does he want to break up with me?

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the_pharaoh
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#21
Report 2 weeks ago
#21
(Original post by Ciel.)
npd? like a personality disorder? no
you don't need kids to build a family. we could just get another dog, or a cat.
like if he really loves me why would he want to replace me with someone else, just bc they can give him a stupid kid
or maybe he doesnt love you because you cant give him what he wants/needs
Last edited by the_pharaoh; 2 weeks ago
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Ciel.
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#22
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#22
(Original post by Anonymous)
well radical acceptance is related to exactly what you're doing now which is denying the reality and focusing on why 'it shouldn't be that way', as a way to deny the reality and not move forward out of fear. Accepting it and facing the truth would help you get out of this trap. Itt shouldn't hurt your pride to just admit you need help, get it, and help the oveerall situation. Do you enjoy suffering? If no, then why not help yourself? If yes, then why demand your partner put up with it when they want a family? A dog or a cat does not solve a toxic relationship. A toxic relationship is like quicksand. It's just not fair fr anyone here including you. Take up his offer to seek help somehow and if he wants to go just let him. Find someone that's better for you once you are in a more stable place.
spending weeks in what is essentially a vip psych ward won't fix anything. it will just make things worse
(Original post by the_pharaoh)
or maybe he doesnt love you because you cant give him what he wants/needs

thanks i feel so much better now....... :////////

why is everyone taking his side
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Anonymous #1
#23
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#23
(Original post by Ciel.)
spending weeks in what is essentially a vip psych ward won't fix anything. it will just make things worse



thanks i feel so much better now....... :////////

why is everyone taking his side
I'm not siding with him i hope you realise that you do need to seek help and find the strength to actually do something differently this time instead of insist you know what's best and then end up in the same position again. Worrying about feeling offended that others see you struggling when you clearly are and put the responsibility on them to put up with it or fix it when you need to take the responsibility to get the right help.

I hope you feel better, i think you need to try a new thing this time to see a change though.
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londonmyst
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#24
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#24
(Original post by Ciel.)
i'm not sure i could cope with something like that/ is probably be jealous. of that women. and the kid getting all his attention :< maybe he could just hire a surrogate and stuff. he cant expect me to help out tho
I doubt that you would be jealous of any woman for having ivf, getting pregnant, putting on weight and coping with the worst pregnancy symptoms for 7-9 months.
Never mind struggling to get back in shape while looking after a crying baby and then spending at least 16 years coparenting the child with a guy that they may regard as a good friend and committed coparent but they have zero sexual attraction to & no sexual interest in.

I'm going to be going down the egg freezing, ivf and coparenting routes.
I support coparenting.
But don't agree with anyone using an anonymous paid donor to go down the commercial surrogacy route, planning to raise a child with the 'donor not daddy/mummy' mentality.
I've seen how often that backfires where the child wants to know about both biological parents or meet them and gets obsessively insistent for several years.
The practical impact of this not being possible during childhood can be very unpleasant for the child, their single parent by choice and the third parties who get to know either well.
Very off-putting for single people who are considering their own ivf and surrogacy options.
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Ciel.
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#25
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#25
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm not siding with him i hope you realise that you do need to seek help and find the strength to actually do something differently this time instead of insist you know what's best and then end up in the same position again. Worrying about feeling offended that others see you struggling when you clearly are and put the responsibility on them to put up with it or fix it when you need to take the responsibility to get the right help.

I hope you feel better, i think you need to try a new thing this time to see a change though.
but i am trying to fix things. i've tried so many different meds, but nothing works
i just need to deal with my problems by myself, psych meds just mess me up even more
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Ciel.
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#26
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#26
(Original post by londonmyst)
I doubt that you would be jealous of any woman for having ivf, getting pregnant, putting on weight and coping with the worst pregnancy symptoms for 7-9 months.
Never mind struggling to get back in shape while looking after a crying baby and then spending at least 16 years coparenting the child with a guy that they may regard as a good friend and committed coparent but they have zero sexual attraction to & no sexual interest in.

I'm going to be going down the egg freezing, ivf and coparenting routes.
I support coparenting.
But don't agree with anyone using an anonymous paid donor to go down the commercial surrogacy route, planning to raise a child with the 'donor not daddy/mummy' mentality.
I've seen how often that backfires where the child wants to know about both biological parents or meet them and gets obsessively insistent for several years.
The practical impact of this not being possible during childhood can be very unpleasant for the child, their single parent by choice and the third parties who get to know either well.
Very off-putting for single people who are considering their own ivf and surrogacy options.
but theres no guarantee there would be no sexual attraction between them
idk i just cant focus on anything rn
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londonmyst
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#27
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#27
(Original post by Ciel.)
but theres no guarantee there would be no sexual attraction between them
idk i just cant focus on anything rn
A lot of people deliberately choose the best coparent option that they know is the most incompatible with their attraction dealbreakers and relationship preferences.
Because they don't want any relationship beyond coparenting & casual friendship and know that there won't ever be sexual involvement.

Talk to your bf when you are both in a reasonably good mood.
That way the two of you will be able to work towards fully understanding the other person's personal ambitions and relationship dealbreakers.
Last edited by londonmyst; 2 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
#28
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#28
(Original post by Ciel.)
but i am trying to fix things. i've tried so many different meds, but nothing works
i just need to deal with my problems by myself, psych meds just mess me up even more
Have you challenged this statement?

