attracting unambitious guys

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
I'm not all that but i am super active and have two degrees and loots of hobbies. but the guys i attract/want to get too know me seem to lack ambition and drive, either living with parents while approaching 30, working in the same shop for several years, and just doing nothing with their spare time. we just don't have much in common but guys i consider similar activeness to me are with totally different kinds of people. Is it something to do with me?
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Little pecker
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#2
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#2
Maybe you aren’t as attractive as you think.
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hungrysalamander
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#3
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#3
It could be that you're not meeting guys in the right place
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Anonymous #1
#4
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(Original post by Little pecker)
Maybe you aren’t as attractive as you think.
Yeah I'm not all that attractive, but neither are the guys I'm going for. We are similar looks wise
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londonmyst
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#5
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#5
It could be that you are spending too much time around the wrong type of guys that don't share your ambitions and lifestyle preferences.
Or you have been unlucky enough to attract the attention of a few lazy or spoilt guys with little incentive and half of their likeminded mates have decided to try their luck with you.

Where are you meeting all these guys?
How much time do you spend around ambitious, educated guys who live alone or in a houseshare with other professionals?
What type of hobbies and dealbreakers do you have?
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TheYearNiner
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#6
You tend to attract what/who you are
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Anonymous #1
#7
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(Original post by londonmyst)
It could be that you are spending too much time around the wrong type of guys that don't share your ambitions and lifestyle preferences.
Or you have been unlucky enough to attract the attention of a few lazy or spoilt guys with little incentive and half of their likeminded mates have decided to try their luck with you.

Where are you meeting all these guys?
How much time do you spend around ambitious, educated guys who live alone or in a houseshare with other professionals?
What type of hobbies and dealbreakers do you have?
Mostly online tbh. I'm pretty isolated so don't spend time around many people but my family are mostly unemployed and have a limited lifestyle, i've tried to not end up the same but maybe people just view me as that way too. i have mostly lived alone when not with family but should probably be around more of these people you're right. Bet if i had an active social life with likeminded people others would consider me more like that ?
(Original post by TheYearNiner)
You tend to attract what/who you are
Like this user says? I get a lot of imposter syndrome too, people say they're impressed with the stuff i've done but i feel like i'll never succeed and the people around me are always like my family background which i'm trying to get away from and it's not easy to be acceptted somewhere else
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by KimJongUnDPRK)
Your spelling and grammar do not convince me that you have two degrees.
Unambitious men are betas though. Find one that wishes to rid the world of Western Imperialism instead
My keyboard is broken hence the duplicated letters and i'm dyslexic but i still earned my degrees.
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Anonymous #1
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He had a point tbf but yeah
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username5813371
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#10
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#10
(Original post by KimJongUnDPRK)
Your spelling and grammar do not convince me that you have two degrees.
Unambitious men are betas though. Find one that wishes to rid the world of Western Imperialism instead
Are you Korean?
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Roberts 64
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#11
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#11
Go to places where you'll find young professionals, not shop assistants who live with their parents.
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standardolo
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(Original post by Roberts 64)
Go to places where you'll find young professionals, not shop assistants who live with their parents.
hey, where do you recommend?
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Anonymous #1
#13
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(Original post by Roberts 64)
Go to places where you'll find young professionals, not shop assistants who live with their parents.
Tbh I'm about to become one of these people don't know why I made this thread

I used to be a young professional but now on benefits and struggling, back with parents so i should just take whatever i can get
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1582
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#14
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#14
You say that you're active, ambitious, and that you have two degrees - but are you well-rounded? Being interesting, considerate, and the ability to entertain and carry a conversation will often take you further in relationships than someone who is only book smart.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 1582)
You say that you're active, ambitious, and that you have two degrees - but are you well-rounded? Being interesting, considerate, and the ability to entertain and carry a conversation will often take you further in relationships than someone who is only book smart.
Yes to those things but probably no to being easygoing and open with people. That's super important I guess
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ecolier
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#16
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes to those things but probably no to being easygoing and open with people. That's super important I guess
Just to balance this argument, plenty of my doctor friends (incl me) remain single... so there's hope out there for you gals :rofl:
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NonIndigenous
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#17
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Mostly online tbh. I'm pretty isolated so don't spend time around many people but my family are mostly unemployed and have a limited lifestyle, i've tried to not end up the same but maybe people just view me as that way too. i have mostly lived alone when not with family but should probably be around more of these people you're right. Bet if i had an active social life with likeminded people others would consider me more like that ?

