Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I’m a first year student in university (though I am 22) who has autism. Most of my flat mates in halls are great - really nice and nice quiet and tidy.

However, we are living with a 30 year old woman who has some severe mental health problems as it seems. I have mental health problems as well so I’m not trying to rip into her because of that, but she’s really starting to grind my gears. She had left a letter for everyone in the kitchen introducing herself as she doesn’t really leave her room and seems quite quiet, she had wrote in it that she is an alcoholic who has relapsed etc so apologising for her drinking. No one had responded so I wrote her one back giving her my number in case she wanted to talk (which I’m happy to do), but since then we started emailing as her phone is broken. I’ve been bombarded for the past week with email after email about the psychosis this woman has and her life story and trauma and I just cannot deal with it anymore. This morning I woke up and she had emailed me at 5am saying she wants to leave uni and to “**** this” because we clearly all hate her and are plotting against her. I told this woman from the get-go I like to be alone most of the time, I have autism so I’m not good with people, that sort of stuff - so I’ve not responded, plus I’ve had a really busy day today in uni, since then she has sent 11 emails apologising and had knocked on my flat door for 10 minutes earlier to talk to me (which I did not answer because I’m trying to write an assignment).

What do I do about this situation? I just want to be left alone, but I’m not good at telling people that stuff and she’s obviously not in a good place mentally so I don’t want to start something or upset her loads. I don’t know whether to talk to someone at uni about her mental state as I feel uncomfortable. I didn’t mind just talking to her but it’s just getting a bit much now. She keeps writing letters in the kitchen as well about how she’s paranoid and stuff and I’m not sure what to do. I’m not trying to be insensitive but I have my own issues to deal with and I’m trying to cope with the buttload of work I’ve got now. Any advice would help. Also sorry this is such a long read.
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marple
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#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m a first year student in university (though I am 22) who has autism. Most of my flat mates in halls are great - really nice and nice quiet and tidy.

However, we are living with a 30 year old woman who has some severe mental health problems as it seems. I have mental health problems as well so I’m not trying to rip into her because of that, but she’s really starting to grind my gears. She had left a letter for everyone in the kitchen introducing herself as she doesn’t really leave her room and seems quite quiet, she had wrote in it that she is an alcoholic who has relapsed etc so apologising for her drinking. No one had responded so I wrote her one back giving her my number in case she wanted to talk (which I’m happy to do), but since then we started emailing as her phone is broken. I’ve been bombarded for the past week with email after email about the psychosis this woman has and her life story and trauma and I just cannot deal with it anymore. This morning I woke up and she had emailed me at 5am saying she wants to leave uni and to “**** this” because we clearly all hate her and are plotting against her. I told this woman from the get-go I like to be alone most of the time, I have autism so I’m not good with people, that sort of stuff - so I’ve not responded, plus I’ve had a really busy day today in uni, since then she has sent 11 emails apologising and had knocked on my flat door for 10 minutes earlier to talk to me (which I did not answer because I’m trying to write an assignment).

What do I do about this situation? I just want to be left alone, but I’m not good at telling people that stuff and she’s obviously not in a good place mentally so I don’t want to start something or upset her loads. I don’t know whether to talk to someone at uni about her mental state as I feel uncomfortable. I didn’t mind just talking to her but it’s just getting a bit much now. She keeps writing letters in the kitchen as well about how she’s paranoid and stuff and I’m not sure what to do. I’m not trying to be insensitive but I have my own issues to deal with and I’m trying to cope with the buttload of work I’ve got now. Any advice would help. Also sorry this is such a long read.
This is an awful situation to be in. You are to be commended for trying to help her, but her problems are clearly so severe that she needs professional help and you need to protect your own health and well being. Perhaps write a carefully worded letter saying that while you are sorry she feels so bad, you have you don't feel equipped to help and that you have to concentrate on your studies. and you won't be able to respond to emails etc.(Perhaps block her?). You could include contact details for student support services at your university, and for organisations like Nightline (a student led telephone support service) that can give her support.
Some university accommodations have welfare staff, and it might be worth contacting them to raise concerns about her.

I hope things improve for you and for her.
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CurryCurry2468
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#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m a first year student in university (though I am 22) who has autism. Most of my flat mates in halls are great - really nice and nice quiet and tidy.

