Dating a Mum of three

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#1
I'm 22 she is 30 and has 3 kids, (twins and a boy) all under 10. Would you date her if you had lots in common and were attracted.

She doesn't want kids and I do in next few years.
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londonmyst
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#2
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#2
I'm a heterosexual female and wouldn't date a guy who has any descendants or is responsible for a child.
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znne56yu7
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#3
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#3
yes as long as the kids are not teenagers I would.
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StriderHort
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#4
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#4
Would I date? Yeah... but I'd have a realistic expectation that the vast majority of their time and resources will be their family unit and not me... unless I'm willing to really commit.

In terms of you wanting kids in the next few years, I think you've missed the boat on that one.. It's not that she 'doesn't want' kids, it's that she already has 3.. that part of her is likely pretty sated, at least for now.
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HousesInCork
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#5
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#5
If I were in this position, there's a couple of things I personally would consider and be mindful of before making this decision:
1) How involved would she want you to be in parental responsibility for her kids? And how much would she want you to have a relationship with them in general? How would you feel about the reality and consequences of these things at this age/stage of your life?
2) You say you want kids in the future but that she doesn't want any more - are you ready for that journey to start now/soon? What might taking on that responsibility now change about your lifestyle and plans? Do you want to be a step parent? Is it important for you to try and have your own kids from birth/baby onwards?
Obviously a lot of this framed on a relationship that has reached a certain stage of seriousness/stability, but they're some factors I would personally be thinking about when deciding if this was the right fit for me longer term.
Last edited by HousesInCork; 6 days ago
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5hyl33n
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 22 she is 30 and has 3 kids, (twins and a boy) all under 10. Would you date her if you had lots in common and were attracted.

She doesn't want kids and I do in next few years.
OP: Would you date her if you had lots in common?
Also OP: She doesn't want kids and I do



Like londonmyst, I am a heterosexual female and wouldn't date/marry a guy who has responsibility for a child from a previous marriage. But what I would do is irrelevant to your question...

The topic of having children is very important in a relationship, regardless of other common interests. It's good that she was truthful with you at the start and told you that she does not want any more children. This is understandable as she already has three children! She might change her mind later on, but it seems unlikely.

I have more to say but HousesInCork has summed up everything for me! In this relationship, you need to think about your partner's children as well as yourself and your partner.
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ElderlyMedic
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#7
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#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 22 she is 30 and has 3 kids, (twins and a boy) all under 10. Would you date her if you had lots in common and were attracted.

She doesn't want kids and I do in next few years.
Don't do it. Generally avoid woman 30+. There is a reason why they are single. You are going to burn yourself badly.
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SMEGGGY
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#8
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#8
Yes, I love children so that would not bother me at all.
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asif007
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#9
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#9
(Original post by ElderlyMedic)
Don't do it. Generally avoid woman 30+. There is a reason why they are single. You are going to burn yourself badly.
Finally a medic speaking some rational logic instead of the usual condescending BS from those moderators in the Medicine section. +1 from me.
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asif007
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 22 she is 30 and has 3 kids, (twins and a boy) all under 10. Would you date her if you had lots in common and were attracted.

She doesn't want kids and I do in next few years.
Do not do it. You will always come last behind her children. The fact that she does not want any more kids but you do raises alarm bells. You're basically choosing to spend your dating life with her raising someone else's kids but with her always taking their side in any disagreements you have over raising them. You may get absolute angels of children or you may be dealing with post-divorce traumatised children constantly going off the rails and telling you "you're not my dad" as a reason not to listen to you. There could potentially be an ex-husband in the picture causing more problems for you. Responsibility without authority is a dangerous thing my friend - and that's what you will be pushed into if you date this woman.
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hungrysalamander
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#11
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#11
No single mums and maximum age gap of 2 years is in my dealbreakers so no.
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Zarek
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#12
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#12
Doesn’t sound ideal in term but of your differing attitude to future kids and the age gap is borderline too. But could be worth giving it a bit longer to see how it goes
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