How to give yourself for how you behaved in a relationship?

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
My boyfriend broke up with me due to my anxiety. Well actually, my impulsive decisions that my anxiety caused.
I constantly accused him of cheating, I constantly accused him of talking to another girl if he didn’t reply within a ‘ reasonable’ time frame. These feelings got worse when I drank. I absolutely don’t have a drinking problem but when I did have a drink with my friends I would get so angry at him for “ not replying’ and would just assume the worst.

It’s such a shame because now we’ve broken up, I see that he really did love me. I see that I was the issue. But i feel guilty and now I feel depressed. My boyfriend went through so much with me, tried to understand and even said if I wanted to see a therapist he would stand by me. But I chose not to see a therapist. I didn’t choose self help. And now everything is ruined. Even when we broke up 2 months ago, he spoke to me everyday and said he would get back together if my situation improved, and then the other day he didn’t reply so I went crazy and messaged his friends asking if he had slept with them. That was the final straw and now he’s blocked me.

I know I sound crazy, and I know he did the right think by breaking up. I just feel so so guilty. I’m not like this in any other aspect of my life but in relationships. I’ve been hurt time and time again by boys and I think I just assumed it was going to happen in this relationship. Yes I was still broken up with but this time it was because of me and not because of my ex’s mistakes.
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend broke up with me due to my anxiety. Well actually, my impulsive decisions that my anxiety caused.
I constantly accused him of cheating, I constantly accused him of talking to another girl if he didn’t reply within a ‘ reasonable’ time frame. These feelings got worse when I drank. I absolutely don’t have a drinking problem but when I did have a drink with my friends I would get so angry at him for “ not replying’ and would just assume the worst.

It’s such a shame because now we’ve broken up, I see that he really did love me. I see that I was the issue. But i feel guilty and now I feel depressed. My boyfriend went through so much with me, tried to understand and even said if I wanted to see a therapist he would stand by me. But I chose not to see a therapist. I didn’t choose self help. And now everything is ruined. Even when we broke up 2 months ago, he spoke to me everyday and said he would get back together if my situation improved, and then the other day he didn’t reply so I went crazy and messaged his friends asking if he had slept with them. That was the final straw and now he’s blocked me.

I know I sound crazy, and I know he did the right think by breaking up. I just feel so so guilty. I’m not like this in any other aspect of my life but in relationships. I’ve been hurt time and time again by boys and I think I just assumed it was going to happen in this relationship. Yes I was still broken up with but this time it was because of me and not because of my ex’s mistakes.
I think the best thing for you to do right now is to to and help yourself cope with some of your mental health issues before they get worse. Would you be able to talk to a professional about this? Are your friends/family supportive?
If drinking makes you more paranoid and evokes really negative feelings, it might be a good idea to cut it out for a little bit. Or limiting how much you consume. I don't mean this in a mean way or anything, but I don't think it's helping you in this situation.

I think you need to speak to someone who can offer you proper advice and can help you with accepting this, moving on and helping you deal with things better just generally. He was right to break up with you - this was a toxic situation. You need to be able to be happy single first.
You need to think about if he would appreciate this, but maybe send an apology to him or his friend later down the line? You accused them of being involved with him when they knew he was with you and that's quite hurtful. After that, limit contact. Being around him isn't good for either of you and it'll only end up with someone being hurt.

Finally, you don't sound crazy - you sound like someone who's had a bunch of bad relationships and thought this was just another. That explains your behaviour, but doesn't justify it. Even if you see a potential future together, you need to put that to one side and really focus on yourself and your mental health. Forgiving yourself will come with time and work. You can't change what happened, only what you do going forward xx
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
This is really sad. You should call him and apologise.

What did he look like??? Is that why you were so adamant about him cheating and afraid of him cheating?
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
This is really sad. You should call him and apologise.

What did he look like??? Is that why you were so adamant about him cheating and afraid of him cheating?
No haha he wasn’t conventionally good looking but he was a beautiful soul and that’s what hurts the most. Mg friends and family say that he was “ punching” so it wasn’t even based on looks, I’ve just always ( unfortunately) had a fear of being cheated on
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
No haha he wasn’t conventionally good looking but he was a beautiful soul and that’s what hurts the most. Mg friends and family say that he was “ punching” so it wasn’t even based on looks, I’ve just always ( unfortunately) had a fear of being cheated on
Most men don't cheat. It is a minority who do. If a man loves you, he won't cheat.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I think the best thing for you to do right now is to to and help yourself cope with some of your mental health issues before they get worse. Would you be able to talk to a professional about this? Are your friends/family supportive?
If drinking makes you more paranoid and evokes really negative feelings, it might be a good idea to cut it out for a little bit. Or limiting how much you consume. I don't mean this in a mean way or anything, but I don't think it's helping you in this situation.

