Looking Young

Hello

Recently i've felt very unhappy (excuse the oxymoron). I am male.
Because i look young, i don't mean 'Young' like my friend looks 17 when he's 18, i mean i look young due to physical development taking its time, so naturally i look about 12-14. This is just a fact.
I'm 17 btw. Now i've researched this and its not that uncommon, but i'm finding it very difficult to live with.
I have delayed puberty and i've started, i can cum. But due to my youthful look, i'm unable to gain a girlfriend...I can't go outwith someone under 16 without being branded a pedophile even though they look my age, i wouldn't want to either.
I can't go out with 17 year-old because i'm unattractive being a 'boy' not a 'man, i am attractive for my look if you understand me. Just not to an older person due to looking young.

So girls are a noNo. I am friends with them ofcourse.

My second problem is embarrasment on revealing my age. I don't go to the cinema anymore despite loving films due to the embarrasment when they ask my age, when i go to see a 12a for example, I don't get ID but i do say i am 14 to ensure they don't ask questions and say 'Omg you look so young' when i reveal i'm 17.

When i see 15, again i am not ID, mostly due to the cinema near me being very loose, i do infact look about 13-14, But i fear they would ID me and then be very surprised i was 17 and would cause me alot of embarrasement.

When these things happen, i can't let them go, they go over and over in my mind and its making me very depressed. I use to go out a lot and i am just starting to hide away now.

When people say 'Omg you don't look 17' at the cinema, i ask how old they are if they are over 20 i say there pathetic to still be working in a cinema. But overall it just makes me feel extremely bad inside, and i'm starting to be unable to take it.

Third problem; parties, when i go to parties with people i don't know, i always feel like they are looking at me, wondering why i am there, as if i'm not old enough. I feel out of place too when i see photos after and notice how young i look compared to everyone else. I use to get off with people at parties, now i don't. (I've gotten off with more than 50 girls by age of 15) It's really drilling having this sub-conscious feeling nagging me everytime i start a conversation with someone.

Fourth Problem; I go to 6th form and on the way to school in my suit i just feel like people look at me and wonder why i am in a suit rather than going to school. I can't help thinking like this.

5th problem; My friends are starting to be 18 and going to the pub with my 17-year old mates etc, i just can't go, they'll pester me for ID which i don't have straight away and i won't be able to stay and buy a coke like others i fear, i fear i'll be chucked out and laughed at... When i am 18 i fear the pub servants will laugh at me after i show them my ID, they'll be looking at me all night, whispering about how young i look. Infact right now it's my best mates birthday and everyone is at a pub celebrating... I just can't go due to embarrasement, even though other mates who are 17 don't get served, i'll just feel really bad about it and well totally unwelcome, i feel others who don't get served don't mind because they look 17 so atleast don't look too out of place. Even in there without alchohal i feel everyone would be looking at me as if i was trying to get underage drink and like i shouldn't be there.

6th problem; Going on holiday to Magaluf in summer and i'm worried i won't get served (even though EVERYONE gets served there) or get into clubs, or when i'm in, others there won't accept me, thinking i don't belong there.

7th problem; When i worked in Somerfield (which i quit) i worked on the tills and everyday people would ask what i'm doing there
'Work experience'
'Nope'
'What are you doing here?'
'Working'
'Ooo i didn't know people could work here under 16'
Grrrrrr....
One day i was putting cat feed up and a gf/bf walked by and i heard her say ' he looks about 12' i seriously felt like beating the crap out of the boyfriend, instead i just sat there feeling extremely self-conscious and crap about myself...I quit that day due to it. I just felt every customer was staring at me like wtf?

8th problem; My mates aren't as good mates as they use to be with me, i think its cause its embarrasing for them too when they are hanging around with a '13 year old', so i don't get invited out as much, mostly they go pub anyway.

9th problem; University in Summer, i don't know how i'll cope, seriously all the students wondering why i'm not going high school, no1 going out with me due to youthful looks (mates i mean)

My biggest fear is going to a pub when 18 and someone laughing at my age, getting another servant, telling them, both laughing at me, me going along like 'haha yeah i know its strange' asking me why i look so young and 'cannot believe it'.

