struggling to socialise at university

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 weeks ago
#1
Hey I'm in my third week of university and I'm struggling to socialise. I find it really awkward to have a conversation with friends and strangers because I don't know what to say, in other words I can't hold a conversation.

In my course, I have a few friends but I think they find me weird because I can't talk much or don't know much about something. there was a group who asked all mates if they wanna go for a drink, but they didn't ask me. in fact I have never spoke to them. I find it hard to go over to someone and talk, I have to let them come to me.

I met a lot of people in Freshers week, but they suddenly disappeared. I can't talk to girls. they have no interest in me maybe because I can't hold a conversation and I'm ugly.

even going shopping is hard for me. I'm always scared that something is going to happen. I don't know if that makes sense.

How do I hold a conversation? how to meet new people? how can I talk to people on my course when they are in a big group?

I just want to be normal. I don't know what to do? please HELP!
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HeavLeighGill
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I’m sorry to hear that this is difficult for you. I used to struggle with social anxiety and it sounds similar to what you described. I would want to talk to people so badly but could never think of what to say on the spot.
Being that you have trouble making friends with girls, could it be that your interests line up more with guys? I always found it easier to make friends with them because I had the common interests of gaming and the same kind of humor. Girls can be mean, but it can also be helpful to just walk up to a girl you want to be friends with and compliment her or say something nice. That normally makes people warm up and then you could go from there.
As for shopping, driving, ordering food, and those types of things, I think it gets easier the more you do it. It’s hard at first but life is so much easier once you feel that you can relax without overthinking those things. Try talking about things that everyone in the group has as a common interest, like school as in what’s going on in class, around the building, etc.
If it’s really affecting your life in this way, it might help to talk with a therapist or consider medication for anxiety. I never got on it because mine went away over time, but everyone is different and that might help you right now. Just try to breathe and remember that people aren’t analyzing how you look or what you say as deeply as you think, so don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Also, I’m sure you’re beautiful, try not to think of yourself as ugly because you don’t deserve that! If you’d like, feel free to message me because I need more friends as well. 😁
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 2 weeks ago
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(Original post by HeavLeighGill)
I’m sorry to hear that this is difficult for you. I used to struggle with social anxiety and it sounds similar to what you described. I would want to talk to people so badly but could never think of what to say on the spot.
Being that you have trouble making friends with girls, could it be that your interests line up more with guys? I always found it easier to make friends with them because I had the common interests of gaming and the same kind of humor. Girls can be mean, but it can also be helpful to just walk up to a girl you want to be friends with and compliment her or say something nice. That normally makes people warm up and then you could go from there.
As for shopping, driving, ordering food, and those types of things, I think it gets easier the more you do it. It’s hard at first but life is so much easier once you feel that you can relax without overthinking those things. Try talking about things that everyone in the group has as a common interest, like school as in what’s going on in class, around the building, etc.
If it’s really affecting your life in this way, it might help to talk with a therapist or consider medication for anxiety. I never got on it because mine went away over time, but everyone is different and that might help you right now. Just try to breathe and remember that people aren’t analyzing how you look or what you say as deeply as you think, so don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Also, I’m sure you’re beautiful, try not to think of yourself as ugly because you don’t deserve that! If you’d like, feel free to message me because I need more friends as well. 😁
thx for the advice👍 I don't want to tell my parents, do I have to pay for a therapist? and could I get anxiety medication without being prescribed?
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HeavLeighGill
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How old are you and what area do you live in? (I’d need to know to be able to answer that)
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by HeavLeighGill)
How old are you and what area do you live in? (I’d need to know to be able to answer that)
I'm 18, live in Leicester but currently going Coventry university and staying there.
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Coventry University Student Ambassadors
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey I'm in my third week of university and I'm struggling to socialise. I find it really awkward to have a conversation with friends and strangers because I don't know what to say, in other words I can't hold a conversation.

In my course, I have a few friends but I think they find me weird because I can't talk much or don't know much about something. there was a group who asked all mates if they wanna go for a drink, but they didn't ask me. in fact I have never spoke to them. I find it hard to go over to someone and talk, I have to let them come to me.

I met a lot of people in Freshers week, but they suddenly disappeared. I can't talk to girls. they have no interest in me maybe because I can't hold a conversation and I'm ugly.

even going shopping is hard for me. I'm always scared that something is going to happen. I don't know if that makes sense.

How do I hold a conversation? how to meet new people? how can I talk to people on my course when they are in a big group?

I just want to be normal. I don't know what to do? please HELP!
Hey,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling. Just to follow up on the advice already written here (which is great by the way) I would say joining a society could help a lot. Societies provide a safe space for people with common interests and hobbies to get together and just have fun! I think it's definitely worth looking into! Here is a link to all the societies at Coventry University: https://www.cusu.org/societies/a-z-societies/. Maybe you'll find some of them interesting!
Also, the university tries to provide as much support as it can with their students' well-being. I would recommend looking at this page to learn more: https://www.coventry.ac.uk/study-at-...and-wellbeing/.
You got this!

Tereza
Student Ambassador
International Relations Student
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University of Bradford
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#7
Report 2 weeks ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey I'm in my third week of university and I'm struggling to socialise. I find it really awkward to have a conversation with friends and strangers because I don't know what to say, in other words I can't hold a conversation.

In my course, I have a few friends but I think they find me weird because I can't talk much or don't know much about something. there was a group who asked all mates if they wanna go for a drink, but they didn't ask me. in fact I have never spoke to them. I find it hard to go over to someone and talk, I have to let them come to me.

I met a lot of people in Freshers week, but they suddenly disappeared. I can't talk to girls. they have no interest in me maybe because I can't hold a conversation and I'm ugly.

even going shopping is hard for me. I'm always scared that something is going to happen. I don't know if that makes sense.

