Why won't guys approach me?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#1
Like I'm not ugly and I'm not the prettiest girl in the world either but I've never been approached by anyone except a creep who I never liked even before I found out he was a creep. Some guys have shown interest in me but never approached me. I could never approach them, I don't have the guts/confidence to with being an introvert. Like are they that scared to approach me? Is being quiet really putting guys off. Like all the guys that showed an interest, they all in relationships now. They didn't even bother trying with me even when I could tell they liked me. I feel like this will keep happening, they just see that I'm quiet and think that that is all there is to me but it isn't. I am a human being with feelings, I have hobbies/interests, a career, a family. I'm not a mute, I do talk. I just can't approach people and don't think I will ever have the guts to. When people approach me I do talk to them. I know I should try but I can't, the idea of approaching anyone just gives me terrible anxiety. All these stories I hear about quiet girls being approached, even getting married gives me hope but then again it doesn't when I remember that anyone I've ever liked never became mine even just for a little while. They didn't think I was worth it and weren't brave enough to talk to me even if they were extroverts.

I want to meet someone while I'm still young. I know some people meet someone later in life but I don't want to be one of those people. When I'm older I'll have to worry about ageing and preparing for my death. Plus if no one wants me now, who's going to want me when I'm older? Either guys are too intimidated to approach me or I'm ugly but if that were the case I wouldn't be getting so much attention by men when I go out. It's not even just men, it's women as well. Like everyone stares at me wherever I go. They wouldn't stare at an ugly person would they?

I'm trying online dating but whenever it gets to the stage of meeting, I always get anxious thinking something bad might happen if we meet and end up making an excuse like I'm busy or something plus the guys aren't really my type so there wouldn't be a point meeting them.

I'm at a point where I've given up on ever meeting anyone, I'll probably just delete my dating profile. I doubt I'm going to meet anyone now. I haven't been out much since covid and the first lockdown last year. It's has really held me back. I've tried Facebook groups and discord to meet new people but had no luck in that either and I don't know what else o try. I'm not really a social person, I have a few online friends so no one to ask if they know any decent single men.

I guess im just destined to spend life alone. I have my family, they understand I'm quiet and don't push me, they leave me alone which is what I prefer. I don't really interact with anyone at home. Just spend all my time alone in my room. I wish there was someone I could talk to that would always be there for me.
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 2 months ago
#2
Unpopular opinion: Give the creep a chance

(Original post by Anonymous)
Like I'm not ugly and I'm not the prettiest girl in the world either but I've never been approached by anyone except a creep who I never liked even before I found out he was a creep. Some guys have shown interest in me but never approached me. I could never approach them, I don't have the guts/confidence to with being an introvert. Like are they that scared to approach me? Is being quiet really putting guys off. Like all the guys that showed an interest, they all in relationships now. They didn't even bother trying with me even when I could tell they liked me. I feel like this will keep happening, they just see that I'm quiet and think that that is all there is to me but it isn't. I am a human being with feelings, I have hobbies/interests, a career, a family. I'm not a mute, I do talk. I just can't approach people and don't think I will ever have the guts to. When people approach me I do talk to them. I know I should try but I can't, the idea of approaching anyone just gives me terrible anxiety. All these stories I hear about quiet girls being approached, even getting married gives me hope but then again it doesn't when I remember that anyone I've ever liked never became mine even just for a little while. They didn't think I was worth it and weren't brave enough to talk to me even if they were extroverts.

I want to meet someone while I'm still young. I know some people meet someone later in life but I don't want to be one of those people. When I'm older I'll have to worry about ageing and preparing for my death. Plus if no one wants me now, who's going to want me when I'm older? Either guys are too intimidated to approach me or I'm ugly but if that were the case I wouldn't be getting so much attention by men when I go out. It's not even just men, it's women as well. Like everyone stares at me wherever I go. They wouldn't stare at an ugly person would they?

I'm trying online dating but whenever it gets to the stage of meeting, I always get anxious thinking something bad might happen if we meet and end up making an excuse like I'm busy or something plus the guys aren't really my type so there wouldn't be a point meeting them.

I'm at a point where I've given up on ever meeting anyone, I'll probably just delete my dating profile. I doubt I'm going to meet anyone now. I haven't been out much since covid and the first lockdown last year. It's has really held me back. I've tried Facebook groups and discord to meet new people but had no luck in that either and I don't know what else o try. I'm not really a social person, I have a few online friends so no one to ask if they know any decent single men.

I guess im just destined to spend life alone. I have my family, they understand I'm quiet and don't push me, they leave me alone which is what I prefer. I don't really interact with anyone at home. Just spend all my time alone in my room. I wish there was someone I could talk to that would always be there for me.
Unpopolar opinion: Give the creep a chance. Guys like to "steal" girls from other guys. They can't "steal" you if its obvious that you are alone.
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Anonymous #3
#3
Report 2 months ago
#3
Are you at university?

