Wanting to drop out

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
So my first 2 months has been hell. I moved into a bad flat, transferred to a completely dead one and I still really don't like it. I have almost no friends, the 2 people I ever talk to just leave me on read, and I just don't know what to do.
I was hoping to transfer again, but its week 9 and everyone has their friends already. I don't think I'm an exactly sociable person as you can tell, so I honestly think it's not worth it. Not to mention people are signing contracts for housing next year already, so if I don't suddenly have friends to move with I'll have to live alone the next 2 years.
I'm writing this after a night with no sleep and crying, I looked into transferring uni but none of them take second year transfers. I really don't know what to do.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So my first 2 months has been hell. I moved into a bad flat, transferred to a completely dead one and I still really don't like it. I have almost no friends, the 2 people I ever talk to just leave me on read, and I just don't know what to do.
I was hoping to transfer again, but its week 9 and everyone has their friends already. I don't think I'm an exactly sociable person as you can tell, so I honestly think it's not worth it. Not to mention people are signing contracts for housing next year already, so if I don't suddenly have friends to move with I'll have to live alone the next 2 years.
I'm writing this after a night with no sleep and crying, I looked into transferring uni but none of them take second year transfers. I really don't know what to do.
hi. pls i’ve been crying too. my eye bags have gone brown and nasty and my eyes burn. i am the same yet i haven’t started uni yet. university scares me and i will probably be the same if i do go university. friendships are difficult especially w me when i have a mental condition. i’d drop out if it’s causing u real real stress because you wouldn’t want uni making u depressed and ruining your life just because you want to keep up with your peers. up to you tho. just make sure you are happy!! take care ❤️❤️
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Anonymous #3
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Imo, this is a silly reason to drop out of uni. You are there to get a degree as the main priority. I was at university for 6 years and lived on my own through all of it. If it helps, I met my closest friend in second year through doing an evening class and she is the only person I still keep in touch with from uni now (I graduated 6 year ago). If you want to make friends, put yourself out there more - join societies or do an evening class of some sort. But friends are not the reason for going to university, getting an education is.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Imo, this is a silly reason to drop out of uni. You are there to get a degree as the main priority. I was at university for 6 years and lived on my own through all of it. If it helps, I met my closest friend in second year through doing an evening class and she is the only person I still keep in touch with from uni now (I graduated 6 year ago). If you want to make friends, put yourself out there more - join societies or do an evening class of some sort. But friends are not the reason for going to university, getting an education is.
loneliness can affect you mentally, affecting your academic progress. just say you have people to talk to and leave.
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Anonymous #4
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I don't have any friends lol I only occasionally talk to one of my flatmates when I see her in the kitchen and that's it. But it doesn't bother me that much (though it would be nice to have some people to talk to) and I kinda like being by myself so I guess it really does depend on the person. But I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling. I wish I had some advice but as you can tell I'm pretty much in the same position as you and I'm not good at getting close with others.
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Anonymous #3
#6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
loneliness can affect you mentally, affecting your academic progress. just say you have people to talk to and leave.
Well of course it can. But OP has decided they will never make friends 2 months into starting uni, and that going to a different uni will solve the problem. I highly doubt that dropping out or transferring will solve their problem. Looking at how they might make friend in their current position, on the other hand, might.

I'm nit really sure what you meant by your last phrase.
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Anonymous #1
#7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well of course it can. But OP has decided they will never make friends 2 months into starting uni, and that going to a different uni will solve the problem. I highly doubt that dropping out or transferring will solve their problem. Looking at how they might make friend in their current position, on the other hand, might.

I'm nit really sure what you meant by your last phrase.
Well it just seems like one thing will lead to another, hard to make friends with a flat that have lived together for 2 months, and hard to get them to be my flatmate for next year, if I live alone next year I don't see how I'll have a good time...

