Should I feel ashamed I dont want to live in Uni halls and will commute ?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
I tried freshers week and am doing a medical degree.

I don't think i will be able to cope there ; my flatmates are all quite loud girls who like to party. There is only one guy i get along with.

I am doing a medical degree and have the option to stay at home. Every night i have sat in my room unable to leave my room because i don't have the energy to socialise with my flatmates and i don't have the energy to put on a "formal" social act. What I'm saying is I am never truly comfortable in this building like i would be if i lived out with my close friends or family.

I cant see myself being able to concentrate here and study for 5 hours after a long day. When i am here, i cant wait to just sleep and for the day to end because i have nothing to look forward to staying in this accommodation.

IIt is also £175 a week to stay in this accommodation . its extortionate. I feel guilty everytime i think about how much my parents are paying.

The only problem is i feel like a "quitter" for going back home . I am not bothered about having the uni experience because i will be studying most of my time anyway. But i feel ashamed i couldn't adult and had to go back home.

I guess i could say though that having the option to come back home makes it a lot harder to accept the living conditions there.

Every morning i see beer bottles on the dinner table, i have to make small talk with my flatmate, this is all character building but am i a wimp for not wanting to stay here ? My mental health isn't doing well here.
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Anonymous #2
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Despite what people say; no it’s totally up to you it’s your university experience and money. You have plenty of opportunities to meet people if you make the effort to join societies and activities of interest.

I made myself stay in halls despite not getting on with flatmates and it causes me so much stress and anxiety. My home environment was bad tho so I stayed at uni but if you work well there then that’s good. It doesn’t have to be permanent; u could keep an open mind and think if first year goes well you might consider a flat share with friends you make for second year etc.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I tried freshers week and am doing a medical degree.

I don't think i will be able to cope there ; my flatmates are all quite loud girls who like to party. There is only one guy i get along with.

I am doing a medical degree and have the option to stay at home. Every night i have sat in my room unable to leave my room because i don't have the energy to socialise with my flatmates and i don't have the energy to put on a "formal" social act. What I'm saying is I am never truly comfortable in this building like i would be if i lived out with my close friends or family.

I cant see myself being able to concentrate here and study for 5 hours after a long day. When i am here, i cant wait to just sleep and for the day to end because i have nothing to look forward to staying in this accommodation.

IIt is also £175 a week to stay in this accommodation . its extortionate. I feel guilty everytime i think about how much my parents are paying.

The only problem is i feel like a "quitter" for going back home . I am not bothered about having the uni experience because i will be studying most of my time anyway. But i feel ashamed i couldn't adult and had to go back home.

I guess i could say though that having the option to come back home makes it a lot harder to accept the living conditions there.

Every morning i see beer bottles on the dinner table, i have to make small talk with my flatmate, this is all character building but am i a wimp for not wanting to stay here ? My mental health isn't doing well here.
No going to university halls is camp
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Despite what people say; no it’s totally up to you it’s your university experience and money. You have plenty of opportunities to meet people if you make the effort to join societies and activities of interest.

I made myself stay in halls despite not getting on with flatmates and it causes me so much stress and anxiety. My home environment was bad tho so I stayed at uni but if you work well there then that’s good. It doesn’t have to be permanent; u could keep an open mind and think if first year goes well you might consider a flat share with friends you make for second year etc.
I just feel so much shame that i cant cope with it whereas other medical students can.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I just feel so much shame that i cant cope with it whereas other medical students can.
Have lectures actually started yet? Most people calm down when there is work to do. You can't just move home because you'll need to find a replacement tenant for your room. Why not try to transfer to a quieter hall first or look into a room swap.

It's far too early to give up.
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marple
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I tried freshers week and am doing a medical degree.

I don't think i will be able to cope there ; my flatmates are all quite loud girls who like to party. There is only one guy i get along with.