Could you meet people there?
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Anonymous #4
#4
Report 2 months ago
#4
Tbh if guys are staring at you a lot, it probably means you are more attractive than you think. As a guy, I don't approach very attractive girls, especially girls who look really sexy, unless they are really friendly and easy to talk to and they make it easy by talking to me first or showing a lot of interest in me. If they don't do that I always think, they have a boyfriend, they get hit on constantly and will think I'm another creepy guy, they won't be interested in me anyway, or they will think I'm harassing them. So maybe you should try and improve your social skills and try to be more friendly to guys that you like.
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Old Skool Freak
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#5
Report 2 months ago
#5
So you say that you notice guys checking you out, but they don't approach you... where are you seeing these guys? Is it in a social environment where it's "acceptable" for a stranger to approach a random person and talk to them? Also, when you notice them looking at you, how do you react? There's sort of a "peek-a-boo" game people play when they're trying to eye someone up or they notice someone looking at them. It normally goes a bit like this:-

1) Girl notices guy looking at her a bit longer than is normal / natural
2) Girl looks down in a coy sort or manner
3) Girl slowly looks back at guy to see if he's still looking
4) Girl smiles coyly at him.
5) Guy maybe smiles back and approaches, if it's in a social type environment.

Still if you're not getting guys approaching you, you'll have to get over your anxiety and approach them. It may help if you let go of the whole "Wedding bells" and beautiful kids thingy just yet, and approach them with the mind-set, "Lets see if these are cool guys" or "lets find out their story"... remember they're just normal human beings, who've probably got their own anxieties / hang-ups etc. Just open with a simple, "Hey, how's it going?" and see where that takes you.
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Chicken.M.
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#6
Report 2 months ago
#6
Same reason you don't approach them lol.

I have a similar problem atm. I have a crush on a quiet/shy girl at uni but I'm quite shy and introverted as well so it's difficult to find opportunities to talk to her lol. I'm just leaving it up to chance since we're on the same course and I'll be seeing her in classes for the next 3 years.
Last edited by Chicken.M.; 2 months ago
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Old Skool Freak
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#7
Report 2 months ago
#7
(Original post by Chicken.M.)
Same reason you don't approach them lol.

I have a similar problem atm. I have a crush on a quiet/shy girl at uni but I'm quite shy and introverted as well so it's difficult to find opportunities to talk to her lol. I'm just leaving it up to chance since we're on the same course and I'll be seeing her in classes for the next 3 years.
Dude... seriously...

Put your hand down your trousers, realise you have a functioning set of balls, and take the initiative.

As a guy, you need to overcome your shyness otherwise you're going to end up old and lonely. Shyness is far worse for straight guys than it is for girls or gay guys, as it's your job to instigate things.

So you're on her course, it should be easy to find something to talk about or ask for her help / opinion on something. Her iniital reaction will probably tell you whether or not she's interested. Therefore, if it's clear she's not interested, you can find someone else to obsess over instead of waiting three years on the off-chance something may happen.

Put it this way... if you don't ask her out, someone else will. YOU could be the smug git who gets the girl instead of the wallflower who watches everyone else get some action.

EDIT:- Just because you're "Chicken" by name, doesn't mean you have to be "chicken" by nature
Last edited by Old Skool Freak; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
Are you at university?

Could you meet people there?
Nope I graduated last year
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Anonymous #5
#9
Report 2 months ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
Like I'm not ugly and I'm not the prettiest girl in the world either but I've never been approached by anyone except a creep who I never liked even before I found out he was a creep. Some guys have shown interest in me but never approached me. I could never approach them, I don't have the guts/confidence to with being an introvert. Like are they that scared to approach me? Is being quiet really putting guys off. Like all the guys that showed an interest, they all in relationships now. They didn't even bother trying with me even when I could tell they liked me. I feel like this will keep happening, they just see that I'm quiet and think that that is all there is to me but it isn't. I am a human being with feelings, I have hobbies/interests, a career, a family. I'm not a mute, I do talk. I just can't approach people and don't think I will ever have the guts to. When people approach me I do talk to them. I know I should try but I can't, the idea of approaching anyone just gives me terrible anxiety. All these stories I hear about quiet girls being approached, even getting married gives me hope but then again it doesn't when I remember that anyone I've ever liked never became mine even just for a little while. They didn't think I was worth it and weren't brave enough to talk to me even if they were extroverts.

I want to meet someone while I'm still young. I know some people meet someone later in life but I don't want to be one of those people. When I'm older I'll have to worry about ageing and preparing for my death. Plus if no one wants me now, who's going to want me when I'm older? Either guys are too intimidated to approach me or I'm ugly but if that were the case I wouldn't be getting so much attention by men when I go out. It's not even just men, it's women as well. Like everyone stares at me wherever I go. They wouldn't stare at an ugly person would they?