How do I hold a conversation? how to meet new people? how can I talk to people on my course when they are in a big group?

I just want to be normal. I don't know what to do? please HELP!
Hey! I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way, I found it very hard to start conversations whilst I was a student as well. I never wanted to be the one to go up to someone new and start a conversation. What I've found now is that I feel more confident in having a conversation with someone when it's about something I love and that we can both bond over (TV shows). It might be good if you joined a club or society, that way you're around people with similar interests to you which might make conversation that bit easier! You could even think about becoming a student ambassador, finding part-time jobs on campus or getting involved in volunteering opportunities - all fab ways of meeting new people and you'll grow in confidence

Could you try adding your course mates on social media and starting small interactions like liking their recent photo or replying to their Instagram story? In person you could also start small, ask them how they're finding their course, whether they are apart of any societies or compliment them on their outfit for example. Just keep a smile on your face so you look approachable and friendly, and hopefully other people will have the courage to come up to you to start conversation

I wish you the very best of luck with your university journey! Try not put too much pressure on yourself to make friends, it can be a daunting thing and not everyone meets their lifelong friends as a student, there's no right or wrong way to experience uni life. It's different for everyone

Becky
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Coventry University Student Ambassadors
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#8
Report 1 week ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey I'm in my third week of university and I'm struggling to socialise. I find it really awkward to have a conversation with friends and strangers because I don't know what to say, in other words I can't hold a conversation.

In my course, I have a few friends but I think they find me weird because I can't talk much or don't know much about something. there was a group who asked all mates if they wanna go for a drink, but they didn't ask me. in fact I have never spoke to them. I find it hard to go over to someone and talk, I have to let them come to me.

I met a lot of people in Freshers week, but they suddenly disappeared. I can't talk to girls. they have no interest in me maybe because I can't hold a conversation and I'm ugly.

even going shopping is hard for me. I'm always scared that something is going to happen. I don't know if that makes sense.

How do I hold a conversation? how to meet new people? how can I talk to people on my course when they are in a big group?

I just want to be normal. I don't know what to do? please HELP!
Hey,

I'm sorry to hear you're not enjoying uni at the moment. It can be tough to get out of your shell when you're experiencing all of these things!
Sometimes it's challenging to socialise, especially when you're thrust into that kind of environment during fresher's at uni and it's not all it's made up to be when you feel like you can't be your full self.
It's still quite early days for anything to cement, especially at uni. Assuming you're in first year, things can get crazy and with the easing of restrictions a lot of students want to have fun, chill, not think to much and socialise with everyone and anyone without too much attachment. One thing that's important to consider is that not everyone who are friends now are going to make it all the way through uni, so even if you do come across a lot of people who seem like they know each other very well, people are still getting to know each other and a lot of the time, there isn't a lot of pressure for anything more as people are likely to go with the flow of things.
Have you tried joining a society, interacting with your housemates/flatmates, or joined events at all?

I'm sorry to hear you feel this way, and I'm sad you're not managing to enjoy yourself. Things will get better with time, it's just taking a step back and reminding yourself that you just started uni, you're still finding your feet and it's going to take time. Not everyone settles into uni quickly and there are people who don't openly talk about the struggles of going to uni because it's overshadowed by the highlights of what's on social media or spoken about.

May I ask, what are you scared about?

I think the best way for you to find people you can be around is by joining a society or a club, that way you can combine your interests and allow you to socialise without the pressure to because you're distracted on the activity. You could talk about anything from your background to foods you like, music you listen to, complimenting what someone is doing or wearing, sharing your thoughts and asking what other people think etc. If you want help with something, ask someone on your course what their thoughts are? Ask someone how they're doing or what got them interested in the course etc. Don't think too hard about starting conversations because as time goes on, thoughts will appear, you'll find some inspiration and hear something you want to ask someone something about. A lot of the time, a simple smile and asking how someone is will do. Also, it's how you make someone feel in a conversation that holds a lot more than what you say.

If you find you want someone to talk to, I suggest contacting the university's health and wellbeing and you can speak to a counsellor (apply for free) and you can get a certain number of sessions given to you to support your journey while you're at uni. Or, you can pop down to the Jordan Well building and visit the health and wellbeing centre there. If you want to talk to me, you can always pop me a message, I'm happy to chat

Whatever happens, keep trying and you'll get there. It's a lot harder than you think it is to find like-minded people.

Veronica
Student Ambassador
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Anonymous #2
#9
Report 1 week ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 18, live in Leicester but currently going Coventry university and staying there.
it depends on where the GP you're registered with is based but at 18 they deffo won't tell your parents anything, personally I also found it more reassuring knowing I was registered with a gp at uni coming from a small town I had the benefit of knowing they wouldn't even know or have contact with my parents that I didn't have at home. It's almost impossible to get medication for anxiety without a prescription unless you want something herbal. it's best to speak to your gp anyway as theres many different options which will work different depending on your exact situation so they can oversee the process. I would also recommend checking out your universities wellingbeing service. Another thing to Google is the IAPT sevices in your local area which is basically a program to help adults acess free therapy quicker, I'm not sure about Coventry but I know in Leicester you can refer yourself online within minutes and they will contact you to organize the best therapy with lots of options online and in person and most places work similar so would probably be a really helpful service for you to access
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Anonymous #3
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Mate you have social anxiety. You need to work on it. That'll require mentally changing your perspective on things. I'd recommend watching videos on YouTube. In addition, you'll need to practice socially. Throw yourself into things. It'll be difficult, but that's part of ridding yourself of social anxiety. Only through discomfort can you grow
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