I didn’t realise at the time but for him he felt terrible. He took it soo personally and thought I didn’t fancy him and that he had completely ruined everything. For me, I felt insecure too, I thought he couldn’t get an erection because he didn’t like my body, I was thinking all stupid things like ‘am I a catfish?’ ‘Did he just fancy me in pictures’ etc etc. But I couldn’t of been anymore far from the truth. He liked me that much that he had too high expectations that night and wanted to perform amazingly and all of these thoughts for him made him not be able to get an erection. Which is soooo completely normal, most people won’t talk about it but it’s happened to the majority of men I can assure you.

Luckily for me when managed to continue speaking, as weird as it was at first I was a little self conscious so didn’t look too keen I bet and he didn’t want to try to hard in case he pushed me away. We eventually met again and we’ve been together for 8 years. It’s happened a few times in our relationship, mainly at the start and I would get really upset that it was me but it’s just something that happens. I kinda get a feeling she’s not trying as hard now because she may feel the same, like you don’t like her or fancy her or she may have had it happen before and now she’s taking it personal. The fact you said you’ve been on several dates and wanted to meet each others parents before even having sex shows she is into you. That night may have just made her doubt herself more than anything. If you like her, don’t give up on her. She’s clearly not there just for sex or you wouldn’t have waited so long before trying.

She may be playing a little hard to get a the minute to check that you really are into her, us women are weird like that sometimes! Don’t be too keen texting her all the time but make your feelings clear to her and then leave it for a few days, see what she’s says. You can do it! Go for a walk don’t focus all your energy into this because you don’t want to get further down in the dumps, as hard as it is when your in love, just keep going, keep your mind busy and don’t spend too much time overthinking the situation. Try and go back into work and take it day by day. You can do this!
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Sorry your feeling so down right now! Please don’t think it’s you as I’ve been on this situation myself before but I’m a girl, so on the receiving end.

I met a guy online around 8 years ago and we spoke for months before meeting. Like you we went on a few dates and then finally tried to have sex but he just couldn’t get an erection at all. Like the girl your talking about, I kinda shrugged it off too and went home that night like nothing happened. I didn’t realise at the time but for him he felt terrible. He took it soo personally and thought I didn’t fancy him and that he had completely ruined everything. For me, I felt insecure too, I thought he couldn’t get an erection because he didn’t like my body, I was thinking all stupid things like ‘am I a catfish?’ ‘Did he just fancy me in pictures’ etc etc. But I couldn’t of been anymore far from the truth. He liked me that much that he had too high expectations that night and wanted to perform amazingly and all of these thoughts for him made him not be able to get an erection. Which is soooo completely normal, most people won’t talk about it but it’s happened to the majority of men I can assure you.

Luckily for me when managed to continue speaking, as weird as it was at first I was a little self conscious so didn’t look too keen I bet and he didn’t want to try to hard in case he pushed me away. We eventually met again and we’ve been together for 8 years. It’s happened a few times in our relationship, mainly at the start and I would get really upset that it was me but it’s just something that happens. I kinda get a feeling she’s not trying as hard now because she may feel the same, like you don’t like her or fancy her or she may have had it happen before and now she’s taking it personal. The fact you said you’ve been on several dates and wanted to meet each others parents before even having sex shows she is into you. That night may have just made her doubt herself more than anything. If you like her, don’t give up on her. She’s clearly not there just for sex or you wouldn’t have waited so long before trying.

She may be playing a little hard to get a the minute to check that you really are into her, us women are weird like that sometimes! Don’t be too keen texting her all the time but make your feelings clear to her and then leave it for a few days, see what she’s says. You can do it! Go for a walk don’t focus all your energy into this because you don’t want to get further down in the dumps, as hard as it is when your in love, just keep going, keep your mind busy and don’t spend too much time overthinking the situation. Try and go back into work and take it day by day. You can do this!
Thanks for the reply, yeah I think you’re right I just had too high expectations of what I wanted to do and with stress at work didn’t help 😕. We have briefly spoke about the matter and I’ve reassured her that I do like her and think she’s attractive she hasn’t opened or replied to my last message and it’s been nearly a day I want to message her so bad but do you think it’s best I let her reply I feel like she’s just gonna fizzle away and end it?
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Anonymous #2
#4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for the reply, yeah I think you’re right I just had too high expectations of what I wanted to do and with stress at work didn’t help 😕. We have briefly spoke about the matter and I’ve reassured her that I do like her and think she’s attractive she hasn’t opened or replied to my last message and it’s been nearly a day I want to message her so bad but do you think it’s best I let her reply I feel like she’s just gonna fizzle away and end it?
She may be taking time to think what to say back. It just doesn’t make sense for her to not ever talk to you again when you have been soo close recently. Leave it until tomorrow and if no message back, you deserve to be told what’s happening or where you are going from here. I take it you haven’t asked her that yet?

Don’t blame yourself right now, she may have her own issues and nothing to do with you but you deserve to be told what’s going on with you both. Don’t ever think it’s needy or too keen to ask someone where you stand with them. You have every right to know that. You can’t keep wasting your time, energy and feelings if the person isn’t reciprocating it, so the sooner you find out, the better.

How do you guys normally speak? Do you ever ring each other and talk or is it all texting and stuff? She must see that she’s being different but that doesn’t mean you have to change how you are.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
She may be taking time to think what to say back. It just doesn’t make sense for her to not ever talk to you again when you have been soo close recently. Leave it until tomorrow and if no message back, you deserve to be told what’s happening or where you are going from here. I take it you haven’t asked her that yet?

Don’t blame yourself right now, she may have her own issues and nothing to do with you but you deserve to be told what’s going on with you both. Don’t ever think it’s needy or too keen to ask someone where you stand with them. You have every right to know that. You can’t keep wasting your time, energy and feelings if the person isn’t reciprocating it, so the sooner you find out, the better.

How do you guys normally speak? Do you ever ring each other and talk or is it all texting and stuff? She must see that she’s being different but that doesn’t mean you have to change how you are.
It’s on Snapchat so she hasn’t even bothered to open it, no I haven’t asked yet I think I will give it till tomorrow after work if I don’t hear nothing I’ll ring her then.

I just think it’s selfish really I been so good to her I’ve comfort her with ex praised her and she’s doing this to me! And its honestly just killing me inside now.

It varies really text, phone call, FaceTime etc. I asked her on a few occasions if she’s ok and does she wana talk but kept telling me she was fine it wasn’t till I just said look we need to talk about Sunday she started to tell what the issue was!

Thanks for your time I really appreciate it!
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Anonymous #2
#6
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Ahh yeah I understand. Try and text and not Snapchat IMO i would prefer that if it was me but we are all different so I don’t know.

Yes it is selfish if she’s doesn’t reply, or as I said before something affecting her that’s she’s not being clear about. Whether she wants to continue it or not she needs to let you know now before you check out. You deserve to know what’s happening.

No worries and good luck, I really hope it works out for you!
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