I get when you say finishing the degree is the thing to do, but when all this is getting to me I have a hard to making myself work
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
hi. pls i’ve been crying too. my eye bags have gone brown and nasty and my eyes burn. i am the same yet i haven’t started uni yet. university scares me and i will probably be the same if i do go university. friendships are difficult especially w me when i have a mental condition. i’d drop out if it’s causing u real real stress because you wouldn’t want uni making u depressed and ruining your life just because you want to keep up with your peers. up to you tho. just make sure you are happy!! take care ❤️❤️
I'm really sorry you're feeling awful. Is it because you're scared of not making any friends? I mean you haven't started yet so you never know, I tried and kinda failed but at least you have a good chance. It is making me depressed and stuff, but I'll also be nowhere in life if I drop out. I just wish everything suddenly worked out

(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't have any friends lol I only occasionally talk to one of my flatmates when I see her in the kitchen and that's it. But it doesn't bother me that much (though it would be nice to have some people to talk to) and I kinda like being by myself so I guess it really does depend on the person. But I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling. I wish I had some advice but as you can tell I'm pretty much in the same position as you and I'm not good at getting close with others.
I mean you don't mind that so it's fine right?
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I mean you don't mind that so it's fine right?
yeah I don't mind, though it sometimes does get a lil lonely. I'm just worried about you since you're struggling :console:
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username5854605
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#10
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Please don't be dumb. You won't make friends everywhere you go, in fact it is totally normal to have no friends. Just stay at university for your future's sake.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
yeah I don't mind, though it sometimes does get a lil lonely. I'm just worried about you since you're struggling :console:
Yeah, its been really hard

(Original post by klimeks)
Please don't be dumb. You won't make friends everywhere you go, in fact it is totally normal to have no friends. Just stay at university for your future's sake.
Its making me struggle to keep up though, so idk what to do. And I think its normal to feel lonely sometimes, but not so much no friends at all?
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well it just seems like one thing will lead to another, hard to make friends with a flat that have lived together for 2 months, and hard to get them to be my flatmate for next year, if I live alone next year I don't see how I'll have a good time...

I get when you say finishing the degree is the thing to do, but when all this is getting to me I have a hard to making myself work
But if you move uni now, you will be in exactly the same position...

It is totally possible to have a good time living on your own. Especially if you are not a social person to start off with.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But if you move uni now, you will be in exactly the same position...

It is totally possible to have a good time living on your own. Especially if you are not a social person to start off with.
I was looking at moving uni because mine makes us move off campus next year, so I'll be alone the next 2 years. If I move to another one I might get to stay on campus I thought, but anyway I can't
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by username5854605)
Please don't be dumb. You won't make friends everywhere you go, in fact it is totally normal to have no friends. Just stay at university for your future's sake.
shutup goofy
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I mean you don't mind that so it's fine right?
no it was bc i went to an open day and i though that was the uni i’d be going to but i had a bad time at the open day so i don’t know now which uni i want to go to and i don’t have that much time left
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hallamstudents
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I'm sorry that you're struggling. I only got on with one person in my flats in first year and she spent most of her time at her parents house even though she had a room in our student accommodation so I was by myself at the flats most of the time and understand what you're going through. As someone else said in the posts above, you can't get on with everyone, and that is so true. It's through no fault of yours, flats are just a mixed mesh of people, making it hard to find people you get on with. I found my friends through my actual course, they were people with similar values to me and that helped us click.

I then left sorting out my accommodation for second year very late, so my advice in terms of finding people to live with is either you can ask in your group chat or in person if anyone on your course needs a roommate/if anyone is looking for houses. Someone actually from my course whom I didn't know too well posted on our group chat that her and a friend needed a person for an extra room for a house they liked and that was how I found my place to live for 2nd and then 3rd year. Another way is to check your freshers site on Facebook, people are often posting on there a need for someone to take a spare room.

If you are struggling with your mental health try using Big White Wall (https://togetherall.com/en-gb/big-white-wall/) and contact your student support advisor who can direct you to services your university offers.

- Rosie
Last edited by hallamstudents; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by hallamstudents)
I'm sorry that you're struggling. I only got on with one person in my flats in first year and she spent most of her time at her parents house even though she had a room in our student accommodation so I was by myself at the flats most of the time and understand what you're going through. As someone else said in the posts above, you can't get on with everyone, and that is so true. It's through no fault of yours, flats are just a mixed mesh of people, making it hard to find people you get on with. I found my friends through my actual course, they were people with similar values to me and that helped us click.

I then left sorting out my accommodation for second year very late, so my advice in terms of finding people to live with is either you can ask in your group chat or in person if anyone on your course needs a roommate/if anyone is looking for houses. Someone actually from my course whom I didn't know too well posted on our group chat that her and a friend needed a person for an extra room for a house they liked and that was how I found my place to live for 2nd and then 3rd year. Another way is to check your freshers site on Facebook, people are often posting on there a need for someone to take a spare room.

