No friends, no passions, no goals, no love life

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I feel a little bit stuck in a sense that i dont view my situation in a way that would motivate me to try to change it. I do not see a path that i believe is worth trying. I dont have any friends so i feel stuck being alone. How do people make friends? I feel diffrent from most people so i dont want to connect with them. It is almost as tho most people were similar to each other but not to me or i have a twisted perception of that. I dont spend time with other people so it doesnt help with me making friends. I dont understand how people spend time with people if they dont have friends already? Being around other people who i am not connected with makes me feel lonely so i would rather be alone. Thinking about what kind of person i am and what kind of people could be my friends i have a bit of an identity crisis. I dont enjoy things too much especially since i am to do them alone. I quit more things than i start. I dont like trying new things because i am not excited about them being new experiences or whatever and i always suck at things i am new at. Not sure what kind of magic makes people want to do something / be excited about it. The only thing that ever excites me anymore is the idea of being with a girl but it doesnt seem like it could happen. I dont think any girls like me that way and right now i dont even have friends. I am afraid i would do something wrong anyway and make our relationship toxic and dysfunctional.
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
I'm in a similar position to yourself, and I believe you revealed the biggest reason you're not connecting with anyone - "I feel different from most people so I don't want to connect with them". As someone who has felt like that, trust me, that's just a way of your brain trying to justify your situation. If you've got nothing to lose friends-wise, mix things up. Meet new people, face your fears, be wild with it. Ask yourself why you're struggling to connect with people. For me, it was because of social anxiety. I never felt comfortable being myself, I was always awkward. You just have to let go of those worries. Idk, try it.
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Creative writer
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#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
I've just read your post and I think you are suffering from depression. I work in the NHS and understand everything you have said.

Please

(Original post by Anonymous)
I feel a little bit stuck in a sense that i dont view my situation in a way that would motivate me to try to change it. I do not see a path that i believe is worth trying. I dont have any friends so i feel stuck being alone. How do people make friends? I feel diffrent from most people so i dont want to connect with them. It is almost as tho most people were similar to each other but not to me or i have a twisted perception of that. I dont spend time with other people so it doesnt help with me making friends. I dont understand how people spend time with people if they dont have friends already? Being around other people who i am not connected with makes me feel lonely so i would rather be alone. Thinking about what kind of person i am and what kind of people could be my friends i have a bit of an identity crisis. I dont enjoy things too much especially since i am to do them alone. I quit more things than i start. I dont like trying new things because i am not excited about them being new experiences or whatever and i always suck at things i am new at. Not sure what kind of magic makes people want to do something / be excited about it. The only thing that ever excites me anymore is the idea of being with a girl but it doesnt seem like it could happen. I dont think any girls like me that way and right now i dont even have friends. I am afraid i would do something wrong anyway and make our relationship toxic and dysfunctional.
Hello so sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I'm sending you a virtual hug because I am a mum.

I think you are suffering from depression and need to see your GP.
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Creative writer
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#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Creative writer)
I've just read your post and I think you are suffering from depression. I work in the NHS and understand everything you have said.

Please


Hello so sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I'm sending you a virtual hug because I am a mum.

I think you are suffering from depression and need to see your GP.
I also feel that alot of people find it hard to make friends. I know it's probably very hard to believe, but everyone feels like you do sometimes. However, you do sound like you are depressed and need counselling and I honestly advise you to make an appointment with your GP and ask for help.

I hope I've helped a little bit. Xxx
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CorporalJin
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#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
I agree with first response.
You are right about one thing, you wont get a girl to love you if you don't love yourself first, as in you don't have your life together how do you expect to bring a girl into it?
Girls are not attracted to guys that have no passion, thats just the cold reality of it... Dont hate them for it, accept and embrace it.

Also looking on this forum, you are far from alone in not having/making friends...

My brother that has ADHD was in the same spot a year ago but changed 180, back then he graduated, had no friends since he felt like an outkast because of his ADHD, no experience with girls, no passion/drive to do anything, was depressed/anxious about the future.

First thing I would STRONGLY advise, is to do sports of some type. It will give you positive energy and help your brain with balancing chemicals so you do not feel down about yourself. I would strongly advise you tommorrow to put all your focus and energy in trying to join a sports club and getting that courage to go out and be active, even for an hour or two of walking won't do you harm.

Spend time thinking and exploring online about anything that may interest you and dive deeper into it, to see if you can pursue studies and a career out of it.

Life is hard as a man, because NO one if going to save you, not your ''best friends'' and hell, not even your parents that love you so much is going to get you the job you want, neither are they going to get you a girlfriend out of nowhere. I repeat, NO ONE is going to magically appear and give the things you want in life.

Thats just life mate, times where it gets depressing hard when you are lost, its the struggle that a lot of guys go through.