I am doing a medical degree and have the option to stay at home. Every night i have sat in my room unable to leave my room because i don't have the energy to socialise with my flatmates and i don't have the energy to put on a "formal" social act. What I'm saying is I am never truly comfortable in this building like i would be if i lived out with my close friends or family.

I cant see myself being able to concentrate here and study for 5 hours after a long day. When i am here, i cant wait to just sleep and for the day to end because i have nothing to look forward to staying in this accommodation.

IIt is also £175 a week to stay in this accommodation . its extortionate. I feel guilty everytime i think about how much my parents are paying.

The only problem is i feel like a "quitter" for going back home . I am not bothered about having the uni experience because i will be studying most of my time anyway. But i feel ashamed i couldn't adult and had to go back home.

I guess i could say though that having the option to come back home makes it a lot harder to accept the living conditions there.

Every morning i see beer bottles on the dinner table, i have to make small talk with my flatmate, this is all character building but am i a wimp for not wanting to stay here ? My mental health isn't doing well here.
It's very early days (assuming you are a first year). Freshers is not typical of the rest of the year. Your flatmates are trying to find their feet and there is a lot of pressure to drink/party during freshers. You may find that things settle down a lot once term is in full swing, and if your flat remains noisy, you could always ask for a transfer. Can you get out of your accommodation contract easily? You may find you're committed to the £175/week.

The first few weeks at university throws a lot at students - new environment/people/responsibilities/homesickness etc and it can take time to adjust. Learning to deal with people different to yourself is a life skill, and you may regret it if you leave without giving it a real try.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I just feel so much shame that i cant cope with it whereas other medical students can.
You can't really know how they struggle, i don't know of any med students who didn't have a hard time in their studies. If it's not an issue with social life it would be study-related. If you can study better at home then you might be better off than others in that area. I guarantee others might have a similar issue but can't admit it to themselves or are too worried about what others think. You need to tackle your social difficulties but there is not just one way to do that.
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Musicn3rd9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I tried freshers week and am doing a medical degree.

I don't think i will be able to cope there ; my flatmates are all quite loud girls who like to party. There is only one guy i get along with.

I am doing a medical degree and have the option to stay at home. Every night i have sat in my room unable to leave my room because i don't have the energy to socialise with my flatmates and i don't have the energy to put on a "formal" social act. What I'm saying is I am never truly comfortable in this building like i would be if i lived out with my close friends or family.

I cant see myself being able to concentrate here and study for 5 hours after a long day. When i am here, i cant wait to just sleep and for the day to end because i have nothing to look forward to staying in this accommodation.

IIt is also £175 a week to stay in this accommodation . its extortionate. I feel guilty everytime i think about how much my parents are paying.

The only problem is i feel like a "quitter" for going back home . I am not bothered about having the uni experience because i will be studying most of my time anyway. But i feel ashamed i couldn't adult and had to go back home.

I guess i could say though that having the option to come back home makes it a lot harder to accept the living conditions there.

Every morning i see beer bottles on the dinner table, i have to make small talk with my flatmate, this is all character building but am i a wimp for not wanting to stay here ? My mental health isn't doing well here.
I have moved away from home to study but I am living with a relative who lives close to the university, so I'm commuting. I've only bee here a week so far but I can honestly say it was the best decision for me because I knew my mental health would suffer if I lived in student accommodation. Just do what feels like the best option for yourself because the last thing you want is to be trying to study but not be doing well mentally.
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Anonymous #4
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You’re definitely not a wimp for wanting to go home. The party life style at uni definitely isn’t for everyone!

I’m doing nursing and I commute an hour and a quarter everyday because I want to live at home. It’s totally doable and I don’t feel like I miss out on anything!

Sorry you’re having such a tough time settling in, try and stick it out a little longer but if you really hate it it’s okay to go home!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Muttley79)
Have lectures actually started yet? Most people calm down when there is work to do. You can't just move home because you'll need to find a replacement tenant for your room. Why not try to transfer to a quieter hall first or look into a room swap.

