Sexting with no intention of meeting?

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
Thoughts on this? Does anyone here do this?

I'm currently talking to a guy I enjoy sexting with since he's got great sexual energy and is VERY passionate. But, I don't really have any intentions to actually meet him. I kind of just use him in a fantasy way. Of course he fantasises about me too but desperately wants to meet me ultimately.

The underlying reason for me not wanting to meet him is that I'm a virgin. But with a high sex drive. But just because I might be sexually attracted to someone doesn't mean I want to have sex with them. So I see sexting as kind of another 'option'. Being able to please this guy in the way of letting him use me in his fantasies is a turn on for me. I like him being crazy over me.

But this guy is still a stranger at the end of the day, and I'm not in a relationship with him. I see myself breaking my virginity with someone I'm in a relationship with, and that won't be him, since our 'relationship' is solely on the sexual side of things.

Problem is, I don't have an issue with only sexting this guy and maybe in the future meeting him if I feel like it. But he of course wants to meet me.

If I tell him I don't plan on meeting him he'll likely lose interest in talking to me, right? That's okay with me, but I do enjoy sexting him so I'd lose that.

I know this all sounds a bit weird but I don't mind any comments or opinions
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Anonymous #1
#2
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#2
Probably should have put this in 'sexual health' instead lol
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Surnia
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#3
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#3
Stop leading him on and tell him you don't want to meet him. Im sure you wouldn't like being used...
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hungrysalamander
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#4
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#4
Stop wasting his time, take your frustrations elsewhere.
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Anonymous #1
#5
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(Original post by Surnia)
Stop leading him on and tell him you don't want to meet him. Im sure you wouldn't like being used...
I've already told him that I doubt I'll meet him. There is a chance but I've told him a few times now that I don't want to meet him right now but if I ever do in the future I'll let him know (which I will). He says he understands if I don't want to. And he knows that I fantasise about him, just like he does to me.

Despite saying that I doubt I'll meet him, I still show that I'm open to texting/sexting. Because I am. Just because I don't want to go have sex with him right now doesn't mean we have to stop sexting, does it? What's your opinion on this

About your comment about 'being used', he's doing the exact same to me. He only wants me for sex.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've already told him that I doubt I'll meet him. There is a chance but I've told him a few times now that I don't want to meet him right now but if I ever do in the future I'll let him know (which I will). He says he understands if I don't want to. And he knows that I fantasise about him, just like he does to me.

Despite saying that I doubt I'll meet him, I still show that I'm open to texting/sexting. Because I am. Just because I don't want to go have sex with him right now doesn't mean we have to stop sexting, does it? What's your opinion on this

About your comment about 'being used', he's doing the exact same to me. He only wants me for sex.
He's also jokingly said he won't hold his breath waiting for me but that he's still hopeful
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Anonymous #1
#7
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(Original post by hungrysalamander)
Stop wasting his time, take your frustrations elsewhere.
Why is it wasting his time if we've both benefitted from our communication so far?
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asif007
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#8
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why is it wasting his time if we've both benefitted from our communication so far?
Because men want to have sex for real and not just chat about fantasies/trade pictures and videos endlessly. It has to lead to something face to face otherwise it is not worth the effort for him, and you are wasting his time. If I was in his position I would have stopped messaging long ago, knowing that it won't happen for real. The "benefit" for him only goes as far as seeing your pictures but he doesn't get the real thing. He wants more while you're quite happy staying in fantasy land and not taking it further. Put simply, you're leading him on.

You say "maybe in the future meeting him if I feel like it". Vague and non-committal. What if you decide not to meet him after weeks and months of sexting? Then he has wasted even more time trying to get you to commit to meeting. Which is why it sounds to me that this guy shouldn't bother sexting you any more and instead look for someone who will have sex with him for real.
Last edited by asif007; 5 days ago
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Anonymous #1
#9
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(Original post by asif007)
Because men want to have sex for real and not just chat about fantasies/trade pictures and videos endlessly. It has to lead to something face to face otherwise it is not worth the effort for him, and you are wasting his time. If I was in his position I would have stopped messaging long ago, knowing that it won't happen for real. The "benefit" for him only goes as far as seeing your pictures but he doesn't get the real thing. He wants more while you're quite happy staying in fantasy land and not taking it further. Put simply, you're leading him on.

