Advice on old stalker potentially starting again

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Good evening,

So I have the need for some advice. I used to have this friend who I first met a long time ago, we got very close and very fast. We then had a casual intimate relationship for a short period but quickly that ended, we went back to being friends.

However, they would tell our friends and his family that we were engaged and in a full blown relationship. I didn't find this out for some time and when I did they apologised and said they were in love with me and made a mistake, I forgave them but things got horrible from there.

Firstly they didn't like I was so close with my best friend at the time and basically told me to pick, so I picked my friend. I began to distance myself as they were getting much more outlandish in his behaviour - they would call me multiple times a week saying if I didn't go and stay with them they'd kill themselves, threatened to stab me and then various other things including getting me arrested on made up rape accusation (which I thoroughly proved fake and got NFA'd) and then went on to stalk me and created fake Grindr accounts in my name and with my FB profile pic, was sending intimate photos (not of me but they claimed they were) to people including people I was seeing at the time and exes etc. They tried to ruin my life and reputation amongst our friends and my local area.

I went to the police and they went to visit them and they then stopped, completely. I didn't get an injunction or anything but it totally stopped. I never heard from them again.

Until the past couple of days. The grindr profile has resurfaced and I've spoken to my college today as they'd received 'concerning posts' from a profile in my name but the safeguarding officer didn't have the details, they just responded to a request to reach out.

I do not know what to do but I am very concerned it is starting again. The police were hardly helpful last time and I had to really force them to even go to see the person.

Do you have any advice at all? I don't even know for sure this is the same person, but there is honestly nobody else it could be.
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JA03
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#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Good evening,

So I have the need for some advice. I used to have this friend who I first met a long time ago, we got very close and very fast. We then had a casual intimate relationship for a short period but quickly that ended, we went back to being friends.

However, they would tell our friends and his family that we were engaged and in a full blown relationship. I didn't find this out for some time and when I did they apologised and said they were in love with me and made a mistake, I forgave them but things got horrible from there.

Firstly they didn't like I was so close with my best friend at the time and basically told me to pick, so I picked my friend. I began to distance myself as they were getting much more outlandish in his behaviour - they would call me multiple times a week saying if I didn't go and stay with them they'd kill themselves, threatened to stab me and then various other things including getting me arrested on made up rape accusation (which I thoroughly proved fake and got NFA'd) and then went on to stalk me and created fake Grindr accounts in my name and with my FB profile pic, was sending intimate photos (not of me but they claimed they were) to people including people I was seeing at the time and exes etc. They tried to ruin my life and reputation amongst our friends and my local area.

I went to the police and they went to visit them and they then stopped, completely. I didn't get an injunction or anything but it totally stopped. I never heard from them again.

Until the past couple of days. The grindr profile has resurfaced and I've spoken to my college today as they'd received 'concerning posts' from a profile in my name but the safeguarding officer didn't have the details, they just responded to a request to reach out.

I do not know what to do but I am very concerned it is starting again. The police were hardly helpful last time and I had to really force them to even go to see the person.

Do you have any advice at all? I don't even know for sure this is the same person, but there is honestly nobody else it could be.
Get a restraining order on him, and be sure to block him on every social media platform. The Grindr profile? Report it and for the reason, say this person is claiming to be you.
This will get the account deleted.
Your college have now found out about it, it's really time for you to tell the police and your parents about the whole situation, tell them about what he said about harming himself, he'll need help for that. And the statements about stabbing you, that's a threat to you so talk to the police and report him with the messages as proof. It's really starting to ruin your life now so talk to the police and your family, they'll stand by your side, if you don't then he'll do something worse.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by JA03)
Get a restraining order on him, and be sure to block him on every social media platform. The Grindr profile? Report it and for the reason, say this person is claiming to be you.
This will get the account deleted.
Your college have now found out about it, it's really time for you to tell the police and your parents about the whole situation, tell them about what he said about harming himself, he'll need help for that. And the statements about stabbing you, that's a threat to you so talk to the police and report him with the messages as proof. It's really starting to ruin your life now so talk to the police and your family, they'll stand by your side, if you don't then he'll do something worse.
I think thats the only way do deal with it isn't it? I just find the police difficult to deal with after the first time but I will make it clear what I want.

My family know the situation, they were the first people I told, and have been supportive and said the same as you. I just wish they'd go away. I spent two whole years worried about what they would do next and then when they stopped I felt so much happier, no anxiety which I had every day before that and no worrying if he might turn up when I was with friends.

I already feel those emotions starting up again, it really was such a drain emotionally and mentally.
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JA03
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#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
I think thats the only way do deal with it isn't it? I just find the police difficult to deal with after the first time but I will make it clear what I want.

My family know the situation, they were the first people I told, and have been supportive and said the same as you. I just wish they'd go away. I spent two whole years worried about what they would do next and then when they stopped I felt so much happier, no anxiety which I had every day before that and no worrying if he might turn up when I was with friends.

I already feel those emotions starting up again, it really was such a drain emotionally and mentally.
I know that you feel unsafe and the worry and fear is draining you but you really have to do something. The police may be difficult to deal with but would you rather deal with the police or suffer for however long this psychopath wants to torture you.
I’ve never been in this situation but if someone was threatening me and impersonating me like that. I would talk to the police about it.

If you need to. Disappear for a while, deactivate your social media accounts. Block all contacts on your phone except for super close friends and family and stay with a relative. If you don’t want to deal with the police then doing this for a while will essentially make them think that you’ve gone forever and stop with all this.

I hope that I can help with the issue.
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