Problem with girlfriend

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
My issue is that whenever she doesn't get her own way she starts crying and she can't compromise? If I don't comfort her and let her get her own way she won't talk to me.
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Slx.24
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#2
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#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
My issue is that whenever she doesn't get her own way she starts crying and she can't compromise? If I don't comfort her and let her get her own way she won't talk to me.
Red flag ma dude. Talk to her seriously about it. If she doesn't accept it and at least puts some semblance of effort into fixing it I think you might need to find someone else, not saying that for sure though just a suggestion
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Funtimes01_
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#3
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#3
Toxic red flag here. Been there and done this when I was younger, honestly think you may need to move on from this one
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Anonymous #1
#4
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#4
(Original post by Slx.24)
Red flag ma dude. Talk to her seriously about it. If she doesn't accept it and at least puts some semblance of effort into fixing it I think you might need to find someone else, not saying that for sure though just a suggestion
I know that I'm going to have to talk about it and confront it but I don't want to break up with her. I've been with her of a year and a half at uni and are relationship is great apart from this. I don't understand why she does this.
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Greebo85
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#5
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#5
It’s emotional blackmail, don’t be a victim to it
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Anonymous #1
#6
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#6
(Original post by Funtimes01_)
Toxic red flag here. Been there and done this when I was younger, honestly think you may need to move on from this one
Is this something that can't be fixed and just gets worse? I would hate to end the relationship just because of this.
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emilyalicerooney
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#7
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#7
Hello fellow girl in a relationship here! There’s clearly a disconnect within your relationship - the dynamics between you two don’t seem equal if she uses emotion as a way for you to back down. Thé first thing I’d ask is have you ever told her how you feel? If no then I’d advise you to be honest. If yes then there is a reason her reaction is straight to the extreme of tears and ignoring you. Could simply be anxiety over what’ll happen if she loses some control over a situation and have to compromise. Therefore reacts in extreme ways to get what she needs.

I was like that too a lot during exam seasons - got stressed and had meltdowns when my bf wouldn’t do what I wanted in my head. But obvs he couldn’t know, cos I didn’t communicate it myself. Maybe this is similar for your gf.

I think you both need to have a chat. Find out why she doesn’t want to compromise, I imagine it’s a degree of losing control (most likely subconscious). Then work out how you both can get better coping mechanisms to deal with situations. Ignoring and not talking to you just is something you shouldn’t tolerate just because you won’t let her have her way. Make that clear. You both need to agree to talk things out - this is what a strong relationship will build off of.
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Slx.24
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
I know that I'm going to have to talk about it and confront it but I don't want to break up with her. I've been with her of a year and a half at uni and are relationship is great apart from this. I don't understand why she does this.
As the other person said, it's emotional blackmail. Crying to get what she wants. It can't be a great rs in the first place if something like this is happening you know. A year and a half is a long time but 10 years is a lot longer. Don't wait till it's too late bro
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Anonymous #1
#9
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#9
(Original post by emilyalicerooney)
Hello fellow girl in a relationship here! There’s clearly a disconnect within your relationship - the dynamics between you two don’t seem equal if she uses emotion as a way for you to back down. Thé first thing I’d ask is have you ever told her how you feel? If no then I’d advise you to be honest. If yes then there is a reason her reaction is straight to the extreme of tears and ignoring you. Could simply be anxiety over what’ll happen if she loses some control over a situation and have to compromise. Therefore reacts in extreme ways to get what she needs.

I was like that too a lot during exam seasons - got stressed and had meltdowns when my bf wouldn’t do what I wanted in my head. But obvs he couldn’t know, cos I didn’t communicate it myself. Maybe this is similar for your gf.

I think you both need to have a chat. Find out why she doesn’t want to compromise, I imagine it’s a degree of losing control (most likely subconscious). Then work out how you both can get better coping mechanisms to deal with situations. Ignoring and not talking to you just is something you shouldn’t tolerate just because you won’t let her have her way. Make that clear. You both need to agree to talk things out - this is what a strong relationship will build off of.
I'm not a girl I'm a guy.
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Slx.24
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#10
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#10
(Original post by emilyalicerooney)
Hello fellow girl in a relationship here! There’s clearly a disconnect within your relationship - the dynamics between you two don’t seem equal if she uses emotion as a way for you to back down. Thé first thing I’d ask is have you ever told her how you feel? If no then I’d advise you to be honest. If yes then there is a reason her reaction is straight to the extreme of tears and ignoring you. Could simply be anxiety over what’ll happen if she loses some control over a situation and have to compromise. Therefore reacts in extreme ways to get what she needs.

