does he want to break up with me?

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Ciel.
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#1
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#1
he wants me to admit myself to one of those *****y 'luxury' centres/clinics 'for a few weeks'. as you can imagine i'm beyond insulted/humiliated/angry. ibarely got any sleep last night bc of it, and i think i finally figured out why he wants me to do that. he wants to distance himself from me, before breaking up?

i think the fact that we don't have kids/will never have kids is really starting to get to him (he's in his 30s so lots of his friends have kids plus his mother never shuts up about it). obviouly i know there are options like adoption/surrogates but i wouldn't make a good parent. kids just disgust me. i don't know why but i have 0 parental instincts. it wouldnt end well
Last edited by Ciel.; 3 weeks ago
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Little pecker
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#2
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#2
Just go to the clinic it might be fun
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Ciel.
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#3
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#3
(Original post by Little pecker)
Just go to the clinic it might be fun
i don't need it. he's just trying to get rid of me.
and he's too busy to take care of our dog
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journeyaway
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Ciel.)
he wants me to admit myself to one of those *****y 'luxury' centres/clinics 'for a few weeks'. as you can imagine i'm beyond insulted/humiliated/angry. ibarely got any sleep last night bc of it, and i think i finally figured out why he wants me to do that. he wants to distance himself from me, before breaking up?

i think the fact that we don't have kids/will never have kids is really starting to get to him (he's in his 30s so lots of his friends have kids plus his mother never shuts up about it). obviouly i know there are options like adoption/surrogates but i wouldn't make a good parent. kids just disgust me. i don't know why but i have 0 parental instincts. it wouldnt end well
You need to ask him whether he wants you to admit yourself to one of those clinics for the reason you have just stated. Obviously I don't know the context/background story, but is it worth getting angry until you've talked to him about it?

As for children - this can be a dealbreaker. I've seen it break relationships that have gone on for years. If he definitely wants children and you most definitely do not want them, then the two of you need to discuss this and see whether it's a make-or-break in the relationship.
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Ciel.
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#5
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#5
(Original post by journeyaway)
You need to ask him whether he wants you to admit yourself to one of those clinics for the reason you have just stated. Obviously I don't know the context/background story, but is it worth getting angry until you've talked to him about it?

As for children - this can be a dealbreaker. I've seen it break relationships that have gone on for years. If he definitely wants children and you most definitely do not want them, then the two of you need to discuss this and see whether it's a make-or-break in the relationship.
why would he tell me the truth?
i know it can be a deal breaker. he should be honest with me. why does he keep lying. he's just using my youth and my good looks he will probably leave me when im in my 30s and no longer good enough, im so ****ing sick of it all. he should just tell me the truth
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YaliaV123
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#6
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#6
Your relationship is very toxic on both sides, so bringing kids into the picture would not be a good idea.
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Ciel.
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#7
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#7
(Original post by YaliaV123)
Your relationship is very toxic on both sides, so bringing kids into the picture would not be a good idea.
he would make a good dad
but i don't like kids. idk why. i just don't. i love baby animals so it's not like i'm a monster or anything, but i just cant stand kids. and obviously id have to involve myself too so i dont think it would ever work out
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LeoKisia
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Ciel.)
he wants me to admit myself to one of those *****y 'luxury' centres/clinics 'for a few weeks'. as you can imagine i'm beyond insulted/humiliated/angry. ibarely got any sleep last night bc of it, and i think i finally figured out why he wants me to do that. he wants to distance himself from me, before breaking up?

i think the fact that we don't have kids/will never have kids is really starting to get to him (he's in his 30s so lots of his friends have kids plus his mother never shuts up about it). obviouly i know there are options like adoption/surrogates but i wouldn't make a good parent. kids just disgust me. i don't know why but i have 0 parental instincts. it wouldnt end well
The fundamental reason for existence of the male gender in all species is reproduction. A normal healthy man's instinct is poised to gravitate towards a female so as to have kids (and before that, the process of sex)- and NOT to adopt another man's produce. Lions kill other weaker lion's cubs once they overtake a kingdom so that they inherit the lioness and their offspring. So, the simple answer is YES he is going to break up with you, and have kids whether you like it or not.
Last edited by LeoKisia; 3 weeks ago
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Ciel.
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#9
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#9
(Original post by LeoKisia)
The fundamental reason for existence of the male gender in all species is reproduction. A normal healthy man's instinct is poised to gravitate towards a female so as to have kids (and before that, the process of sex)- and NOT to adopt another man's produce. Lions kill other weaker lion's cubs once they overtake a kingdom so that they inherit the lioness and their offspring. So, the simple answer is YES he is going to break up with you, and have kids whether you like it or not.
so what, people who don't want kids aren't 'normal and healthy' then?
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1secondsofvamps
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#10
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#10
You two aren't compatible or good for each other, you show that in all threads of yours
11
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Ciel.
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#11
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#11
(Original post by 1secondsofvamps)
You two aren't compatible or good for each other, you show that in all threads of yours
but why. what am i doing wrong. i'm trynig my best to make things work. and i'm still very attractive(minus his compaints about me being too skinny bt my face is like really pretty
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Ciel.
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#12
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#12
(Original post by HaruhiSuoh)
I think this is a troll.
if my post sounds a little all over the place it's bc i'm on a prettyyy high dose of benzos. haha
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londonmyst
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#13
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#13
No, I don't think that he is planning to break up with you.
It sounds like he wants to pay for you to relax, recuperate and have your meds & diet reassessed in a luxury treatement facility staffed by experienced professionals.
So that you have a higher chance of being healthier and happier in time for the Christmas holidays.

