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My boyfriend’s not ready to move out

I’m having a bit of a disagreement with my boyfriend and I’m worried it’s going to be what ends our relationship. We’ve been together for about 3 years, and I know he’s the love of my life. My issue currently is that we both just left school and are unsure if we want to attend apply for uni; he’s working, and I’m working and taking a few community college courses online, but I’d really like to move out of my parents home. He’s very family oriented, but I’ve got very emotionally abusive parents. I would just move in with his family, but they are struggling financially and are living in his grandmothers home currently. He’s agreed that he wants to move out, but not for another 2-3 years. I could maybe last another year or two, but I need to start making a plan now. Every time I try to talk to him about it he shuts down and talks about how he’s just nervous about money and can’t think that far ahead. It’s starting to worry me that he’s never going to be ready to talk about moving out and that it’s never going to happen. Im also a year older than he is, and I just don’t want to turn 20 next year and still not be living with him, I just think it’s a bit immature for how long we’ve been together. I don’t want to pressure him too much, but I need to start making a plan so that I know how much money I need to save and see what type of schooling options will be available wherever we move. Does anyone know how I can get him to talk to me about this? Or what I should do, I really want to be with him, but I need to get away from my family.
Original post by Anonymous
I’m having a bit of a disagreement with my boyfriend and I’m worried it’s going to be what ends our relationship. We’ve been together for about 3 years, and I know he’s the love of my life. My issue currently is that we both just left school and are unsure if we want to attend apply for uni; he’s working, and I’m working and taking a few community college courses online, but I’d really like to move out of my parents home. He’s very family oriented, but I’ve got very emotionally abusive parents. I would just move in with his family, but they are struggling financially and are living in his grandmothers home currently. He’s agreed that he wants to move out, but not for another 2-3 years. I could maybe last another year or two, but I need to start making a plan now. Every time I try to talk to him about it he shuts down and talks about how he’s just nervous about money and can’t think that far ahead. It’s starting to worry me that he’s never going to be ready to talk about moving out and that it’s never going to happen. Im also a year older than he is, and I just don’t want to turn 20 next year and still not be living with him, I just think it’s a bit immature for how long we’ve been together. I don’t want to pressure him too much, but I need to start making a plan so that I know how much money I need to save and see what type of schooling options will be available wherever we move. Does anyone know how I can get him to talk to me about this? Or what I should do, I really want to be with him, but I need to get away from my family.


Why don’t you move out now, then have him move in when he is ready? He could pay you rent.
If you’re that desperate to move out, don’t let him hold you back.
To be honest, if he’s not ready to move out with you (and at just 17/18 you’re both pretty young to be making that commitment) then you should be making your plan to move out yourself. Work out how much you need to save etc.
When it comes time for you to move out per your plan he might then be ready, but he might not be and unfortunately that’s something you have to accept.

You also mention you “would move in with him” but they’re staying at his grandparents-is this something that has been offered by him/his family?

If you are thinking of going to uni that may help you decide whereabouts you’ll be living and your finances-I’m assuming you’re in the uk (but with the mention of community college I’m not certain)
(edited 2 years ago)
Find a friend to get a place with instead.
I don’t think it would be healthy for you to move in with a partner at your stage of life, particularly when you have emotionally abusive parents. It seems like you need to be with him in order to escape a bad situation and you don’t appear to care about his feelings. Make your own living arrangements and become independent.
Reply 5
Avatar for ThomH97
ThomH97
21
Perhaps you mean something else, but if you want to look at schooling options near where you want the two of you moving together, you're getting way ahead of yourself if you're both still unsure whether you want to go to university or not.

It makes sense to not want to commit financially to something if you might be studying full time for 3 years very soon. That is sensible from him.

If you need to move out, then it need not be with your boyfriend. It's probably better if it isn't, unless you have both decided you want to have kids now and need to look at schooling options.
Original post by Anonymous
Hes not ready to move out, that's not immature at all. What sounds immature here is you, you are just thinking about your self, he doesn't want to move out for 2 to 3 years so forget it. If you want to move out, do it yourself. Are you not going to move out for university anyway? You spoilt little brat


You really need to work on how you talk to people.
Original post by Anonymous
Hes not ready to move out, that's not immature at all. What sounds immature here is you, you are just thinking about your self, he doesn't want to move out for 2 to 3 years so forget it. If you want to move out, do it yourself. Are you not going to move out for university anyway? You spoilt little brat

it’s always the posters that have anonymous on that have the most to say.

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