Please help me.

Original post by (Loading)

Today on the way home, a boy (who I will not name, the only thing I’ll tell you is that he’s 2 years below me) said I was “bullying him this morning” on the way home and that I had “been given a second chance”. Apparently, I “bullied” him twice. This made me feel bad and have an emotional meltdown. I called myself a looney, an idiot, stupid and I said that I didn’t deserve friends.

No matter how many times I apologised, he simply wouldn’t listen. I felt incredibly bad, and the joke wasn’t that bad. He’s in my taxi on the way to school and back, so I can’t avoid him. Even worse, I sit next to him.

Is the boy who accused me of all this a bully? There’s not a bad bone in my body, and I’m not a bully at all. Is this called emotional manipulation? I do want to know, because I don’t want to have to deal with this.

Also, were the words I said quite negative?

Why is he calling you a bully?

Reply 2

OP

Original post by 5hyl33n

Why is he calling you a bully?

Because I apparently I made a “mean joke” about him, all because I laughed at a harmlessly funny comment my other friend made, and now he thinks I’m bullying him.

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 3

What is “harmlessly funny” to one group of people can be very hurtful to the person it’s being said about.
Could you give more information on this supposedly harmless comment?

Is this the same person that you had to apologise to the other day because your teacher caught you talking mean about his mother?

Reply 4

Funtimes01_

13

Don't say hurtful jokes then. It can be classed as bullying if you keep doing it and he says he doesn't like it

Reply 5

OP

No.

Not at all. In fact, that time I never meant to talk bad about anyone’s mother at all, yet I admit that was when I did something wrong. I get what your point it. The thing he found “offensive” was that my other friend called this boy a “bully” in a jokeful way, not in a way to hurt anyone’s feelings at all. You could tell by his face that he didn’t mean it to hurt people’s feelings.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by (Loading)

No.

Not at all. In fact, that time I never meant to talk bad about anyone’s mother at all, yet I admit that was when I did something wrong. I get what your point it. The thing he found “offensive” was that my other friend called this boy a “bully” in a jokeful way, not in a way to hurt anyone’s feelings at all. You could tell by his face that he didn’t mean it to hurt people’s feelings.

Just tell your friend to be more sensitive then. Some people just take these kind of things to heart

Reply 7

Original post by (Loading)

No.

Not at all. In fact, that time I never meant to talk bad about anyone’s mother at all, yet I admit that was when I did something wrong. I get what your point it. The thing he found “offensive” was that my other friend called this boy a “bully” in a jokeful way, not in a way to hurt anyone’s feelings at all. You could tell by his face that he didn’t mean it to hurt people’s feelings.

I’m not sure how anyone calling someone else a bully would be a funny joke that a whole group of people would laugh at. But think of it if you were in his shoes and being laughed at by several other people-do you think that you would be okay with that?
It’s like your other issue all over again. Thinking twice may help you to stop being in the wrong Before you do something that hurts another person.

Reply 8

OP

Original post by Funtimes01_

Don't say hurtful jokes then. It can be classed as bullying if you keep doing it and he says he doesn't like it

I do get what you mean. However, I would never do such a thing. You’re not talking to a bully. I never even made jokes at all. My other friend (we’ll call him “O”) jokingly and playfully called F (what we’ll call the main boy) a bully just to joke around with F and a few other people. He was just talking to his friends, and I don’t think he had any mean intentions at all. You have to understand that I’m not a bully, yet I’ll admit that what I did on Monday was quite wrong, even though I never meant to badmouth anyone. What I did on Monday wasn’t proper.

I’m not a person who would be mean. However, I actually apologised numerous times, tried being nice to him (I am nice) and I even told him he was making ME sad, but he was having none of it. In fact, he accused me of making one rude joke, yet I don’t remember saying anything along those lines.

So, as you can see, I’m not just “playing victim”. I am, in fact, sad about what happened on the way home. I get how he’d feel, but no matter how much I tried to convince him that I’m not a bully, he just didn’t have it. He thinks IM a bully now, and I said nothing. I know rightly nobody’s gonna believe me.

