He won’t stop pursuing me even though I’m dating

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I’m 22f, my “friend” is 24 and my boyfriend is 24

Ok so I met this lad at my voluntary job and we hit it off instantly. Even though I made it perfectly clear I’m not interested in anything more than friendship with him his sole reason for being my friend seems to be so he can try and manipulate me into a relationship with him. I didn’t want to admit this to myself cos it upsets me that I think I’m a good friend but my friends either don’t class me as a friend so don’t give a **** about me, or in the case of lads, fancy me. I used to think he was just being friendly but his crush on me lately has become a obsession. He told me he talks about me a lot to his family, tried to invite his mum to a hangout with me which I backed out of, wants to buy me jewellery and he always deliberately tries to put himself on the same shifts as me. Also he said he’s gonna start acting classes cos he knows I am. He instantly opens my snaps, sends loads of kisses and copies the pet names I call everyone. He wants to talk to me everyday. He flirts with me calling me “cutie” and “I’m a looker” etc. He also can’t help but imply his crush on me every time we meet. “I do want a girlfriend but with someone I have a connection with, like you” also claims I’ve rated him higher than I actually have. To me he’s a 3, but he’s adamant I gave him a 7. He has never been a friend to me, and it’s so sad that it’s only now I realise this

I met the lad I’m dating when we matched on tinder and we never meant to want to have a relationship with each other, nothing was forced it just naturally happened that we really like each other. He doesn’t treat me like this friend does. The man I’m seeing doesn’t like when I feel uncomfortable, he worries about me, he wants me to feel safe and he cares. I’m starting to realise my friend doesn’t give a **** about me at all, all he cares about is 1) what he can get from me and 2) how to get what he wants

He has lied to me, he says he doesn’t go out drinking but always puts nights out on Snapchat stories. He snaps at me over the smallest things both in person and over messages. He leaves me on opened constantly but when I do the same he doesn’t like it and confronts me. I’ve been told this is a form of control. My big sister and boyfriend doesn’t like him, and I’m starting to feel uncomfortable with him myself. He makes my skin crawl. I told him the other day (for the second or third time) I only see him as a friend and added that now I’m dating someone. Hope you understand etc.

He said he was happy for me but this will take some getting used to. I thought he would finally take the hint and back off. He patronised me saying I should have been honest from the start and I said I was. I told him if he doesn’t start acting like a friend I don’t want anything to do with him

He messaged me the next day. No kisses this time so I didn’t put any either. He called me b, which means babe/baby. He has not respected my wishes, he’s switched tactics cos he didn’t even call me this when I was not dating this other man. He’s pushing me away and making me start disliking him. The convo was so awkward I asked after him and he said he was reading and I said I was too, but rather than keep talking like ask “what you reading?” He left me on opened for a day. Then I noticed that even though I said “awww good” I noticed he didn’t say the same for me. I have a plan of my own, which is to ignore him all week, then send him “how to deal with unrequited love” article that I found online, ask to meet then bring my sister along, and go to my voluntary job (cinema) to watch a film with my boyfriend while he’s on shift. He messaged me just now but I ignored him but I’m really worried he’s gonna find out I’ve been on Snapchat it feels like he is harassing me

What do you think of this situation? He’s relentless I think he actually thinks I’m just trying to make him jealous but I’m not I genuinely like this other lad and am not even remotely attracted to or interested in my friend. I think he thinks he is entitled to me but he’s deluded cos how can this kinda behaviour win a woman’s heart?
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CatInTheCorner
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#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m 22f, my “friend” is 24 and my boyfriend is 24

Ok so I met this lad at my voluntary job and we hit it off instantly. Even though I made it perfectly clear I’m not interested in anything more than friendship with him his sole reason for being my friend seems to be so he can try and manipulate me into a relationship with him. I didn’t want to admit this to myself cos it upsets me that I think I’m a good friend but my friends either don’t class me as a friend so don’t give a **** about me, or in the case of lads, fancy me. I used to think he was just being friendly but his crush on me lately has become a obsession. He told me he talks about me a lot to his family, tried to invite his mum to a hangout with me which I backed out of, wants to buy me jewellery and he always deliberately tries to put himself on the same shifts as me. Also he said he’s gonna start acting classes cos he knows I am. He instantly opens my snaps, sends loads of kisses and copies the pet names I call everyone. He wants to talk to me everyday. He flirts with me calling me “cutie” and “I’m a looker” etc. He also can’t help but imply his crush on me every time we meet. “I do want a girlfriend but with someone I have a connection with, like you” also claims I’ve rated him higher than I actually have. To me he’s a 3, but he’s adamant I gave him a 7. He has never been a friend to me, and it’s so sad that it’s only now I realise this