I think you need to speak to someone who can offer you proper advice and can help you with accepting this, moving on and helping you deal with things better just generally. He was right to break up with you - this was a toxic situation. You need to be able to be happy single first.
You need to think about if he would appreciate this, but maybe send an apology to him or his friend later down the line? You accused them of being involved with him when they knew he was with you and that's quite hurtful. After that, limit contact. Being around him isn't good for either of you and it'll only end up with someone being hurt.

Finally, you don't sound crazy - you sound like someone who's had a bunch of bad relationships and thought this was just another. That explains your behaviour, but doesn't justify it. Even if you see a potential future together, you need to put that to one side and really focus on yourself and your mental health. Forgiving yourself will come with time and work. You can't change what happened, only what you do going forward xx
Thank you for this, yes I am actually seeing a therapist on Tuesday at a great cost but I hope it’ll be worth it.

I’ve apologised loads and he’s given it so many chances but the final straw was on Friday and he’s blocked me on everything and told me not to contact him again. I think he’s hurt I would think such outrageous things, and tbh not being in contact is for the best.

Definitely right about the bad relationships in the past, but I just can’t go on thinking this way and run the risk of ruining another good egg who has good intentions.

I do have a good support net work but tbh I’m sure they are sick of me talking about my situation with this particular person.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Most men don't cheat. It is a minority who do. If a man loves you, he won't cheat.
I’m sure you’re right I personally just have such a hard time believing it. I think my view ( rightly or wrongly) is that other women are so accessible these days. With Instagram, Snapchat, dating apps etc!

I also think cheating is portrayed so much in the media and films it’s really hard to believe if it happens to Beyoncé, or the kardashians- if can definitely happen to me!
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m sure you’re right I personally just have such a hard time believing it. I think my view ( rightly or wrongly) is that other women are so accessible these days. With Instagram, Snapchat, dating apps etc!

I also think cheating is portrayed so much in the media and films it’s really hard to believe if it happens to Beyoncé, or the kardashians- if can definitely happen to me!
Cheating can happen but if you are both sexually active together and the love is mutual, it is unlikely he will cheat.

If he does, then there is not much you can do except leave him or stay with him and accept his bad actions.
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#9
Report 1 month ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for this, yes I am actually seeing a therapist on Tuesday at a great cost but I hope it’ll be worth it.

I’ve apologised loads and he’s given it so many chances but the final straw was on Friday and he’s blocked me on everything and told me not to contact him again. I think he’s hurt I would think such outrageous things, and tbh not being in contact is for the best.

Definitely right about the bad relationships in the past, but I just can’t go on thinking this way and run the risk of ruining another good egg who has good intentions.

I do have a good support net work but tbh I’m sure they are sick of me talking about my situation with this particular person.
Good for you!! Be proud you're getting help!

That's why I think you shouldn't get into another relationship for a little while. Focus on yourself and then when you're ready you could date again.

I guess part of it is moving on though. You're getting help for yourself now, not for him. I'm sure they just want the best for you and don't care about hearing about him too much.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#10
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
Good for you!! Be proud you're getting help!

That's why I think you shouldn't get into another relationship for a little while. Focus on yourself and then when you're ready you could date again.

I guess part of it is moving on though. You're getting help for yourself now, not for him. I'm sure they just want the best for you and don't care about hearing about him too much.
Yeah I just know that dating causes such anxiety for me ( same things outlined above) and even the thought of going through that again terrifies me. Because the good boys come once in a blue moon and usually you have to date people that aren’t going to be the ‘ one’ and it seems like a waste of time and energy

Thank u so much though!
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

When did you submit your Ucas application if you applied to go to university this year?

September 2021 (29)
7%
October 2021 (191)
46.14%
November 2021 (42)
10.14%
December 2021 (54)
13.04%
January 2021 (45)
10.87%
I still haven't submitted it yet! (39)
9.42%
Something else (14)
3.38%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed