Was my mom wrong to say this to me?

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Anonymous #1
#1
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My cousin committed suicide a few weeks ago and today was the funeral. Although I never really got the know her that well I felt uncomfortable during the funeral. At the end when it was just the family my auntie thanked everyone for coming and got all emotional which suddenly set me off. My mom told me to stop I wanted to but I couldn't. After we left my mom told me that my crying just made my auntie feel worse she also said it isn't just your cousin who has died but their daughter and sister. Now she won't talk to me. Who was wrong and what can I do to make this better? I am a 15 year old guy btw.
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ashtolga23
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That's insane. I'm sorry for your loss and it's natural to be sad.
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skylark2
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Cultures are different. You might want to ask in an American forum since you have a "mom" - here you're going to get answers which are a much closer reflection of British attitudes.

Was she wrong? It's basically impossible to tell from a carefully curated single side of the story written by you to make you look good and her look bad. I would say that she's wrong if you had a quiet weep in the corner and right if you started making a huge song and dance of how upset you are.
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bones-mccoy
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(Original post by skylark2)
Cultures are different. You might want to ask in an American forum since you have a "mom" - here you're going to get answers which are a much closer reflection of British attitudes.

Was she wrong? It's basically impossible to tell from a carefully curated single side of the story written by you to make you look good and her look bad. I would say that she's wrong if you had a quiet weep in the corner and right if you started making a huge song and dance of how upset you are.
Plenty of people in Britain use 'mom' rather than 'mum', especially in the Midlands
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EOData
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I agree with skylark2, (PRSOM) it's hard for us to tell. Don't forget that your mum was almost certainly also upset and that may have affected the way she reacted. All I can suggest is not to get too worked up over one event when your mum was under stress and to be kind and understanding of all the people who are struggling to cope with this awful event.
Last edited by EOData; 1 week ago
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oldman50
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Hi

I can see your mother's point of view (I am probably of a similar generation to her and a typical uptight Brit). However, no one has the right to tell you how to grieve. How you grieve is important to how to cope with the loss and everyone is different. If you are having trouble coping, please reach out to someone (just talking can do wonders). Try talking to you Mom so that she understands how you feel and so that she can explain why she thinks it was 'wrong' to show your emotions.

Also, just as a point of information, people working in mental health do NOT say 'committed' suicide as it invokes associations with committing crimes or sins. Suicide is often a consequence of an unaddressed illness (eg depression, trauma etc). After all, you don't say someone committed a heart attack!
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YaliaV123
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I think it’s natural to cry at a funeral and it would have made me feel more connected if I had been your auntie. A funeral isn’t the place where you should hold back. Obviously there are cultural differences, but I think your mum is being ridiculous and slightly cruel.
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CosmicApathy1
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Your mother is being a drama queen
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ashvinsingh
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#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
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My cousin committed suicide a few weeks ago and today was the funeral. Although I never really got the know her that well I felt uncomfortable during the funeral. At the end when it was just the family my auntie thanked everyone for coming and got all emotional which suddenly set me off. My mom told me to stop I wanted to but I couldn't. After we left my mom told me that my crying just made my auntie feel worse she also said it isn't just your cousin who has died but their daughter and sister. Now she won't talk to me. Who was wrong and what can I do to make this better? I am a 15 year old guy btw.
No one can tell you how to grieve. You will hurt and hurt before you begin to heal, and no one expects you to be okay after such a traumatic thing has happened. Your mom was in the wrong for what she said but she must be worried about your auntie as she has lost her daughter so don’t be too hard on her. I suggest talking to her about it, she probably feels awful about it too it could be good for both of you to grieve together. My condolences for your loss, suicide truly is a tragic thing. I hope you and your family heal ❤️
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