I met the lad I’m dating when we matched on tinder and we never meant to want to have a relationship with each other, nothing was forced it just naturally happened that we really like each other. He doesn’t treat me like this friend does. The man I’m seeing doesn’t like when I feel uncomfortable, he worries about me, he wants me to feel safe and he cares. I’m starting to realise my friend doesn’t give a **** about me at all, all he cares about is 1) what he can get from me and 2) how to get what he wants

He has lied to me, he says he doesn’t go out drinking but always puts nights out on Snapchat stories. He snaps at me over the smallest things both in person and over messages. He leaves me on opened constantly but when I do the same he doesn’t like it and confronts me. I’ve been told this is a form of control. My big sister and boyfriend doesn’t like him, and I’m starting to feel uncomfortable with him myself. He makes my skin crawl. I told him the other day (for the second or third time) I only see him as a friend and added that now I’m dating someone. Hope you understand etc.

He said he was happy for me but this will take some getting used to. I thought he would finally take the hint and back off. He patronised me saying I should have been honest from the start and I said I was. I told him if he doesn’t start acting like a friend I don’t want anything to do with him

He messaged me the next day. No kisses this time so I didn’t put any either. He called me b, which means babe/baby. He has not respected my wishes, he’s switched tactics cos he didn’t even call me this when I was not dating this other man. He’s pushing me away and making me start disliking him. The convo was so awkward I asked after him and he said he was reading and I said I was too, but rather than keep talking like ask “what you reading?” He left me on opened for a day. Then I noticed that even though I said “awww good” I noticed he didn’t say the same for me. I have a plan of my own, which is to ignore him all week, then send him “how to deal with unrequited love” article that I found online, ask to meet then bring my sister along, and go to my voluntary job (cinema) to watch a film with my boyfriend while he’s on shift. He messaged me just now but I ignored him but I’m really worried he’s gonna find out I’ve been on Snapchat it feels like he is harassing me

What do you think of this situation? He’s relentless I think he actually thinks I’m just trying to make him jealous but I’m not I genuinely like this other lad and am not even remotely attracted to or interested in my friend. I think he thinks he is entitled to me but he’s deluded cos how can this kinda behaviour win a woman’s heart?
This is the point where I would get a restraining order, chat to the police, this is harassment, no means no, I'd trust your gut
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by CatInTheCorner)
This is the point where I would get a restraining order, chat to the police, this is harassment, no means no, I'd trust your gut
Thanks for your advice but i think I’m frightened of him, so I’m scared to do something like this. If they sent him to prison for stalking me or something he would be gunning for me when he got released. I told him though that he makes me feel uncomfortable when he talks like he does and he said he would stop but he still persists so I don’t think he is a friend. With this man I’m dating I feel happiest I’ve been in ages but my friend is getting me down. I’m not sure if he is incapable of respecting my feelings or just doesn’t want to but I don’t know how much clearer I can be
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
Some people just can’t be friends with someone they fancy.

