Need dating advice

Volunteer Team, Clearing and Applications Advisor

Always trust yout gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. :smile:

Don't be afraid to walk away if you feel that he is sexually incompatible or that the two of you have contrasting lifestyles or relationship ambitions that make a happy relationship very unlikely.

I understand some of how you feel.
When I lived with my parents, I kept all my relationships secret and used to sneak out at night to meet whichever bf I was dating.
I would never tell any of my surviving ancestors if I had a date or partner.
Nor agree to any meeting or telephone conversation.

I support interfaith relationships and marriages.
But also understand the fact many traditionalists & religious hardliners in the uk are harshly opposed to them and will resort to harsh punishments against young relatives who they consider disobedient or sinners.
Even to the point of making them homeless, refusing to provide details of income for student finance loans and sometimes illegal violence or harassment.
My mother told her brutal ultra-traditionalist family she wanted to marry an atheist and was almost beaten to death by father and grandmother.
She did marry my father, was disinherited and her father never spoke to her again.

Your own physical safety, health and future must come first.
If there is any history of violence in your family tree or you are dependent upon traditionalist relatives for accomodation/inheritances/cash- be very cautious.
Don't take any risks until you have access to a strong support network, emergency accomodation and stable regular means of financially supporting yourself.
Good luck!

Reply 3

5hyl33n

21

Thread has been moved to 'relationships'. :yy:

Reply 4

Slx.24

Original post by stickylikehoney

I hooked up with this guy i know at an event and we went back to an after party together. We went to the bedroom together and had oral sex, he told me before he "isn't good at sex because he comes too fast" and e came quickly during oral sex and was embarrassed and quickly left. He told me it's something he "has to figure out on is own".
We met at another party and we flirted again and had an amazing kiss. I didn't take anything further cos I was on my period. But he hinted at going back to mine for fun.

Also, I'm hindu and I think he's Muslim and there are tensions between our cultures. I know my mum and dad wouldn't approve. He's just fit and nice but it made me think about how it might develop into more and I just don't think it can get too serious.
Also if he has a sexual dysfunction I'm worried it will be like last time - it will be all flirty and steamy but then he won't last long and it will be awkward again?
He is so funny and fine but I don't know what to do help!

If he's muslim don't go for him? It's not good long term, or as I should say, near impossible? Not tryna shoot you down or anything just what I know

Reply 5

username4522078

You need dating advice and you came to the site teeming with 15 year old virgins?

Reply 6

OP

Original post by Slx.24

If he's muslim don't go for him? It's not good long term, or as I should say, near impossible? Not tryna shoot you down or anything just what I know

Yes - I thought we could just have sex. But now he has a sexual dysfunction it's made things awkward and I still fancy him

Reply 7

Slx.24

Original post by stickylikehoney

Yes - I thought we could just have sex. But now he has a sexual dysfunction it's made things awkward and I still fancy him

I guess that means it's not applicable for the short term either 😂😭

You'll find other guys you fancy; I don't think you should feel the need to pursue him for much longer

Reply 8

OP

Original post by Slx.24

I guess that means it's not applicable for the short term either 😂😭

You'll find other guys you fancy; I don't think you should feel the need to pursue him for much longer

If he tries it on with me again what should I do?
He's an amazing kisser

Reply 9

Slx.24

Original post by stickylikehoney

If he tries it on with me again what should I do?
He's an amazing kisser

I mean like just tell him you ain interested no?
Kissing not really gonna get you anywhere is it ☠
Unless you feel fine with just kissing

Reply 10

username5811912

Original post by stickylikehoney

I hooked up with this guy i know at an event and we went back to an after party together. We went to the bedroom together and had oral sex, he told me before he "isn't good at sex because he comes too fast" and e came quickly during oral sex and was embarrassed and quickly left. He told me it's something he "has to figure out on is own".
We met at another party and we flirted again and had an amazing kiss. I didn't take anything further cos I was on my period. But he hinted at going back to mine for fun.

Also, I'm hindu and I think he's Muslim and there are tensions between our cultures. I know my mum and dad wouldn't approve. He's just fit and nice but it made me think about how it might develop into more and I just don't think it can get too serious.
Also if he has a sexual dysfunction I'm worried it will be like last time - it will be all flirty and steamy but then he won't last long and it will be awkward again?
He is so funny and fine but I don't know what to do help!