It's far too early to give up.
The only objective difference is that the uni life involves "adulting" - i can do adult things at home though.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You’re definitely not a wimp for wanting to go home. The party life style at uni definitely isn’t for everyone!

I’m doing nursing and I commute an hour and a quarter everyday because I want to live at home. It’s totally doable and I don’t feel like I miss out on anything!

Sorry you’re having such a tough time settling in, try and stick it out a little longer but if you really hate it it’s okay to go home!
I hate the party life and all of my flat mates are girls who love to do just that...
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ChaoticButterfly
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Part of being an adult is doing what you want regardless of peer pressure.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
Part of being an adult is doing what you want regardless of peer pressure.
So you think i should stay at home ? My flat mates are all girls who like to party with one guy.
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flamingolover
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I just feel so much shame that i cant cope with it whereas other medical students can.
There’s no shame I know a lot of vet students (I’m a vet student) who don’t. You are on a difficult course. If there is any way to alleviate stress then you should
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flamingolover
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I tried freshers week and am doing a medical degree.

I don't think i will be able to cope there ; my flatmates are all quite loud girls who like to party. There is only one guy i get along with.

I am doing a medical degree and have the option to stay at home. Every night i have sat in my room unable to leave my room because i don't have the energy to socialise with my flatmates and i don't have the energy to put on a "formal" social act. What I'm saying is I am never truly comfortable in this building like i would be if i lived out with my close friends or family.

I cant see myself being able to concentrate here and study for 5 hours after a long day. When i am here, i cant wait to just sleep and for the day to end because i have nothing to look forward to staying in this accommodation.

IIt is also £175 a week to stay in this accommodation . its extortionate. I feel guilty everytime i think about how much my parents are paying.

The only problem is i feel like a "quitter" for going back home . I am not bothered about having the uni experience because i will be studying most of my time anyway. But i feel ashamed i couldn't adult and had to go back home.

I guess i could say though that having the option to come back home makes it a lot harder to accept the living conditions there.

Every morning i see beer bottles on the dinner table, i have to make small talk with my flatmate, this is all character building but am i a wimp for not wanting to stay here ? My mental health isn't doing well here.
Okay I’m on a vet course and a huge part of the course is work life balance. Spending 5 hours a day on top of your workload is not doable. I can just about manage 2-3. If you did 5 hours that would be till 10 every night. If you can cope with that great but you’re course is so hard you need to be able to unwind. If I did more work I really really don’t think I could cope.

In terms of accomodation do what is best for you. Are you sure you can back out of your accomodation? Because I signed my contract it meant I couldn’t just not pay for it but it might be different for you
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The only objective difference is that the uni life involves "adulting" - i can do adult things at home though.
You need to try to swap acommodation - you signed a contract and will be liable to pay for hall.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Muttley79)
You need to try to swap acommodation - you signed a contract and will be liable to pay for hall.
I have unique circumstances with family illness of a close relative.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by flamingolover)
Okay I’m on a vet course and a huge part of the course is work life balance. Spending 5 hours a day on top of your workload is not doable. I can just about manage 2-3. If you did 5 hours that would be till 10 every night. If you can cope with that great but you’re course is so hard you need to be able to unwind. If I did more work I really really don’t think I could cope.

In terms of accomodation do what is best for you. Are you sure you can back out of your accomodation? Because I signed my contract it meant I couldn’t just not pay for it but it might be different for you
I can get out of not paying it but worry i will be less of a man if i do this. i don't want to stay deep down but also worry i will miss out.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by flamingolover)
There’s no shame I know a lot of vet students (I’m a vet student) who don’t. You are on a difficult course. If there is any way to alleviate stress then you should
i want to see myself as equal to students who have to stay in accommodation with people they dislike.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have unique circumstances with family illness of a close relative.
That doesn't allow you to break a contract ...
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