Underwhelmed and embarrassed by my lacklustre uni experience (final year)

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Anonymous #1
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I'm in my final year, and can't help feeling underwhelmed by my whole uni experience. COVID didn't help things, but the whole time I feel like I never really found people that I really connect with, I never became part of a solid group of friends and so I spent a lot time bored by myself, sitting in my room and procrastinating from doing my work. The only times I met people who seemed like 'my people', I would always feel like they had no interest in me and that I was intruding. It also felt like I was the only one making an effort to do things with the people I consider my mates. Without a good foundation of a solid group of friends, I didn't go out as much as I wanted to, haven't really explored my uni city and haven't made the most of what uni has to offer. Before coming to uni I would always picture myself living in a house with a great group of friends, but now I can't stop dwelling on how this never happened for me and it makes me so self-pitying. Not having these experiences or memories makes me feel like such a boring person who has missed out on the 'best years of my life'.

I often try to just ignore it and just say oh well it is what it is, but then friends and family would start asking how it's going, which just makes me evaluate the experience more and more. I'm always too embarrassed to say that it's been pretty isolating and underwhelming, so I just say it's fine and hope the subject changes. Being at a big party city uni also makes things worse for me - people always ask what the nightlife is like and "what's your favourite club" etc. and not really having a proper answer is deflating.

I was so excited before coming to uni and am a fairly social guy who's up for trying new things, but the time I've spent at uni has felt so uneventful and I haven't had nearly as much as fun as I had expected. Considering how well everyone else seems to fit in just makes me more embarrassed and I start dwelling on things in the past and regretting things - what if I was in a different halls? what if I went to a different university? what if I joined x, y or z society in first year?

Part of me wants to try and salvage some sort of a positive experience in final year (perhaps join a new society), but part of me wants to just get this year done, get a good grade and move on with my life. After all it seems too late and too futile to turn things around in final year. I've had positive experiences here, but they've been so occasional that they don't really make up for the overall boredom and isolation.
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domesticengineer
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Hopefully your 3rd year will be better. Remember a lot of it might be due to covid where everyone's social life suffered and even now is still playing catch up. I'm a parent on here (aged 53) So don't worry about your best years being over. I can assure you they're not. Life is a rollercoaster with ups and downs. I did a 3 year course in nursing at 18 and it was all good but certainly wouldn't describe it as the best years of my life. My best years were probably after that in my early to late 20s, when I worked and travelled and enjoyed living in a new lively city, and spent months abroad here and there. IYou never know what's around the corner in life and you're still young and will have many great times ahead and I'm sure best years are still yet to come! For now, I would focus on doing well in your degree and as things are going to be more open it may well be worth joining some societies, sports clubs, gym, etc
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by domesticengineer)
Hopefully your 3rd year will be better. Remember a lot of it might be due to covid where everyone's social life suffered and even now is still playing catch up. I'm a parent on here (aged 53) So don't worry about your best years being over. I can assure you they're not. Life is a rollercoaster with ups and downs. I did a 3 year course in nursing at 18 and it was all good but certainly wouldn't describe it as the best years of my life. My best years were probably after that in my early to late 20s, when I worked and travelled and enjoyed living in a new lively city, and spent months abroad here and there. IYou never know what's around the corner in life and you're still young and will have many great times ahead and I'm sure best years are still yet to come! For now, I would focus on doing well in your degree and as things are going to be more open it may well be worth joining some societies, sports clubs, gym, etc
Thank you for the reassurance
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JustACoincidence
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm in my final year, and can't help feeling underwhelmed by my whole uni experience. COVID didn't help things, but the whole time I feel like I never really found people that I really connect with, I never became part of a solid group of friends and so I spent a lot time bored by myself, sitting in my room and procrastinating from doing my work. The only times I met people who seemed like 'my people', I would always feel like they had no interest in me and that I was intruding. It also felt like I was the only one making an effort to do things with the people I consider my mates. Without a good foundation of a solid group of friends, I didn't go out as much as I wanted to, haven't really explored my uni city and haven't made the most of what uni has to offer. Before coming to uni I would always picture myself living in a house with a great group of friends, but now I can't stop dwelling on how this never happened for me and it makes me so self-pitying. Not having these experiences or memories makes me feel like such a boring person who has missed out on the 'best years of my life'.

I often try to just ignore it and just say oh well it is what it is, but then friends and family would start asking how it's going, which just makes me evaluate the experience more and more. I'm always too embarrassed to say that it's been pretty isolating and underwhelming, so I just say it's fine and hope the subject changes. Being at a big party city uni also makes things worse for me - people always ask what the nightlife is like and "what's your favourite club" etc. and not really having a proper answer is deflating.

I was so excited before coming to uni and am a fairly social guy who's up for trying new things, but the time I've spent at uni has felt so uneventful and I haven't had nearly as much as fun as I had expected. Considering how well everyone else seems to fit in just makes me more embarrassed and I start dwelling on things in the past and regretting things - what if I was in a different halls? what if I went to a different university? what if I joined x, y or z society in first year?

