Catherine1973
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#21
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#21
I mean one option is to treat it like a job. Attend university Monday to Friday and go home every Friday. Depends on schedule and what you need to attend.

If you do that until say reading week or xmas then yes it’s more expensive with travel costs but if it’s keeps you there and makes you less stressed that is one option.
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A_burning_hill
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#22
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#22
Hey - I don't really have any good advice, I just wanted to let you know that I feel exactly the same way ! I moved into halls on the 25th and even though I've tried with Freshers week : e.g. going to clubs, pres at flats and meetups in common rooms- I still feel really upset and stressed about everything.I've already come home for the past 2 nights ( I am only 2.5hr drive from home) and feel really bad about everything. I feel guilty that I might give up such a good opportunity and potentially waste a bunch of money and time and I also feel paralysingly anxious about staying and attending lectures and having to look after myself under the (mild) scrutiny of my flatmates and people who I've already made a connection with. I feel like if I go home I'll stagnate and have a really hard time reapplying, but if I stay Ill fall behind in my work and be completely isolated without my family ( even though we have our problems) for a support network. Like I said I don't have any solution for u bc I'm struggling in the same way but just wanted to let you know ur not alone in this !!
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Anonymous #8
#23
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#23
I am 3 days into uni and feeling the same as you. My flat mates had a party in the room next to mine and I was too scared to go, so I just cried in my room lmao

I’d say we both just need to give it time and not give up on ourselves,
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161BMW
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#24
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#24
Can be intimidating but just be as social as you can. It doesn’t mean you have to drink like crazy you don’t have to if you don’t want to. Get to know people on your course and some people not on your course. Join 1 or 2 societies that interest you. It is normal to feel homesick. Maybe call your family two or three times a week which might help.
Don’t worry.
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Tammie2345524
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#25
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#25
I'm having a similar experience. I can cook, but only use the kitchen when all my hall mates are out (so I ended up cooking pasta sauce at 11pm lol). My hall mates are friendly but they're only acquaintances. I missed loads of fresher's events because I'd turn up, panic and leave.

If you haven't found a food shop yet, use google maps to find one. I lived off Pringles and chocolate for the first two days because I was too scared to use the kitchen or the dining hall :/. It has got a little less overwhelming though. I'm just waiting for fresher's week to end - I'm only at uni to get a degree after all. Give it a few weeks, it might get better.
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Anonymous #1
#26
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#26
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, I'm in such a similar situation to you right now, apart from this is my second attempt at university. I have social anxiety and so a lot of the things that aren't too difficult for most people, are to me. For example, I find it difficult to talk to my flatmates, and I even listen for when it's quietest in the flat for when I go into the kitchen to cook, or even just to go the the toilet or take a shower! For me it's completely overwhelming too, I miss my family so much and like your are really close with them. I've already been looking at train tickets to go home which are too expensive, and I've even been searching for alternatives to university or possibly transferring to one closer to home. I'm also having doubts about the course I'm taking so the whole thing for me is just so confusing. The first time I went to uni I absolutely hated it, the whole situation was a mess; I felt uncomfortable around my flatmates, I don't drink (although not everybody does so don't let that sway your decision!), I wasn't too keen on the course or the university, I felt like I was only doing it because I didn't know what else to do, and so I knew that leaving was the best thing for me then. I was there for two weeks, so maybe that wasn't long enough to know for sure, but I have no regrets about leaving. This time around, I'm going to make myself stay for at least four or five weeks. This is because I like the university a lot more, my flatmates are nice people and I want to give the course a go before deciding it isn't right.
I would say that if you really want to leave in a few weeks (the first week is definitely the hardest) , then that's absolutely fine and there is nothing wrong with that! Quite a lot of people drop out of university so don't think you're the only one if you do. It seems like you are quite close with your parents and so I'm guessing they would be very supportive if you did. One thing I would ask is if you've considered the financial implications? For me when I left, I found it really hard to find someone to take over my tenancy, and because I was in a contract I had to do this which turned out to be a bit of a nightmare. Have you also thought about how it will affect your student finance options in the future if you were to go to university again? For me it all worked out ok in the end, but just make sure you consider all the affects of leaving. Oh and one more thing, try and make sure you have a plan for when you get back home if you do decide to leave, because I started to feel very low once I'd left and went back home as I had no direction. Have you considered doing an online degree like the OU, or maybe something like a degree apprenticeship if you can't transfer to a closer to home uni? Good Luck and I hope everything works out ok!
I've actually been considering getting an online degree recently while mulling over my options for if I did drop out, which is seeming more and morel ikely with every day that goes by. My dream life is just renting a flat with a friend while doing a degree and working full/part-time as I think living at a university and being treated as a student rather than an adult is what's bothering me the most, but I don't know how feasible my sort of 'ideal' situation is as I have absolutelely no idea on how to to make it happen.
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Anonymous #5
#27
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#27
(Original post by Anonymous)
I've actually been considering getting an online degree recently while mulling over my options for if I did drop out, which is seeming more and morel ikely with every day that goes by. My dream life is just renting a flat with a friend while doing a degree and working full/part-time as I think living at a university and being treated as a student rather than an adult is what's bothering me the most, but I don't know how feasible my sort of 'ideal' situation is as I have absolutelely no idea on how to to make it happen.
Maybe see if your uni has a 'grace period' or anything where if you withdraw within a certain amount of time (for me it was two weeks) the tuition fee loan gets cancelled and none goes to the university. This will make it easier for applying for another loan in the future.
Also, are you staying in university accommodation or private accommodation. If its uni then it should be easier to just leave your accommodation without the need to find a replacement tenant.
To me, your dream situation doesn't seem impossible at all. If you wanted to work full time though, a part time degree would probably be better. If you worked part time, there is no reason you wouldn't be able to do a full time degree, as long as you manage your time well. Do you have a friend already renting somewhere? If you do, then why not ask them if you could move in with them? They would probably be happy to have their rent halved. If not, then maybe look for a cheap flat on your own, although this would be more expensive obviously so the working full time, studying part time would probably work better. If you did want to transfer to an online degree this year, student finance should just be able to transfer your loan over which would make life easier. Remember as well that some OU degrees have options to start in February, so you could always withdraw from your current course now and apply in a few months time.
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nlmayg
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#28
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#28
I just wanted to reply and say I felt the same way too. Everything about moving from home and into halls is overwhelming and that means you can't focus on anything else. I knew I was in a nice uni surrounded by really nice flatmates but nothing was comforting enough to encourage me to stay.Even though I knew it would be more sensible to stick it out for longer, I decided to move back home after three days. I was no longer interested in uni or my studies so I decided to withdraw completely from uni this year.I'll admit I regret not sticking it out for longer but in the moment it felt like I physically couldn't. I had never felt so uncomfortable and anxious.Leaving uni doesn't have to seem like a wasted opportunity because there are so many options you could look at. If you still want to do your course in the future you can suspend your studies for a year and spend this year thinking it all through and trying other things!
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CorporalJin
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#29
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#29
Anonymous #01
Since its been 5 days since you originally posted, how are you feeling as this moment?
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Anonymous #1
#30
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#30
Just wanted to say thank you for all the replies and advice. I honestly really appreciate it.

