I think I was sexually assaulted...

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
So I’m really struggling right now and I need some advice - and I’m sorry this is going to be a long one. Thursday night I went out clubbing with a group of mates for the second time ever. I was extremely drunk - probably the most drunk I’ve been in a very long time. Whilst on the dance floor, my friend told me that a guy had his eye on me and that I should dance with him. I thought ‘why not? It’d be fun!’ So I started dancing with him. The longer we danced, the more he started to touch me. I didn’t mind him touching my waist and things but then he started putting his hand under my top and holding my b**b. When he did that, I moved away but he would follow me. He then asked me if I wanted to go somewhere with him, and stupidly I agreed (because I was drunk). We went to a different area of the club and sat down in a booth where he started kissing me and I went along with it. He then asked me if I wanted to go somewhere else but I don’t think I understood him at the time and I followed him again. He then tried to get me into the disabled toilet with him but it was locked. I wanted to leave but I felt awkward and worried about what he’d do if I tried to leave so we went and sat down in another booth where he started kissing me again but this time getting more touchy. He started putting his hand down my trousers to touch my ass and then was putting his hand on my [email protected]*na and rubbing (over my jeans not under). As soon as he started doing that I pulled away, told him I had to go and find my friends and left. I feel so **** about it, and that it was all my fault. If I hadn’t got drunk I would never have let myself get into that situation. I’d never have followed him, I’d never have kissed him. Maybe me dancing with him gave him the wrong impression? What makes it worse is that my friend and I have recently just been through a sexual assault case with a guy who was our flatmate for 6 months, and it was dropped due to 'lack of evidence'. I haven’t told anyone about this. So you guys are the only ones I’ve told. I don't know what to do.
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Lwexi12
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#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
First off, sorry but I don't think that counts as sexual assault. You never told him "No" or "Stop" and you kinda went with the flow which i guess he took that as an invitation, ALTHO it would have been polite of him to ask you first, not every guy is going to do that. I guess he thought you were fine with it. In the future I would advise that if a guy asks " wanna go somewhere else" it means he wants sex and if your not into that happening just say no an walk away, and if you do find your self going with him and he touches you were you dont want him to an you say no AND if he continues then thats sexual assault.
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r-y-a-n
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#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
It is absolutely not your fault. Just because you didn't say no doesn't mean you consented. You were drunk and he took advantage of that which I'm pretty sure is sexual assault in and of itself. You also mentioned worrying about what he'd do if you left - that is not consent either. You're not in the wrong here, at all. I really hope you're okay
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eternaldevotiion
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#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by r-y-a-n)
It is absolutely not your fault. Just because you didn't say no doesn't mean you consented. You were drunk and he took advantage of that which I'm pretty sure is sexual assault in and of itself. You also mentioned worrying about what he'd do if you left - that is not consent either. You're not in the wrong here, at all. I really hope you're okay
yeah i pretty much agree with this, it wasn't your fault at all and i do think that counts as sexual assault since you didnt mention that you were happy for him to do these things to you. you were drunk and he took advantage. i can see that it made you uncomfortable which is defo sexual assualt. the fact that you were just going along and didnt reject his advances or anything doesnt mean u consented like the other person says you never once said to this guy you were alright with him treating you like this but yeah i hope you're okay, you're strong no matter what
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Anonymous #2
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by eternaldevotiion)
yeah i pretty much agree with this, it wasn't your fault at all and i do think that counts as sexual assault since you didnt mention that you were happy for him to do these things to you. you were drunk and he took advantage. i can see that it made you uncomfortable which is defo sexual assualt. the fact that you were just going along and didnt reject his advances or anything doesnt mean u consented like the other person says you never once said to this guy you were alright with him treating you like this but yeah i hope you're okay, you're strong no matter what
this is a genuine question but what if the man was really drunk as well? Would that still count as sexual assault (sorry I'm not really clear about sexual assault)?
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Anonymous #3
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
this is a genuine question but what if the man was really drunk as well? Would that still count as sexual assault (sorry I'm not really clear about sexual assault)?
Yes, because he chose to drink.
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eternaldevotiion
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#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
this is a genuine question but what if the man was really drunk as well? Would that still count as sexual assault (sorry I'm not really clear about sexual assault)?
yes because abuse is abuse, the person choosing to consume alcohol is responsible for their actions, and dont apologise!
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Anonymous #2
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes, because he chose to drink.
(Original post by eternaldevotiion)
yes because abuse is abuse, the person choosing to consume alcohol is responsible for their actions, and dont apologise!
thank you both
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Napp
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#9
Report 1 month ago
#9
It doesnt sound like you were sexually assaulted... you went with him and seemed to agree to everything and when he did something you decidedly didnt want to do you stopped him and left so nothing really happened?
Definitely not your fault and he doesnt sound the nicest of sorts either way in trying to get his rocks off with a drunk person but from where im sitting it doesnt sound like assault but then again this is a question only you can decide on really.
Given what you noted about your flatmate though, might you be conflating the feelings from that experience into this one though?
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Napp
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#10
Report 1 month ago
#10
(Original post by r-y-a-n)
It is absolutely not your fault. Just because you didn't say no doesn't mean you consented. You were drunk and he took advantage of that which I'm pretty sure is sexual assault in and of itself. You also mentioned worrying about what he'd do if you left - that is not consent either. You're not in the wrong here, at all. I really hope you're okay
What exactly is your idea of consent? Its not exactly unreasonable for said person to assume consent has been given when the OP is kissing him back, following him to the bathroom and touching him up as well. As was all stated in the post. The highlighted bit seems to be the only bit you're relying on and given mindreading isnt a thing it is irrelevant. The OP isnt in the wrong but the guy, aside from sounding as bit slimey, certainly doesnt sound like hes done anything wrong either. He didnt force himself on her and he didnt do anything any rationale person would consider unreasonable in the circumstances

