uncomfortable with mature students help !!

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Anonymous #1
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i recently started uni and one of the first things we've been asked to do is a group presentation. i rlly liked the idea of this bc i'm not naturally outgoing and thought it would be a great way to meet my coursemates and make friends, but most of my group are men in their 30s-40s !! it's so awkward and they make me uncomfortable urgh... should i ask to switch groups? i wouldn't want to cause a disruption, but i'm finding it very hard to work with them and the vibes of the group are just very weird...
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fellowweebhere
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Yeah I advise you to switch
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RogerOxon
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i recently started uni and one of the first things we've been asked to do is a group presentation. i rlly liked the idea of this bc i'm not naturally outgoing and thought it would be a great way to meet my coursemates and make friends, but most of my group are men in their 30s-40s !! it's so awkward and they make me uncomfortable urgh... should i ask to switch groups? i wouldn't want to cause a disruption, but i'm finding it very hard to work with them and the vibes of the group are just very weird...
What are you going to do when you get a job?

How do they make you uncomfortable?
Last edited by RogerOxon; 1 week ago
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bones-mccoy
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Unless you have a valid reason for not being able to work within your current group, you're just going to have to deal with it. We often have to deal with or work with people we don't necessarily get on with but teamwork means you're civil and polite and work together to get the job done.
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Catherine1973
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Are they being inappropriate to you (if you are say a younger female) of making comments about your age?

If not then you are probably lucky in that mature students often just want to get the job done in a competent way so will ensure the presentation is done etc. If you don’t get to actually contribute, then complain about that.

(I was the mature student /bossy boots in our group, organising meetings, giving deadlines and reporting back non performance back to tutor -I mean full on refusing to attend any meetings without any excuse)
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by RogerOxon)
What are you going to do when you get a job?

How do they make you uncomfortable?
i'm not going to be friends with male colleagues who are twice my age when i get a job... i have a lot of sexual trauma and i'm not trusting of men of that age (not their fault i know !!) plus the general atmosphere is just strange
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161BMW
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i recently started uni and one of the first things we've been asked to do is a group presentation. i rlly liked the idea of this bc i'm not naturally outgoing and thought it would be a great way to meet my coursemates and make friends, but most of my group are men in their 30s-40s !! it's so awkward and they make me uncomfortable urgh... should i ask to switch groups? i wouldn't want to cause a disruption, but i'm finding it very hard to work with them and the vibes of the group are just very weird...
As a mature student I would be interested to know why you in particular are uncomfortable ?

Is it because you have never worked with one and is outside your comfort zone ?

What will you be like in a job when you have to work with all sorts of people ?
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YaliaV123
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i'm not going to be friends with male colleagues who are twice my age when i get a job... i have a lot of sexual trauma and i'm not trusting of men of that age (not their fault i know !!) plus the general atmosphere is just strange
They aren’t asking you to be friends with the men. What exactly is the atmosphere like?
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RogerOxon
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i'm not going to be friends with male colleagues who are twice my age when i get a job... i have a lot of sexual trauma and i'm not trusting of men of that age (not their fault i know !!) plus the general atmosphere is just strange
I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully, it's being addressed, both for you and others. It's understandable that you are uncomfortable, and may ask for a different group. However, in a job, you will have to work in a professional and friendly manner with a wide range of people. You should be planning steps towards being able to do that, if you aren't already. Good luck.
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gjd800
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i'm not going to be friends with male colleagues who are twice my age when i get a job... i have a lot of sexual trauma and i'm not trusting of men of that age (not their fault i know !!) plus the general atmosphere is just strange
mention this to student support and your lecturer/seminar leader. They can account for this when setting groups and they need to know in order to do that>

Roger is right, however - as harsh as it sounds, you will need to tackle this head on when you enter the world of work, and - if possible - beginning with small steps whilst at university will be beneficial.
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Pizza_Aliza
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Wth is wrong with some of youse?

Like if smone isn’t comfortable then they ain’t comfortable, periodt.

Why r they bein questioned on it?

It could b for multiple reasons as they stated one, “sexual trauma”…

Babes my advice is if u aint happy then ask to change, u shouldnt do anyfn that makes u uncomfortable and unhappy xxx
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The RAR
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They are not asking to be your friends and as someone else said, in the real world you will have to work with people of all ages, including ones twice your age. If you are going to struggle with that, you will have problems in the real world.
Unless you have a genuine reason (Them bullying you, not doing the work etc..) you will just have to deal with them, they want to get the work done just as much as you so it's best not to cause any unnecessary drama.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i'm not going to be friends with male colleagues who are twice my age when i get a job... i have a lot of sexual trauma and i'm not trusting of men of that age (not their fault i know !!) plus the general atmosphere is just strange
no One said anything about being friends with them but you are likely going to have to work with them. I’m really sorry you have trauma but this is something that you are going to have to face
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Anonymous #3
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Hey, I would say that if you can't switch groups then make sure you only meet up in public places and keep someone you feel comfortable with, with you such as someone close to your age from the group or another friend
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Catherine1973
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I think most university tutors would probably reallocate if they had put an 18 year old female in a group with 4-5 40+ males. I mean it’s an unusual scenario. I would however find my own group to move into and present that as an option/solution.
What course is it?
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TCA2b
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They're just people in the end. Show an interest in their lives, ask questions, maybe learn something. I had a woman in her 40s in my tutorial groups and she was able to bring her experience in how to organise time.
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PinkMobilePhone
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Many people have asked you why you're uncomfortable.
What's the problem with these people?

Is it literally just the fact that they are males in their 30s and 40s that bothers you? Or are they actively doing something to make you feel uncomfortable?

If it's the former, you're going to have to just put up with it. They are just people.

If it's the latter, then you would need to report any inappropriate behaviour to your tutor as this would be considered a serious matter.

You say you have some sexual trauma. I'm sorry to hear that, but in that case I would suggest some sort of counselling if you are unable to cope with other people. It isn't the fault of these particular men that you have the sexual trauma, and yes whilst I understand you might feel uncomfortable, tarring everyone with the same brush is unfair, and dare I say it discriminatory.
Your sexual trauma is something you need to deal with, with the help of your GP and other outside services.
If being with men in their 30s and 40s is triggering to you, that isn't their fault, they're just people. You can't say "they make me uncomfortable" if they aren't actually doing anything wrong. No, your trauma is what is making you uncomfortable, and it's your trauma that needs dealing with.

If you explain your emotional state to your tutor, I suppose there is a possibility you might be able to switch groups, but at the same time you need to recognise that you need some external help, because if someone said to me that they couldn't work with me because I'm a woman in her 30s and that this very fact alone made them feel uncomfortable, I would most definitely consider that to be offensive and discriminatory.
Last edited by PinkMobilePhone; 1 week ago
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Admit-One
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Polite reminder to keep advice constructive, especially given the OP's explanation of their circumstances.
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