Inappropriate Colleague

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I'm a 21 year old female working in a research lab. During my first few weeks, a male colleague in their 30s kept repeatedly winking at me. I mentioned this to a fellow grad, who informed me that it was just part of his character and he was having an affair with another person in our lab (they're also in their 30s).

We never really spoke until he was made my joint supervisor. Initially, he came across as friendly and supportive, but I didn't like how close he got to my face when he was talking (he would almost lean in).

He then began gently guiding me around, by placing his hand between my shoulder blades (just a light pat in the right direction). Then on occasion, he would touch my waist while passing behind me. Sometimes he brings up awkward conversations. For example, we were talking about different sized test tubes and he started asking me whether size matters! Such things only happen when we are alone in the lab.

However, one day we got some good results back from an experiment and he was so happy, that he put both of his hands on my shoulders and gently shook me. I felt very uncomfortable and another colleague saw the awkward interaction but said nothing.

He's openly having an affair with someone in our lab and will full on embrace her and make other colleagues feel uncomfortable. I get on well with her and she is almost like my "work mum", we talk quite openly about things, but I haven't mentioned anything to her about his actions obviously.

I don't understand why he is like that towards me, it's obvious we would never end up being together he's over 10 years older than me, married and has children. I can't go to HR as I don't want it to be blown up into something that could end up making my life more difficult. But how do I subtly get him to stop without making it into a big deal?
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm a 21 year old female working in a research lab. During my first few weeks, a male colleague in their 30s kept repeatedly winking at me. I mentioned this to a fellow grad, who informed me that it was just part of his character and he was having an affair with another person in our lab (they're also in their 30s).

We never really spoke until he was made my joint supervisor. Initially, he came across as friendly and supportive, but I didn't like how close he got to my face when he was talking (he would almost lean in).

He then began gently guiding me around, by placing his hand between my shoulder blades (just a light pat in the right direction). Then on occasion, he would touch my waist while passing behind me. Sometimes he brings up awkward conversations. For example, we were talking about different sized test tubes and he started asking me whether size matters! Such things only happen when we are alone in the lab.

However, one day we got some good results back from an experiment and he was so happy, that he put both of his hands on my shoulders and gently shook me. I felt very uncomfortable and another colleague saw the awkward interaction but said nothing.

He's openly having an affair with someone in our lab and will full on embrace her and make other colleagues feel uncomfortable. I get on well with her and she is almost like my "work mum", we talk quite openly about things, but I haven't mentioned anything to her about his actions obviously.

I don't understand why he is like that towards me, it's obvious we would never end up being together he's over 10 years older than me, married and has children. I can't go to HR as I don't want it to be blown up into something that could end up making my life more difficult. But how do I subtly get him to stop without making it into a big deal?
Just tell him. He's already having an affair with someone in your workplace, so tell him to stop. If he doesn't then it would be time to go to HR
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karl pilkington
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#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
Hi do you have a degree and what kind of research is it if you don't mind me asking? Even though he is ten years older than you he probably thinks he has a chance because he probably still feels like he is 25. Maybe instead of going straight to a manager you should just have a word with him or say you have a boyfriend. I know women don't like confrontation but maybe the next time he puts his hand on you just take it off and maybe if he leans in just lean back.
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Zarek
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#4
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#4
Reject by body language, reject by saying please don’t touch (hopefully this will do the trick) and then you must raise a complaint if it happens again. His behaviour is unacceptable. I would be inclined to keep it as a separate issue from your ‘work Mum’ relationship.
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