Nothing happened, according to the OP so its rather hard to get to the conclusion they were assaulted given she actually left before anything happened.
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r-y-a-n
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#11
Report 4 weeks ago
#11
(Original post by Napp)
What exactly is your idea of consent? Its not exactly unreasonable for said person to assume consent has been given when the OP is kissing him back, following him to the bathroom and touching him up as well. As was all stated in the post. The highlighted bit seems to be the only bit you're relying on and given mindreading isnt a thing it is irrelevant. The OP isnt in the wrong but the guy, aside from sounding as bit slimey, certainly doesnt sound like hes done anything wrong either. He didnt force himself on her and he didnt do anything any rationale person would consider unreasonable in the circumstances

Nothing happened, according to the OP so its rather hard to get to the conclusion they were assaulted given she actually left before anything happened.
Apologies for the late reply, I don't check TSR much. My idea of consent is when two sober people agree to something. The reason why I feel as if this was assault is because it is universally agreed that if a person is drunk they cannot consent. I didn't base my response only on one sentence, OP also says that they did try to move away but he followed them. If OP was so drunk that they didn't understand what he said - another thing that they said in their post - then it is likely the guy knew this and still followed them. Knowingly taking advantage of somebody else's drunkness is assault. OP was taken advantage of. The guy is 100% in the wrong here.
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Anonymous #4
#12
Report 4 weeks ago
#12
(Original post by r-y-a-n)
It is absolutely not your fault. Just because you didn't say no doesn't mean you consented. You were drunk and he took advantage of that which I'm pretty sure is sexual assault in and of itself. You also mentioned worrying about what he'd do if you left - that is not consent either. You're not in the wrong here, at all. I really hope you're okay
Summarised it up really well
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Napp
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#13
Report 4 weeks ago
#13
(Original post by r-y-a-n)
Apologies for the late reply, I don't check TSR much. My idea of consent is when two sober people agree to something. The reason why I feel as if this was assault is because it is universally agreed that if a person is drunk they cannot consent. I didn't base my response only on one sentence, OP also says that they did try to move away but he followed them. If OP was so drunk that they didn't understand what he said - another thing that they said in their post - then it is likely the guy knew this and still followed them. Knowingly taking advantage of somebody else's drunkness is assault. OP was taken advantage of. The guy is 100% in the wrong here.
Wouldnt that mean that half the population is guilty of rape, both men and women given how many people have sex whilst drunk? Of course that ignores the fact that being drunk in of itself doesnt render someone unable to conse4nt to anything, being paraletic is somewhat different aferall.
As to the last bit, that is your opinion although i stand by what i said.
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gracieee16
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#14
Report 4 weeks ago
#14
sexual assault is where you say "no" to whatever they're wanting to do with you. you agreed as you said, you were also drunk but if you weren't drunk this wouldn't have happened. be more careful with alcohol but i am deeply sorry if you feel scared or worried due to this incident. if you think it has affected you in any way then speak to someone that you can trust.
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r-y-a-n
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#15
Report 4 weeks ago
#15
(Original post by Napp)
Wouldnt that mean that half the population is guilty of rape, both men and women given how many people have sex whilst drunk? Of course that ignores the fact that being drunk in of itself doesnt render someone unable to conse4nt to anything, being paraletic is somewhat different aferall.
As to the last bit, that is your opinion although i stand by what i said.
No, half the population probably is not guilty of rape. What would make the guy in the wrong here is him KNOWING she was drunk, and taking advantage of OP. OP did not specify whether the guy was drunk, however honestly regardless, consent is not just the absence of a no. OP clearly showed discomfort when they tried to move away from the guy. Surely that is enough? People do stupid things when they're drunk, things that they wouldn't do sober. It is universally agreed that being drunk inhibits a person's ability to think rationally - think drink driving etc.Either the guy was drunk and somewhat forced himself on OP, which is still assault, or the guy was not drunk and knew that OP was, and took advantage of the fact that OP was not in their normal state of mind. Like I said, OP stated that they were too drunk to understand something the guy said. Somebody who is so drunk that they can't understand what people have said, is NOT in the correct state of mind to consent.
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