Maybe if you care to explain your life situation more I can give advice.
Last edited by CorporalJin; 1 month ago
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Creative writer
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#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
Are you a fresher? It is very hard to be at uni as a newbie. I think you should try and talk to your student union as they are there to help you. They have brilliant help these days and I feel it will be really the first point of contact for you to get some help. You need reassurance and to feel part of uni life. Xxx
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#7
I just started uni. Not that i had a great time in highschool. I was the quiet guy in the corner - a side character in other peoples lifes. Had a few friends form middle school back then but not anymore. I think you are right about me being depressed but i thought things like not having friends just make it worse and wanted to feel heard too writing this. I had related issues too but cant mention them because my post would get removed (TSR rules). Someone mentioned me having friends if i use this forum. We dont know each other. I dont have people here who i talk to one on one - i made an anonymous post instead. Someone said not to hate girls for not liking me. I dont hate them. If anything i may be resentful towards an idea of a girl who would like me only after i figure all those things out. Imagining that i go "Where were you when i felt alone and needed your help? Where were you when i felt like noone would ever want me desire me or love me? I dont need your company your hugs or sweet words right now. I needed them years ago when i was alone and you werent there and when i was worthless to girls like you. Now you are here when i no longer need anything from you. There is no memories of us supporting each other through hardships growing together exploring parts of ourselfs reassuring one anither. And if i ever go back to feeling like i felt back then will you stay or leave to find someone who has it figured out?" It is like water that you can only drink once you are no longer thirsty. Like a medicine you can take only once you are no longer sick. Like money that you cant purchase anything with. You remember wanting it so much but when you finally get it it is worthless. At least that is how i imagine it sometimes..
Also thank you for responding.
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CorporalJin
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#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
I just started uni. Not that i had a great time in highschool. I was the quiet guy in the corner - a side character in other peoples lifes. Had a few friends form middle school back then but not anymore. I think you are right about me being depressed but i thought things like not having friends just make it worse and wanted to feel heard too writing this. I had related issues too but cant mention them because my post would get removed (TSR rules). Someone mentioned me having friends if i use this forum. We dont know each other. I dont have people here who i talk to one on one - i made an anonymous post instead. Someone said not to hate girls for not liking me. I dont hate them. If anything i may be resentful towards an idea of a girl who would like me only after i figure all those things out. Imagining that i go "Where were you when i felt alone and needed your help? Where were you when i felt like noone would ever want me desire me or love me? I dont need your company your hugs or sweet words right now. I needed them years ago when i was alone and you werent there and when i was worthless to girls like you. Now you are here when i no longer need anything from you. There is no memories of us supporting each other through hardships growing together exploring parts of ourselfs reassuring one anither. And if i ever go back to feeling like i felt back then will you stay or leave to find someone who has it figured out?" It is like water that you can only drink once you are no longer thirsty. Like a medicine you can take only once you are no longer sick. Like money that you cant purchase anything with. You remember wanting it so much but when you finally get it it is worthless. At least that is how i imagine it sometimes..
Also thank you for responding.
People don't give a F about a mans struggles.
Very rare would you see a women stick by your hardships.
90%+ of girls only want dudes at the finish line (Success) I say girls, but thats just people in general.
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Anonymous #3
#9
Report 1 month ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
I just started uni. Not that i had a great time in highschool. I was the quiet guy in the corner - a side character in other peoples lifes. Had a few friends form middle school back then but not anymore. I think you are right about me being depressed but i thought things like not having friends just make it worse and wanted to feel heard too writing this. I had related issues too but cant mention them because my post would get removed (TSR rules). Someone mentioned me having friends if i use this forum. We dont know each other. I dont have people here who i talk to one on one - i made an anonymous post instead. Someone said not to hate girls for not liking me. I dont hate them. If anything i may be resentful towards an idea of a girl who would like me only after i figure all those things out. Imagining that i go "Where were you when i felt alone and needed your help? Where were you when i felt like noone would ever want me desire me or love me? I dont need your company your hugs or sweet words right now. I needed them years ago when i was alone and you werent there and when i was worthless to girls like you. Now you are here when i no longer need anything from you. There is no memories of us supporting each other through hardships growing together exploring parts of ourselfs reassuring one anither. And if i ever go back to feeling like i felt back then will you stay or leave to find someone who has it figured out?" It is like water that you can only drink once you are no longer thirsty. Like a medicine you can take only once you are no longer sick. Like money that you cant purchase anything with. You remember wanting it so much but when you finally get it it is worthless. At least that is how i imagine it sometimes..
Also thank you for responding.
Act like a man. Get on with it. Don't feel sorry for yourself.

