Apparently I took advantage of drunk girls?

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scythe2003
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Ok,

Earlier this night I was in a club. I had a bit to drink. I saw a girl by the bar. We talked, I bought her a drink, we agreed to dance. Later her friend came to me and told me to back off. I asked why, since she didn't seem that drunk. She just told me to back off, and after I didn't persist and did what I was told.

Later in the night, I was dancing, a girl came dancing towards me. Nothing serious. Then, she kissed me, and once she started touching me I walked off.

After this, I did dance with a few girls but nothing sexual whatsoever happened.

Towards the end of the night I met another girl. I will be honest. She did look like she had a bit to drink, but she seemed sober enough to consent. I mean, we talked a lot, we danced, and then kissed. Then the same girl (the same friend!) came to me and broke us off.

Turns out all the girls i was with, were in the same group. This wasn't intentional but I understand why it pissed people off.

My problem is, my girl flatmates heard from this friend and now think I'm some sort of predatory womaniser who takes advantage of women.

I don't know what to make of the situation. I just really need to talk to someone about this.

Thanks for any feedback in advance.
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Anonymous #1
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If it "looked like she had a bit to drink", then she was under the influence, and therefore was not able to consent...

(Just recently had to do a mandatory consent course prior to starting university, btw)

It doesn't sound as though you were being predatory but you should just be careful next time. If they're under the influence, then don't bother because you can get into trouble. Make those kinds of decisions with someone who is sober and able to think with a clear mind.

Also, there may be a reason this friend kept trying to shoo you away. She was probably just looking out for them both for the reason above. She didn't know who you were and you could've been anyone.
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Surnia
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Talk to your flatmates as there's 2 sides to every story; they've only got one and shouldn't just accept that.

Maybe the friend has seen these girls get in a mess before with guys and is being protective, in which case it's not about you. However, she's seen you with various girls, and kissing 2 different ones; club or not, drunk or sober, how do you think that looks?
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scythe2003
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(Original post by Surnia)
Talk to your flatmates as there's 2 sides to every story; they've only got one and shouldn't just accept that.

Maybe the friend has seen these girls get in a mess before with guys and is being protective, in which case it's not about you. However, she's seen you with various girls, and kissing 2 different ones; club or not, drunk or sober, how do you think that looks?
Yeah, I understand it didn't look good... but they're seriously acting like I'm a creep, even if someone did had a bit to drink I wouldn't know how drunk they are and certainly wouldn't take advantage.
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ageshallnot
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(Original post by scythe2003)
Yeah, I understand it didn't look good... but they're seriously acting like I'm a creep, even if someone did had a bit to drink I wouldn't know how drunk they are and certainly wouldn't take advantage.
Given your previous behaviour when drunk I'm not surprised that your flatmates are unhappy with you!

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho...php?p=95899429
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username4986690
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If it "looked like she had a bit to drink", then she was under the influence, and therefore was not able to consent...

(Just recently had to do a mandatory consent course prior to starting university, btw)

It doesn't sound as though you were being predatory but you should just be careful next time. If they're under the influence, then don't bother because you can get into trouble. Make those kinds of decisions with someone who is sober and able to think with a clear mind.

Also, there may be a reason this friend kept trying to shoo you away. She was probably just looking out for them both for the reason above. She didn't know who you were and you could've been anyone.
That isn't how consent works so your mandatory consent course was wrong.
The famous case of R v Bree should have been brought up.
Simply being intoxicated does not remove one’s ability to consent, and equally, simply to be conscious does not mean one has the capacity to consent.
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scythe2003
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(Original post by ageshallnot)
Given your previous behaviour when drunk I'm not surprised that your flatmates are unhappy with you!

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho...php?p=95899429

But this is something different. I actually don't know if I did something wrong or not. She seemed sober enough to talk, to dance etc, showed no resistance when we kissed (we kissed for like 20 seconds straight) but her friend told she she's very drunk and to back off? I understand why she's looking at for her friend, at the end of the day I could've been anybody, but suggesting that my behaviour was predatory- I think that's a big stretch.
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username4986690
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(Original post by scythe2003)

