Is this a blow off?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I met someone last weekend and got her phone number. We seemed to have a rapport so I asked her out for a drink, to which she she agreed. I suggested either this Thursday evening or Sunday. She said "sorry I'm on placement, and have friends over for the weekend". I'd have thought she'd have offered an alternative. But I said "don't apologise, just let me know what your schedules like for next week and we'll arrange something".
Is it my responsibility, to arrange this and offer an alternative, or should I wait for her to get back to me?
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Reality Check
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#2
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#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I met someone last weekend and got her phone number. We seemed to have a rapport so I asked her out for a drink, to which she she agreed. I suggested either this Thursday evening or Sunday. She said "sorry I'm on placement, and have friends over for the weekend". I'd have thought she'd have offered an alternative. But I said "don't apologise, just let me know what your schedules like for next week and we'll arrange something".
Is it my responsibility, to arrange this and offer an alternative, or should I wait for her to get back to me?
You've rather misread this, even though she made it rather obvious. If she were interested in going out on a date with you, she would have said 'I'd love to go, but I'm on placement, and have friends over for the weekend how about we try to arrange something for the following week'. The fact that she didn't offer an alternative, or suggest meeting up another time is a polite way of letting you know that she's not interested - so it was a bit gauche to then tell her 'not to worry, tell me your schedule for next week, and we'll arrange something' :facepalm2:

Mate, she's not interested. Take the hint.
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londonmyst
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#3
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#3
Best to just wait for her to get back to you.
If she doesn't suggest any alternatives within 12-15 days or starts avoiding you, then you'll know that she's not interested.
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Anonymous #1
#4
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(Original post by Reality Check)
Take the hint.
I don't take hints very well. That's why I asked
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Reality Check
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#5
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#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't take hints very well. That's why I asked
That's fine - and I wasn't berating you. Thinking about it, the facepalm emoji I used wasn't actually necessary or helpful, so I apologise for that. The great thing about TSR is that you can ask questions like this and get frank answers - so I hope this has made things a bit clearer
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Anonymous #1
#6
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#6
(Original post by Reality Check)
That's fine - and I wasn't berating you. Thinking about it, the facepalm emoji I used wasn't actually necessary or helpful, so I apologise for that. The great thing about TSR is that you can ask questions like this and get frank answers - so I hope this has made things a bit clearer
No worries, thanks for apologising. It doesn't like particularly high interest does it?
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Reality Check
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#7
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#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
No worries, thanks for apologising. It doesn't like particularly high interest does it?
'fraid not, no. But at least you know
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DrunkenObserver
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Reality Check)
You've rather misread this, even though she made it rather obvious. If she were interested in going out on a date with you, she would have said 'I'd love to go, but I'm on placement, and have friends over for the weekend how about we try to arrange something for the following week'. The fact that she didn't offer an alternative, or suggest meeting up another time is a polite way of letting you know that she's not interested - so it was a bit gauche to then tell her 'not to worry, tell me your schedule for next week, and we'll arrange something' :facepalm2:

Mate, she's not interested. Take the hint.
If she wasn't interested then why would she agree in the first place? Kind of cruel to mess with people's heads like that in my opinion...
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Reality Check
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#9
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#9
(Original post by DrunkenObserver)
If she wasn't interested then why would she agree in the first place? Kind of cruel to mess with people's heads like that in my opinion...
I understand where you're coming from (in other words, why didn't she just not give him her number in the first place, or agree to drinks, and make it really obvious she wasn't interested), but in reality, things aren't that simple. People generally don't like to be rude or unkind, particularly to someone's face, and just saying 'no, I'm not giving you my number', or 'no, I don't want to go out for a drink with you' would be very difficult and uncomfortable for most people to do. She's tried to let him down gently but not pursuing the idea of meeting up, and it's just one of those things in the end.
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DrunkenObserver
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Reality Check)
I understand where you're coming from (in other words, why didn't she just not give him her number in the first place, or agree to drinks, and make it really obvious she wasn't interested), but in reality, things aren't that simple. People generally don't like to be rude or unkind, particularly to someone's face, and just saying 'no, I'm not giving you my number', or 'no, I don't want to go out for a drink with you' would be very difficult and uncomfortable for most people to do. She's tried to let him down gently but not pursuing the idea of meeting up, and it's just one of those things in the end.
How hard is it to say you're not interested... You don't have to phrase it the way you do, just don't play games and mess with people's heads. It's cruel.
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Reality Check
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#11
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#11
(Original post by DrunkenObserver)
How hard is it to say you're not interested... You don't have to phrase it the way you do, just don't play games and mess with people's heads. It's cruel.
It's real life. Who told you it was going to be all butterflies and rainbows?
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AbrahamP
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
I met someone last weekend and got her phone number. We seemed to have a rapport so I asked her out for a drink, to which she she agreed. I suggested either this Thursday evening or Sunday. She said "sorry I'm on placement, and have friends over for the weekend". I'd have thought she'd have offered an alternative. But I said "don't apologise, just let me know what your schedules like for next week and we'll arrange something".
Is it my responsibility, to arrange this and offer an alternative, or should I wait for her to get back to me?
Nah, wait for her response. Since u gotta work around her schedule. Go from there in terms of alternatives
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DrunkenObserver
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#13
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#13
(Original post by Reality Check)
It's real life. Who told you it was going to be all butterflies and rainbows?
Doesn't mean lead people on
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Old Skool Freak
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#14
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#14
(Original post by DrunkenObserver)
How hard is it to say you're not interested... You don't have to phrase it the way you do, just don't play games and mess with people's heads. It's cruel.
Reality Check is absolutely spot-on with all his comments here