Part of me wants to try and salvage some sort of a positive experience in final year (perhaps join a new society), but part of me wants to just get this year done, get a good grade and move on with my life. After all it seems too late and too futile to turn things around in final year. I've had positive experiences here, but they've been so occasional that they don't really make up for the overall boredom and isolation.
You and me both dude. I feel the same way; I didn't end up in a massive group of friends in my first year and then covid hit and kinda scuppered everything. It sucks--I know that. It makes you feel a little lonely and that's not really the feeling I was expecting as uni really.

But, I am hopeful that things will be better this year. At the very least, I'm going to try and force myself to put some extra effort into being sociable and doing more things a little outside my comfort zone. We'll see how it goes but, at the end of the day, we've got a lot of life left to live and there's nothing to say that you won't make your life-long friends tomorrow, next week, or even if your first graduate job when the year is over.

Hopefully, your third year will be your best one yet as I hope mine will be for me.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by JustACoincidence)
You and me both dude. I feel the same way; I didn't end up in a massive group of friends in my first year and then covid hit and kinda scuppered everything. It sucks--I know that. It makes you feel a little lonely and that's not really the feeling I was expecting as uni really.

But, I am hopeful that things will be better this year. At the very least, I'm going to try and force myself to put some extra effort into being sociable and doing more things a little outside my comfort zone. We'll see how it goes but, at the end of the day, we've got a lot of life left to live and there's nothing to say that you won't make your life-long friends tomorrow, next week, or even if your first graduate job when the year is over.

Hopefully, your third year will be your best one yet as I hope mine will be for me.
Thanks, trying not to dwell and overanalyse. A significant part of our experience was out of our control really. Now hopeful for a good year, doesn't have to be 'best year ever', just one to look back on fondly
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JustACoincidence
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks, trying not to dwell and overanalyse. A significant part of our experience was out of our control really. Now hopeful for a good year, doesn't have to be 'best year ever', just one to look back on fondly
I suppose that's true; nothing has to be best really, just something that you enjoyed overall and, as you say, look back fondly. And yeah, covid really was out of our control!:lol: Not much we can do about that apart from looking forward to the future and enjoying the next year as much as we can.
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University of Bradford
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm in my final year, and can't help feeling underwhelmed by my whole uni experience. COVID didn't help things, but the whole time I feel like I never really found people that I really connect with, I never became part of a solid group of friends and so I spent a lot time bored by myself, sitting in my room and procrastinating from doing my work. The only times I met people who seemed like 'my people', I would always feel like they had no interest in me and that I was intruding. It also felt like I was the only one making an effort to do things with the people I consider my mates. Without a good foundation of a solid group of friends, I didn't go out as much as I wanted to, haven't really explored my uni city and haven't made the most of what uni has to offer. Before coming to uni I would always picture myself living in a house with a great group of friends, but now I can't stop dwelling on how this never happened for me and it makes me so self-pitying. Not having these experiences or memories makes me feel like such a boring person who has missed out on the 'best years of my life'.

I often try to just ignore it and just say oh well it is what it is, but then friends and family would start asking how it's going, which just makes me evaluate the experience more and more. I'm always too embarrassed to say that it's been pretty isolating and underwhelming, so I just say it's fine and hope the subject changes. Being at a big party city uni also makes things worse for me - people always ask what the nightlife is like and "what's your favourite club" etc. and not really having a proper answer is deflating.

I was so excited before coming to uni and am a fairly social guy who's up for trying new things, but the time I've spent at uni has felt so uneventful and I haven't had nearly as much as fun as I had expected. Considering how well everyone else seems to fit in just makes me more embarrassed and I start dwelling on things in the past and regretting things - what if I was in a different halls? what if I went to a different university? what if I joined x, y or z society in first year?

Part of me wants to try and salvage some sort of a positive experience in final year (perhaps join a new society), but part of me wants to just get this year done, get a good grade and move on with my life. After all it seems too late and too futile to turn things around in final year. I've had positive experiences here, but they've been so occasional that they don't really make up for the overall boredom and isolation.
Hey!

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. When I was a student I preferred to focus on my studies rather than going out or joining in with any societies or activities. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, there's no right or wrong way to experience uni life, everyone experiences it differently

It's not too late to do things you wish you had done in previous years, enjoy your last year and reward yourself for your hard work! I felt a lot more confident in my third year and started to talk to a few more people on my course and just enjoyed the experience more, so it's never too late!

I think it'd be a great idea for you to join a society, that way you're around likeminded people with similar interests to you, making conversation that bit easier!

I wish you the best of luck with your final year

Becky
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Callicious
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I never went out with anyone in Y2/Y3/Y4, only once or twice with flatmates in Y1, and in Y5 now, still not going out with anyone.

The trick is to have a hobby and enjoy yourself, without relying on social interaction.
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