Destroyed my friend, enjoying life ?

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Anonymous #1
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My friend was ghosted and treated horribly by this guy she loved. The guy acted like he liked her too bit he barely made any effort to communicate with her, always expected her to make moves on him, misunderstood everything and would flirt and meet with other girls but always ignored her in front of his clique.
In the end, when my friend tried to patch up with him, he ghosted her and denied that she was only his acquaintance and how he doesn't remember any romantic attraction between them.

My friend suffered emotionally and mentally from this and to this date, she's still hurt, looking for answers and in pain as she never received closure. He left her as it is and moved away to a different country where he got himself a new girlfriend with whom he's happily enjoying, fulfilling all his dreams of what he wanted to do.

I don't understand this. Why did my friend, who genuinely loved and cared for him receive so much pain and hurt when a guy like this got everything he wanted? To this day, she still harbors love for him. She tried to date other guys but she never met anyone who could lift her out from this. Instead, the guy who destroyed her got a girlfriend and all kinds of happiness.

Why did this happen? Is there no such thing as you reap what you sow? Or karma at all? How can I help my friend?
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username4899406
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be there for her, everyone heals and reacts in different ways
there is no "right" way to get over a relationship
try and make her feel good about herself an repair her self esteem
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by WazzWazz98)
be there for her, everyone heals and reacts in different ways
there is no "right" way to get over a relationship
try and make her feel good about herself an repair her self esteem
I'm trying buy I don't understand how the guy is living without any remorse happily. It's like my friend got punished for doing nothing wrong while he hot rewarded for mistreating her
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username4899406
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm trying buy I don't understand how the guy is living without any remorse happily. It's like my friend got punished for doing nothing wrong while he hot rewarded for mistreating her
there is no point dwelling on how happy or unhappy this ex is, it will do nothing for you and your friend
aside from furthering the hurt and renewing old wounds
your friend must forget that chapter ever existed
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0ptics
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm trying buy I don't understand how the guy is living without any remorse happily. It's like my friend got punished for doing nothing wrong while he hot rewarded for mistreating her
Your friend’s condition is what matters the most, not whether the guy gets karma or not. I hate to say it but the reality is that karma doesn’t exist - bad people can get away while good people can suffer. Your next approach shouldn’t be trying to get revenge on that guy but rather to help your friend from this tough time. Be there for her, tell her what you know about him, tell her his true intentions, lack of empathy towards her etc. But do it reasonably.


Hopefully, he does get karma but it’s unlikely and probably won’t happen, as we can’t control that. However, you can strive to make your friend feel better so make that your top priority!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 0ptics)
Your friend’s condition is what matters the most, not whether the guy gets karma or not. I hate to say it but the reality is that karma doesn’t exist - bad people can get away while good people can suffer. Your next approach shouldn’t be trying to get revenge on that guy but rather to help your friend from this tough time. Be there for her, tell her what you know about him, tell her his true intentions, lack of empathy towards her etc. But do it reasonably.


