How can I become more outgoing, when I'm alone?

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UnexpectedShark
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#1
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#1
I'm 23, and I differ quite vastly from my other friends. My best friend got into a relationship recently and he's steadily began drifting as a result, though he never really wanted to come out and do things anyway. Our interests are just different. My other other close friend is really popular, tries to get out alot but never really invites me anywhere for some reason. We're quite different people, me and him, though we do live atleast 30-40 mins drive apart. In writing this post, I realised that I can atleast make the step to message him and ask him for an invite to something like a house party sometime and meet his university friends etc.

I just really want to get out and do fun things but I don't feel like I can because it would involve doing it alone. I hate being alone. I live in London, I'm 5'6, and skinny. I wouldn't be able to fight if I got confronted, and it sometimes feels hard talking to girls and whatnot being alone, especially seeing as I'm not exactly a player or whatever. I quite enjoy that part of going out, flirting with people and dancing etc. I've been to clubs alot, but only because an opportunity to go with a friend has come up.

How do people end up in these popular mixed circles of pop-culture scenes? I feel like I'm fun enough to get into it, I just don't know how. I'm into emo/goth stuff, I have/like tattoos, super into music and I'd say I'm more extroverted. I'd love to meet a group of people like this, or atleast someone that's similar, so I can go out to events and do stuff.

I've not been to a music gig in atleast 3 years, and I've never been to a rave or even a proper house party. How do people find out events like this near their location? The distant friends that I do know that do all this stuff just seem to know about all the local bands, or even bands that are out of town that are visiting the area. Are there apps, or is it just a matter of scrolling through social media pages enough or going out of your way to find music/gigs etc?

Should I just try going out alone? Has anyone done much of that before? I feel like people find it strange.
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Dentaldreams
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#2
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#2
Embrace the time that you have to yourself! There’s so much you can do to keep yourself occupied!
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UnexpectedShark
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#3
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#3
(Original post by Dentaldreams)
Embrace the time that you have to yourself! There’s so much you can do to keep yourself occupied!
Oh I keep productive at home haha, though there's only so many games and so much work I can do, before I really feel like I need a night out. Suppose it's just an odd craving.
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Dentaldreams
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#4
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(Original post by UnexpectedShark)
Oh I keep productive at home haha, though there's only so many games and so much work I can do, before I really feel like I need a night out. Suppose it's just an odd craving.
well that’s really good!! I know what you mean though, can you not initiate inviting your friends out? It’s not odd, it happens to the best of us.
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UnexpectedShark
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#5
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#5
(Original post by Dentaldreams)
well that’s really good!! I know what you mean though, can you not initiate inviting your friends out? It’s not odd, it happens to the best of us.
I could certainly give it a better try. I'll ask my popular friend a bit more - though he doesn't usually like going out if it's just the two of us. I have alot of old friends aswell I could maybe go get a drink with, though it's not completely what I'd enjoy. Worth a try though like you say.

Just wish there was an app or something that would help, I dunno - going out on my own has it's benefits in that I can just kinda do what I want without having to worry about my friends (or them judging me for doing weird stuff haha). There's alot of anxiety in it though, it's not very safe and I don't want to be that weird dude that just is on his own lol
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Dentaldreams
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#6
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(Original post by UnexpectedShark)
I could certainly give it a better try. I'll ask my popular friend a bit more - though he doesn't usually like going out if it's just the two of us. I have alot of old friends aswell I could maybe go get a drink with, though it's not completely what I'd enjoy. Worth a try though like you say.

Just wish there was an app or something that would help, I dunno - going out on my own has it's benefits in that I can just kinda do what I want without having to worry about my friends (or them judging me for doing weird stuff haha). There's alot of anxiety in it though, it's not very safe and I don't want to be that weird dude that just is on his own lol
Just be more relaxed. I used to be quite introverted towards people but I realised that I just have to be more comfortable in myself, that way I don’t need to worry if people like me or spend time with. However through doing this, I have become less alone, and obviously it’s biased and big headed to say myself but I feel like I’ve become more likeable too.
I go out on my own, and I feel great, you’ve just got to be more confident within yourself! Forget what the others may say!
Last edited by Dentaldreams; 1 month ago
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UnexpectedShark
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#7
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#7
(Original post by Dentaldreams)
Just be more relaxed. I used to be quite introverted towards people but I realised that I just have to be more comfortable in myself, that way I don’t need to worry if people like me or spend time with. However through doing this, I have become less alone, and obviously it’s biased and big headed to say myself but I feel like I’ve become more likeable too.
I go out on my own, and I feel great, you’ve just got to be more confident within yourself! Forget what the others may say!
That's fair! I can do that, I'm doing alot to try and make myself a better person currently so I'm already halfway there I want to say.

