Fear of Serious Loneliness at Uni

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
Hi,

I start uni in a week or two and Im seriously worried for my health. I will be in the library 5/6+ hours a day and I won't have much access to socialising or groups.
I did look at societies and I've been unable to find any events or information.

I'll have to commute back every day and I won't be able to go out to clubs or anything too late.

This is my third year and all the contacts with others I lost over the pandemic. I did have some people who I would see before but that's all gone now. I feel like i'm the only one in this situation and it's causing me anxiety.
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Anonymous #1
#2
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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Anonymous #2
#3
Report 4 weeks ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,

I start uni in a week or two and Im seriously worried for my health. I will be in the library 5/6+ hours a day and I won't have much access to socialising or groups.
I did look at societies and I've been unable to find any events or information.

I'll have to commute back every day and I won't be able to go out to clubs or anything too late.

This is my third year and all the contacts with others I lost over the pandemic. I did have some people who I would see before but that's all gone now. I feel like i'm the only one in this situation and it's causing me anxiety.
Hi,
I get what you mean. I don't know if it's the same with you, but I've also had something similar at school.
I was naturally quite shy and so on. Good thing is, I had a few friends that I met on my bus, and gradually got to know one or two through the first year of school. I was definitely very quiet with the others. You generally slowly become friends with people that are similar to you. However, I still wanted to advance in communication because I felt I needed to.

This is the advice I first started following:
Maybe you notice someone in the library. Say hello, what's your name, etc. Try to find replies to questions that continue the conversation / make it interesting. Ask questions. Try to forget that embarassment exists. Often, people don't talk because they didn't start talking at the start of the year.


However, other techniques now work better for me. I have started experimenting with these from the time I changed to another school (changed environment). However, some of these I started using mid year...

1. Find something you really don't want to happen (well, except loneliness). For example, you can get killed. Aah! And that's it. But now realise that you aren't dead. That you still can live, breathe, do things! Just enjoy the days while fate is kind to you. Just enjoy every day, enjoy making stuff happen. Do not worry about communicating for the sake of communicating. Do it if you want to. If you don't see the right people: a. forget it and notice those that you might enjoy. b. they may be interesting in their own respects. Ask them questions. That said, I still don't know whether it is better to follow your heart/mood into interests sometimes, or to challenge yourself to communicate when you don't want to. I am often now happier communicating for the joy of it.
2. What to do with embarassment. Everyone can be in the same boat. The aim here is to perceive the other person as you would someone you're comfortable to talk with. This one is quite recent for me. In your mind, just define the sort of relationship you want to have with that person, and believe in it. Imagine them being someone else.
3. Focus on others, not yourself. See how they live. Just be an observer for once. Being shy is often due to analysing your own behaviour a lot. So forget about yourself, just see and enjoy others.

But mostly, just observe and try out different methods of talking. It may take time, but you will progress. Uni will probably end quite soon, and you can try to communicate anew in a new environment.

I don't want to go to night club to be honest.

This has sort of been a ramble about shyness, but I think you're in a different situation?
Maybe you can talk to someone in public transport (push through the embarassment by knowing that it does not exist - it is imaginary and caused by society).
Maybe after you leave the library, or in the library you can make new friends...

But don't worry if you don't. Refer to point 1. and realise that you can do a lot. The others will join if you have a goal or interest. Enjoy!

Btw, what course are you doing at uni?
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 4 weeks ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,
I get what you mean. I don't know if it's the same with you, but I've also had something similar at school.
I was naturally quite shy and so on. Good thing is, I had a few friends that I met on my bus, and gradually got to know one or two through the first year of school. I was definitely very quiet with the others. You generally slowly become friends with people that are similar to you. However, I still wanted to advance in communication because I felt I needed to.

This is the advice I first started following:
Maybe you notice someone in the library. Say hello, what's your name, etc. Try to find replies to questions that continue the conversation / make it interesting. Ask questions. Try to forget that embarassment exists. Often, people don't talk because they didn't start talking at the start of the year.


However, other techniques now work better for me. I have started experimenting with these from the time I changed to another school (changed environment). However, some of these I started using mid year...

1. Find something you really don't want to happen (well, except loneliness). For example, you can get killed. Aah! And that's it. But now realise that you aren't dead. That you still can live, breathe, do things! Just enjoy the days while fate is kind to you. Just enjoy every day, enjoy making stuff happen. Do not worry about communicating for the sake of communicating. Do it if you want to. If you don't see the right people: a. forget it and notice those that you might enjoy. b. they may be interesting in their own respects. Ask them questions. That said, I still don't know whether it is better to follow your heart/mood into interests sometimes, or to challenge yourself to communicate when you don't want to. I am often now happier communicating for the joy of it.
2. What to do with embarassment. Everyone can be in the same boat. The aim here is to perceive the other person as you would someone you're comfortable to talk with. This one is quite recent for me. In your mind, just define the sort of relationship you want to have with that person, and believe in it. Imagine them being someone else.
3. Focus on others, not yourself. See how they live. Just be an observer for once. Being shy is often due to analysing your own behaviour a lot. So forget about yourself, just see and enjoy others.

But mostly, just observe and try out different methods of talking. It may take time, but you will progress. Uni will probably end quite soon, and you can try to communicate anew in a new environment.

I don't want to go to night club to be honest.

This has sort of been a ramble about shyness, but I think you're in a different situation?
Maybe you can talk to someone in public transport (push through the embarassment by knowing that it does not exist - it is imaginary and caused by society).
Maybe after you leave the library, or in the library you can make new friends...

But don't worry if you don't. Refer to point 1. and realise that you can do a lot. The others will join if you have a goal or interest. Enjoy!

Btw, what course are you doing at uni?
If you have any questions,etc, just reply back. I hope others will find this useful to. Others, also reply.
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