Cause fair enough i do look young, but people are so rude, don't people know some people develop at different rates, don't they realise how much it hurts people when your taking the piss out of something that causes that person to many problems...I can't wait for the day someone fat can't believe i'm young looking, 'You're fat, omg i can't believe your that fat, has anyone every told you, god this is unbelievable' (I know; the hypocrisy)

But i'm as self-conscious about looking young i guess as someone who has no legs or a missing eye!

The happiness i felt once when i was in Tesco Express and got asked if i had got any petrol - seriously i was over the moon all night, was sooo Happy!!!
And then next day i get refused a lottery ticket despite going there every day lunch and break in my suit and proclaiming i go to 6th form... Seriously all my mates in their suits are buying them and i can't even though the same lady serves me everyday when i am wearing my suit! GRRrrr...

Sorry this is so long, i just wanted to express how i'm feeling and how this is affecting me...

I don't want to know the benefits, when you're 40 you'll look 20 because its not true, my dad had the same problem and he is 40 and looks forty...

I know all this will change over the next few years but i just wanted to talk about my suffering.

Looking young for your age when you're 40 isn't a benefit, because you're already married and in a secure job, not trying to massively impress people and get girlfriends and be accepted, you're already established!!!

I would prefer look 90 when i'm 40, than 12 when i'm 18. So none of that crap.

I'm starting to not give a crap about my appearance (hair/clothes), i realise now that when everyone was 15 with long hair it was because they had embarrasments they were hiding by not caring about everything, i'm trying to get into that role so i don't care about this! But its not working.

If i go the pub right now, i seriously don't know what would happen, but the chances of embarrasment hugely outweigh the fun i may, because the whole time i will sit there feeling bad!

Thankyou, seriously thankyou for reading, any replies? i just want to talk about it really.

Reply 1

pamelaa

17

Not everyone's like this y'know. Find yourself some good friends who don't judge you on looks alone. Easier said than done I know, but a new start at university yeah? Don't let other people's opinions get you down infact if it were I'd be tempted to say something to that guy who said you looked 12. Too late now though, but yeah stick up for yourself :wink:

just because you look like you're 12 doesn't mean you should act like it. :P (and im sure you don't really, but just keep that in mind)

Reply 2

Double Agent

18

I could have written that myself mate, so i know what its like. First off, nobody will call you a peado if you go out with someone whos 15, 16, 17 etc. Without sugar coating it, you're pretty much going to have to wait it out. Theres loads you can do to make yourself appear older to other people and feel better within yourself. Get a short ish haircut, something smart and snappy, long styles make your face appear smaller and more babylike. Next, chose clothes in a more mature, fitted style, less what a teenager would wear, more adult. For example, classic looks, shirt,knitted jumper, decent shoes, blazer, straight leg jeans. Keep it fitted. You need to have a very confident and outgoing personality, it adds years to you. If you approach situations expecting people to assume youre a kid people will sense it and treat you so. Look after your body, youre old enough to get in the gym or get some weights and bulk up, it will make you look older for sure. Always carry ID, if you get asked which you will, just show it confidently and be ok about it, everywhere asks for id for insurence reasons anyway.

Reply 3

Kady

I used to know a guy exactly like you, in fact I used to work with him. He was one of the funniest, nicest guys I knew and after a few weeks I didn't even notice that he looked 12, despite being 18...he was just who he was. I used to get customers coming up to me asking how old he was, and I'd tell them and they'd just go "oh, cool" and that was the end of it.
I think if you pretend to be more confident in public, people won't notice you stick out as much (and i bet you don't stick out half as much as you think you do!!), and by noticing that people don't notice you, you'll gain real confidence.

As for going to the pub with your mates, does it tend to be the same pub that they always go to? Because the bar staff would get used to seeing you there and it won't even be an issue.

Seriously, I can guarantee that people don't even think about it half as much as you think they do.

I was terrified about coming to uni because I thought people would be shallow and not want to talk to me and things like that, but everyone just accepts everyone else for exactly who they are! There's no judging at all, as far as I've seen.