Reply 9

OP

Original post by GabiAbi84

I’m not sure how anyone calling someone else a bully would be a funny joke that a whole group of people would laugh at. But think of it if you were in his shoes and being laughed at by several other people-do you think that you would be okay with that?
It’s like your other issue all over again. Thinking twice may help you to stop being in the wrong Before you do something that hurts another person.

I get what you mean, Gabi. I really do. But “O” is a very sarcastic person and not a bully at all. I am very good at putting myself in other people’s shoes, and most of the time, I think twice before I speak. I do want to be a good person.

I do get that “Jonathan” would’ve had his feelings hurt if he overheard it on Monday, and I really shouldn’t have done what I did, but this time, F went too far. Way too far.

Now, I’m worried I’m gonna be labelled as a bully on Monday. In fact, I’m gonna donate to St Vincent De Paul this Christmas.

Reply 10

OP

Plus, it was just me who really laughed, and it wasn’t in a bad-intentioned way. In fact, I’m a very good intentioned person. Although, some people are quite sensitive, like Anonymous #1 said, F has actually taken it way too far.

I don’t mean to hurt his feelings at all, and the taxi driver even said “he’s probably winding you up if he says that. If he refuses to forgive you after you apologised so many times, he’s obviously winding you up. I do understand that if he refuses to forgive you, it gets to you. I know rightly you’re not a bully”.

Reply 11

Original post by (Loading)

I get what you mean, Gabi. I really do. But “O” is a very sarcastic person and not a bully at all. I am very good at putting myself in other people’s shoes, and most of the time, I think twice before I speak. I do want to be a good person.

I do get that “Jonathan” would’ve had his feelings hurt if he overheard it on Monday, and I really shouldn’t have done what I did, but this time, F went too far. Way too far.

Now, I’m worried I’m gonna be labelled as a bully on Monday. In fact, I’m gonna donate to St Vincent De Paul this Christmas.

I don’t really understand what you mean by F went too far-you and your friends were the ones laughing at him. You should know more than most that sarcasm isn’t always well translated and instead what he heard and saw was someone calling him a bully and all their friends ganging up on him to laugh at it. It is therefore rather reasonable for him to then feel like he was being bullied-whether you *meant* to or not.

Also not sure what donating has to do with any of this…?

Reply 12

username4522078

20

Sounds like he needs to lighten up and so do you. I can pretty much promise this won't matter this time next week. It'll all be water under the bridge by then.

Reply 13

OP

Original post by GabiAbi84

I don’t really understand what you mean by F went too far-you and your friends were the ones laughing at him. You should know more than most that sarcasm isn’t always well translated and instead what he heard and saw was someone calling him a bully and all their friends ganging up on him to laugh at it. It is therefore rather reasonable for him to then feel like he was being bullied-whether you *meant* to or not.

Also not sure what donating has to do with any of this…?

Apologies if I’ve confused you a bit. Once again, I understand the road you’re going. I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve friends, even though I do.

Yesterday, I said nothing, but yet F decided to go all roads. I know rightly I’ll likely not be believed by you or anyone else, but F freaked out. Nobody else laughed at him, and I never pointed at him. I didn’t even say anything mean to him. I understand that bullying is wrong, and I’m not the person who goes that direction.

I know rightly there’s not really a good way for me to explain this without you thinking that I’m a bully. I’m starting to doubt why I joined The Student Room in the first place. It’s not that anyone’s mean, in fact I like you all.

Now, I’m not trying to justify my behaviour at all, but F has Autism (like me) which means that he can sometimes have trouble understanding sarcasm. I sometimes do as well. I wouldn’t pick on anyone, never mind someone with autism.

Reply 14

OP

Original post by ROTL94

Sounds like he needs to lighten up and so do you. I can pretty much promise this won't matter this time next week. It'll all be water under the bridge by then.

I think I need to stop freaking out and he needs to stop bullying. Simple as that.

And also, I think I failed my English Tracking, but it’s not because of a lack of effort. It was just fitting it all in that was stressful.

Reply 15

OP

Original post by GabiAbi84

I don’t really understand what you mean by F went too far-you and your friends were the ones laughing at him. You should know more than most that sarcasm isn’t always well translated and instead what he heard and saw was someone calling him a bully and all their friends ganging up on him to laugh at it. It is therefore rather reasonable for him to then feel like he was being bullied-whether you *meant* to or not.