Hopefully, he does get karma but it’s unlikely and probably won’t happen, as we can’t control that. However, you can strive to make your friend feel better so make that your top priority!
But how can i tell her? She always said she cannot judge him because she never knew his true intentions. We all can guess and proclaim him as a jerk but we don't know what he wanted.
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CosmicApathy1
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Seems like people lack intuition nowadays...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CosmicApathy1)
Seems like people lack intuition nowadays...
What do you mean?
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0ptics
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But how can i tell her? She always said she cannot judge him because she never knew his true intentions. We all can guess and proclaim him as a jerk but we don't know what he wanted.
Well, judging by your initial post of picturing him as lazy and as someone who doesn’t care about your friend, I’m pretty sure that his true intentions that your friend is speculating is different to what we’re speculating. After this post of yours, it sounds like she’ll be on the defensive if you try to paint him within a bad light. But surely, just surely, talking about him having a new gf and moving out of the country has to be sufficient to make her speculations fade away, hence reducing her defence for him. This is assuming that you have concrete evidence for that claim.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 0ptics)
Well, judging by your initial post of picturing him as lazy and as someone who doesn’t care about your friend, I’m pretty sure that his true intentions that your friend is speculating is different to what we’re speculating. After this post of yours, it sounds like she’ll be on the defensive if you try to paint him within a bad light. But surely, just surely, talking about him having a new gf and moving out of the country has to be sufficient to make her speculations fade away, hence reducing her defence for him. This is assuming that you have concrete evidence for that claim.
She knows all of it. She told me herself but like I wrote that she didn't get closure. The guy obviously understood she cared for him but his cowardice and ego was bigger than her and he found a new gf to replace her hence he was able to move on. But my friend was left without anything. She said she doesn't know anything that was going on in his head as he never told her. This is the reason why she hasn't been able to move on because in the end, we can assume he's a horrid person who used her as a tool to play with but it's a speculation.and we don't know if this was real
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GabiAbi84
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You can help your friend by helping her to move on. But you can’t move on for her-she needs to do that for herself.
Stop talking about the “ex” and stop allowing it to consume her and your thoughts. What’s done is done. It didn’t work out.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
You can help your friend by helping her to move on. But you can’t move on for her-she needs to do that for herself.
Stop talking about the “ex” and stop allowing it to consume her and your thoughts. What’s done is done. It didn’t work out.
I'm angry at life. The guy is achieving everything whilst ruining her in every way. He did it intentionally yet he got rewarded. Is there no you reap what you sow?
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm angry at life. The guy is achieving everything whilst ruining her in every way. He did it intentionally yet he got rewarded. Is there no you reap what you sow?
No, that’s life.
Some people win some people lose.
You’re letting him win even more by allowing it to ruin your happiness too (for whatever reason)
She isn’t “ruined” -she got rejected. It’s not the end of the world.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
No, that’s life.
Some people win some people lose.
You’re letting him win even more by allowing it to ruin your happiness too (for whatever reason)
She isn’t “ruined” -she got rejected. It’s not the end of the world.
She didn't get rejected. He refused to hear her out because he knew he was at fault by giving mixed signals and not communicating
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by Anonymous)
She didn't get rejected. He refused to hear her out because he knew he was at fault by giving mixed signals and not communicating
Yes…otherwise known as rejected.
That doesn’t “ruin” a person so perhaps stop calling her ruined and you may fare better.

Stop fixating on him and move on.
The same advice I’d give to her (only hers it would be more understandable for)
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Anonymous #2
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Whatever the reasons, he has clearly moved on and your friend won't get the answers she wants. Closure will have to come from her and maybe you supporting her. To me it seems like he simply didn't want her enough, she is just in denial and wasting her time pining after him. If she just admits that she fell for him and was blind to his lack of interest in her she can move on. It's ok to make mistakes like that. What happens to the guy is his problem now, having a vengeful mentality will just keep you clinging.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
Yes…otherwise known as rejected.
That doesn’t “ruin” a person so perhaps stop calling her ruined and you may fare better.

Stop fixating on him and move on.
The same advice I’d give to her (only hers it would be more understandable for)
Playing someone isn't rejection. It's a thought out method to protect one's ego and not own up mistakes
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0ptics
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Playing someone isn't rejection. It's a thought out method to protect one's ego and not own up mistakes
She got rejected and played at the same time.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Whatever the reasons, he has clearly moved on and your friend won't get the answers she wants. Closure will have to come from her and maybe you supporting her. To me it seems like he simply didn't want her enough, she is just in denial and wasting her time pining after him. If she just admits that she fell for him and was blind to his lack of interest in her she can move on. It's ok to make mistakes like that. What happens to the guy is his problem now, having a vengeful mentality will just keep you clinging.
He was interested in her. We all saw it. So it's not the case that he wasn't. He would perceive some actions negatively then act passive aggressive towards her.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 0ptics)
She got rejected and played at the same time.
And he got rewarded. Amazing
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