I was like that too a lot during exam seasons - got stressed and had meltdowns when my bf wouldn’t do what I wanted in my head. But obvs he couldn’t know, cos I didn’t communicate it myself. Maybe this is similar for your gf.

I think you both need to have a chat. Find out why she doesn’t want to compromise, I imagine it’s a degree of losing control (most likely subconscious). Then work out how you both can get better coping mechanisms to deal with situations. Ignoring and not talking to you just is something you shouldn’t tolerate just because you won’t let her have her way. Make that clear. You both need to agree to talk things out - this is what a strong relationship will build off of.
A good and different light to look on the situation! I didn't make myself so clear but yes there's defo room for reconciliation. But my point of action did stand where communication is key. That's like one of my mottos in life
Last edited by Slx.24; 1 month ago
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Funtimes01_
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#11
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#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
Is this something that can't be fixed and just gets worse? I would hate to end the relationship just because of this.
Honestly, I've been there, stayed in one for another year and it didn't help. We just ended up breaking up, as I grew to resent her behaviour and the break up was nasty, full of crying. Best get out now, otherwise you'll just end up depressing yourself
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emilyalicerooney
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#12
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#12
If this is frequent. And there is no change. Ans no willingness to be open with you then I agree with the rest of the thread. It might be better for your own mental wellbeing to walk away.
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Anonymous #1
#13
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#13
I'm sure her friends think that I have upset her and been a bad person in this when that was not the case.
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emilyalicerooney
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#14
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#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm not a girl I'm a guy.
Haha no sorry if it wasn’t clear I’m saying I’m a girl who is in a relationship - basically trynna say I can try see it from a different pov. Not that you’re a girl, sorry if it wasn’t clear
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SNOWPUPPY
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#15
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#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
My issue is that whenever she doesn't get her own way she starts crying and she can't compromise? If I don't comfort her and let her get her own way she won't talk to me.
She is weaponising her tears, which makes your relationship toxic. Talk to her about it to see if she can change if not break up with her. Life is too short
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Anonymous #1
#16
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#16
(Original post by emilyalicerooney)
Haha no sorry if it wasn’t clear I’m saying I’m a girl who is in a relationship - basically trynna say I can try see it from a different pov. Not that you’re a girl, sorry if it wasn’t clear
I see, thanks for giving your perspective.
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Satori Tendō
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#17
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#17
The next time she doesn't speak to you over a selfish thing, don't be the first to break the silence or beg her to talk.
If she's willing to carry her tantrum to the end then she doesn't really care about you.

I had a stubborn friend like this and she freaked out over a really small thing (again) and started ignoring me (again), this time I refused to be the one who acted like it was fine and start a normal conversation again.

So I waited and waited and waited, she never spoke to me again. It hurt and it also showed that she was stubborn and uncompromising to the point that she didn't want to speak to me over something so insignificant. It demonstrated that the relationship was a one sided effort.
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Anonymous #1
#18
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#18
(Original post by Satori Tendō)
The next time she doesn't speak to you over a selfish thing, don't be the first to break the silence or beg her to talk.
If she's willing to carry her tantrum to the end then she doesn't really care about you.

I had a stubborn friend like this and she freaked out over a really small thing (again) and started ignoring me (again), this time I refused to be the one who acted like it was fine and start a normal conversation again.

So I waited and waited and waited, she never spoke to me again. It hurt and it also showed that she was stubborn and uncompromising to the point that she didn't want to speak to me over something so insignificant. It demonstrated that the relationship was a one sided effort.
I respect you for doing that but I'm living in the same flat as my girlfriend. It would be very hard living together if she didn't speak to me for a very long time. I love her so much as well.
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Satori Tendō
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#19
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#19
(Original post by Anonymous)
I respect you for doing that but I'm living in the same flat as my girlfriend. It would be very hard living together if she didn't speak to me for a very long time. I love her so much as well.
She's able to ignore you in said flat? She sounds quite manipulative no offence
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