Hey wow that's a toughie. I mean Personally a relationship shouldn't be just about the sex to be honest with you. The question is do you enjoy it? I mean do you like it when you have it? To be honest if you're in love then it doesn't really matter what your parents think. I know there are strict rules in some cultures but if you love him then you love him. I really haven't had a lot of sex so don't take my advice as gospel haha. 😂 No but in all seriousness I would just have a conversation with him about it and i mean talk it out so you know where you stand.

Reply 11

OP

Original post by Kentinho99

Hey wow that's a toughie. I mean Personally a relationship shouldn't be just about the sex to be honest with you. The question is do you enjoy it? I mean do you like it when you have it? To be honest if you're in love then it doesn't really matter what your parents think. I know there are strict rules in some cultures but if you love him then you love him. I really haven't had a lot of sex so don't take my advice as gospel haha. 😂 No but in all seriousness I would just have a conversation with him about it and i mean talk it out so you know where you stand.

Well no me and him are not in love. I just have a huge crush on him. I remember the first time I saw him I thought he was gorgeous and I would never have guessed he liked me back.
I've had sex with like 11 people. I'm not super promiscuous but yes for me a relationship can just be about sex and that's what I thought me and him would do.
My mum and dad would mind and I also am not keen in getting involved with another Muslim as I'm not a big fan of some aspects of the religion.
Every hour I find myself going into a daydream with me and him... it's a crush I don't know what to do he's an amaze kisser I wanna do it again
The fact that he has a sexual dysfunction is putting a more serious spin on things as if we were to work through it we would have to bond. Instead of it just being like "I fancy you wanna do it?"

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 12

londonmyst

Original post by stickylikehoney

Well no me and him are not in love. I just have a huge crush on him. I remember the first time I saw him I thought he was gorgeous and I would never have guessed he liked me back.
I've had sex with like 11 people. I'm not super promiscuous but yes for me a relationship can just be about sex and that's what I thought me and him would do.
My mum and dad would mind and I also am not keen in getting involved with another Muslim as I'm not a big fan of some aspects of the religion.
Every hour I find myself going into a daydream with me and him... it's a crush I don't know what to do he's an amaze kisser I wanna do it again
The fact that he has a sexual dysfunction is putting a more serious spin on things as if we were to work through it we would have to bond. Instead of it just being like "I fancy you wanna do it?"

Are you willing to consider restricting the relationship to kissing and conversation for a few weeks or months?
I have been in relationships that did not involve sex and some had a longer shelf life than the sexual relationships.
But I wouldn't consider dating a guy who liked oral sex or was living in a religious household.

Reply 13

Trinculo

21

Original post by stickylikehoney

I've had sex with like 11 people. I'm not super promiscuous but yes for me a relationship can just be about sex

Babe, your body count is higher than Charles Manson's.

Reply 14

username5811912

Original post by stickylikehoney

Well no me and him are not in love. I just have a huge crush on him. I remember the first time I saw him I thought he was gorgeous and I would never have guessed he liked me back.
I've had sex with like 11 people. I'm not super promiscuous but yes for me a relationship can just be about sex and that's what I thought me and him would do.
My mum and dad would mind and I also am not keen in getting involved with another Muslim as I'm not a big fan of some aspects of the religion.
Every hour I find myself going into a daydream with me and him... it's a crush I don't know what to do he's an amaze kisser I wanna do it again
The fact that he has a sexual dysfunction is putting a more serious spin on things as if we were to work through it we would have to bond. Instead of it just being like "I fancy you wanna do it?"

Personally I think you should just have a deep and meaningful conversation with him about all of this because you are not wanting a relationship with him but you are wanting to kiss him and just have the srx? I'm really confused haha as you can tell i haven't been in a lot of relationships yet so hahaha. But a relationship is more than just sex in my opinion because a bond is supposed to be loving and meaningful in my eyes but hey I'm an old fashioned romantic guy and that is dying out these days. Honestly I think you shouldn't worry about what may happen and just kiss him and see where it leads. The first time he may have been nervous and things can happen if its the first time but i think now it will be a lot better as he will be used to it.

Reply 15

OP