Just think positive :smile:

Reply 4

Ethem

I'm 17 and started Uni 2 months ago, and everyone here is much taller and much older than me. They're like 19-21. In the beginning I thought in the same way, and it was also pretty weird for me, but it really doesn't matter how you look like. It matters how you act. These kind of thoughts really aren't necessary. Of course people will be looking for friends at their age, but that doesn't mean they will distance themselves from young looking people. You should actually talk with them and not just walk with them. If you are mentally mature, you will talk like a mature person. And if you get to know them well, you will definitely feel much better :smile:

. The important thing is that you should make the move, if you want to meet new people. Don't be shy, you will have to do it in Uni anyway.
Also consider the fact, that girls will think you are cute looking, which is in my opinion a big bonus.

Reply 5

3105

I've been told I look 30+ when I'm only 18, it really bugs me. I would rather have your problem to be honest.

Reply 6

PygmyShrew

You've (understandably) blown it out of all proportion. Nobody is going to be looking at you all night laughing at how young you look. They might be a bit surprised at first, but it's not really funny or that interesting. I can't imagine anyone saying "He looks younger than he really is." and meaning it as anything more than a passing comment. People comment on it because they don't realise it's a big thing to you - Because it's not to them. If people were purposely avoiding commenting on it because it was obviously an embarrassing thing, that's when you need to worry :P

Reply 7

linda helena

13

You can't change the way you are and you can't change other people's behaviour. The only thing you do have power over is your own attitude. Try to work on that rather than focusing on what other people say, do and think.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Double Agent

I could have written that myself mate, so i know what its like. First off, nobody will call you a peado if you go out with someone whos 15, 16, 17 etc. Without sugar coating it, you're pretty much going to have to wait it out. Theres loads you can do to make yourself appear older to other people and feel better within yourself. Get a short ish haircut, something smart and snappy, long styles make your face appear smaller and more babylike. Next, chose clothes in a more mature, fitted style, less what a teenager would wear, more adult. For example, classic looks, shirt,knitted jumper, decent shoes, blazer, straight leg jeans. Keep it fitted. You need to have a very confident and outgoing personality, it adds years to you. If you approach situations expecting people to assume youre a kid people will sense it and treat you so. Look after your body, youre old enough to get in the gym or get some weights and bulk up, it will make you look older for sure. Always carry ID, if you get asked which you will, just show it confidently and be ok about it, everywhere asks for id for insurence reasons anyway.

I can't really appear to look older, it doesn't work - Just imagine a 13 year-old right, you see them in a suit - they just look like a 13-year old in a suit.... Haircut (short) makes me look younger because it reveals more of my face being young0looking.... Clothes is a good idea but not sure if it will actually make me look older...

I don't want to look older by cheat, i want to grow and actually LOOK older, i was just letting it all out, thanks for the advice but i was just looking for anyones responses, i appreciate it but i don't need a solution because i know it; To be patient - i'm just struggling to keep patient and wanted to talk about it :smile:

I'm 17, so i don't really need ID, when i have it in some ways i'll feel like 'HAHA' when i give it to a waiter who thinks they have caught me out - but getting ID'd isn't a problem until they laugh or something.

I may be 'OLD' enough to go to the gym but you see that age requirement is set keeping in mind someone who has normal growth; i'm in the body of a 13 year old and they are not old enough to the gym regardless of how mature they are; i don't think i can physically gain muscle yet.... I haven't grown- enough, i'm not at that stage yet... It sucks, i've tried, it ***** me off that i can't because i'd love to weight-train.

Thanks :smile:

Reply 9

sparkyworton

i got advice! use your young looks to your advantage and get bus and train travel cheap!!!!!

Also bar staff don't have time to laugh at you! at my union they don't id anyone :p:

also isn't the age for drinking lower in spain?

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Kady

I used to know a guy exactly like you, in fact I used to work with him. He was one of the funniest, nicest guys I knew and after a few weeks I didn't even notice that he looked 12, despite being 18...he was just who he was. I used to get customers coming up to me asking how old he was, and I'd tell them and they'd just go "oh, cool" and that was the end of it.
I think if you pretend to be more confident in public, people won't notice you stick out as much (and i bet you don't stick out half as much as you think you do!!), and by noticing that people don't notice you, you'll gain real confidence.

As for going to the pub with your mates, does it tend to be the same pub that they always go to? Because the bar staff would get used to seeing you there and it won't even be an issue.