This evening I formally requested to drop out. I got the train home on Thursday and immediatly felt amazing. I woke up on Friday morning at home and started excercising, went to my local library, and started to look for jobs in town. I was suddenly motivated, and I feel like I can do anything here. After waking up that morning I knew I was much better off dropping out and having a gap year off. The moment I arrived at university I knew it wasn't for me and that I wasn't ready, and because I'm dropping out early I'm avoiding most financial consequences. That's one of the reasons I didn't want to stick it out - every day I'm there I'm putting myself into more and more debt. It isn't worth paying for something that was literally killing me from the inside out every single day.

My parents have been completely supportive of my decison, and I'm beyond grateful. I love them so so much.

I'm going to apply to some universities closer to home when UCAS applications open as I still want a degree, and if university life isn't for me I'm going to get an open university degree. Overall I'm happy with my decison, and that listening to my gut was and is the right thing to do.
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𝓖𝓱𝓸𝓼𝓽𝓵𝓪𝓭𝔂
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#31
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#31
(Original post by Anonymous)
Just wanted to say thank you for all the replies and advice. I honestly really appreciate it.

This evening I formally requested to drop out. I got the train home on Thursday and immediatly felt amazing. I woke up on Friday morning at home and started excercising, went to my local library, and started to look for jobs in town. I was suddenly motivated, and I feel like I can do anything here. After waking up that morning I knew I was much better off dropping out and having a gap year off. The moment I arrived at university I knew it wasn't for me and that I wasn't ready, and because I'm dropping out early I'm avoiding most financial consequences. That's one of the reasons I didn't want to stick it out - every day I'm there I'm putting myself into more and more debt. It isn't worth paying for something that was literally killing me from the inside out every single day.

My parents have been completely supportive of my decison, and I'm beyond grateful. I love them so so much.

I'm going to apply to some universities closer to home when UCAS applications open as I still want
If you are going to uni next year. Forewarned is forearmed.
Learn how to cook is a good one. Also things like heating control/Washing etc all those life skills will make you more confident. When you do go to uni. my eldest bought some Rosé, and some cans and a box of chocs as an ice breaker to say hi on first night. That and a whiteboard and pens which went down a storm as that had many uses lol.
A job as well in your gap year will get you more confident in meeting new people.
Go to the events and societies freshers fair etc when you are at uni. The more you keep busy in first week, the less chance of feeling homesick.

