Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

Looks aren't that important.

Like I hear this phrase all the time and whilst it's not true (even one's personality is filtered through looks), why do people keep repeating it?

Reply 1

Surnia

The only way a personality filters through looks is if someone is clean, tidy and hygienic. However, that's no guarantee of a decent character. A girl considered pretty can be a *****!

Reply 2

1582

Volunteer Team

It's stated so often because it's true.

You don't need to be conventionally attractive for someone to be sexually attracted to you. I make connections with people very easily, and often will begin to find friends attractive after getting to know them even if I didn't think they were good-looking to begin with.

Reply 3

xxKittyxx

Looks certainly do play a role, but personality, wit, intelligence, compassion, empathy, etc. are vital to developing a relationship.

Despite the rise of online dating, most relationships involve people who knew each other beforehand. This is why. It is rare to instantly fall in love with someone who crosses your path, people grow on you over time due to their other characteristics beyond their physical appearance.

I find individuals who really struggle with meeting people tend to blame their appearance. It is easier to blame how you look, particularly immutable characteristics like height, than admit your personality is at fault.

Reply 4

Zarek

Good looks are a very lucky bonus, but most people aren’t in the ‘head turning’ crowd and mostly everyone finds someone that’s up for it with them. Plus surprisingly the attractive folk seem to work out just as angst ridden as everyone else

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Surnia

The only way a personality filters through looks is if someone is clean, tidy and hygienic. However, that's no guarantee of a decent character. A girl considered pretty can be a *****!

Halo effect. You think people who're attractive are ''better than they are''. More competent, smarter, more ethical/trustworthy. It is not something people do consciously. You do it without realising it.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Well they are to a certain extent. I have known people who were very good looking and found it very easy to get a boyfriend or girlfriend, and I have known people who are very unattractive who have struggled very, very hard. But if you go to my hometown which is an absolutely horrific dump in the north, and you take a walk around town and see the neanderthals a lot of the girls are walking along hand in hand with, then I suppose that is proof that no, a guy doesn't have to be good looking to get a girlfriend.

Reply 7

Dunnig Kruger

Original post by Anonymous

Like I hear this phrase all the time and whilst it's not true (even one's personality is filtered through looks), why do people keep repeating it?

"Looks aren't that important"
It all depends what the person saying this means by "that important."
If they mean that looks are the single most important factor in determining if a single person will be able to get a reasonable romantic partner in a reasonable amount of time then it is very true that looks are not that important.

If they mean that looks have no effect whatsoever in determining someone's romantic success rate, then they are wrong. Looks would be that important in this case.

The importance of looks lies somewhere between these 2 extremes of no difference to single most important factor. It's impossible to say exactly where on this spectrum looks lie.
Part of that is because looks are a complex combination of various factors. Facial bone structure, complexion, hair, overall body shape, particular parts of the body, clothes, posture, facial expression, body language, having a look fashion and grooming wise.

Any adult that is not blessed with good bone structure has the ability to have a beautiful body. And for men this doesn't have to be a gym honed body. Having a BMI in the healthy range is attractive enough.

Having a good look, clothes wise is something that can be done with a few hours effort and a modest amount spent in places like charity shops.

Original post by Surnia

The only way a personality filters through looks is if someone is clean, tidy and hygienic. However, that's no guarantee of a decent character. A girl considered pretty can be a *****!

Clean, tidy and hygienic?
Greasy biker types are very attractive to certain types of women. There's something very masculine about a man that does his own bike or car repairs and doesn't give 2 hoots about his hands and clothes getting dirty and oily as a result. Or men that spend all day doing physical work with tools like chainsaws or tractors.

Original post by AF2Dr

Yes, it isn't true at all.

Perhaps some people want to believe it because they are idealistic and delusional.

As you say, someone's physical appearance will strongly influence how others perceive their personality.

It could be argued that people that regard looks as being the most important factor when it comes to dating are the delusional ones.

There's something that's rather more important than physical appearance when to comes to how others perceive one's personality. Do you know what that is? Answer below *

Original post by xxKittyxx

Spot on. I agree, totally.

Original post by Anonymous

It's only a halo effect.

* By far the biggest factor in determining whether someone is thought of as competent, smart, ethical, trustworthy is whether that person actually behaves in competent, ethical trustworthy ways and whether they are actually smart or not.
So that if, for example a breath-takingly good looking person walks up to you and opens their mouth and comes out with a load of the dumbest nonsense ever, any halo effect will be instantly and permanently dispelled.

===========================================

To put looks into perspective. I think that mental and emotional strength are more important than looks when it comes to success in dating and romance.

Can anyone put together a well reasoned argument as to why looks are more important than mental and emotional strength in this area of our lives?

It's funny that so many Internet and media inches focus on looks and so few on mental and emotional strength. Is that because it's easier to sell and market products on the back of looks than it is on mental and emotional strength?
Gym membership, hair salons, cosmetics, shampoo, clothes, cosmetic surgery etc etc etc.

Reply 8

Anonymous #3

Looks really aren't that important. I used to chat to a boy who wasn't my usual type but as I got to know him more I really enjoyed spending time with him he made me laugh he was so sweet and suddenly I started finding him physically attractive too.

Reply 9

londonmyst

It is often true in relation to most environments and aspects of life.
Outside of specific scenarios like beauty pageants, the modelling industry and looks orientated attraction.
Ambition, career experience, health, personality, shared values, skillset, standard of living and

Some people say it to counter vanity or manosphere conspiracy theorist nonsense.
A few use it as a tactic against bdd, widespread obsessions like 'lookism' or 'pretty privilege'- without the need to resort to the 'everyone is beautiful' types of rehetoric and risk associating themselves with the body positivity bunkum.

Reply 10

GyrosUberAlles

I think we should normalise having preferences without being called out on them cos everyone has em in the end. People do not always state them because they are afraid they might be harassed or shamed. That is why you hear these slogans.

If you do not like short men, it is perfectly fine, it matters not who has control over what. We don't have control over our faces (at least we men don't?) which is probably the most important feature about a person. I'd like to look like Johnny Depp did when he was 30 but I don't lol. So the argument that "U CaNT CoNtRoL YoUr hEiGht" or something is an argument to help people not feel bad if they're not found attractive because of it. It is not an argument that you should like all heights regardless. It'd be a lie. I mention height because I see it mentioned most often and also, I'm 5'8'' so it affects me directly.