Seriously, I can guarantee that people don't even think about it half as much as you think they do.

I was terrified about coming to uni because I thought people would be shallow and not want to talk to me and things like that, but everyone just accepts everyone else for exactly who they are! There's no judging at all, as far as I've seen.

Just think positive :smile:

I think your right that people don't constantly think about how old people look; i don't see others and guess there age - Just i think about it all the time when i'm walking about, whenever someone looks at me and can't help but think they are thinking it.......

It's just something i think about it so much i associate others as doing the same even though i am aware no1 really thinks about it :smile:

Thanks though, also i am confident, i don't hide away, i'm very outgoing and chatty and jokey... I'm just unconfident when it comes to certain fronts such as buying a DVD.... And although i always think people stare at me guessing my age wrongly it doesn't make me less confident, its just a nag in my head ******* me off... Today i really tried not to think about it - like who cares if they don't think i'm 17 when buying a DVD but its so hard not to care when it bothers me so much,

Saying my age is embarrasing for me and i know it shouldn't be but in my head i can't get out of that habit.

Its weird because i don't remember starting to care about looking young - i think its when i started working (at 16) and since then everything i do i just feel a little sub-conscious about.... I sware when i was 15 looking 12 i didn't care or think about it! And now that i do it sucks i think its because i went on Holiday to Barbados and every dinner,lunch,breakfast they asked my age to see if i would get my meal for free by being under 12 and i'd say 17 and they were shocked, One day i said i was 13 and they were surprised and i went back to my hotel room and cried all day didn't come out - i actually stopped paying for my meals to avoid getting asked i'd just sneak out of the buffet room... It was horrible, the worst its ever been. I mean they were black so there perception of age differs but still they needed to **** off...

I'm going to try not to care anymore and just try go to the cinema etc and just try not to care and not make an issue of it, its a fact i'm young and it doesn't matter, i can see a 15 legally so who cares what they think.
But i'll still have a small fear everytime i go just incase there surprised and ask questions, i'd feel alot better if i punched the next person that is surprised ...

I really wish i could just forget about it, and just never think about it.... Would be SO great. I wish it could just be forgotten, still aware i'm young-looking but don't think about it all the time. It even affects my dreams now. Most happenings in them are concerned with problems of looking young.

Sorry i'm ranting, i'm just trying to figure out why i think about it so much.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

3105

I've been told I look 30+ when I'm only 18, it really bugs me. I would rather have your problem to be honest.

Ironically, i'd way prefer to have your problem...I would kill an african to look 30. I'd kill a british citizen actually, i really would.
Atleast you can walk around without thinking people are looking at you strangely, because atleast when your in your 6th form suit lets say... People think you look like a buisness man, nothing else to it. They look at me and think WTF why is he in a suit.

Do you have really sub-conscious feelings then all the time in certain situations, like do you feel extremely embarrased on revealing your age etc?

Thing is i'm 17 and my voice hasn't fully broken, its a really bad place to be, i can't speak maturely because i haven't got a deep voice so i just sound like a smart kid.

Trust me, having delayed puberty is hell. I dunno about your side but if its anything like mine, i'm sorry you have to go through the pain too :frown:

When you have to say your 18, do you feel really bad for hours after and like... Tbh i cry in bed, no jokes, i'm 17 male and i cry in bed it hurts me so much, i can't control my anger later, i go ******* skitz... Its so hard to explain. no1 can think i'm pathetic for crying because its so emotionally painful, if anyone had gone through the same life experience they would inevitably cry... Its easy to look at it with your popular view, going out with friends not thinking about going to cinema as a burden and to say its pathetic to cry because someone doesn't believe your age... But these people could never understand what i mean - i truely believe its the equivalent of having no legs and going into a night club and trying to chat up girls ... Equally difficult, i truely think that. Call me stupid or not. From my perspective, i imagine me and the man with no legs would feel the same/.

Reply 12

Double Agent

18

Have you actually started puberty? If not you should go to the docs and make sure everythings ok. If yes then you're going to have to stop moaning about it and get on with life, its too short to spend time worrying wether you'll be asked your age when buying a dvd.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

sparkyworton

i got advice! use your young looks to your advantage and get bus and train travel cheap!!!!!

