Any chance of saving the relationship?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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Okay so there's a lot to describe here, gonna try making the most sense out of it..

So today my girlfriend of over 3 years said she wants a break as she feels overwhelmed and is unsure of her feelings towards me. We were supposed to go on a little holiday in a few days and she said she's been excited to go for the experience rather than getting to spend time with me, if that makes sense. She felt very distant over the last few weeks, although I initially thought this is because she was living at home and her parents disapprove of our relationship due to cultural differences, therefore I thought the pressure is getting to her. She's moved back in to uni today and I have tried seeing her as I missed her lots, however when I saw her for a few minutes the hug and kiss felt forced if that makes sense, I just felt there's something off.

Basically she says she's unsure of how she feels about me. She normally feels quite distant while at home and for a few days after coming back, and we have actually had a break back in April because she, again, wasn't sure of her feelings. This break lasted only a few days and we got back together, everything was fine until today she came out with the same story as back in April. She suffers from bad anxiety and depression and I suspect this might be one of the reasons why she feels like this. She also said something along the lines of "I want to live in a moment" when for the past 3 years she's been talking about our plans for the future, marriage kids etc. I get that we are young and I am not pressurising her into making a commitment, she just seems to be affected by a mixture of her parents' pressure and expectations to marry within her own race as well as her own anxiety and depression.

She said the break should last about a month and then "we will see how it goes", however she also said she'll text me tomorrow to let me know whether these negative feelings have only been temporary and whether or not I should cancel the trip (something along the lines of, maybe I'll sleep on it, settle in to my new place a bit more and I'll feel normal again tomorrow).
Just a few days ago, at her birthday party she's been telling our friends that she can see us getting through this tough situation and making it together, and now she suddenly says she is unsure of her feelings. I certainly hope this is just the pressure and anxiety taking a toll on her and messing with her head, however I just don't know anymore. I love her to bits and can't imagine being with anyone else.

Any advice or views will be appreciated
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B l e s s I n g
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay so there's a lot to describe here, gonna try making the most sense out of it..

So today my girlfriend of over 3 years said she wants a break as she feels overwhelmed and is unsure of her feelings towards me. We were supposed to go on a little holiday in a few days and she said she's been excited to go for the experience rather than getting to spend time with me, if that makes sense. She felt very distant over the last few weeks, although I initially thought this is because she was living at home and her parents disapprove of our relationship due to cultural differences, therefore I thought the pressure is getting to her. She's moved back in to uni today and I have tried seeing her as I missed her lots, however when I saw her for a few minutes the hug and kiss felt forced if that makes sense, I just felt there's something off.

Basically she says she's unsure of how she feels about me. She normally feels quite distant while at home and for a few days after coming back, and we have actually had a break back in April because she, again, wasn't sure of her feelings. This break lasted only a few days and we got back together, everything was fine until today she came out with the same story as back in April. She suffers from bad anxiety and depression and I suspect this might be one of the reasons why she feels like this. She also said something along the lines of "I want to live in a moment" when for the past 3 years she's been talking about our plans for the future, marriage kids etc. I get that we are young and I am not pressurising her into making a commitment, she just seems to be affected by a mixture of her parents' pressure and expectations to marry within her own race as well as her own anxiety and depression.

She said the break should last about a month and then "we will see how it goes", however she also said she'll text me tomorrow to let me know whether these negative feelings have only been temporary and whether or not I should cancel the trip (something along the lines of, maybe I'll sleep on it, settle in to my new place a bit more and I'll feel normal again tomorrow).
Just a few days ago, at her birthday party she's been telling our friends that she can see us getting through this tough situation and making it together, and now she suddenly says she is unsure of her feelings. I certainly hope this is just the pressure and anxiety taking a toll on her and messing with her head, however I just don't know anymore. I love her to bits and can't imagine being with anyone else.

