I don’t know what do do about my bf

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
So my (20,f) boyfriend (19,m) of 2+ years I think is struggling with an undiagnosed depression which he says he does not have or at least not to the severity I think it is. However, I’m very sure he is using food and shopping as coping mechanisms currently which constantly frustrates me. He has managed to put himself in £800 of debt on non essentials such as collectibles. He is struggling to pay it off as any money he earns he says he needs for “daily living things” but he has no rent or food or phone bills etc he just spends it on take away and more wants. Any money he pays off of the debt he puts back on again as by the end of the month he’s run through his bank account and needs more money to fund his need for takeaway. He is quite a picky eater and generally prefers junk food as the sugar fat makes him feel happier for a minuet. He has a somewhat addiction to Coca-Cola due to the caffeine in it. He is often in a horrible snappy mood is he doesn’t have any and it has caused him to have many sleeping issues as well. I love him and am not even thinking of breaking up with him. It’s just that while his diet and spending habits are so bad I can’t think about taking any more steps forward with him like moving in together. It is fine while we are just dating cause they don’t affect me directly but if I we move in together our finances will be linked and I don’t know how we are going to plan meals together etc. I have suggested he go and talk to someone in January and only after much persuasion he did and went to his college for help. However they were absolutely horrible, they didn’t really help him at all and ended up talking about him behind his back to his tutors and teachers completely breaking confidentiality so I really don’t think he’s going to want to try again with counciling after that disaster which I can’t really blame him for. Also probably should note my dad struggles with a really bad diet and is now diabetic suffering sever health issues and still refusing to change his diet which is probably making my anxiety about my bf’s diet even worse I don’t want to see him get to that point. I watched my mum for years try and help my dad through his struggles only to find herself very depressed with an alcohol issue. This is why I can’t move forward in our relationship past just dating or to put on any more commitment into our relationship until he has at least showed and improvement In his struggles. I honestly don’t know what to do about this. ( sorry for such a rant)
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Dunnig Kruger
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#2
Report 1 month ago
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Money issues are a leading cause of divorce in the UK.
The 2 of you are incompatible in your approach to money. You have zero chance of a long term happy future living with him. You've already identified this as you recognise you shouldn't move in with him.

He's eating a lot of inflamatory foods. If he were to reduce these and to increase his anti-oxidant foods, his general mood may improve. Internal inflammation is not good for his mood. Unnatural foods and lifestyle exacerbate unnatural moods.

Love is great. But it's not enough for a happy long term relationship. You need compatability in few key areas too. With them including approach to money, earning it , spending it, investing it.
And how you resolve conflict. His conflict resolution style is to bury his head in the sand and be stubborn as a 10,000 ton boulder.

There are loads of men out there that have a compatible approach to money to you. And that maintain generally positive moods. And that have lifestyles where they avoid excessively self-destructive habits. Go get yourself one of them.
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