Also not sure what donating has to do with any of this…?

In fact, I’m not against F at all. I think he’s an okay lad.

Reply 16

Original post by (Loading)

Apologies if I’ve confused you a bit. Once again, I understand the road you’re going. I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve friends, even though I do.

Yesterday, I said nothing, but yet F decided to go all roads. I know rightly I’ll likely not be believed by you or anyone else, but F freaked out. Nobody else laughed at him, and I never pointed at him. I didn’t even say anything mean to him. I understand that bullying is wrong, and I’m not the person who goes that direction.

I know rightly there’s not really a good way for me to explain this without you thinking that I’m a bully. I’m starting to doubt why I joined The Student Room in the first place. It’s not that anyone’s mean, in fact I like you all.

Now, I’m not trying to justify my behaviour at all, but F has Autism (like me) which means that he can sometimes have trouble understanding sarcasm. I sometimes do as well. I wouldn’t pick on anyone, never mind someone with autism.

So you know that sarcasm doesn’t translate and yet here you are hurt because f called you a bully because he was hurt that you had laughed at him being called a bully.
Do you see how that doesn’t work?
You can’t have it both ways.
He isn’t “emotionally manipulating” you-he was hurt by your behaviour.

Perhaps everyone in your school needs to stop calling people bullies and stop being mean to one another. Sounds like you all have similar experiences and should spend more time together being nice and treating others as you wish to be treated.

Reply 17

OP

Yes, that’s true. The word “bully” is getting old. Everyone in my school is quite nice, and my school has a very strict anti-bullying policy.

I get that nobody can have it both ways. That is true. We should all treat each other like we want to be treated. I wonder how all of this started with the incident on Tuesday, with none of this before then? This is proof that I’m not a bully. In fact, if I was “ganging up” on F, I would be throwing things, etc. However, I won’t justify my behaviour. We were both wrong to some extent.

I might leave The Student Room. I don’t want to come here for advise. I feel like the silly way I type makes people think I am a bully. I get that F was hurt. O shouldn’t have called him a bully.

I didn’t cope well with Covid at first. I have struggled with my mental health in the past. At one point, I wanted to kill myself so badly that I didn’t feel like living anymore. That doesn’t happen anymore though. I got CAMHS counselling, and I have completed the sessions.

We should all take responsibility for our actions. My mistakes shape me into the person I am. I’m sure the mistakes YOUR mistakes shape you into the person you are.

I do see how it doesn’t work. None of my friends are really bullies. In fact, reading these comments is making me more paranoid that I might be a bully. It’s not the fault of anyone on The Student Room at all. I do feel sad at the thought of me being a bully, even though I know it’s not true. I broke down in the taxi over this. I do need to wise up sometimes, although this is rare. I am a good person though, who learns from their mistakes,

I know you won’t believe me. I am putting this up because it’s true, not because I’m looking for attention, but it’s true. Let’s face it, nobody’s perfect. You make mistakes, I make mistakes.

O bullied me once. I’ve rarely, if ever, bullied anybody. I am doing 5 GCSEs, which I feel confident about. It is good that I feel confident about my GCSEs.

I have never cyberbullied, physically punched anybody or deliberately called people any rude names, because I’m not a bully. However, the incident on Tuesday was something that I admit was quite wrong, and I apologised and I’ve moved on from that. I’ll make sure it never happens again, I promise that. Today, while I don’t remember saying anything to F (despite what he claims), I do agree that I shouldn’t have laughed. My family says I did nothing wrong, but I’m not sure whether I should believe them or the people online. I know you are only here to look out for one another, help each other out and praise us for doing well. I really like it, well done to everyone.

I am glad that I am at home now after a long week at school, although I really like school. I’ve since started talking to people I wouldn’t talk to that often, including “Jonathan”, but once again, that’s all over. I’ve been doing well in my schoolwork and I’ve been very good these past few years. I enjoy my life, and I can’t wait to see what’s next.

I’m not trying to put on a fake persona, but that’s how my life is. I know rightly nobody will believe me, so there really isn’t any point in me typing this.

A few of my friends at school have severe autism, and I am nice to them and chat to them a lot. They are nice, just like my friends with autism that’s less severe, as well as my non-autistic friends.

Reply 18

OP