Relationship advice please

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Anonymous #1
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So I'm at uni i have met this girl who i think is gorgeous. We are friends. She allegedly has a boyfriend but I don't see him in pics on her social media. I know i might be jumping to the wrong conclusion and i don't want to. There's also this other girl. I haven't spoken to jer yet as i haven't had chance to meet anyone on my course officially as i changed on my course on the second week. I mean I haven't spoken to her but I'll be honest to me she is really beautiful. I mean not like a beautiful lady to have a fling with but i could see us having a relationship but I don't know because the first girl i told you about is really nice. I don't know. What should I do?

Thanks
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CaptainDuckie
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Time will tell itself. Meet this other girl first to see how you find her, and wait until you see everyone on the course. Right now I wouldn’t make any decisions just yet.
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Anonymous #2
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You should stand up, say astaghfirullah and move on
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Time will tell itself. Meet this other girl first to see how you find her, and wait until you see everyone on the course. Right now I wouldn’t make any decisions just yet.
Ah right cheers I'm just thinking I can't stop thinking about her i mean tbh I have never believed in love at first sight but I don't know. Plus life is too short to miss opportunities
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GabiAbi84
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Not entirely sure where the dilemma is tbh

You fancy two girls because they’re “beautiful”

One is your friend who has a boyfriend but you think she’s lying about it for some reason.
The other you’ve never even spoken to…
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
Not entirely sure where the dilemma is tbh

You fancy two girls because they’re “beautiful”

One is your friend who has a boyfriend but you think she’s lying about it for some reason.
The other you’ve never even spoken to…
The dilemma is what do I do talk to the one who has a quote unquote bf and tell her how i feel. Maybe ruin our friendship or ask this other girl out. I mean I'm here asking for advice
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You should stand up, say astaghfirullah and move on
Why? just curious
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The dilemma is what do I do talk to the one who has a quote unquote bf and tell her how i feel. Maybe ruin our friendship or ask this other girl out. I mean I'm here asking for advice
I’d maybe start by talking to the girl you’ve never spoken to before rather than jumping straight in and asking her out tbh.

And the one who has a boyfriend-did she tell you she had a boyfriend or did someone else?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
I’d maybe start by talking to the girl you’ve never spoken to before rather than jumping straight in and asking her out tbh.

And the one who has a boyfriend-did she tell you she had a boyfriend or did someone else?
Thanks i mean i probably needed to hear that. And her mate told me and she has mentioned it in a text but again I mean I'm not too sure really because we have been texting a lot so. If i tell her i have found someone it may crush her. On the other hand she may be ok with it and she genuinely has a boyfriend I'm really unsure
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks i mean i probably needed to hear that. And her mate told me and she has mentioned it in a text but again I mean I'm not too sure really because we have been texting a lot so. If i tell her i have found someone it may crush her. On the other hand she may be ok with it and she genuinely has a boyfriend I'm really unsure
If she has told you she has a boyfriend then it either means she has a boyfriend or she isn’t interested in you and doesn’t want you to make a move like that.
It’s not going to crush her.

And just because you speak to this other person doesn’t mean you’ve “found someone” she also may not be interested. Or you could find out she has a horrible personality since the only thing you’ve mentioned is her looks.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
If she has told you she has a boyfriend then it either means she has a boyfriend or she isn’t interested in you and doesn’t want you to make a move like that.
It’s not going to crush her.

And just because you speak to this other person doesn’t mean you’ve “found someone” she also may not be interested. Or you could find out she has a horrible personality since the only thing you’ve mentioned is her looks.
Well that's true but I'll tell you this i forgot to mention right this girl who i said is beautiful who I've not spoken to yet. She keeps glancing over at me as if she wants me to make a move or go over to her or something i mean I'll definitely talk to her on Monday because I think something good could happen if the other girl isn't interested then why are we constantly texting i mean it could be a best guy friend thing possibly but tbh i will never know because i don't want to jeprodise things sorry I don't know how you spell jeprodise haha
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The dilemma is what do I do talk to the one who has a quote unquote bf and tell her how i feel. Maybe ruin our friendship or ask this other girl out. I mean I'm here asking for advice
As a general guide, never tell any woman that you are not in a steady relationship with, how you feel about her. Because that comes over as too desperate and needy and clingy. Or as putting the cart before the horse. Or as you being too small a challenge. Or too lacking in mystery.

Go ahead and talk with everyone that you meet at uni in a positive and polite and friendly way. And go ahead and do fun / enjoyable / interesting things with the people that you like, male and female. Aim to do this so much that after a while you can go up to someone on campus, introduce yourself, have a pleasant short conversation and invite them to join in some activity with you feeling no fear whatsoever.

For the women that you attracted to, throw in some flirting. Some man to woman comments and jokes or puns. Some touching - eg on the arm at first. Etc.
With the frame being that you find them attractive, and interested in getting to know each other better, whilst being totally OK if nothing romantic develops between the 2 of you.

