Lost in a relationship, please help

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#1
My bf is 22, black Italian.. long story short- I'm a very needy and clingy, emotional girl but he is quite the opposite, he loved me but I have had situations where I have been wondering if he loves me the way I do, because when I try to ask him to be romantic, he say's that's boring or simp, because he is built in that way, he thinks that I watch too much couple goal stuff and Im envy for other people. But believe me guys, I am not a jealous girl at all, if I see happy couples I am super happy for them from the very bottom of my heart. I just feel that he isn't passionate. But he has never ever lied to be or cheated on me, I have also had my freedom to do whatever I like do to such as modelling. But we also don't like the same things like, he doesn't likes to visit my country Sri Lanka even if I'm Italian born to Sri Lankan parents, cat's travelling, beaches, not romantic like paying attention, no eye contact, doesn't hold my hands or kiss them, I mean these things should come naturally because I can't beg and change someone.

But everything changes when I met this 34 year old Polish man, at my work place.. he is my trainer in the work place, the way he looks at me is incredible, the eye contact, politeness, softness in his voice, everything. He has liked me since somewhere in June, (I joined this new job in the 1st week of June). We kinda like the same things, like cats, beaches, travelling etc. He even made me a Sri Lankan chicken curry knowing that I would love it. The effort in unexplainable. I went to meet him as a friend to say bye as he was leaving to his country and I was thinking that it would have been a goodbye because he said that he doesn't likes UK anymore and he wanted to do business, but I feel like the reason why he is coming is because of me. He likes my eyes, my voice he says that I'm beautiful.. the day I met him, he was so close and I have never ever got such an attention in my life, but I never cheated on anyone because I'm loyal to my bf, I even refused his miss gently. He treated me like a lady, it was a magical moment. I told my bf everything what happened and cried and he did not even react or get angry, I even fainted in my room and he was so worried and I told him that I wanted all these things through him because I have told him before that I wish he was more sweet and romantic.

Both these guys have gone to their countries- I thought that this would be a great chance for me to focus on myself and be alone. But guess what- the polish guy has been texting me, after 3 days even calling for over 2 hours. But my bf short chats, 20 mins phone calls and a 40 mins call until now. I know that I have told him that I'm busy but I wished he showed to me how important I am. But I also replied with short text tbh. I even sent my bf a voicenote over a week ago crying, telling him that its better if we stay as friends because we want 2 different things in this relationship, I was overwhelmed and I think I have depression too.. he said to be that its not nice, that's selfish of me and I can't breakup over a voicenote or a text like that, I said to him in the voicenote that this is the best this I could do to cope with his break up because he is with his family and friends, then he asked me so did he come here for a 6 weeks holiday to cry and be sad instead of enjoying his holiday.

I feel like I have been getting close with the polish guy because he is sweet and complimenting, asking for my dress size, my favourite food etc. I felt like I matter. But I feel horrible because I'm wasting time, I feel like I broke my bf's trust through that voice note because that's what he said to me but I was just pointing out what seems not right and like what I feel, because I needed to huge break and I am not a cheater and I have never ever cheated on anyone in my life. He knows everything and that I talk to this polish guy too. I don't know what to do because I have never ever been in such a situation in my life.

What should I do??
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Anonymous #1
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I refused his kiss I meant. also my bf says that he prefers to like in the UK even if all his friends are in Italy because I'm not there and he wants to life with me. I feel very guilty and I am utterly lost. My bf is loyal but maybe he doesn't understand my needs and doesn't know how to show love and be responsible. Im 23 and I'm very responsible, but my guy if forgetful, he forgets so easily because its not important to him. I felt really lost when he said that he can't remember my birthday date, but only the month. He doesn't even know his own parents date of birth. This is so strange to me.
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cANdy shop
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#3
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Ask your mum, she will give you good advice
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kolme
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Even if you don't get with the polish guy now or ever, you'll probably stay unhappy in your relationship, as relationships where one person is quite cold emotionally and the other one is clingy usually stay that way. Happens in my family and even at 70, my grandmother keeps telling me that she regrets staying despite loving my grandfather still. It's better that you find someone who has the same emotional needs as you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by kolme)
Even if you don't get with the polish guy now or ever, you'll probably stay unhappy in your relationship, as relationships where one person is quite cold emotionally and the other one is clingy usually stay that way. Happens in my family and even at 70, my grandmother keeps telling me that she regrets staying despite loving my grandfather still. It's better that you find someone who has the same emotional needs as you.
thanks I feel lost :'(
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Ackhnologia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thanks I feel lost :'(
Hi there.
I believe you should maybe take your time and analyse things.
Consider the pros and cons with each of them.
From what you wrote, it seems that you and your boyfriend are not compatible. You yearn for an emotional connection but your boyfriend is the total opposite.
I am not God. Maybe things might work with your boyfriend. But this will require lot of effort, communication and last but not the least, compromises.
I cannot tell you who to chose. Can only tell you to think carefully and take a decision.
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xxx0xxxo
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If there is space for emotional attraction to someone else, it's likely your relationship isn't fulfilling for you anymore. Idk if it's just your boyfriend's personality or if he doesn't appreciate you enough.

That said- the 34 year old man in your workplace going after a young 22 year old girl and trying to woo her is kind of cliche so just be careful and don't be naive. If he knows you are struggling with depression and unhappy with your bf then he might be trying to take advantage of you.

If you have attachment problems and depression then try to seek counseling, as you probably won't be happy in many relationships due to it. You might want to take time to become more stable before getting into another relationship.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ackhnologia)
Hi there.
I believe you should maybe take your time and analyse things.
Consider the pros and cons with each of them.
From what you wrote, it seems that you and your boyfriend are not compatible. You yearn for an emotional connection but your boyfriend is the total opposite.
I am not God. Maybe things might work with your boyfriend. But this will require lot of effort, communication and last but not the least, compromises.
I cannot tell you who to chose. Can only tell you to think carefully and take a decision.
Thank you so much means a lot
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