Should I break up with my girlfriend?

The best way to win her back - or to resolve the matter - is for you to stay emotionally and mentally strong.
And included in that is for you to act with a huge amount of empathy towards her and a minimal amount of focus on your own feelings.
As well as for you to love her about as much as you love yourself.

Having a massive argument with her over this was a mistake. Learn from it.
There's a cliche: "Change her mood, not her mind."

I don't see what there was to argue about - if you're mentally and emotionally strong, have a lot of empathy for her and love her about as much as you love yourself.

She had her heart broken by him in the past and just seeing him raises her emotions. There's nothing to argue about there. It would be appropriate to support her. By you being her rock and her understanding and listening ear. By you allowing her to express her emotions to you.

It's fine if she always has a place for him in her heart. She can't help her emotions.
Her heart is big enough for you to have a huge and permanent place in it too - if you behave in ways that are attractive to her and if the 2 of you are compatible in the key areas.

Guys :/

I saw this girl at my university. I had seen her around the university area once but didn't know she went to the same university. She's a masters student, older than me by 4 years, from a different culture and religion. I'm a PhD student, German and British.

I liked her , felt she was very pretty but never spoke to her as I was more busy with my thesis and life in general than to think about girls. I'm a reserved person by nature and I do suffer from social anxiety. Which worsened during my PhD.

Anyways, a fire alarm incident brought us close, like talking. She finished her dissertation, was looking for research opportunities so we talked about it. She was very friendly, warm and kind. Her attractive looks and warm personality quickly enamored me and I gave her my number to keep in contact since I'm pursuing postdoc positions after PhD so I put out that offer for her.

We started hanging out and I got really attached. She's the first female I ve gotten so attached to. She's very warm, caring and affectionate and we have a nice relationship. I lost my celibacy vow to her as I had decided not to hook up due to me religious beliefs but couldn't keep it under control.

We were going well for 5 months until she started behaving weird. I saw her get really anxious, stressed and flustered around a certain guy at university whom I had never seen before. Turns out, this guy is the one she was deeply in love with, who left her (though they didn't date). This guy is now remorseful over how he treated her and wants a second chance with her, though he no longer lives in the UK. He lives in France now but came to visit after a year.

Ever since his arrival, she looks close to tears, always preoccupied and is now avoiding intimacy. We had a massive argument yesterday and she broke down. She told me their story and it hurt me a lot. She told me she wanted to move on and forget him but she couldn't never remove him from her heart.

At this point, I'm shattered. I have my thesis due and now this has happened. What should I do? Should I try to win her back? I really love her and I feel incredibly jealous over the fact that the guy wants her.

I suspect she loves him because she won't say a negative word against him

I saw this girl at my university. I had seen her around the university area once but didn't know she went to the same university. She's a masters student, older than me by 4 years, from a different culture and religion. I'm a PhD student, German and British.

I liked her , felt she was very pretty but never spoke to her as I was more busy with my thesis and life in general than to think about girls. I'm a reserved person by nature and I do suffer from social anxiety. Which worsened during my PhD.

Anyways, a fire alarm incident brought us close, like talking. She finished her dissertation, was looking for research opportunities so we talked about it. She was very friendly, warm and kind. Her attractive looks and warm personality quickly enamored me and I gave her my number to keep in contact since I'm pursuing postdoc positions after PhD so I put out that offer for her.

We started hanging out and I got really attached. She's the first female I ve gotten so attached to. She's very warm, caring and affectionate and we have a nice relationship. I lost my celibacy vow to her as I had decided not to hook up due to me religious beliefs but couldn't keep it under control.

We were going well for 5 months until she started behaving weird. I saw her get really anxious, stressed and flustered around a certain guy at university whom I had never seen before. Turns out, this guy is the one she was deeply in love with, who left her (though they didn't date). This guy is now remorseful over how he treated her and wants a second chance with her, though he no longer lives in the UK. He lives in France now but came to visit after a year.

Ever since his arrival, she looks close to tears, always preoccupied and is now avoiding intimacy. We had a massive argument yesterday and she broke down. She told me their story and it hurt me a lot. She told me she wanted to move on and forget him but she couldn't never remove him from her heart.

At this point, I'm shattered. I have my thesis due and now this has happened. What should I do? Should I try to win her back? I really love her and I feel incredibly jealous over the fact that the guy wants her.

Unless you broke-up and forgot to mention this in your post then you don't need to "win her back". She said she wants to move on from him, which means she's chosen you.

Having a history and experiencing romantic attraction to other people is one of those hurdles a lot of couples will face, but it can be overcome. She's struggling right now, so you need to be the strong one. Try not to worry or appear upset about it, and definitely do your best to avoid arguing about it again - because this will drive her away from you and right into his arms.

shes no good for you, break up

Focus on your thesis, you've written more words on this post than I've done on my own thesis today

That would make it even more important for you to stay emotionally strong.
For you not to appear butt hurt. Nor jealous. Nor insecure.

If you acted with full empathy and love, you'd know how she felt about him. You'd know her full thoughts and feelings about him. Allow her to fully open up to you about him - with you being a supportive, non-judgemental ear to her.

Once you know her full thoughts and feelings on this - instead of just having mere suspicions - take things from there.

She has 3 main possible options.
1 attempt to go off with this French guy.
2 do nothing.
3 re-affirm her love for you and have nothing more to do, romantically with this French guy.

Whichever path she takes you win in the long term.

I think someone's first love will always have a place in their heart but it doesn't necessarily mean she can't stay faithful to you or move on from her ex. Maybe seeing him was just unexpected and it triggered her
He's her ex for a reason!
But at the same time it's not your job to remind or convince her who is the best person for her. If she is sensible she will realise that herself

Your thesis will likely determine the rest of your life..don't throw it away for anyone
Sure, support her as much as you can but her behaviour isn't exactly very helpful either . She also should realise how much you are hurt by it and how much you have sacrificed for her. But again that's not your job to convince her.

tl;dr - Whatever happens, happens. There's not really much you can control. But what you can control is the outcome of your thesis, so concentrate on that.

All the best and keep us updated op

He isn't French though. He moved to France. But he's half German like me and half Israeli.

Anyway, I don't know what's going to happen. She isn't eating anything and looks so stressed and upset. I asked her if she wanted to move to Surrey with me as I have a two bedroom flat there but she declined. I know she doesn't like the countryside and prefers living central, but we ve been on short romantic trips to many places which she loved. Including surrey. But now she's denying to go there.

Also, earlier she would take a lot of interest in being close to me like when I would be up working around late evening, she would be so playful and seductive with me. Now, nothing. She goes to sleep or is thinking something.