Move forward and forget the past.
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flamingolover
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
I feel a little bit stuck in a sense that i dont view my situation in a way that would motivate me to try to change it. I do not see a path that i believe is worth trying. I dont have any friends so i feel stuck being alone. How do people make friends? I feel diffrent from most people so i dont want to connect with them. It is almost as tho most people were similar to each other but not to me or i have a twisted perception of that. I dont spend time with other people so it doesnt help with me making friends. I dont understand how people spend time with people if they dont have friends already? Being around other people who i am not connected with makes me feel lonely so i would rather be alone. Thinking about what kind of person i am and what kind of people could be my friends i have a bit of an identity crisis. I dont enjoy things too much especially since i am to do them alone. I quit more things than i start. I dont like trying new things because i am not excited about them being new experiences or whatever and i always suck at things i am new at. Not sure what kind of magic makes people want to do something / be excited about it. The only thing that ever excites me anymore is the idea of being with a girl but it doesnt seem like it could happen. I dont think any girls like me that way and right now i dont even have friends. I am afraid i would do something wrong anyway and make our relationship toxic and dysfunctional.
People make friends by doing things and making the effort to speak to people without the expectation that people are expected to be friends with them or that they’ll make friends instantly (not saying that’s how you view it). You’ll never be connected to people if you don’t make an effort. I made a bunch of friends through sports. I also talk to random strangers at coffee shops, bus stops etc.

Maybe work on other things before a relationship. For me a relationship is very low on my list of things I want because I have so many other goals in life.

I know it’s hard but nothing changes if you don’t change anything. Even if you don’t feel motivated to do things you have to if you want anything to change. There is no magical answer. You have to try to change aspects of your life and you have to try to do things and you have to stick with stuff you start. That’s the only way anything will actually change
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londonmyst
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#11
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#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
Act like a man. Get on with it. Don't feel sorry for yourself.

Move forward and forget the past.
PRSOM.
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flamingolover
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#12
Report 1 month ago
#12
(Original post by CorporalJin)
People don't give a F about a mans struggles.
Very rare would you see a women stick by your hardships.
90%+ of girls only want dudes at the finish line (Success) I say girls, but thats just people in general.
I wouldn’t care ablut helping a partner through hardships but not at the beginning of the relationship. I don’t want to give lots of my time effort and love on someone I’m not sure if I like yet (takes me time to get to know someone). If I get to know them for a bit then start telling me their problems I’d be happy to help. But I’ve been on dates where guys have told me all their problems within the first hour which is a bit much
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londonmyst
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#13
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#13
Try to focus on the future life that you want, how to achieve it and maintaining a positive mindset.
In terms of personal ambitions, employment opportunities, improving your finances, widening your skillset and access to things that you enjoy.
Good luck!
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Creative writer
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#14
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#14
the best advice I can give you straight from my heart is:

1. say hi to people and smile
2. try and be friendly
3. take a chance
4. dont judge others
5. dont be so hard on yourself either
6. just try and remember that they might be feeling like you are inside too
7. you need to force yourself to make friends
8. everyone is quiet but they force themselves to talk to others
9. you are not different at all, it's just that you probably haven't being socialised as a child
10. just remember that everyone is lonely and we all need friends
11. good luck
12 take it easy
13 go for it! good luck!
14 try to love yourself
15 do things that make you smile
16 when was the last time you laughed and jumped for joy
17 go swimming, dancing to music that you love, baking cakes, and just try and smile more
18. you will become happier
19. dont forget being a teenager is very hard and you will grow out of feeling like this
20. everyone feels they are weird as children but trust me, when we look back as adults we realise that hormones and growing up is the hardest time of all
21. give yourself a hug and be kind to yourself, you sound like a nice person
Last edited by Creative writer; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
#15
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#15
Thank you for the advice and kind words
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Anonymous #4
#16
Report 1 month ago
#16
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm in a similar position to yourself, and I believe you revealed the biggest reason you're not connecting with anyone - "I feel different from most people so I don't want to connect with them". As someone who has felt like that, trust me, that's just a way of your brain trying to justify your situation. If you've got nothing to lose friends-wise, mix things up. Meet new people, face your fears, be wild with it. Ask yourself why you're struggling to connect with people. For me, it was because of social anxiety. I never felt comfortable being myself, I was always awkward. You just have to let go of those worries. Idk, try it.
yes I relate to this, if I go out with friends and I dont feel connected or if I am with people and dont feel connected I go home very sad. I have anxiety and it triggers it for some reason as if something bad happened. Its like I leave feeling empty and un-satisfied. Hard to explain, Idk if you can relate
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Anonymous #2
#17
Report 1 month ago
#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
yes I relate to this, if I go out with friends and I dont feel connected or if I am with people and dont feel connected I go home very sad. I have anxiety and it triggers it for some reason as if something bad happened. Its like I leave feeling empty and un-satisfied. Hard to explain, Idk if you can relate
Yeah I've felt that way before. It's just really isolating to be around people but not feel like you're involved with them at all.
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Anonymous #4
#18
Report 1 month ago
#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I've felt that way before. It's just really isolating to be around people but not feel like you're involved with them at all.
does it trigger ur anxiety the way it does with me?
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Anonymous #2
#19
Report 1 month ago
#19
(Original post by Anonymous)
does it trigger ur anxiety the way it does with me?
very much so. I start to overthink after the social event about everything I should've done, and also just thinking they hate me lol
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Anonymous #4
#20
Report 1 month ago
#20
(Original post by Anonymous)
very much so. I start to overthink after the social event about everything I should've done, and also just thinking they hate me lol
yes the overthinkikng goes crazy. For some reason my head physically feels wierd like i get hot flashes in my head. Such a horrible feeling
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