Also bar staff don't have time to laugh at you! at my union they don't id anyone :p:

also isn't the age for drinking lower in spain?

It's very degrading to have my problem and lie about your age and people don't think anything of it, if i say i'm 13 and people believe me, it makes me feel equally bad as saying i'm 17 and them not believing me... I know i look 13 but it still hurts......

I do take these advantages though, its just embarrasing when you're friends can't get the child ticket and you can. The fact you just said 'they don't ID anyone' is exactly my problem; there is an Indian that my friends say 'No1 gets ID'd' i do. The fact 'NOONE DOES' and i 'DO' makes me feel extremely bad, it really hurts... Although i do get accepted there now and that feels nice, when i go there i'm very scared they will ID me.

Also yeah, Spain does have lower age requirements, all the more embarrasing when i get ID'd and questioned of my age - especially if they don't believe me to the extent they think my ID is fake and i have to show them my debit card to reassure that the name and picture is me....
I'll be 18 by then so it won't matter but its all just so embarrasing...

Thanks for your reply though :smile:

xxXxxxx

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Double Agent

Have you actually started puberty? If not you should go to the docs and make sure everythings ok. If yes then you're going to have to stop moaning about it and get on with life, its too short to spend time worrying wether you'll be asked your age when buying a dvd.

I have started yes, as i said, i can Cum and my voice is starting to deepen... And i wanted to have a moan to get it off my chest - theres no1 else to speak to about this problem.. I did the most pathetic thing the other day - i feel so emasculated, i went to the docters to talk about the problem and started crying cause i couldn't take the emotions, i just left and said sorry, was so embarrasing.

The last part - you are right, i shouldn't worry about it. But as i approach the till, its very hard to control my fear and emotion...

Thanks though, you are correct.

Reply 15

Sparxy

14

Anonymous

I have started yes, as i said, i can Cum and my voice is starting to deepen...

Haha, sorry I just love how blantant you put that.. :p:

"yes, i can cum".. :laughing:

Sorryyy.. :biggrin:

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

I've just read everything i've wrote, i'm so pathetic - its such a pathetic thing to moan about - I just sound like a pathetic moaner who needs to get a grip ... i am absolutely ******* pathetic for thinking like this and being so sub-conscious, its so pathetic...

I can imagine people's reactions just thinking i am a complete **** who feels sorry for himself. I'm embarrased to even sound like that ... But everything i've said is the truth, pathetic as it sounds. Its how i feel - i guess i'm just pathetic.

Reply 17

raiiindroplets

Hey. reading through this it sounds like a major pain in the arse. i guess who have to look on the bright side though don't you without trying to sound cliche. you mention you've got with loads of girls- so you're attractive & intelligent and there is a silver lining- you WILL fully mature.
I look young, younger than my friends & i hate it- i know exactly what you mean with the thing where somebody says 'no1 gets I.D'd. and you go and get ID'd. i went on holiday in the summer & everybody went out at night.. except me & 2 other friends, who stayed with me out of loyalty. So that was a load of ****. and i know about a zillion other occasions where it's bad. However as with everything there are plus sides! you can get cheap travel, you can be sneaky & look innocent, i bet you can get away with ALOT compared to your friends- i know i can, you can blag your way out of things & people will think its cute.
i'm not sure this helped at all, but i hope it did a tiny bit. just wanted to you know there are other people out there who find it stressy- please don't get too down about it!xx

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

OP

Sparxy

Haha, sorry I just love how blantant you put that.. :p:

"yes, i can cum".. :laughing:

Sorryyy.. :biggrin:

No need to apologise, Yeah i'm just being honest no need to lie or do stupid innuendo's... I could have said i can bash the bishop but i may aswell be honest and blunt.

Reply 19

Sparxy

14

Anonymous

No need to apologise, Yeah i'm just being honest no need to lie or do stupid innuendo's... I could have said i can bash the bishop but i may aswell be honest and blunt.

Nah, to be honest I wouldn't worry mate..

You've said you can get girls, I don't see a problem! :p:

Everyone matures (physically) at some point, your just slightly more late than others - big woop.

You'll be fine mate. :wink:

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