Girlfriend's occasional cocaine use makes me feel uncomfortable

Watch
tomrichards4
Badges: 6
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
My girlfriend occasionally dabbles in cocaine use with her group of friends, usually when it is one of their birthdays or every couple of months. She claims that she always does it in a safe environment and never intends on doing it often, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable when she does. I worry about the risk factors associated with it becoming a regular thing, the damage it could cause her, and how addiction to it can be something that you sometimes cannot control. I personally have not done it because of these reasons.

I do not consider myself conservative, and I try and keep an open mind about it and realise that we are different people and our immediate friend circles do different things. I also do not want to judge or control her because of it. She also understands my point of view on it and never wants me to be uncomfortable or view her in a different light because of it. It is just difficult for me as we see eye to eye on so many things, but when it comes to this, she sees it as a fairly normal thing to do in moderation but I just hate it when she does it and cannot be at peace of mind when she does. I have told her this in an open conversation and the main thing for her is the principle of being able to be free to make her own decisions and look after herself, which I agree with, however when it comes to this I feel like it crosses a bit of a boundary for me.

It truly comes from a place of care for her and her physical and mental wellbeing, as well as wanting our future together to be happy and long lasting, so when she does cocaine (even if it is rare for her) I cannot help but feel like she is risking both her own and our futures. I really do not want this to get in the way of what we have or our future together. Would really appreciate some insight and advice on this, and how to speak to her about it without coming across as judgmental or controlling in any way. I do not want it to be a deal breaker between us if at all possible as we really love each other are happy in between the times that she does it.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
It obviously bothers you so I would talk to her about it and if she doesn't want to stop then leave her. Easier said than done but it just wouldn't work then.
0
reply
tomrichards4
Badges: 6
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
It obviously bothers you so I would talk to her about it and if she doesn't want to stop then leave her. Easier said than done but it just wouldn't work then.
I suppose it does come down to that, it is just very sad if that is the case.
0
reply
londonmyst
Badges: 18
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
I'd be very uncomfortable with close involvement with someone in the habit of possessing or consuming illegal narcotics.
Not just for inherent health and arrest risks, so many dealers are hardened criminals with strong organised crime links.

Sadly, I've had to restrict contact with a good friend due under similar circumstances involving illegal narcotics.
His control over his recreational drug habit and the forseeable practical consequences of it have all but evaporated over the pandemic.
4
reply
tomrichards4
Badges: 6
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by londonmyst)
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
I'd be very uncomfortable with close involvement with someone in the habit of possessing or consuming illegal narcotics.
Not just for inherent health and arrest risks, so many dealers are hardened criminals with strong organised crime links.

Sadly, I've had to restrict contact with a good friend due under similar circumstances involving illegal narcotics.
His control over his recreational drug habit and the forseeable practical consequences of it have all but evaporated over the pandemic.
I really am uncomfortable to be honest, and it probably helps me to just embrace how I feel about I do feel it is based on very valid reasons. I appreciate your words.
1
reply
the_pharaoh
Badges: 21
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
It's fine to be uncomfortable personally I wouldn't really engage with anyone who does drugs tbh
3
reply
mondays child
Badges: 10
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
I think you should end the relationship. It would not surprise me if the use is more than your girlfriend says. Think also of the supply chain and who within it gets harmed most (not middle class men and women).
0
reply
Joe312
Badges: 17
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
It's objectively pretty similar to alcohol in terms of its harm.

It can kill you - but so can alcohol, either through poisoning or accidents.
It can be addictive... but so is alcohol!

Regarding harm I don't think it's logical to be against cocaine but not alcohol.
Last edited by Joe312; 1 month ago
1
reply
tomrichards4
Badges: 6
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#9
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#9
(Original post by mondays child)
I think you should end the relationship. It would not surprise me if the use is more than your girlfriend says. Think also of the supply chain and who within it gets harmed most (not middle class men and women).
Luckily I am confident that the use is not more than what she says, as we are very honest with each other and have a strong trust between us. I know what you mean though and your point is valid
0
reply
tomrichards4
Badges: 6
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#10
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#10
(Original post by Joe312)
It's objectively pretty similar to alcohol in terms of its harm.

It can kill you - but so can alcohol, either through poisoning or accidents.
It can be addictive... but so is alcohol!

Regarding harm I don't think it's logical to be against cocaine but not alcohol.
I suppose it is just different for me. Would you say that doing cocaine and alcohol is exactly the same thing? I guess it comes down to illegality factor of it as well as how much it costs and how it can really ruin lives. Alcohol can also do that of course but I suppose the issue at hand is not drinking it is how I feel about hard drugs.
0
reply
tomrichards4
Badges: 6
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#11
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#11
Spoken to her openly about it and she understands my viewpoint and does not want it to be something that she is known for doing and hates how much it affects me and has said she will stop. She also does not see it as something that is worth affecting our relationship as negatively as it has in the past. I feel grateful that we came to this conclusion.
5
reply
Anonymous #1
#12
Report 1 month ago
#12
(Original post by tomrichards4)
Spoken to her openly about it and she understands my viewpoint and does not want it to be something that she is known for doing and hates how much it affects me and has said she will stop. She also does not see it as something that is worth affecting our relationship as negatively as it has in the past. I feel grateful that we came to this conclusion.
Congratulations! I hope you two have a wonderful relationship.
2
reply
Joe312
Badges: 17
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#13
Report 1 month ago
#13
(Original post by tomrichards4)
I suppose it is just different for me. Would you say that doing cocaine and alcohol is exactly the same thing? I guess it comes down to illegality factor of it as well as how much it costs and how it can really ruin lives. Alcohol can also do that of course but I suppose the issue at hand is not drinking it is how I feel about hard drugs.
I'm trying to suggest that you don't have an objective logical basis for thinking that cocaine is significantly more harmful than alcohol.