However, we are living with a 30 year old woman who has some severe mental health problems as it seems. I have mental health problems as well so I’m not trying to rip into her because of that, but she’s really starting to grind my gears. She had left a letter for everyone in the kitchen introducing herself as she doesn’t really leave her room and seems quite quiet, she had wrote in it that she is an alcoholic who has relapsed etc so apologising for her drinking. No one had responded so I wrote her one back giving her my number in case she wanted to talk (which I’m happy to do), but since then we started emailing as her phone is broken. I’ve been bombarded for the past week with email after email about the psychosis this woman has and her life story and trauma and I just cannot deal with it anymore. This morning I woke up and she had emailed me at 5am saying she wants to leave uni and to “**** this” because we clearly all hate her and are plotting against her. I told this woman from the get-go I like to be alone most of the time, I have autism so I’m not good with people, that sort of stuff - so I’ve not responded, plus I’ve had a really busy day today in uni, since then she has sent 11 emails apologising and had knocked on my flat door for 10 minutes earlier to talk to me (which I did not answer because I’m trying to write an assignment).

What do I do about this situation? I just want to be left alone, but I’m not good at telling people that stuff and she’s obviously not in a good place mentally so I don’t want to start something or upset her loads. I don’t know whether to talk to someone at uni about her mental state as I feel uncomfortable. I didn’t mind just talking to her but it’s just getting a bit much now. She keeps writing letters in the kitchen as well about how she’s paranoid and stuff and I’m not sure what to do. I’m not trying to be insensitive but I have my own issues to deal with and I’m trying to cope with the buttload of work I’ve got now. Any advice would help. Also sorry this is such a long read.
If you she is bombarding you with emails like that, if you want you can block her email address so none of her emails land into your inbox, idk if she will be able to find out on her end cuz idk if the emails might bounce back cuz u blocked her and it could make the situation worse but I doubt it will bounce back to her.

Also, if you can tell your hall warden about the issue and they may be able to look into it and take it from there
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Desideri
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#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
It's nice that you've done so much for this woman, but you shouldn't have to take on this responsibility yourself. She needs more help than a flatmate can provide.

Speak to the accommodation team, and/or possibly the university's student support service. Hopefully they'll be able to support both her and you.
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Smeraldettoi
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#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
This lady sounds as if she needs professional psychological help, try to explain to her that you need a lot of extra space due to your disability but that this isn’t a rejection of her, you just need extra boundaries.
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Anonymous #2
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
IMO she will drop out anyways and you will never see her. so be patient.
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Muttley79
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#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m a first year student in university (though I am 22) who has autism. Most of my flat mates in halls are great - really nice and nice quiet and tidy.

However, we are living with a 30 year old woman who has some severe mental health problems as it seems. I have mental health problems as well so I’m not trying to rip into her because of that, but she’s really starting to grind my gears. She had left a letter for everyone in the kitchen introducing herself as she doesn’t really leave her room and seems quite quiet, she had wrote in it that she is an alcoholic who has relapsed etc so apologising for her drinking. No one had responded so I wrote her one back giving her my number in case she wanted to talk (which I’m happy to do), but since then we started emailing as her phone is broken. I’ve been bombarded for the past week with email after email about the psychosis this woman has and her life story and trauma and I just cannot deal with it anymore. This morning I woke up and she had emailed me at 5am saying she wants to leave uni and to “**** this” because we clearly all hate her and are plotting against her. I told this woman from the get-go I like to be alone most of the time, I have autism so I’m not good with people, that sort of stuff - so I’ve not responded, plus I’ve had a really busy day today in uni, since then she has sent 11 emails apologising and had knocked on my flat door for 10 minutes earlier to talk to me (which I did not answer because I’m trying to write an assignment).

What do I do about this situation? I just want to be left alone, but I’m not good at telling people that stuff and she’s obviously not in a good place mentally so I don’t want to start something or upset her loads. I don’t know whether to talk to someone at uni about her mental state as I feel uncomfortable. I didn’t mind just talking to her but it’s just getting a bit much now. She keeps writing letters in the kitchen as well about how she’s paranoid and stuff and I’m not sure what to do. I’m not trying to be insensitive but I have my own issues to deal with and I’m trying to cope with the buttload of work I’ve got now. Any advice would help. Also sorry this is such a long read.
I would speak to someone e.g student support, hall pastoral people - you've been very supportive but she needs professional help.
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Anonymous #3
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m a first year student in university (though I am 22) who has autism. Most of my flat mates in halls are great - really nice and nice quiet and tidy.

