Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
So I've known my flatmates for about a month now and there's 4 of them, 3 girls 1 boy and they're all quite close together, very outgoing, loud and very messy, I, on the other hand, am fairly shy and more lowkey, I like to go out and socialise but not clubbing every single night being out till 6am like them, they all seem relatively nice in 1 on 1 conversation but I just really don't think they like me, they seem to laugh at me behind my back constantly,

if I message in the group chat or even join in in a convo thats already happening I just get aired, they constantly go out together and do things as a 4 but never invite me, I've tried leaving my door open with a wedge and hanging out in the kitchen but we just have no common ground and nothing to talk about since we have nothing in common,

they will just go into other flatmates rooms and chill with them without warning when theyre bored, and I have made it perfectly clear to them that my door is always unlocked or wedged open, theyre more than welcome to come in but they never do and I go into the hallway and hear like 3 of them in 1 room hanging out and I never go in because I just don't feel welcome and when I have been around them hanging out I've never felt welcome or wanted,

I just end up sitting in my room all day and since I have trouble making friends due to anxiety in the first place I've just spent my time at uni just so lonely and depressed, I'm not an introvert by any means, I love being around people but I'm just bad at talking to people and I really hate being so lonely, it's reaching a breaking point and I don't know what to do

At the moment I'm like 50/50 if I want to leave I'm really torn on it, on one hand maybe I could get along better with my new flatmates if I did move and things would be better, on the other what if it's more of the same and I have even worse flatmates?

Also one of my current flatmates is in my lecture group with me so it would be awkward being in the same lecture room as them, let alone if I bumped into any of them in the building, I also am not sure if I want to leave because I don't know if i'm just overthinking things and I do like them I try to be friends with them but they just don't seem to like me on a personal level, we're just two completely different ends of the personality spectrum

Any help / advice is much appreciated
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
Are you m or f?

Idk but i think 'wedging' your door open is a little bit weird. Its almost like you are trying a bit too hard, someone may interpret you keeping your door like that may seem like you are trying to listen on in conversations and a bit desperate.

Something you could consider is getting a mate to come visit you. That may help you settle in going out with someone you know and bridge the gap to your flatmates.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Are you m or f?

Idk but i think 'wedging' your door open is a little bit weird. Its almost like you are trying a bit too hard, someone may interpret you keeping your door like that may seem like you are trying to listen on in conversations and a bit desperate.

Something you could consider is getting a mate to come visit you. That may help you settle in going out with someone you know and bridge the gap to your flatmates.
I'm M, and tbf I've told them about my anxieties and how shy I am and the wedge was sorta a last minute resort kinda thing and I told them that I had it to be more social with them and say hi to them as they come past

I don't really have mates either tbh, my only friend is a guy I know from back home, he lives quite far out of the city, and even when he comes around which is rare, we still don't interact with them cus usually they've all gone out as a 4 to some club and not invited me
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Anonymous #3
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
maybe you need to force yourself with them even if they are not inviting you anywhere. maybe they will like you after knowing you better.
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Anonymous #4
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
So I've known my flatmates for about a month now and there's 4 of them, 3 girls 1 boy and they're all quite close together, very outgoing, loud and very messy, I, on the other hand, am fairly shy and more lowkey, I like to go out and socialise but not clubbing every single night being out till 6am like them, they all seem relatively nice in 1 on 1 conversation but I just really don't think they like me, they seem to laugh at me behind my back constantly,

if I message in the group chat or even join in in a convo thats already happening I just get aired, they constantly go out together and do things as a 4 but never invite me, I've tried leaving my door open with a wedge and hanging out in the kitchen but we just have no common ground and nothing to talk about since we have nothing in common,

they will just go into other flatmates rooms and chill with them without warning when theyre bored, and I have made it perfectly clear to them that my door is always unlocked or wedged open, theyre more than welcome to come in but they never do and I go into the hallway and hear like 3 of them in 1 room hanging out and I never go in because I just don't feel welcome and when I have been around them hanging out I've never felt welcome or wanted,

I just end up sitting in my room all day and since I have trouble making friends due to anxiety in the first place I've just spent my time at uni just so lonely and depressed, I'm not an introvert by any means, I love being around people but I'm just bad at talking to people and I really hate being so lonely, it's reaching a breaking point and I don't know what to do

At the moment I'm like 50/50 if I want to leave I'm really torn on it, on one hand maybe I could get along better with my new flatmates if I did move and things would be better, on the other what if it's more of the same and I have even worse flatmates?

Also one of my current flatmates is in my lecture group with me so it would be awkward being in the same lecture room as them, let alone if I bumped into any of them in the building, I also am not sure if I want to leave because I don't know if i'm just overthinking things and I do like them I try to be friends with them but they just don't seem to like me on a personal level, we're just two completely different ends of the personality spectrum

Any help / advice is much appreciated
Brother you're academic, how are you expecting to get anywhere?
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Anonymous #2
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm M, and tbf I've told them about my anxieties and how shy I am and the wedge was sorta a last minute resort kinda thing and I told them that I had it to be more social with them and say hi to them as they come past

I don't really have mates either tbh, my only friend is a guy I know from back home, he lives quite far out of the city, and even when he comes around which is rare, we still don't interact with them cus usually they've all gone out as a 4 to some club and not invited me
Yeah having the wedge is not a good idea.
As for your flatmates it could very well be that the boat has sailed, if they are very outgoing, yours saying you are shy and anxious has probably put the nail in the coffin for them including you within their activities. It may be best to leave your flat and find better flatmates for yourself who you can then rent a house next year with.
.Do you have any interests or sports? Those could help you find friends to socialise with.
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah having the wedge is not a good idea.
As for your flatmates it could very well be that the boat has sailed, if they are very outgoing, yours saying you are shy and anxious has probably put the nail in the coffin for them including you within their activities. It may be best to leave your flat and find better flatmates for yourself who you can then rent a house next year with.
.Do you have any interests or sports? Those could help you find friends to socialise with.
I do have interests in football but not good enough at it to join the society
I'm in the pool and snooker society but thats about it
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Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
maybe you need to force yourself with them even if they are not inviting you anywhere. maybe they will like you after knowing you better.
I don't really get the chance, the only way I know they've gone out somewhere is when they come back or I see it on their story, plus when I do hang out with them I never feel wanted
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twinklelittlstar
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#9
Report 1 month ago
#9
bruh tbh only advice I have is don’t force it. it seems like you’re not comfortable enough in ur flat. it’s okay, u won’t always meet people w ur same interests and profile. but it’s also ur living space, and u don’t have to put up w it. I’ve been through this exact situation, changed flats and now I’m much happier. really. do whatever makes u happy, and never go after someone begging for their attention. u are worth so much more than that. take care!! hope all gets better for you
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Anonymous #2
#10
Report 1 month ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
I do have interests in football but not good enough at it to join the society
I'm in the pool and snooker society but thats about it
Buy a snooker table and put it in the kitchen
You are going to make so many friends
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