That you are rational enough to deal with them alone. or You say that but then don't want to let this person go, suggesting you need him in your life to be able to deal with things. Meds must be hard I don't have experience with them but would it be better to just be off them if you aren't consistent with them?
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Little pecker
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#29
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#29
(Original post by Ciel.)
i don't need it. he's just trying to get rid of me.
and he's too busy to take care of our dog
You need it, go
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Smeraldettoi
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#30
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#30
It sounds like you need to break up with this dude
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username5827042
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#31
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#31
maybe talk to him about it?
he shouldn't be asking you to do something if it's going to make you uncomfortable.
but then if you're both on different pages in regards to having children then you probably need to talk to each other about it.
having kids (like it or not) is a huge deal for a lot of people, definitely not something to take lightly or ignore.
you'll have to be honest about not wanting to have them - particularly if children 'disgust' you.
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LeoKisia
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#32
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#32
(Original post by Ciel.)
so what, people who don't want kids aren't 'normal and healthy' then?
No, if you choose NOT to have kids, look for people who DONT want to have kids. period. Dont act like a victim here.
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Ciel.
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#33
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#33
(Original post by londonmyst)
A lot of people deliberately choose the best coparent option that they know is the most incompatible with their attraction dealbreakers and relationship preferences.
Because they don't want any relationship beyond coparenting & casual frienship and know that there won't ever be sexual involvement.

Talk to your bf when you are both in a reasonably good mood.
That way the two of you will be able to work towards fully understanding the other person's personal ambitions and relationship dealbreakers.
i will look into it but idk im not convinced.. thanks
(Original post by Anonymous)
Have you challenged this statement?

That you are rational enough to deal with them alone. or You say that but then don't want to let this person go, suggesting you need him in your life to be able to deal with things. Meds must be hard I don't have experience with them but would it be better to just be off them if you aren't consistent with them?
yeah i shold prob go off my meds, im considering it
(Original post by Little pecker)
You need it, go
i don't, no need to be rude
(Original post by Ainnee91)
maybe talk to him about it?
he shouldn't be asking you to do something if it's going to make you uncomfortable.
but then if you're both on different pages in regards to having children then you probably need to talk to each other about it.
having kids (like it or not) is a huge deal for a lot of people, definitely not something to take lightly or ignore.
you'll have to be honest about not wanting to have them - particularly if children 'disgust' you.
eh he always thinks that he knows better
he's aware of the fact that i don't want kids. he always says he's fine with it bt i can tell hes lying
(Original post by LeoKisia)
No, if you choose NOT to have kids, look for people who DONT want to have kids. period. Dont act like a victim here.
he had no interest in being a parent when we first got together, so stop blaming me?
Last edited by Ciel.; 2 weeks ago
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username5827042
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#34
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#34
honestly sounds like you're just not happy and have a lot of doubts about the relationship.
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Doomotron
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#35
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#35
Feelings change. He may not have wanted children when you first got together, but over the period you've been together, he would have started to want one. Unfortunately for you, having a child is the ultimate goal for the vast majority of the population, and a dealbreaker for many. As has been explained by others, our sole reason for living, and the instinctive reason we fall in love, is to reproduce. You may not care about having children, and that's perfectly fine, but please don't stop him from achieving his life goal because you don't like children. Being a parent is the most rewarding experience a person can have, so please do not force your way of thinking onto him - at least without a proper, civil discussion. I don't know much about your relationship with him, but you do seem to be quite suspecting of him. A toxic relationship? Maybe. I'm not sure. Only you can decide that.
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Bang Outta Order
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#36
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#36
(Original post by Little pecker)
Just go to the clinic it might be fun
Lmao. Fun? It's rehab, not a water theme park 😂
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Anonymous #1
#37
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#37
(Original post by Ciel.)
i will look into it but idk im not convinced.. thanks

yeah i shold prob go off my meds, im considering it

i don't, no need to be rude

eh he always thinks that he knows better
he's aware of the fact that i don't want kids. he always says he's fine with it bt i can tell hes lying

he had no interest in being a parent when we first got together, so stop blaming me?
How long have you been together? how old are you?
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Ciel.
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#38
Report Thread starter 2 weeks ago
#38
(Original post by Ainnee91)
honestly sounds like you're just not happy and have a lot of doubts about the relationship.
i don't like being treated like a child
(Original post by Doomotron)
Feelings change. He may not have wanted children when you first got together, but over the period you've been together, he would have started to want one. Unfortunately for you, having a child is the ultimate goal for the vast majority of the population, and a dealbreaker for many. As has been explained by others, our sole reason for living, and the instinctive reason we fall in love, is to reproduce. You may not care about having children, and that's perfectly fine, but please don't stop him from achieving his life goal because you don't like children. Being a parent is the most rewarding experience a person can have, so please do not force your way of thinking onto him - at least without a proper, civil discussion. I don't know much about your relationship with him, but you do seem to be quite suspecting of him. A toxic relationship? Maybe. I'm not sure. Only you can decide that.
our sole reason for living? are you kidding me? it's 2021
and anyway, i should be way more important to him than some random stupid kid
i don't understand you people at all
(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
Lmao. Fun? It's rehab, not a water theme park 😂
hi sexy
:///// not going anywehere
(Original post by Anonymous)
How long have you been together? how old are you?
7-8years i guess? i'm in my mid 20s
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Anonymous #1
#39
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#39
(Original post by Ciel.)
i don't like being treated like a child

our sole reason for living? are you kidding me? it's 2021
and anyway, i should be way more important to him than some random stupid kid
i don't understand you people at all

hi sexy
:///// not going anywehere

7-8years i guess? i'm in my mid 20s
I really think you've outgrown the relationship tbh you're so young there's no point clinging to this person when you don't have the same wishes for the future what's the point? who is it benefiting? It's just hurting you and him.
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username5827042
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#40
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#40
you're kind of just rejecting everyone's opinions and advice
obviously you're not happy in your relationship and have a lot of doubts - you're going to after either talk to him and work through it or try and move on.
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