Struggling to make friends at uni

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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I have been here a week now and I still haven't made friends with anybody. There is 12 of us on the floor we share at halls and they all hang out in each others rooms but I don't get invited. I have asked them if I could join a few times and they keep trying to be nice but brushing me off so I'm sat in my room very isolated. I also always keep my door wide open but since I'm at the end of the corridor nobody is walks past the room.

I've went to three night clubs since I've been here for freshers but I've went alone and left alone. I tried approaching people to talk and dance but I've had no luck actually having a conversation. I even tried my first (and only) cigarette for a social smoke to try and talk to the people at the smoking point outside but that didn't work, everyone just wanted to smoke and go back inside which is fair enough.

I have been to my first two lectures as well but I have no luck their either. Nobody who I was sat with seemed to want to talk which is fine because we all want to get on with learning but I'm so terrible socially and have really low self-esteem that I make myself believe that nobody likes me which I know isn't true because my flatmates wouldn't try to be nice about not inviting me to anything or letting me join in with them.

I have also been to the freshers fair a few tines to try and join societies and just generally talk to people but the very few societies I have had a chance to look at don't really interest me. I was looking at all the sports i could sign up for but I don't really know anything about them other than football however I'm terrible at that and I get tired pretty quick.

When I was walking around the fair, I saw a few (not many) people sat alone and I really wanted to go over to talk to them but I got inside my own head and freaked out so I'm now here in my room writing this to try and find ways I can talk to people.

Any help would be massively appreciated.
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Ree Kirsty
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have been here a week now and I still haven't made friends with anybody. There is 12 of us on the floor we share at halls and they all hang out in each others rooms but I don't get invited. I have asked them if I could join a few times and they keep trying to be nice but brushing me off so I'm sat in my room very isolated. I also always keep my door wide open but since I'm at the end of the corridor nobody is walks past the room.

I've went to three night clubs since I've been here for freshers but I've went alone and left alone. I tried approaching people to talk and dance but I've had no luck actually having a conversation. I even tried my first (and only) cigarette for a social smoke to try and talk to the people at the smoking point outside but that didn't work, everyone just wanted to smoke and go back inside which is fair enough.

I have been to my first two lectures as well but I have no luck their either. Nobody who I was sat with seemed to want to talk which is fine because we all want to get on with learning but I'm so terrible socially and have really low self-esteem that I make myself believe that nobody likes me which I know isn't true because my flatmates wouldn't try to be nice about not inviting me to anything or letting me join in with them.

I have also been to the freshers fair a few tines to try and join societies and just generally talk to people but the very few societies I have had a chance to look at don't really interest me. I was looking at all the sports i could sign up for but I don't really know anything about them other than football however I'm terrible at that and I get tired pretty quick.

When I was walking around the fair, I saw a few (not many) people sat alone and I really wanted to go over to talk to them but I got inside my own head and freaked out so I'm now here in my room writing this to try and find ways I can talk to people.

Any help would be massively appreciated.
Perhaps you need to realise you don't need other people to make you feel happy. It took me a long time to realise this myself. I have a couple of close friends whom I hardly ever see, but we keep in touch regularly through social media.
If you're dead-set on having company, you could always talk to the other flatmates and ask them for help with something to do with your studies, e.g., "hey, could I just borrow you for a quick second to have a look at this for me?".. and while they're -hopefully- trying to help you with something you already completely understand, you could ask them about themselves.
People LOVE to talk about themselves. You could ask about home life, family, pets, hobbies, what they like to do in their free time. While you're finding out lots of stuff about them you could make a mental note of anything you have in common.

Relationships take time to build. It'll happen but if it doesn't, don't worry about it. Don't try to force yourself to become someone you're not (like with the smoking. Waaay too expensive and a nasty habit, not to mention the risk of cancer and lung/throat/mouth damage).

Best of luck to you. And I hope you can find solace in your own company.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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(Original post by Ree Kirsty)
Perhaps you need to realise you don't need other people to make you feel happy. It took me a long time to realise this myself. I have a couple of close friends whom I hardly ever see, but we keep in touch regularly through social media.
If you're dead-set on having company, you could always talk to the other flatmates and ask them for help with something to do with your studies, e.g., "hey, could I just borrow you for a quick second to have a look at this for me?".. and while they're -hopefully- trying to help you with something you already completely understand, you could ask them about themselves.
People LOVE to talk about themselves. You could ask about home life, family, pets, hobbies, what they like to do in their free time. While you're finding out lots of stuff about them you could make a mental note of anything you have in common.

Relationships take time to build. It'll happen but if it doesn't, don't worry about it. Don't try to force yourself to become someone you're not (like with the smoking. Waaay too expensive and a nasty habit, not to mention the risk of cancer and lung/throat/mouth damage).

Best of luck to you. And I hope you can find solace in your own company.
Thanks I am trying to stay contempt with being lonely but it’s really mentally draining. I never really had many friends before I moved up to uni but I was never as lonely as I am now. I know relationships take a while to build and I will invest everything I’ve got into making that relationship work. Thanks for the advice you have really helped me
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Ree Kirsty
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks I am trying to stay contempt with being lonely but it’s really mentally draining. I never really had many friends before I moved up to uni but I was never as lonely as I am now. I know relationships take a while to build and I will invest everything I’ve got into making that relationship work. Thanks for the advice you have really helped me
You're very welcome. If all else fails, don't know what kind of person you are but there is always the online gaming community
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ree Kirsty)
You're very welcome. If all else fails, don't know what kind of person you are but there is always the online gaming community
I've always wanted to have online friends but I don't understand how all of that works and how I'd meet friends online. Have you done it and if so where?
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Ree Kirsty
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've always wanted to have online friends but I don't understand how all of that works and how I'd meet friends online. Have you done it and if so where?
So generally, you'd have to be interested in whatever it was you were looking at. So for example, the MMORPG RuneScape.. don't know if you've heard of it. But you can speak to anybody. It's really easy to make friends because it's easier to talk to people behind a screen than it is in person. All the awkward social cues are removed. I've met some of the people I met on that game in real life, and I've been friends with some of them for as long as 14 years now.

Or there are online forums, like this one I would suppose.. If you speak often enough you get to know people

You are never truly alone. Even if it feels like that sometimes. There will always be someone, somewhere, just waiting for you to talk to them
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ree Kirsty)
So generally, you'd have to be interested in whatever it was you were looking at. So for example, the MMORPG RuneScape.. don't know if you've heard of it. But you can speak to anybody. It's really easy to make friends because it's easier to talk to people behind a screen than it is in person. All the awkward social cues are removed. I've met some of the people I met on that game in real life, and I've been friends with some of them for as long as 14 years now.

Or there are online forums, like this one I would suppose.. If you speak often enough you get to know people

You are never truly alone. Even if it feels like that sometimes. There will always be someone, somewhere, just waiting for you to talk to them
I used to be massively into gaming but stopped because I had no one to play with. I am going to try and talk to more and more people in the student room to hopefully make some new friends. Again thanks for the reply, It's really helpful.
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Ree Kirsty
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I used to be massively into gaming but stopped because I had no one to play with. I am going to try and talk to more and more people in the student room to hopefully make some new friends. Again thanks for the reply, It's really helpful.
Well, if you ever decide to give RuneScape a try. Let me know
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ree Kirsty)
Well, if you ever decide to give RuneScape a try. Let me know
I will thank you
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