However, we are living with a 30 year old woman who has some severe mental health problems as it seems. I have mental health problems as well so I’m not trying to rip into her because of that, but she’s really starting to grind my gears. She had left a letter for everyone in the kitchen introducing herself as she doesn’t really leave her room and seems quite quiet, she had wrote in it that she is an alcoholic who has relapsed etc so apologising for her drinking. No one had responded so I wrote her one back giving her my number in case she wanted to talk (which I’m happy to do), but since then we started emailing as her phone is broken. I’ve been bombarded for the past week with email after email about the psychosis this woman has and her life story and trauma and I just cannot deal with it anymore. This morning I woke up and she had emailed me at 5am saying she wants to leave uni and to “**** this” because we clearly all hate her and are plotting against her. I told this woman from the get-go I like to be alone most of the time, I have autism so I’m not good with people, that sort of stuff - so I’ve not responded, plus I’ve had a really busy day today in uni, since then she has sent 11 emails apologising and had knocked on my flat door for 10 minutes earlier to talk to me (which I did not answer because I’m trying to write an assignment).

What do I do about this situation? I just want to be left alone, but I’m not good at telling people that stuff and she’s obviously not in a good place mentally so I don’t want to start something or upset her loads. I don’t know whether to talk to someone at uni about her mental state as I feel uncomfortable. I didn’t mind just talking to her but it’s just getting a bit much now. She keeps writing letters in the kitchen as well about how she’s paranoid and stuff and I’m not sure what to do. I’m not trying to be insensitive but I have my own issues to deal with and I’m trying to cope with the buttload of work I’ve got now. Any advice would help. Also sorry this is such a long read.
I think W2S has autism and he's a similar age to you as well
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Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
IMO she will drop out anyways and you will never see her. so be patient.
You weren't wrong - she ended up having to take a break due to her mental health and is at home temporarily, and a board has to decide whether she's allowed to stay in halls again considering it made her worse (when she comes back...or if). I ended up blocking her on everything too since she was really bombarding me with some weird stuff - problem is solved as of now, at least.
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University of Portsmouth Student Rep
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#10
Report 4 weeks ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m a first year student in university (though I am 22) who has autism. Most of my flat mates in halls are great - really nice and nice quiet and tidy.

However, we are living with a 30 year old woman who has some severe mental health problems as it seems. I have mental health problems as well so I’m not trying to rip into her because of that, but she’s really starting to grind my gears. She had left a letter for everyone in the kitchen introducing herself as she doesn’t really leave her room and seems quite quiet, she had wrote in it that she is an alcoholic who has relapsed etc so apologising for her drinking. No one had responded so I wrote her one back giving her my number in case she wanted to talk (which I’m happy to do), but since then we started emailing as her phone is broken. I’ve been bombarded for the past week with email after email about the psychosis this woman has and her life story and trauma and I just cannot deal with it anymore. This morning I woke up and she had emailed me at 5am saying she wants to leave uni and to “**** this” because we clearly all hate her and are plotting against her. I told this woman from the get-go I like to be alone most of the time, I have autism so I’m not good with people, that sort of stuff - so I’ve not responded, plus I’ve had a really busy day today in uni, since then she has sent 11 emails apologising and had knocked on my flat door for 10 minutes earlier to talk to me (which I did not answer because I’m trying to write an assignment).

What do I do about this situation? I just want to be left alone, but I’m not good at telling people that stuff and she’s obviously not in a good place mentally so I don’t want to start something or upset her loads. I don’t know whether to talk to someone at uni about her mental state as I feel uncomfortable. I didn’t mind just talking to her but it’s just getting a bit much now. She keeps writing letters in the kitchen as well about how she’s paranoid and stuff and I’m not sure what to do. I’m not trying to be insensitive but I have my own issues to deal with and I’m trying to cope with the buttload of work I’ve got now. Any advice would help. Also sorry this is such a long read.
Hi

This sounds like a tricky situation you find yourself in. I wouldn't advise perusing this any further yourself, i would perhaps instead contact your halls management team, the people that sit on reception if you have a reception and then let them take care of this. If you are really uncomfortable living in the same flat as her, then i would request a move into another flat. Either way, i would speak to your halls and see what advice they can offer. Definitely don't take this on alone, it is not your responsibility at all!

Do keep us updated on how you are doing.

All the best

Andrew
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username5844293
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#11
Report 4 weeks ago
#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
You weren't wrong - she ended up having to take a break due to her mental health and is at home temporarily, and a board has to decide whether she's allowed to stay in halls again considering it made her worse (when she comes back...or if). I ended up blocking her on everything too since she was really bombarding me with some weird stuff - problem is solved as of now, at least.
If you haven’t already - please speak to your Hall warden or the student accommodation department and let them know the situation. In the nicest possible way , they need to know all the issues so if she returns to halls she has the support she needs. They also have a responsibility to your welfare and you should not have been put in that position. They have a duty of care to make sure if she goes back she cannot contact you/ or put you in the position that you might bump into each other.
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