I'm trying online dating but whenever it gets to the stage of meeting, I always get anxious thinking something bad might happen if we meet and end up making an excuse like I'm busy or something plus the guys aren't really my type so there wouldn't be a point meeting them.

I'm at a point where I've given up on ever meeting anyone, I'll probably just delete my dating profile. I doubt I'm going to meet anyone now. I haven't been out much since covid and the first lockdown last year. It's has really held me back. I've tried Facebook groups and discord to meet new people but had no luck in that either and I don't know what else o try. I'm not really a social person, I have a few online friends so no one to ask if they know any decent single men.

I guess im just destined to spend life alone. I have my family, they understand I'm quiet and don't push me, they leave me alone which is what I prefer. I don't really interact with anyone at home. Just spend all my time alone in my room. I wish there was someone I could talk to that would always be there for me.
shut up and get a life - instead of spending ur hours complaining about being single just go and make friends??? like girl not everything is about boys, sometimes u just need ur friends. period.#noteverythingisaboutboys omg-
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Ash95x
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#10
Report 1 month ago
#10
Lack of confidence. I've wanted to go up to countless women but always thought she won't be interested etc.
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Anonymous #6
#11
Report 1 month ago
#11
It takes a lot of courage to approach a girl, how would we know we aren't going to just be seen as another "creep"?
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asif007
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#12
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#12
(Original post by AF2Dr)
Why don't you just approach them?

To an extent I'm not even sure what you're complaining about? You say you don't get approached, but then claim that you know that you must be attractive, since men and women stare at you wherever you go.
Because this is the paradox of most modern-day girls. They refuse to approach men, they want men to always approach first, but when men don't then they wonder why.
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Anonymous #1
#13
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#13
(Original post by AF2Dr)
Why don't you just approach them?

To an extent I'm not even sure what you're complaining about? You say you don't get approached, but then claim that you know that you must be attractive, since men and women stare at you wherever you go.
I'm too shy to approach them.
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username5854605
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#14
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#14
Approach them first, if you find them attractive, you don't lose anything.
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username5854605
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#15
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#15
A lot of men would be flattered for a female to approach them since they are not used to it.
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karl pilkington
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#16
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#16
How come you just stay in your room and don't speak to your parents? You can't possibly just expect everything to happen for you because you want it to whilst being so passive. Even if you want the man to make the first move as most women do you have to flirt with him or at least hint at him by smiling at him or maybe flashing a bit of leg or brushing past him.
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Old Skool Freak
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#17
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#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
It takes a lot of courage to approach a girl, how would we know we aren't going to just be seen as another "creep"?
You don't! It's a risk you're going to have to take... but then again, what is a creep exactly?!?

The term "Creep" is traditionally meant to refer someone who behaves in a strange or unusual manner that makes the recipient (or a third party) feel uncomfortable. However, these days girls seem to use word "creep" to describe any guy who shows them interest but they're not attracted to (for whatever reason).

Therefore, you're going to have to bite the bullet and accept that some girls will think of you as a "creep" no matter what you do (don't worry, it's most likely their issue and not yours). It's that whole "If you want to have an omelette, you need to first beat eggs" philosophy. However, if you want to avoid being a true creep, it's just basic common sense. For example, you'll (rightly) be considered a creep if you:-

1) Grope her or otherwise touch her inappropriately without getting some kind of implied consent first
2) You stare at her too intensely or for too long
3) You follow her around all the time, especially if she's made it clear she'd rather you didn't (#stalker)
3) You look at her chest when you're talking to her
4) Go straight in with the sexual stuff on the first opening (although this can work on the right kind of girl)

I'm sure you get the idea by now.

If you can get it, eye contact is (generally) a good sign that she likes you. Failing that, it's a good idea to make sure she can see you approach her. That way, if you spot an "Oh no, he's coming over" type look, you can make a last minute diversion and avoid the awkwardness of getting formally blown out.
Last edited by Old Skool Freak; 1 month ago
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username5854605
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#18
Report 1 month ago
#18
(Original post by karl pilkington)
How come you just stay in your room and don't speak to your parents? You can't possibly just expect everything to happen for you because you want it to whilst being so passive. Even if you want the man to make the first move as most women do you have to flirt with him or at least hint at him by smiling at him or maybe flashing a bit of leg or brushing past him.
True, alas, finally, someone with common sense.
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Slx.24
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#19
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#19
(Original post by Anonymous)
shut up and get a life - instead of spending ur hours complaining about being single just go and make friends??? like girl not everything is about boys, sometimes u just need ur friends. period.#noteverythingisaboutboys omg-
Bruh
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