I never know what to say

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
I'm a freshman at college and I as a shy guy I find it difficult to speak to people. I never had any friends, I was always lonely and now that I have a great opportunity to meet new people, I am just useless. I cannot utter a word after like 2 minutes of conversations if not even earlier. I just don't know what to say and I've lost like 9 people in here already because of it. I literally have no idea of what to talk about, I can't even crack jokes cause no jokes comes to my mind. I am literally so ashamed, I'm usually making excuses to leave, because I'm afraid I'll eff it up. I'm literally crying while writing this. Don't know how to cope with loneliness anymore. And I joined 2 clubs, these people became friends quickly and I was left out. I sometimes feel so jealous and angry that some people have something I never had - friends.
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Anonymous #2
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Please don’t try and fit in with everyone as that’s not a good thing to do. Learn to understand who you are as a person and what it is you like to do and enjoy. I struggle to make friends to but it’s because we tell ourselves we aren’t good enough and we are always trying to fit in. Go back to the clubs you joined and don’t put pressure on yourself to make jokes and have to be this amazing person, just be you!

It takes time for us to come out of our shells, just start with small steps each day and don’t tell yourself you’re not worth it because you are. You’re just overthinking everything at the minute and you’re bound to feel a little isolated if your letting your mind win. Try and find something you enjoy doing and try and mix with people who are like you, chilled and laid back.

Is there any part time work or voluntary work you could get involved in? No one would judge you there as you’re going in to help them and you will find it easier to speak to people in that environment where you feel less judged and it will really help to build your confidence.

Don’t ever feel like this is your life and it’s already wrote out because it’s not and you can have the life you want and deserve, just believe in yourself.
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Dunnig Kruger
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#3
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1 open your mouth and let any sound come out. "wibble" then smile and laugh if it wasn't even a proper word. Don't make the same noise over and over again as that would be annoying.

2 focus on the other person. Make a statement about them. If you come out with something negative, immediately add something positive. EG "You've got gravy running down your chin. It's great to see someone enjoying their food. I like people that relax and don't act all formal when eating."

3 get on with doing stuff instead of talking. EG play a game of pool. You can talk about the activity as you do it.

4 don't worry about being logical. Go off on crazy zany tangents.

5 Watch this video, for a reasonable introduction on how to never run out of things to say:
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Moonlight Rain
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#4
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
1 open your mouth and let any sound come out. "wibble" then smile and laugh if it wasn't even a proper word. Don't make the same noise over and over again as that would be annoying.

2 focus on the other person. Make a statement about them. If you come out with something negative, immediately add something positive. EG "You've got gravy running down your chin. It's great to see someone enjoying their food. I like people that relax and don't act all formal when eating."

3 get on with doing stuff instead of talking. EG play a game of pool. You can talk about the activity as you do it.

4 don't worry about being logical. Go off on crazy zany tangents.

5 Watch this video, for a reasonable introduction on how to never run out of things to say:
I need to watch this video too *cries in anti social*
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summerbirdreads
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#5
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(Original post by Moonlight Rain)
I need to watch this video too *cries in anti social*
Me too!
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Moonlight Rain
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#6
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(Original post by summerbirdreads)
Me too!
I got impatient within 4 mins and turned it off, oops
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Anonymous #3
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I can soo relate with you OP
And yet I've heard it could be considered a skill to blend in the background
jokes aside..
Being solo doesn't always have to be taken in lonely (negative connotation) though sometimes solitude could be beneficial as well
What do you think of joining group chats for particular class? do you find it easier to interact virtually? If yes then that could be a start
Also another thing I have noticed with myself is that the more I think how I'm unable to take part in conversations the more easily I go panicky thinking about what to say and nothing absolutely nothing comes up xD but at other times when I'm not overly focused on it, happens when it happens...
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summerbirdreads
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(Original post by Moonlight Rain)
I got impatient within 4 mins and turned it off, oops
I did not even watch it lol, it's 32 minutes! watch it at 1.75
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Moonlight Rain
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#9
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(Original post by summerbirdreads)
I did not even watch it lol, it's 32 minutes! watch it at 1.75
Same I could walk to Africa and back
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summerbirdreads
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#10
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(Original post by Moonlight Rain)
Same I could walk to Africa and back
I know! why can't he just wrap it up in 10 minutes?
I actually watched a commentary video on this guy (I think they're the same) the other day lol and that was very entertaining
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQFWuCJMxKw
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Moonlight Rain
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#11
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(Original post by summerbirdreads)
I know! why can't he just wrap it up in 10 minutes?
I actually watched a commentary video on this guy (I think they're the same) the other day lol and that was very entertaining
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQFWuCJMxKw
there are so many commentary YouTube channels and they're all so annoying, especially the gamer ones who do it over a gameplay
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summerbirdreads
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#12
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(Original post by Moonlight Rain)
there are so many commentary YouTube channels and they're all so annoying, especially the gamer ones who do it over a gameplay
I only watch like 2 and both f them are not gamers, well not in their commentary channel anyway
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Dunnig Kruger
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#13
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(Original post by summerbirdreads)
I know! why can't he just wrap it up in 10 minutes?
I actually watched a commentary video on this guy (I think they're the same) the other day lol and that was very entertaining
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQFWuCJMxKw
That youtube video that you linked to is far too negative.
He's just taking cheap shots. He claims that in one of Owen's videos that he just bullies a guy without helping him. And yet he didn't actually contact the supposed victim to find out if Owen did help him or didn't help him.
There's other cheap shots, such as the amount of money charged by people such as Owen Cook. And yet youtube is free. You don't have to spend a penny.
I think that there's enough good free advice that you don't need to spend a penny. But that for those that do invest in these self help things, that's absolutely fine and can be a sound decision.


(Original post by Moonlight Rain)
I got impatient within 4 mins and turned it off, oops
There's 2 great pieces of advice in the first 2 minutes.

I tend to listen to his videos and other youtube videos when I'm doing some repetitive manual task, where I don't have to think. So I can have this playing in the background instead of listening to music on the radio.
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by summerbirdreads)
I know! why can't he just wrap it up in 10 minutes?
I actually watched a commentary video on this guy (I think they're the same) the other day lol and that was very entertaining
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQFWuCJMxKw
I guess his method works, he's clearly got plenty to say
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summerbirdreads
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#15
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
I guess his method works, he's clearly got plenty to say
lol

(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
That youtube video that you linked to is far too negative.
He's just taking cheap shots. He claims that in one of Owen's videos that he just bullies a guy without helping him. And yet he didn't actually contact the supposed victim to find out if Owen did help him or didn't help him.
There's other cheap shots, such as the amount of money charged by people such as Owen Cook. And yet youtube is free. You don't have to spend a penny.
I think that there's enough good free advice that you don't need to spend a penny. But that for those that do invest in these self help things, that's absolutely fine and can be a sound decision.
Okay fair enough!
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