It would be nice if everyone knew where they stood from the start... but from a girls point of view, it can be difficult to reject a guy from the outset (e.g. she may be worried about coming across as a bit of a "female dog", also some guys are know to turn in to jerks when a girl blows them out). Besides, when people are direct / blunt, it can often come across as rude.

It's all about protocol, and how you conduct yourself... it's a bit like if you want someone to do something for you, you can either :-

a) Demand that they do it for you, threatening them with adverse consequences if they don't comply or
b) You can politely ask them with a please / thank you; and possibly offer them a further positive incentive.

Who would you rather help?!?

(Original post by Anonymous)
I met someone last weekend and got her phone number. We seemed to have a rapport so I asked her out for a drink, to which she she agreed. I suggested either this Thursday evening or Sunday. She said "sorry I'm on placement, and have friends over for the weekend". I'd have thought she'd have offered an alternative. But I said "don't apologise, just let me know what your schedules like for next week and we'll arrange something".
Is it my responsibility, to arrange this and offer an alternative, or should I wait for her to get back to me?
As said above, it's best to assume she's not interested, until / unless you hear back from her. There's a very small (outside) chance she'll come back to you, but TBH, I wouldn't hold your breath.
Last edited by Old Skool Freak; 1 month ago
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LFGG2234
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#15
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#15
Women today have so much attention from guys you would be suprised by how many messages they get on a daily.

Unless she puts in the effort on her part, its pretty much dead.
Im sorry that its just the reality of it.
Go next and ignore her. As others said, shes probably not interested.
DON'T be that sucker that keeps on trying.
Last edited by LFGG2234; 1 month ago
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DrunkenObserver
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#16
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#16
(Original post by Old Skool Freak)
Reality Check is absolutely spot-on with all his comments here

It would be nice if everyone knew where they stood from the start... but from a girls point of view, it can be difficult to reject a guy from the outset (e.g. she may be worried about coming across as a bit of a "female dog", also some guys are know to turn in to jerks when a girl blows them out). Besides, when people are direct / blunt, it can often come across as rude.

It's all about protocol, and how you conduct yourself... it's a bit like if you want someone to do something for you, you can either :-

a) Demand that they do it for you, threatening them with adverse consequences if they don't comply or
b) You can politely ask them with a please / thank you; and possibly offer them a further positive incentive.

Who would you rather help?!?



As said above, it's best to assume she's not interested, until / unless you hear back from her. There's a very small (outside) chance she'll come back to you, but TBH, I wouldn't hold your breath.
As I said, you don't have to be blunt or rude. Just don't say yes, lead people on, or give mixed signals. etc. Not hard.
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LFGG2234
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#17
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#17
(Original post by DrunkenObserver)
As I said, you don't have to be blunt or rude. Just don't say yes, lead people on, or give mixed signals. etc. Not hard.
''Not hard''
Yet for women it seems that it is...
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Old Skool Freak
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#18
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#18
(Original post by DrunkenObserver)
As I said, you don't have to be blunt or rude. Just don't say yes, lead people on, or give mixed signals. etc. Not hard.
... And as I said, sometimes even a polite "No thanks" can evoke a barrage of abuse from some guys. Besides, I'm assuming they met on a night out, when alcohol et al means you're not always in your best frame of mind.

Best thing to do is to assume there's a 50/50 chance it'll lead somewhere when you get a girls number... it's not a done deal until you've had a couple of meet-ups.
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DrunkenObserver
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#19
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#19
(Original post by Old Skool Freak)
... And as I said, sometimes even a polite "No thanks" can evoke a barrage of abuse from some guys. Besides, I'm assuming they met on a night out, when alcohol et al means you're not always in your best frame of mind.

Best thing to do is to assume there's a 50/50 chance it'll lead somewhere when you get a girls number... it's not a done deal until you've had a couple of meet-ups.
That's not gonna happen in public. She could have easily said she's taken or something and POLITELY rejected the guy instead of doing the things I said. We don't know how they met, so yes that is just an assumption.
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Zarek
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#20
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#20
Girls change their mind and particularly if there was alcohol involved when they gave their number or got off with someone. I imagine guys do this too. Anything short of enthusiasm for setting up a date is likely a blow out
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