If you are struggling with your mental health try using Big White Wall (https://togetherall.com/en-gb/big-white-wall/) and contact your student support advisor who can direct you to services your university offers.

- Rosie
I moved a couple days ago to the 'party' hall, but everyone there made friends already. Every time I tried joining when they were talking they were on about who kissed who at each bar, people only I don't know about etc, and they don't seem to give a damn I'm confused. I'm not in their group chat, but I heard they've sorted things out already and were talking about how they'll decide who gets which room.

I don't really know anyone from my course, I know one person from the tutorials but we just talk for a bit in class. And everyone in my flat gets on so well it makes me feel really left out and almost 'unsociable'.

This might sound ridiculous, but I really don't want to move alone next year, so I'm thinking of asking my uni if they'll let me stay in halls next year (they usually make everyone move off campus), if they don't I'll transfer to another uni. I'm looking at UCAS already.
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University of Derby
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#18
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So my first 2 months has been hell. I moved into a bad flat, transferred to a completely dead one and I still really don't like it. I have almost no friends, the 2 people I ever talk to just leave me on read, and I just don't know what to do.
I was hoping to transfer again, but its week 9 and everyone has their friends already. I don't think I'm an exactly sociable person as you can tell, so I honestly think it's not worth it. Not to mention people are signing contracts for housing next year already, so if I don't suddenly have friends to move with I'll have to live alone the next 2 years.
I'm writing this after a night with no sleep and crying, I looked into transferring uni but none of them take second year transfers. I really don't know what to do.
Hello there,

Sorry to hear you feel like this.

The first thing to remember is that everyone has a different university experience. We see so many people feeling left out with situations like this in halls. The tricky part is you never know what you're going to get when you get put in randomly allocated accommodation. It's also frustrating seeing so many people make friends with their flatmates so quickly, as they seem to have gotten so lucky. The truth is that there is no shame in your flatmates not being who you want to live with next year, and there is no shame in not having anyone to sign a contract with for next year - especially this early in the academic year. More people than you think go back into halls, or private accommodation that's allocated randomly. If you don't like your current flat, speak to your accommodation team, they should be able to help with finding you a room that suits you better - even if you have to wait a few weeks for it. Don't give up on making friends, remember it's only been a few months.

Best of luck

University of Derby - Official rep
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hallamstudents
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#19
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I moved a couple days ago to the 'party' hall, but everyone there made friends already. Every time I tried joining when they were talking they were on about who kissed who at each bar, people only I don't know about etc, and they don't seem to give a damn I'm confused. I'm not in their group chat, but I heard they've sorted things out already and were talking about how they'll decide who gets which room.

I don't really know anyone from my course, I know one person from the tutorials but we just talk for a bit in class. And everyone in my flat gets on so well it makes me feel really left out and almost 'unsociable'.

This might sound ridiculous, but I really don't want to move alone next year, so I'm thinking of asking my uni if they'll let me stay in halls next year (they usually make everyone move off campus), if they don't I'll transfer to another uni. I'm looking at UCAS already.
What the rep from the university of Derby said is so true. At least you can say you tried to get on with them, so it's not on you. There's no pressure to move in with flatmates, in fact I was very happy when I was rid of mine in second year! Perhaps focus on getting to know the people on your course more, what I did when I first started university was to sit in a different place each time next to different people so that I would get to know everyone, and from this you're more likely to find people you get on with. Look up societies as well and join one or two you are interested in. This way the people there will have similar interests to you and they may even need someone to find houses with.

I guarantee you that many people will be in the same position, so try asking on your group chat and Facebook groups if anyone needs someone to live with, there will likely be a few people on your course, and even more throughout the university and check the freshers site on Facebook for people needing someone to fill a spare room. You can meet with different people, and if you find a couple you get on with then find a place with them. Please try these before deciding to move university, they are really good ways to find people and places to live, it's what I did so I know it works. Or as the Derby rep said, speak with the accommodation team.

It might be even more difficult to change universities, you will still need to find people to live with, though this time it will be in a different city. Of course, if you still think this is the best option for you then do it, you will know what's right for you.

- Rosie
Sheffield Hallam Student Rep
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