Shall I message this guy on Facebook to tell him his fiancée is texting other men?

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Anonymous #1
#1
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So this girl is an ex of a guy I know. When they started dating she was already with another long term partner, and left the long term partner for him after knowing him for just 2 months (they met when she joined his workplace).

During their relationship she cheated on him twice, (as far as he knows) and the second time was when he broke up with her. She actually told him she wanted to "explore her feelings with someone else" who was an old High School friend that she went to meet and ended up having sex with.

After the breakup she finds out that he was actually saving up for a ring to propose to her. Also, her relationship with the guy she cheated with didnt work out, and she called it a "mistake". Since then, and they broke up in 2016, she has been texting him every few months while she was dating a new guy this whole time. How she's "Never stopped loving him". She did this while she was dating him as well, he knew she used to send selfies to other men and once a drunk colleague let it slip that she had been texting very inappropriate messages with another guy at their workplace, at the time he didnt believe it and had a lot of faith in her.

Now she literally does that to him while dating another man, this includes organising dates and then never following through. Denying that shes with her partner or saying that he knows she texts other guys etc, which doesn't make sense if she's denying that she's with him other times.

Another time after the breakup she tried to set my friend up to cheat on a new girlfriend by not speaking to him and ignoring him during work for weeks until it was late one night and she got him in her car to talk and kissed him. She then went om Facebook to message his parter and tell her he cheated on her with her. This doesn't make my friend look good but he took 3 years to get over this girl, he was going to marry her and this was still fresh after the breakup. She knew he was emotionally vulnerable and played with it for years.

Now she still messages him till this day and recently the guy shes been with this whole time has proposed to her. I do have some text conversations he sent me of her messaging him that she loves him, and she doesn't think that will ever go away etc. I'm thinking of messaging him and telling him exactly what she's been doing behind his back for all these years before he gets married or has children with her. Is this the right thing to do? I'm not going to show the proof, and I know I won't be taken seriously until I do but im not putting my friend at risk of getting into drama. Based on what I've heard from the past she woild be texting multiple men like this, and I simply want to tell him her behaviour and to check her phone for his own good.

Is this right?
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Satori Tendō
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Perhaps confront her to tell the guy herself, give her that option firstly since the relationship is between them.

But the other side of me could also argue that the relationship isn't between them since she's overstepping. Either way the guy has to know. She sounds vile, doesn't deserve anything. It's been dragged on for too long and the poor guy has no idea. So I would do him a favour by spilling the truth
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Satori Tendō)
Perhaps confront her to tell the guy herself, give her that option firstly since the relationship is between them.

But the other side of me could also argue that the relationship isn't between them since she's overstepping. Either way the guy has to know. She sounds vile, doesn't deserve anything. It's been dragged on for too long and the poor guy has no idea. So I would do him a favour by spilling the truth
I'm not going to give her that option, mostly because she's tried to split up someone else's relationship (messaging my friends at the time partner after setting him up). She doesn't have any respect for other people's relationships or her own, so this is something I'm not willing to do for her I'm afraid. If she was less of the manipulative person that she is I might have done this but I really don't want to do this for her.

As I said before I'm not willing to out my friend and put him in the middle of this and for that reason I'm not going to share the proof because then she will know he's behind and it and probably make some stuff up to save face "He wants me back and is trying to ruin my relationship with you" etc.

I simple want to tell him how shes been in the past and how many men shes cheated on, and has always texted other guys this whole time throughout their relationship. I'm not sure how to do that without proof and to be taken seriously. Do you think he would take me seriously? At the end of the day, I'm not saying shes slept with anyone, if I wanted to simply ruin their relationship I could have said that and I will definitely mention it
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Satori Tendō)
Perhaps confront her to tell the guy herself, give her that option firstly since the relationship is between them.