But this is something different. I actually don't know if I did something wrong or not. She seemed sober enough to talk, to dance etc, showed no resistance when we kissed (we kissed for like 20 seconds straight) but her friend told she she's very drunk and to back off? I understand why she's looking at for her friend, at the end of the day I could've been anybody, but suggesting that my behaviour was predatory- I think that's a big stretch.
If they are teaching the wrong things in consent courses then it is no wonder your actions were considered predatory.
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ageshallnot
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(Original post by scythe2003)

But this is something different. I actually don't know if I did something wrong or not. She seemed sober enough to talk, to dance etc, showed no resistance when we kissed (we kissed for like 20 seconds straight) but her friend told she she's very drunk and to back off? I understand why she's looking at for her friend, at the end of the day I could've been anybody, but suggesting that my behaviour was predatory- I think that's a big stretch.
Perhaps your reputation preceded you, making the others concerned about what you might do.
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scythe2003
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(Original post by DiddyDec)
If they are teaching the wrong things in consent courses then it is no wonder your actions were considered predatory.
My uni never did consent courses. What do you should be done? Should I have a chat with my flatmates?
Last edited by scythe2003; 3 weeks ago
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scythe2003
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(Original post by ageshallnot)
Perhaps your reputation preceded you, making the others concerned about what you might do.
Perhaps maybe
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Ciel.
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can't stand guys like you
sHe WaSn't ScReAmInG fOr HeLp, so SHE MUST HAVE WANTED ITT.
your mindset is so messed up. are you too much of a loser to hookup with someone sober?
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scythe2003
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(Original post by Ciel.)
can't stand guys like you
sHe WaSn't ScReAmInG fOr HeLp, so SHE MUST HAVE WANTED ITT.
your mindset is so messed up. are you too much of a loser to hookup with someone sober?
She agreed to kiss though

And I was drunk too, so there wasn't a power imbalance?
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Ciel.
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(Original post by scythe2003)
She agreed to kiss though
people do lots of things when they're drunk
happened to me too many times.
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Chronoscope
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No offence but considering your flatmates seem to think you get aggressive when you get drunk, I can see why they’re worried (2+ in one night is kind of a lot…no?). I had a somewhat unpredictable flatmate last year and although we joke about it now it was stressful when we were with them because they were so unpredictable and it caused a lot of tension.

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scythe2003
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(Original post by Chronoscope)
No offence but considering your flatmates seem to think you get aggressive when you get drunk, I can see why they’re worried (2+ in one night is kind of a lot…no?). I had a somewhat unpredictable flatmate last year and although we joke about it now it was stressful when we were with them because they were so unpredictable.

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Well yes I agree (though out of all the times I have been drunk, it was only that night I was aggressive, last night I was actually very cheery).

I could get why they're worried, but claiming I'm a predator is too far no?
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scythe2003
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(Original post by Ciel.)
people do lots of things when they're drunk
happened to me too many times. guys like you are scum, ruining people's lives
So you're saying that when people kiss in clubs its wrong altogether, since the vast majority of people in clubs are drinking alcohol?

Not trying to say 'if others do it its ok' but just curious.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by scythe2003)
So you're saying that when people kiss in clubs its wrong altogether, since the vast majority of people in clubs are drinking alcohol?

Not trying to say 'if others do it its ok' but just curious.
"she did look like she had a bit to drink"
we're clearly not talking about a few drinks. preying on visibly wasted people is just wrong
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scythe2003
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(Original post by Ciel.)
"she did look like she had a bit to drink"
we're clearly not talking about a few drinks. preying on visibly wasted people is just wrong
I didn't prey on anyone, I met her on the dance floor and we danced, then I asked her if she wanted to kiss and she said yes. Think about it like in the video above, I asked her if she wanted tea, and she said she wanted tea.

If I was sober at the time I would never think about doing something like that, but what I'm trying to say is since we were both drunk there was no power imbalance and I couldn't really have been taking advantage of anyone.

But again, maybe I'm wrong. This is why I'm here, to make sense of the situation.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by scythe2003)
I didn't prey on anyone, I met her on the dance floor and we danced, then I asked her if she wanted to kiss and she said yes. Think about it like in the video above, I asked her if she wanted tea, and she said she wanted tea.

If I was sober at the time I would never think about doing something like that, but what I'm trying to say is since we were both drunk there was no power imbalance and I couldn't really have been taking advantage of anyone.

But again, maybe I'm wrong. This is why I'm here, to make sense of the situation.
if you really want to know, ask her.
not her friends/flatmates, whatever. talk to her directly
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