Any advice or views will be appreciated
I dont want to say she's starting to like someone because maybe that's not really the case,, though in most cases wen people ask for breaks that is mostly the reason. But some also do it because they are going through stuff they might not want to say and dont want to be feeling pressured by the relationship. So I suggest give her space like she's saying. And not to forget ask her to tell you straight if she loves someone else just so you don't have to waste your time,, reason being people don't really like telling people is over ,, instead they just ghost someone. But all I'm saying is if she gives you your answer than,, be patient with her and dont put too much pressure on her. Hope things turn out well.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by B l e s s I n g)
I dont want to say she's starting to like someone because maybe that's not really the case,, though in most cases wen people ask for breaks that is mostly the reason. But some also do it because they are going through stuff they might not want to say and dont want to be feeling pressured by the relationship. So I suggest give her space like she's saying. And not to forget ask her to tell you straight if she loves someone else just so you don't have to waste your time,, reason being people don't really like telling people is over ,, instead they just ghost someone. But all I'm saying is if she gives you your answer than,, be patient with her and dont put too much pressure on her. Hope things turn out well.
(Original post by MatureLikeManure)
at no point in your incoherent rambling did you write anything that could be construed as a logical thought. I and anyone else who read your post is now dumber for doing so. I award you no rep and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why saying that
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MatureLikeManure
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why saying that
somebody had to.....
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Anonymous #3
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Same thing happened when the girl I was seeing starting catching feelings for someone else. She got distant from me and the convos were shorter and the response times longer. When this happens it's usually one of two things: her feelings for you have actually faded a little and she needs some space or she's met someone else is spending her time talking to that person instead. Either way you have to have a straight up conversation with her to see where her head's at so you can decide how to go forward. The difficult conversations have to be had.
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londonmyst
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Always trust your gut instinct.

There may be hope of saving the relationship if you and your gf are both willing to choose staying together over everything else.
If her parents are very traditionalist or religious, they may have given her an ultimatum of choosing between a relationship with them or one with you.
My mother came from an ultra-traditionalist religious family and got disinherited & almost beaten to death for deciding to marry an atheist.
Good luck!
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by MatureLikeManure)
somebody had to.....
But That's rude
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Same thing happened when the girl I was seeing starting catching feelings for someone else. She got distant from me and the convos were shorter and the response times longer. When this happens it's usually one of two things: her feelings for you have actually faded a little and she needs some space or she's met someone else is spending her time talking to that person instead. Either way you have to have a straight up conversation with her to see where her head's at so you can decide how to go forward. The difficult conversations have to be
(Original post by B l e s s I n g)
I dont want to say she's starting to like someone because maybe that's not really the case,, though in most cases wen people ask for breaks that is mostly the reason. But some also do it because they are going through stuff they might not want to say and dont want to be feeling pressured by the relationship. So I suggest give her space like she's saying. And not to forget ask her to tell you straight if she loves someone else just so you don't have to waste your time,, reason being people don't really like telling people is over ,, instead they just ghost someone. But all I'm saying is if she gives you your answer than,, be patient with her and dont put too much pressure on her. Hope things turn out well.
No really it be like that. Yes only solution is to talk to her. And find out.
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Napp
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an unfortunate situation it must be said.. personally i say you need to walk a very fine line between trying to save the relationship but not forcing her so much that she feels pressured (tends to backfire quite badly) just tell her how you feel/what you want and give her a bit of space to ruminate on the we\hole thing as it sounds liker shes rather confused
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Surnia
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Never seen the point in this 'having a break' thing.

Why does she need 30 days apart from you to decide how she feels? She either loves you or she doesn't. The former, you stick together and support each other and talk through the problem; the latter, she ends it with you.
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xxx0xxxo
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Honestly from my experience these signs suggest it might tether off. Not necessarily that there’s someone else but she is seeing her future differently, hence not thinking about kids/marriage anymore and unsure about you. Sometimes this just happens. People’s feelings start to change as they experience other things in life. Uni is something which changes perspectives a lot and makes people consider very different life options.

It’s probably easier for you to honestly accept that it could end, if she’s asking for space what can you do but give it and wait to see how she feels then. But usually breaks are a slow way of breaking things off. I don’t think it can be just blamed on depression and anxiety. Sometimes doing nothing is the hardest thing..
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Anonymous #2
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Period
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AnonFromEu
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You said it yourself, shes no longer feeling comfortable with you anymore, multiple reasons could be she has another guy in mind, or maybe the spark between you two have just simply died down, who knows.

I think it will be time to call it quits if it doesnt feel natural.
Dont stay with her if you feel it isnt right..
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AnonFromEu
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(Original post by Surnia)
Never seen the point in this 'having a break' thing.

Why does she need 30 days apart from you to decide how she feels? She either loves you or she doesn't. The former, you stick together and support each other and talk through the problem; the latter, she ends it with you.
When a women pulls those words, it means shes probably interested in another dude in the background but doesnt want to feel guilty, so will literally pull this card to lie to his face.
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Zarek
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It’s a way of trying to ease and give time to come to terms with the angst of a longer term relationship ending
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