But the other side of me could also argue that the relationship isn't between them since she's overstepping. Either way the guy has to know. She sounds vile, doesn't deserve anything. It's been dragged on for too long and the poor guy has no idea. So I would do him a favour by spilling the truth
I'm also going to add that we think the reason why she still texts my friend is because she wants to know if hes found another woman. Basically, she doesn't even want him moving on from her, and if she tells him she loves him shes hoping he will fall for it and stay hung up on her, basically trying to ruin his chances of being with other girls
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Surnia
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If your friend is stupid enough to fall for this girl again, that's all on him. If the girl he was going to marry split up with him because some random on Faceboom said he was cheating then she is stupid and he had a lucky escape.

How well do you know this current guy? Why have you waited so long to tell him what his partner is up to; why didn't you warn him off at the start?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Surnia)
If your friend is stupid enough to fall for this girl again, that's all on him. If the girl he was going to marry split up with him because some random on Faceboom said he was cheating then she is stupid and he had a lucky escape.

How well do you know this current guy? Why have you waited so long to tell him what his partner is up to; why didn't you warn him off at the start?
ok, your lost and confused. Read it again i guess.
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YaliaV123
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He should know what she’s like. You seem far too invested and you should probably concentrate on your own life.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
He should know what she’s like. You seem far too invested and you should probably concentrate on your own life.
I have my reasons for being concerned and im not going to share the whole context of his situation to people who are gonna skim read the whole thing if I write too much.

The point is a guy is engaged and planning his wedding to someone who has no respect for him and a lot of people know and no one is telling him. You either have empathy or you don't.
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YaliaV123
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have my reasons for being concerned and im not going to share the whole context of his situation to people who are gonna skim read the whole thing if I write too much.

The point is a guy is engaged and planning his wedding to someone who has no respect for him and a lot of people know and no one is telling him. You either have empathy or you don't.
There’s empathy and then there’s being a borderline stalker.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
There’s empathy and then there’s being a borderline stalker.
Right.. ok.
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Surnia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
ok, your lost and confused. Read it again i guess.
My lost what?

You said this "Basically, she doesn't even want him moving on from her, and if she tells him she loves him shes hoping he will fall for it and stay hung up on her, basically trying to ruin his chances of being with other girls" so if your friend is still allowing messages from her and not ignoring her, that's stupid.

You said "she tried to set my friend up to cheat on a new girlfriend by not speaking to him and ignoring him during work for weeks until it was late one night and she got him in her car to talk and kissed him. She then went om Facebook to message his parter and tell her he cheated on her with her." So if the partner believed that gossip, she's stupid.

What about the rest?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Surnia)
My lost what?

You said this "Basically, she doesn't even want him moving on from her, and if she tells him she loves him shes hoping he will fall for it and stay hung up on her, basically trying to ruin his chances of being with other girls" so if your friend is still allowing messages from her and not ignoring her, that's stupid.

You said "she tried to set my friend up to cheat on a new girlfriend by not speaking to him and ignoring him during work for weeks until it was late one night and she got him in her car to talk and kissed him. She then went om Facebook to message his parter and tell her he cheated on her with her." So if the partner believed that gossip, she's stupid.

What about the rest?
Yeah you have got the story mixed up slightly. I'm not going to further engage because I really don't like how you're calling all these people stupid, and it leads me to think you won't give good advice anyway. Its a messy situation as it is.
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Surnia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah you have got the story mixed up slightly. I'm not going to further engage because I really don't like how you're calling all these people stupid, and it leads me to think you won't give good advice anyway. Its a messy situation as it is.
If I've got it wrong, that's from your information. Please correct me then, and tell me why isn't it stupid to allow messages from someone who's messed you around?

Why don't you answer the questions then I can give more advice?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Surnia)
If I've got it wrong, that's from your information. Please correct me then, and tell me why isn't it stupid to allow messages from someone who's messed you around?

Why don't you answer the questions then I can give more advice?

Ok, I'm going to give you a chance but please don't call him stupid. He had dealt with suicidal thoughts after this whole thing and I find it quite hurtful that you're calling him stupid. He loved this person, I dont know if you've ever been inlove before but are complicated. People want to see the best in people when they're inlove with them, being inlove does change your perception of things and makes you slow to catch on.

If you want to help me, can I ask you to please read my whole description again. If I've worded it in a confusing way then I apologise but the first commenter didn't seem confused at all.
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