Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
I was talking to someone at a social and a girl (who I don't know that well) approached me and said "Hi". I acknowledged her presence and said "Hey" to her, but because I was in the middle of a conversation (the other person was in the middle of his sentence) I turned back around and let him finish. Then I ended the conversation as quickly as I could have done.

She found that move that I did as very offensive. Was I really in the wrong for this? Would you be mad at me if you were in this girl's position?
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Oxford Mum
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I was talking to someone at a social and a girl (who I don't know that well) approached me and said "Hi". I acknowledged her presence and said "Hey" to her, but because I was in the middle of a conversation (the other person was in the middle of his sentence) I turned back around and let him finish. Then I ended the conversation as quickly as I could have done.

She found that move that I did as very offensive. Was I really in the wrong for this? Would you be mad at me if you were in this girl's position?
She interrupted your conversation. Were you supposed to turn away from the poor guy mid sentence and just focus on her?

Very rude of HER, not you.
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StriderHort
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Kind of, the turning away part and you made no effort to include her in the convo.

Personally I would have angled my body to face both of them for the few seconds until I had an opportunity to introduce myself/my friend and make it obvious I am willing to split my attention, at least briefly. If the person who was speaking to me didn't see the change in dynamic (2 to 3 people) and either wrap up their sentence or make an effort to include the newcomer, then I wouldn't feel much guilt in gently interrupting them to allow ME to include the newcomer
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NonIndigenous
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Not really. You could have handled it slightly better though. Like Strider suggested.

If I approach someone whose already in a conversation, I can't expect them to immediately pivot their undivided attention to me. That would be self-centered.

I've known some people who get 'offended' for little reasons like this. I put it in commas because I'm not sure how authentic it really is sometimes. I would literally just totally ignore it if it happened then. Depending on the social context, a few minutes pass, maybe even a few days if we all meet up intermittently during breaks... and they usually start talking to me normally again like nothing happened. Which suggests that nothing happened to begin with. They were just kicking a fuss for nothing. Maybe even for attention.

I've done things to cause real offense to people (usually not intentionally), and they do not just shrug it off then like that. Even a year later. That's the difference. You can tell, because their body language towards you is different and it's quite obvious.
Last edited by NonIndigenous; 3 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Kind of, the turning away part and you made no effort to include her in the convo.

Personally I would have angled my body to face both of them for the few seconds until I had an opportunity to introduce myself/my friend and make it obvious I am willing to split my attention, at least briefly. If the person who was speaking to me didn't see the change in dynamic (2 to 3 people) and either wrap up their sentence or make an effort to include the newcomer, then I wouldn't feel much guilt in gently interrupting them to allow ME to include the newcomer
Fair enough, I can see your point and I can accept it. Surely she could be slightly more understanding though. It's not like I was extremely rude to her. In that situation I didn't have much time to react to her, I had to make my mind up as quickly as possible without there being an awkward pause. So I may have handled it slightly wrong.

It's a very awkward situation that I don't like being in, because I usually don't know how to handle it without offending someone from either side. In hindsight (and plenty of time to think about it) of course I can see there are better ways to deal with it, but being put in that situation right at that moment is something else.

Would you have reacted as badly as her? (She's not talking to me right now, I know because I've tried approaching her and she's been rude to me and ignoring my presence unless I approach her).
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by NonIndigenous)
Not really. You could have handled it slightly better though. Like Strider suggested.

If I approach someone whose already in a conversation, I can't expect them to immediately pivot their undivided attention to me. That would be self-centered.

I've known some people who get 'offended' for little reasons like this. I put it in commas because I'm not sure how authentic it really is sometimes. I would literally just totally ignore it if it happened then. Depending on the social context, a few minutes pass, maybe even a few days if we all meet up intermittently during breaks... and they usually start talking to me normally again like nothing happened. Which suggests that nothing happened to begin with. They were just kicking a fuss for nothing. Maybe even for attention.

I've done things to cause real offense to people (usually not intentionally), and they do not just shrug it off then like that. Even a year later. That's the difference. You can tell, because their body language towards you is different and it's quite obvious.
Judging by her reaction (if you read my reply above), I feel like it was in the middle of the spectrum of 'offence' (with quotation marks) and real offence. Because I've tried talking to her again and she's been rude to me, so she's clearly not willing to just shrug it off. Like, okay, I admit I may have been slightly rude and could have come across a bit better but is it really worth all of this?
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StriderHort
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Fair enough, I can see your point and I can accept it. Surely she could be slightly more understanding though. It's not like I was extremely rude to her. In that situation I didn't have much time to react to her, I had to make my mind up as quickly as possible without there being an awkward pause. So I may have handled it slightly wrong.

It's a very awkward situation that I don't like being in, because I usually don't know how to handle it without offending someone from either side. In hindsight (and plenty of time to think about it) of course I can see there are better ways to deal with it, but being put in that situation right at that moment is something else.

Would you have reacted as badly as her? (She's not talking to me right now, I know because I've tried approaching her and she's been rude to me and ignoring my presence unless I approach her).
Oh I can certainly see how it happens, having two people talk to you at one time is always a high stakes conversation, as generally someone has to back off = awkwardness, and it is ENTIRELY possible to make the wrong split second choice.

In fairness she did put you in this position but I suspect she is more embarrassed than genuinely offended, that would have likely made her feel pretty bad, esp if she felt other people saw her be dismissed like that. She could have been building up the courage to approach and say hi to a stranger and then had it obv go really wrong.

(If I was trying to make it up i'd go right for the point "Look I owe you a proper apology, I really didn't mean to dismiss you like that and it was an act of pure clumsiness from 2 people speaking at once, I can only imagine how much of a prat I must have seemed.." laying it on a bit thick maybe but self depreciation often works if you have embarrassed someone imo)
Last edited by StriderHort; 3 weeks ago
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