Like this user says? I get a lot of imposter syndrome too, people say they're impressed with the stuff i've done but i feel like i'll never succeed and the people around me are always like my family background which i'm trying to get away from and it's not easy to be acceptted somewhere else
I don't believe ambitious people spend most of their time online, first of all. Unless it's their job for whatever reason.

I also think your mind is defaulting to what it finds 'comfortable'. You probably find it comfortable to be with unambitious guys and people, because you were raised among people like that. People often seek to (subconsciously) recreate the kinds of relationships they had early in life, in their adulthood. Because it is familiar, and therefore 'comfortable'. Even if in some instances those relationships are very toxic. I'm not saying the "toxic" aspect is the case for you, just that was feels 'comfortable' and what is good/healthy are not the same.

There's a more sinister theory, that you might feel more 'comfortable' around such types, because it makes you feel like you are better than they are, and so helps you cover up your insecurities in respect of your impostor syndrome. Be your own judge if this is the case or not.
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NonIndigenous
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#18
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#18
I'll add... there's nothing wrong with wanting to chill out in your spare time. It doesn't make you, or anyone else, 'less than' whatever. You can have that feeling of 'comfort' in your personal life, with someone else who is laid back in their free time, but is still ambitious when it comes to work/job satisfaction or whatever.

You will likely find it exhausting to be in partnership with someone who doesn't know how to take a break.
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Anonymous #1
#19
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(Original post by NonIndigenous)
I don't believe ambitious people spend most of their time online, first of all. Unless it's their job for whatever reason.

I also think your mind is defaulting to what it finds 'comfortable'. You probably find it comfortable to be with unambitious guys and people, because you were raised among people like that. People often seek to (subconsciously) recreate the kinds of relationships they had early in life, in their adulthood. Because it is familiar, and therefore 'comfortable'. Even if in some instances those relationships are very toxic. I'm not saying the "toxic" aspect is the case for you, just that was feels 'comfortable' and what is good/healthy are not the same.

There's a more sinister theory, that you might feel more 'comfortable' around such types, because it makes you feel like you are better than they are, and so helps you cover up your insecurities in respect of your impostor syndrome. Be your own judge if this is the case or not.
I guess depends what ambitious means to you, I'm not out there so much but learn lots of new things in my own time, put a lot of pressure on myself, and volunteer etc. Maybe it doesn't look that impressive cause I came from such a *****y place so it'll take longer than most to get somewhere good. I'm not mostly online I just used dating apps. Everything's been mostly online for the past 2 years anyway but in previous workplaces there's been a lot more women than men around
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Anonymous #1
#20
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(Original post by NonIndigenous)
I don't believe ambitious people spend most of their time online, first of all. Unless it's their job for whatever reason.

I also think your mind is defaulting to what it finds 'comfortable'. You probably find it comfortable to be with unambitious guys and people, because you were raised among people like that. People often seek to (subconsciously) recreate the kinds of relationships they had early in life, in their adulthood. Because it is familiar, and therefore 'comfortable'. Even if in some instances those relationships are very toxic. I'm not saying the "toxic" aspect is the case for you, just that was feels 'comfortable' and what is good/healthy are not the same.

There's a more sinister theory, that you might feel more 'comfortable' around such types, because it makes you feel like you are better than they are, and so helps you cover up your insecurities in respect of your impostor syndrome. Be your own judge if this is the case or not.
but that sounds about right about being comfortable although lately it's felt very uncomfortable. The feeling better than someone else thing is really uncomfortable and only cause they say a lot of stuff about me being out of their league or not knowing things I like to talk about which doesn't feel good something feels fake but idk what
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