About the kids thing, it sounds like his mother is being very manipulative and trying to it to cause hassle between you & him.
I've had bf's with a monster mummy that did that.
I have a one child only dealbreaker and won't get involved with guys that want multiple children or already have responsibility for a child.
Have you had a detailed discussion with your bf about his options for biological children through ivf coparenting with a woman?
Maybe him know that while you don't want any direct involvement, you would be okay with him considering the coparenting route.
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Ciel.
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#14
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#14
(Original post by londonmyst)
No, I don't think that he is planning to break up with you.
It sounds like he wants to pay for you to relax, recuperate and have your meds & diet reassessed in a luxury treatement facility staffed by experienced professionals.
So that you have a higher chance of being healthier and happier in time for the Christmas holidays.

About the kids thing, it sounds like his mother is being very manipulative and trying to it to cause hassle between you & him.
I've had bf's with a monster mummy that did that.
I have a one child only dealbreaker and won't get involved with guys that want multiple children or already have responsibility for a child.
Have you had a detailed discussion with your bf about his options for biological children through ivf coparenting with a woman?
Maybe him know that while you don't want any direct involvement, you would be okay with him considering the coparenting route.
maybe. idk. but i don't think that sort of place is the right enviroment for me. i don't like it when other people are in charg eof my hea;th/diet/meds
i'm not sure i could cope with something like that/ is probably be jealous. of that women. and the kid getting all his attention :< maybe he could just hire a surrogate and stuff. he cant expect me to help out tho
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Anonymous #1
#15
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#15
Well yeah it sounds like he wants a future that you don't, so he probably needs to consider finding someone he can have kids with. It wouldn't be fair fo him to give up on what he wants out of his life because you don't like kids, nor should you be pressured into having them when you're apparently in a position to be committed to a rehabilitation centre?

I think he's concerned about you and wouldn't suggest it ootherwise. If he really wanted to get rid of you i know some people would have someone committed secretly and against their will by force. Your concern seems to be feeling unwanted and abandoned, but if you make it all about that then you can't make the right decision for both of you.
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Ciel.
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#16
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#16
(Original post by Anonymous)
Well yeah it sounds like he wants a future that you don't, so he probably needs to consider finding someone he can have kids with. It wouldn't be fair fo him to give up on what he wants out of his life because you don't like kids, nor should you be pressured into having them when you're apparently in a position to be committed to a rehabilitation centre?

I think he's concerned about you and wouldn't suggest it ootherwise. If he really wanted to get rid of you i know some people would have someone committed secretly and against their will by force. Your concern seems to be feeling unwanted and abandoned, but if you make it all about that then you can't make the right decision for both of you.
but why the sudden change of hear,t he knows i'd make a terrible parent. against my will? they can't do that. i know my rights. i have a law degree. like, i'm not mad
why would he prioritise a random kid over me
how am i suppsposed to accept that
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Anonymous #1
#17
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#17
(Original post by Ciel.)
but why the sudden change of hear,t he knows i'd make a terrible parent. against my will? they can't do that. i know my rights. i have a law degree. like, i'm not mad
why would he prioritise a random kid over me
how am i suppsposed to accept that
Do you have any kind of NPD?
It doesn't sound sudden tbh given the threads you've posted over a long time. But if you're an enabler of toxic relationships and abandonment-focused then you'll not see the signs that have been showed to you many times before. It's not a random kid, it's called building a family. If you have a co-dependent relationship then you won't like the idea of making space for anyone else. But i think that's an issue you need to work through with a therapist and without this man. You're both holding each other back in life.
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Anonymous #1
#18
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#18
Have you heard of 'radical acceptance'
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Ciel.
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#19
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#19
(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you have any kind of NPD?
It doesn't sound sudden tbh given the threads you've posted over a long time. But if you're an enabler of toxic relationships and abandonment-focused then you'll not see the signs that have been showed to you many times before. It's not a random kid, it's called building a family. If you have a co-dependent relationship then you won't like the idea of making space for anyone else. But i think that's an issue you need to work through with a therapist and without this man. You're both holding each other back in life.
npd? like a personality disorder? no
you don't need kids to build a family. we could just get another dog, or a cat.
like if he really loves me why would he want to replace me with someone else, just bc they can give him a stupid kid

(Original post by Anonymous)
Have you heard of 'radical acceptance'
no
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Anonymous #1
#20
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#20
(Original post by Ciel.)
npd? like a personality disorder? no
you don't need kids to build a family. we could just get another dog, or a cat.
like if he really loves me why would he want to replace me with someone else, just bc they can give him a stupid kid


no
well radical acceptance is related to exactly what you're doing now which is denying the reality and focusing on why 'it shouldn't be that way', as a way to deny the reality and not move forward out of fear. Accepting it and facing the truth would help you get out of this trap. Itt shouldn't hurt your pride to just admit you need help, get it, and help the oveerall situation. Do you enjoy suffering? If no, then why not help yourself? If yes, then why demand your partner put up with it when they want a family? A dog or a cat does not solve a toxic relationship. A toxic relationship is like quicksand. It's just not fair fr anyone here including you. Take up his offer to seek help somehow and if he wants to go just let him. Find someone that's better for you once you are in a more stable place.
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