I didn't realise you went out on your own. Do you go clubbing or anything like that? Just wondering how it is you orient yourself and get stuck in with people.
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Dentaldreams
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#8
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(Original post by UnexpectedShark)
That's fair! I can do that, I'm doing alot to try and make myself a better person currently so I'm already halfway there I want to say.

I didn't realise you went out on your own. Do you go clubbing or anything like that? Just wondering how it is you orient yourself and get stuck in with people.
It’s all about yourself, not in a self centred way, but more in a positive outlook on life perspective.

I like to go shopping and to eat, might sound sad but I listen to my podcasts and read. I’m always open for a conversation and sometimes slip in myself, you should try it!
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UnexpectedShark
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#9
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#9
(Original post by Dentaldreams)
It’s all about yourself, not in a self centred way, but more in a positive outlook on life perspective.

I like to go shopping and to eat, might sound sad but I listen to my podcasts and read. I’m always open for a conversation and sometimes slip in myself, you should try it!
I don't think it's self-centred at all! I think it's quite important.

Maybe I'd be better off starting with something a bit more casual like that. I'll bring a book to a coffee shop on my lunch break next, or something like that. Recommend me a book!
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Dentaldreams
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#10
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(Original post by UnexpectedShark)
I don't think it's self-centred at all! I think it's quite important.

Maybe I'd be better off starting with something a bit more casual like that. I'll bring a book to a coffee shop on my lunch break next, or something like that. Recommend me a book!
I’m glad you think so too!

What’s your favourite genre?
I read pretty much everything so I’ll probably be able to recommend just about anything!
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UnexpectedShark
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#11
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(Original post by Dentaldreams)
I’m glad you think so too!

What’s your favourite genre?
I read pretty much everything so I’ll probably be able to recommend just about anything!
I quite like dark fantasy alot, I also really really enjoyed Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I guess science-y stuff or fantasy stuff is quite good for me. I play alot of games in that theme so you can see where it comes from.

I also like stories about like impressive historical people- like I've read a few books about Mohammed Ali for example, also a few from the veterans in the Band of Brothers series.
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Dentaldreams
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#12
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(Original post by UnexpectedShark)
I quite like dark fantasy alot, I also really really enjoyed Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I guess science-y stuff or fantasy stuff is quite good for me. I play alot of games in that theme so you can see where it comes from.

I also like stories about like impressive historical people- like I've read a few books about Mohammed Ali for example, also a few from the veterans in the Band of Brothers series.
Hmm the two genres I read the least of😅
Actually you might like Ready Player One by Ernest Cline, that is a brilliant sci-fi novel.

Do you like thriller by any chance?
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UnexpectedShark
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#13
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#13
(Original post by Dentaldreams)
Hmm the two genres I read the least of😅
Actually you might like Ready Player One by Ernest Cline, that is a brilliant sci-fi novel.

Do you like thriller by any chance?
I actually had no idea that thing was a novel, so I'll look into that haha

Yeah I like thriller
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Dentaldreams
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(Original post by UnexpectedShark)
I actually had no idea that thing was a novel, so I'll look into that haha

Yeah I like thriller
Oh please don’t say you saw the movie because there is no justification to the book itself!

Thriller!! Okay you have to read DaVinci Code then, it’s brilliant or my all time favourite The girl with the dragon tattoo, you’ll be hooked!
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UnexpectedShark
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#15
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(Original post by Dentaldreams)
Oh please don’t say you saw the movie because there is no justification to the book itself!

Thriller!! Okay you have to read DaVinci Code then, it’s brilliant or my all time favourite The girl with the dragon tattoo, you’ll be hooked!
I regret to tell you that I've only seen the movie haha

But I'll buy the book. The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy movie wasn't particularly impressive compared to the book, either. I'll have a look at the other two, thank you for the suggestions
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Dentaldreams
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#16
(Original post by UnexpectedShark)
I regret to tell you that I've only seen the movie haha

But I'll buy the book. The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy movie wasn't particularly impressive compared to the book, either. I'll have a look at the other two, thank you for the suggestions
Oh no🤦*♀️ Lol read the book the book, it’ll change your life.

Definitely check them out and maybe even let me know what you think, I’ll happily suggest some more 😊
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