Don’t play games with him.
If he can’t accept just friendship then it’s his loss.
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CatInTheCorner
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#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for your advice but i think I’m frightened of him, so I’m scared to do something like this. If they sent him to prison for stalking me or something he would be gunning for me when he got released. I told him though that he makes me feel uncomfortable when he talks like he does and he said he would stop but he still persists so I don’t think he is a friend. With this man I’m dating I feel happiest I’ve been in ages but my friend is getting me down. I’m not sure if he is incapable of respecting my feelings or just doesn’t want to but I don’t know how much clearer I can be
I'm very sorry then, maybe chat to the police about your options, or see a lawyer. If you're able to, move? If he moves after you, then even if it's dangerous the man has got to go to jail, that's stalking. You shouldn't have to uproot your entire life though, this is unacceptable. Chat to the police or a lawyer, see your options.
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Hey!!
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#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
Wow this is really creepy but I can understand your fear. Someone used to have a obsession with me, the worst bit was this was someone I had never met. Even so even if a person seems really harmless you can never be sure as obsessions can make people act really different and become dangerous. I understand why you would want to bring your sister and boyfriend along when you see him again, but if I were you I wouldn’t even do this. This is because you don’t want to make him angry. If you make him angry, he could go after you. Your safety is more important than trying to one up him. He’s not your friend btw. He keeps you around in the hopes you change your mind.

The solution to get rid of the potential stalker who became obsessed with me online was to first ignore him, which would make him bombard me with messages trying to guilt trip me, “I’m really poorly” “I think I have the virus” “I’m sorry if I upset you” etc. Don’t fall for that bs. Because that really is what it is. It’s the push and pull technique. As soon as you reply, he is winning. He will shut up about what he said in the message to make you reply, He will then revert to past behaviour and the cycle continues. Since you said he doesn’t like when you leave him on read, keep doing this to him. Ignore him and let him know you’re ignoring him. Give him a taste of his own medicine. If he ever says he’s sorry just know that this is a ruse to get you talking.

I know how you feel, it was really hard for me to get rid of this man. I was way too nice and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. It’s a tricky situation. Since I couldn’t block him, I felt like I was trapped. In the end after not logging in and changing my name didn’t work and he still knew it was me I realised he was indeed stalking me and I ended up deleting my account. I honestly didn’t know what else to do at that point. You are paralysed by fear, but that’s ok. That’s normal. Just do what you have to do, it doesn’t matter how you make him feel. He doesn’t care about you but don’t stoop to his level. Be nice but not too nice. People like these men take advantage of niceness all the time and it needs to stop.
Last edited by Hey!!; 1 month ago
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annonymous10
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#7
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#7
Although it says this thread was only started a week ago, I remember reading about this exact same 'problem', weeks ago - don't you have anything else to write about?
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annonymous10
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#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Hey!!)
Wow this is really creepy but I can understand your fear. Someone used to have a obsession with me, the worst bit was this was someone I had never met. Even so even if a person seems really harmless you can never be sure as obsessions can make people act really different and become dangerous. I understand why you would want to bring your sister and boyfriend along when you see him again, but if I were you I wouldn’t even do this. This is because you don’t want to make him angry. If you make him angry, he could go after you. Your safety is more important than trying to one up him. He’s not your friend btw. He keeps you around in the hopes you change your mind.

The solution to get rid of the potential stalker who became obsessed with me online was to first ignore him, which would make him bombard me with messages trying to guilt trip me, “I’m really poorly” “I think I have the virus” “I’m sorry if I upset you” etc. Don’t fall for that bs. Because that really is what it is. It’s the push and pull technique. As soon as you reply, he is winning. He will shut up about what he said in the message to make you reply, He will then revert to past behaviour and the cycle continues. Since you said he doesn’t like when you leave him on read, keep doing this to him. Ignore him and let him know you’re ignoring him. Give him a taste of his own medicine. If he ever says he’s sorry just know that this is a ruse to get you talking.

I know how you feel, it was really hard for me to get rid of this man. I was way too nice and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. It’s a tricky situation. Since I couldn’t block him, I felt like I was trapped. In the end after not logging in and changing my name didn’t work and he still knew it was me I realised he was indeed stalking me and I ended up deleting my account. I honestly didn’t know what else to do at that point. You are paralysed by fear, but that’s ok. That’s normal. Just do what you have to do, it doesn’t matter how you make him feel. He doesn’t care about you but don’t stoop to his level. Be nice but not too nice. People like these men take advantage of niceness all the time and it needs to stop.
You can put other FMs on ignore so that you don't see their posts or block them from emailing you, if you've given them your email address. If they sent unwanted PMs, contact the mods. Changing your username is pointless as it will be attached to all previous posts under your old user name. Deleting your account and rejoining with another, completely different username is better, but often, styles of writing will give you away ultimately.
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