For these 2 women aim to do enjoyable things with them, to have quality time together, with you taking the lead when appropriate to move things forward. With you being a good leader. They are just 2 of hundreds of wonderful women at your uni. Go ahead and find out if either or both are right for you and you are right for them. And enjoy the process of finding out about each other.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
As a general guide, never tell any woman that you are not in a steady relationship with, how you feel about her. Because that comes over as too desperate and needy and clingy. Or as putting the cart before the horse. Or as you being too small a challenge. Or too lacking in mystery.

Go ahead and talk with everyone that you meet at uni in a positive and polite and friendly way. And go ahead and do fun / enjoyable / interesting things with the people that you like, male and female. Aim to do this so much that after a while you can go up to someone on campus, introduce yourself, have a pleasant short conversation and invite them to join in some activity with you feeling no fear whatsoever.

For the women that you attracted to, throw in some flirting. Some man to woman comments and jokes or puns. Some touching - eg on the arm at first. Etc.
With the frame being that you find them attractive, and interested in getting to know each other better, whilst being totally OK if nothing romantic develops between the 2 of you.

For these 2 women aim to do enjoyable things with them, to have quality time together, with you taking the lead when appropriate to move things forward. With you being a good leader. They are just 2 of hundreds of wonderful women at your uni. Go ahead and find out if either or both are right for you and you are right for them. And enjoy the process of finding out about each other.
That is genuinely great advice. Thank you so much. Yes i think I needed to hear this really. Haha i mean everyone else's advice was great too. But thanks for this. Yes to get to know them at first is most important really.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That is genuinely great advice. Thank you so much. Yes i think I needed to hear this really. Haha i mean everyone else's advice was great too. But thanks for this. Yes to get to know them at first is most important really.
Something to bear in mind is that you can go from meeting someone for the first time, getting to know them well enough and having sex with them in a short space of time. As little as 5 minutes in extreme cases. Or 1 day in less extreme cases. Or 1 week to 1 month in cases where things move at a glacially slow pace.

The pace should be down to social calibration.

As a nice polite young man, without a huge amount of experience, the tendency will be for you to be too tentative when it comes to escalation towards sex. On no account, should you ever get anywhere near rape nor sexual assault. On the other hand, if you never make a move, some other guy will come along and sweep them into bed.

Empathy and reading their thoughts and feelings and moods and desires are important skills.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Something to bear in mind is that you can go from meeting someone for the first time, getting to know them well enough and having sex with them in a short space of time. As little as 5 minutes in extreme cases. Or 1 day in less extreme cases. Or 1 week to 1 month in cases where things move at a glacially slow pace.

The pace should be down to social calibration.

As a nice polite young man, without a huge amount of experience, the tendency will be for you to be too tentative when it comes to escalation towards sex. On no account, should you ever get anywhere near rape nor sexual assault. On the other hand, if you never make a move, some other guy will come along and sweep them into bed.

Empathy and reading their thoughts and feelings and moods and desires are important skills.
Hey I'll be honest with you I'd rather have a nice gentle relationship rather than sex straight away. Yes it is important don't get me wrong. Call me old fashioned but I want to treat a girl with respect and be gentlemanly about it. I mean it depends on what she wants to happen really but to be honest with you. A solid strong bond and things are more important to me than going straight you know. But again is that an old fashioned view. Who knows.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey I'll be honest with you I'd rather have a nice gentle relationship rather than sex straight away. Yes it is important don't get me wrong. Call me old fashioned but I want to treat a girl with respect and be gentlemanly about it. I mean it depends on what she wants to happen really but to be honest with you. A solid strong bond and things are more important to me than going straight you know. But again is that an old fashioned view. Who knows.
That's all fine.

Over time I predict that you will find that good sex is a magic glue that binds 2 people together. So that the best way to form a strong bond is to be an attractive guy to her outside of the bedroom and inside.

Also, women like sex at least as much as men do. And that treating a woman with care and empathy involves satisfying her desires.

But yes, it is a balancing act between being too pushy for sex and not pushy enough. Although it's not a tightrope balancing act. More like a walking along the top of a flat and wide wall.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
That's all fine.

Over time I predict that you will find that good sex is a magic glue that binds 2 people together. So that the best way to form a strong bond is to be an attractive guy to her outside of the bedroom and inside.

Also, women like sex at least as much as men do. And that treating a woman with care and empathy involves satisfying her desires.

But yes, it is a balancing act between being too pushy for sex and not pushy enough. Although it's not a tightrope balancing act. More like a walking along the top of a flat and wide wall.
That is definitely true i get what you mean i just think it depends on the lady as well if she wants it more than i do then you know it possibly won't work out. I mean I am an old fashioned romantic. Yes a lot of ladies won't like that but a lot may do. I mean tbh i know sex is definitely important but it's not top of my agenda. I just have to be myself and see where it gets me.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why? just curious
That is the approach I would take. Obvs this may not apply to you as it depends on whether you're religious or not, but for me, religion plays a big part and if I'm not allowed, then I won't proceed with it.
My opinion for moving on does not just depend on religion though, I think that you shouldn't spend your time focusing on the girls, but on yourself instead.
When the right one will come, she will come at the right time, so just be patient and everything will settle into place when the moment is perfect
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