Cocaine is not a hard drug - heroin, crack and meth are much worse than alcohol but cocaine is honestly in the same ballpark as alcohol.

Why does its illegality matter? Things should be illegal because they are wrong, not wrong because they are illegal. Drugs are illegal because of politics, not scientific evidence.
0
reply
Napp
Badges: 22
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#14
Report 1 month ago
#14
Whilst its completely fdair enough wanting to look out for her best interests and all that and you telling her you dont like it when she does it i'd be wary of telling her not to or anything along those lines. If this were something like shooting up cocaine it would be a different matter but ocassionally just doing a line or so, whilst not ideal, is not particularly severe (outside of getting caught by the plods)
On these aspects in particular:
I worry about the risk factors associated with it becoming a regular thing, the damage it could cause her, and how addiction to it can be something that you sometimes cannot control. I personally have not done it because of these reasons.
General risk factors - Generally speraking cocaine is a very safe drug (relatively speaking at least) and so long as you arent mixing it with things, including booze, it is unlikely to do much bar drain your wallet (unless you have a heart condition)
damage it can cause - Whilst long term and/or heavy use is decidedly not good for you just doing it once in a while really doesnt cause that much harm, probably less than drinking tbh. She wont lose her nose from it and it wont blow her heart out
addiction - Bit more of a tricky one as its very person dependent but if youre only using it on the odd occasion with friends then there generally isnt much to worry about (again, relatively speaking) always something to watch out for but if she just stays to the use you described then she shouldnt run into any problems from it.

I would, at this point, note that i am very familiar with the drug and its effects through work and personal err interest shall we say. As with all drugs it can be dangerous but compared to most others its really not particularly bad, the most dangerous aspect is the cutting agent.

So, getting off my hobby horse, by all means note your concerns to her about it but bear in mind that some time use with friends isnt too concerning and you dont really want to be the person coming across as trying to run her life as that can backfire quite badly. By all means tell her how you feel about it and see if she takes it onboard but just be wary of coming across as 'dad', as it were, most of all because this is a relatively safe drug compared to others and not used very often anyway
1
reply
tomrichards4
Badges: 6
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#15
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#15
(Original post by Napp)
Whilst its completely fdair enough wanting to look out for her best interests and all that and you telling her you dont like it when she does it i'd be wary of telling her not to or anything along those lines. If this were something like shooting up cocaine it would be a different matter but ocassionally just doing a line or so, whilst not ideal, is not particularly severe (outside of getting caught by the plods)
On these aspects in particular:

General risk factors - Generally speraking cocaine is a very safe drug (relatively speaking at least) and so long as you arent mixing it with things, including booze, it is unlikely to do much bar drain your wallet (unless you have a heart condition)
damage it can cause - Whilst long term and/or heavy use is decidedly not good for you just doing it once in a while really doesnt cause that much harm, probably less than drinking tbh. She wont lose her nose from it and it wont blow her heart out
addiction - Bit more of a tricky one as its very person dependent but if youre only using it on the odd occasion with friends then there generally isnt much to worry about (again, relatively speaking) always something to watch out for but if she just stays to the use you described then she shouldnt run into any problems from it.

I would, at this point, note that i am very familiar with the drug and its effects through work and personal err interest shall we say. As with all drugs it can be dangerous but compared to most others its really not particularly bad, the most dangerous aspect is the cutting agent.

So, getting off my hobby horse, by all means note your concerns to her about it but bear in mind that some time use with friends isnt too concerning and you dont really want to be the person coming across as trying to run her life as that can backfire quite badly. By all means tell her how you feel about it and see if she takes it onboard but just be wary of coming across as 'dad', as it were, most of all because this is a relatively safe drug compared to others and not used very often anyway
I appreciate your input. I guess it comes down to how people view things differently and different things are normalised for different people. The last thing I want to be is controlling or come across as 'dad' in any way, but thankfully I have voiced my concerns and she understands them and doesn't want to do it anymore
0
reply
Napp
Badges: 22
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#16
Report 1 month ago
#16
(Original post by tomrichards4)
I appreciate your input. I guess it comes down to how people view things differently and different things are normalised for different people. The last thing I want to be is controlling or come across as 'dad' in any way, but thankfully I have voiced my concerns and she understands them and doesn't want to do it anymore
Ah fair play to her for that
Be wary of it happening again though, not saying she's lying to you but given the circumstances its entirely plausible she might end up having another sniff on the spur of the moment if the friends happen to have it at a party or some such though. Although, to clarify, when i say be wary i more mean just be mindful that it could well happen again and to take it in your stride.
Good luck to you both though
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How would you describe the quality of the digital skills you're taught at school?

Excellent (39)
9.77%
Okay (117)
29.32%
A bit lacking (151)
37.84%
Not good at all (92)
23.06%

Watched Threads

View All