Finally, once you feel you are in a happier place at uni, then facetime your parents. Facetiming them when your homesick only makes it feel worse. Plus make plans for them to visit half way through term. It breaks the term in two and gives you and them something to look forward to. They will be pleasantly surprised in the change in you and your increasing confidence.
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CorporalJin
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#32
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Just wanted to say thank you for all the replies and advice. I honestly really appreciate it.

This evening I formally requested to drop out. I got the train home on Thursday and immediatly felt amazing. I woke up on Friday morning at home and started excercising, went to my local library, and started to look for jobs in town. I was suddenly motivated, and I feel like I can do anything here. After waking up that morning I knew I was much better off dropping out and having a gap year off. The moment I arrived at university I knew it wasn't for me and that I wasn't ready, and because I'm dropping out early I'm avoiding most financial consequences. That's one of the reasons I didn't want to stick it out - every day I'm there I'm putting myself into more and more debt. It isn't worth paying for something that was literally killing me from the inside out every single day.

My parents have been completely supportive of my decison, and I'm beyond grateful. I love them so so much.

I'm going to apply to some universities closer to home when UCAS applications open as I still want a degree, and if university life isn't for me I'm going to get an open university degree. Overall I'm happy with my decison, and that listening to my gut was and is the right thing to do.
Good job mate, feel blessed that you are allowed to do that.

Yeah that motivation you had is the realisation that you are in a better place and feel grateful for it, so you feel like you have conquered something/confidence within, after experiencing a **** experience.

I had that feeling to where I came back to a familiar place and felt like I could achieve anything after living in a shithole poverty place for months at a time. Its a realisation that you have so much oppurtunity that you never felt like you had prior, but it was always been there...

Not sure when UCAS application re-opens, but take that time to get stuff done and figure out what and where you want to be when the time comes.
Im happy for you that you took the right decisions and it worked out.
Last edited by CorporalJin; 1 week ago
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Anonymous #9
#33
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#33
(Original post by Tammie2345524)
I missed loads of fresher's events because I'd turn up, panic and leave.
I thought I was the only one who has been doing this! I don't know why, I'm not normally like that outside uni and have been hard on myself because of this, making me feel even worse. I don't know how others do it so easily.

(Original post by Anonymous)
To me, your dream situation doesn't seem impossible at all. If you wanted to work full time though, a part time degree would probably be better. If you worked part time, there is no reason you wouldn't be able to do a full time degree, as long as you manage your time well. Do you have a friend already renting somewhere? If you do, then why not ask them if you could move in with them? They would probably be happy to have their rent halved. If not, then maybe look for a cheap flat on your own, although this would be more expensive obviously so the working full time, studying part time would probably work better. If you did want to transfer to an online degree this year, student finance should just be able to transfer your loan over which would make life easier. Remember as well that some OU degrees have options to start in February, so you could always withdraw from your current course now and apply in a few months time.
This is very sensible advice.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Just wanted to say thank you for all the replies and advice. I honestly really appreciate it.

This evening I formally requested to drop out. I got the train home on Thursday and immediatly felt amazing. I woke up on Friday morning at home and started excercising, went to my local library, and started to look for jobs in town. I was suddenly motivated, and I feel like I can do anything here. After waking up that morning I knew I was much better off dropping out and having a gap year off. The moment I arrived at university I knew it wasn't for me and that I wasn't ready, and because I'm dropping out early I'm avoiding most financial consequences. That's one of the reasons I didn't want to stick it out - every day I'm there I'm putting myself into more and more debt. It isn't worth paying for something that was literally killing me from the inside out every single day.

My parents have been completely supportive of my decison, and I'm beyond grateful. I love them so so much.

I'm going to apply to some universities closer to home when UCAS applications open as I still want a degree, and if university life isn't for me I'm going to get an open university degree. Overall I'm happy with my decison, and that listening to my gut was and is the right thing to do.
OP, this is great. When you know you're doing the right thing for yourself and are much happier. All the best!
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Anonymous #5
#34
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#34
(Original post by Anonymous)
Just wanted to say thank you for all the replies and advice. I honestly really appreciate it.

This evening I formally requested to drop out. I got the train home on Thursday and immediatly felt amazing. I woke up on Friday morning at home and started excercising, went to my local library, and started to look for jobs in town. I was suddenly motivated, and I feel like I can do anything here. After waking up that morning I knew I was much better off dropping out and having a gap year off. The moment I arrived at university I knew it wasn't for me and that I wasn't ready, and because I'm dropping out early I'm avoiding most financial consequences. That's one of the reasons I didn't want to stick it out - every day I'm there I'm putting myself into more and more debt. It isn't worth paying for something that was literally killing me from the inside out every single day.

My parents have been completely supportive of my decison, and I'm beyond grateful. I love them so so much.

I'm going to apply to some universities closer to home when UCAS applications open as I still want a degree, and if university life isn't for me I'm going to get an open university degree. Overall I'm happy with my decison, and that listening to my gut was and is the right thing to do.
That's fantastic, I know I don't know you but I'm so happy for you!

Good luck with everything you decided to do in the future
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