You say "maybe in the future meeting him if I feel like it". Vague and non-committal. What if you decide not to meet him after weeks and months of sexting? Then he has wasted even more time trying to get you to commit to meeting. Which is why it sounds to me that this guy shouldn't bother sexting you any more and instead look for someone who will have sex with him for real.
We've had periods where we've completely stopped talking (which I've been fine with because I understand), and then he pops up again. Like recently. It's in those periods where we don't talk and I don't text him that shows him I'm clearly not committed to meeting him, doesn't it? That says that in itself. I only show sexual interest while we're talking because it's fun but don't go out of my way to initiate it myself. I've even mentioned a few times that it's just 'fun' for me. So clearly that shows I'm just messing around, doesn't it?

And the first time we spoke was aages ago and I still haven't ever accepted plans to meet him since, and yet we've still been speaking recently. He's not a dumb guy - he knows not to 'expect' a meeting by now and has said so.

Also, no one's stopping him from having sex with anyone he wants, and he's not an unattractive guy so pretty sure he could do so tonight.
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Anonymous #1
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I guess I just posted this because I don't know if I should feel bad.

In a way I do feel like it can be seen as leading him on, but at the same time, and at the end of the day, he's also 'using' me. That's what sex with a stranger is anyway, using each other's bodies. In my case though, it's less of a casual thing because I'm a virgin (and he isn't - at all).
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asif007
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#11
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We've had periods where we've completely stopped talking (which I've been fine with because I understand), and then he pops up again. Like recently. It's in those periods where we don't talk and I don't text him that shows him I'm clearly not committed to meeting him, doesn't it? That says that in itself. I only show sexual interest while we're talking because it's fun but don't go out of my way to initiate it myself. I've even mentioned a few times that it's just 'fun' for me. So clearly that shows I'm just messing around, doesn't it?

And the first time we spoke was aages ago and I still haven't ever accepted plans to meet him since, and yet we've still been speaking recently. He's not a dumb guy - he knows not to 'expect' a meeting by now and has said so.

Also, no one's stopping him from having sex with anyone he wants, and he's not an unattractive guy so pretty sure he could do so tonight.
Well as long as he is aware that it probably won't lead to anything, then that's his decision to carry on messaging. He probably does have options for meeting other girls face to face. But if I was in his position I wouldn't bother messaging again if I knew it wasn't going to happen for real. I've wasted a lot of time in the past talking to girls who would insist they wanted to meet up and then ghost when it comes to the time we agree on. I'm sure lots of guys would agree with me on being skeptical about sexting with girls who are non-committal about meeting face to face because it looks suspect. It is better for a man to stop himself being strung along and look for someone who genuinely wants it IRL. So as long as you're being honest and upfront with him and he accepts it then I suppose you aren't leading him on.
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Surnia
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
I've already told him that I doubt I'll meet him. There is a chance but I've told him a few times now that I don't want to meet him right now but if I ever do in the future I'll let him know (which I will). He says he understands if I don't want to. And he knows that I fantasise about him, just like he does to me.

Despite saying that I doubt I'll meet him, I still show that I'm open to texting/sexting. Because I am. Just because I don't want to go have sex with him right now doesn't mean we have to stop sexting, does it? What's your opinion on this

About your comment about 'being used', he's doing the exact same to me. He only wants me for sex.
You are satisfied with sexting, so you are using him to get exactly what you want. He wants sex, which he isn't getting. Hence it's an unequal partnership.
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Anonymous #1
#13
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(Original post by Surnia)
You are satisfied with sexting, so you are using him to get exactly what you want. He wants sex, which he isn't getting. Hence it's an unequal partnership.
But he initiated the sexting/sexual comments not me. And he also benefits from the sexting. Sex is a whole other thing. Sexting and the real deal aren't really two things that can be compared in my eyes. And like I said earlier, I'm a virgin so it's not like a casual sex thing. It would be different to him than it will to me.
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cesarJsantiago
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#14
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#14
If you wanna talk hmu on instagram
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Anonymous #1
#15
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#15
(Original post by cesarJsantiago)
If you wanna talk hmu on instagram
I'm alright, thanks.
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Anonymous #1
#16
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#16
(Original post by asif007)
Well as long as he is aware that it probably won't lead to anything, then that's his decision to carry on messaging.
He mentioned this right near the start

I just continued messaging for fun. I agree that it's his decision. I'm not forcing him to talk to me am I. And like I said earlier, there's loads of girls he could go with if he wanted. I'm not a barrier
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Awais.
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#17
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#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm alright, thanks.
how u gonna reject him like da 3 up my guy
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