Blood Brothers essay

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angelboo2323
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#1
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#1
Hello everyone, I recently did an English lit essay for Blood Brothers and got a grade 2 somehow?! My English teacher has said that I can redo it, and I honestly just want to smash it out the park and prove her wrong because she has said I most probably won't be able to get a grade 9. Normally I get 6's in English so this grade really shocked me. The question is: How does Russell present Mrs Lyons as a lonely and unhappy character? Any tips would be super helpful, and if anyone wants to read the grade 2 essay, I will drop it in the comments.
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OscarF
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(Original post by angelboo2323)
Hello everyone, I recently did an English lit essay for Blood Brothers and got a grade 2 somehow?! My English teacher has said that I can redo it, and I honestly just want to smash it out the park and prove her wrong because she has said I most probably won't be able to get a grade 9. Normally I get 6's in English so this grade really shocked me. The question is: How does Russell present Mrs Lyons as a lonely and unhappy character? Any tips would be super helpful, and if anyone wants to read the grade 2 essay, I will drop it in the comments.
Hey!

I don't actually study Blood Brothers for English Lit, but I'd still be happy to go through your essay and see how it could be restructured/rewritten/improved to hit those upper boundaries - and, perhaps more importantly, try and show you where you went wrong, so that the same thing never happens again.
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angelboo2323
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#3
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#3
(Original post by OscarF)
Hey!

I don't actually study Blood Brothers for English Lit, but I'd still be happy to go through your essay and see how it could be restructured/rewritten/improved to hit those upper boundaries - and, perhaps more importantly, try and show you where you went wrong, so that the same thing never happens again.
Russell portrays Mrs Lyons as a symbol of affluence in Blood Brothers. Our first impressions of her as the audience is caring however her true colours begin to shine as she exploits Mrs Johnstone.

At the beginning of the play, the audience have sympathy for her. She cant have a baby, her husband works away and she lives in a big house all by herself. As she finds out Mrs Johnstone is pregnant she says 'give one to me!', from this line we can infer that she sees the child as an object that will complete her perfect life. At this time in society, women were seen as breeding machines that didn't work and just raised children within the family home. Mrs Lyons most probably felt as if she was a failure as a woman and her insecurities led to the exploitation of Mrs Johnstone.

As Mrs Lyons manipulates Mrs Johnstone we, as the audience begin to see how truly unhappy she really is within herself. 'You sold your baby' makes Mrs Johnstone seem like her intention is to achieve a financial purpose, when in fact she simply wants a better future for the child. However this quote does reflect Mrs Lyons' behaviour towards money and how she pays her way through life to get what she wants.

Mrs Lyons is presented as a shy character that mentally abuses Mrs Johnstone when no one is watching, but contrastingly acts authoritive and professional around people with higher status. 'Witch I curse you' infers that she thinks Mrs Johnstone carries supernatural powers while also being an evil, malicious person that deserves to be cursed forever. It is also ironic as Mrs Lyons seems like the witch at this point in the play from the audiences perspective.

Her paranoia hits its climax when the twins are born. She begins to develop superstitions as suggested by the quote 'I feel something bad is going to happen'. Russell tries to show the audience that superstition isn't a lower class habit and that the only thing that differentiates Mrs Lyons and Mrs Johnstone is the number of figures in their bank account.

Overall, as the audience, we can infer that Mrs Lyons and Mrs Johnstone juxtapose each other through their opposite personalities. We also begin to recognise that not only does Mrs Lyons mess with Mrs Johnstone's head but also her own. I think that Russell's intention was to show that sometimes lower class indidviduals can be the most genuine.
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OscarF
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#4
(Original post by angelboo2323)
Russell portrays Mrs Lyons as a symbol of affluence in Blood Brothers. Our first impressions of her as the audience is caring however her true colours begin to shine as she exploits Mrs Johnstone.

At the beginning of the play, the audience have sympathy for her. She cant have a baby, her husband works away and she lives in a big house all by herself. As she finds out Mrs Johnstone is pregnant she says 'give one to me!', from this line we can infer that she sees the child as an object that will complete her perfect life. At this time in society, women were seen as breeding machines that didn't work and just raised children within the family home. Mrs Lyons most probably felt as if she was a failure as a woman and her insecurities led to the exploitation of Mrs Johnstone.

As Mrs Lyons manipulates Mrs Johnstone we, as the audience begin to see how truly unhappy she really is within herself. 'You sold your baby' makes Mrs Johnstone seem like her intention is to achieve a financial purpose, when in fact she simply wants a better future for the child. However this quote does reflect Mrs Lyons' behaviour towards money and how she pays her way through life to get what she wants.

Mrs Lyons is presented as a shy character that mentally abuses Mrs Johnstone when no one is watching, but contrastingly acts authoritive and professional around people with higher status. 'Witch I curse you' infers that she thinks Mrs Johnstone carries supernatural powers while also being an evil, malicious person that deserves to be cursed forever. It is also ironic as Mrs Lyons seems like the witch at this point in the play from the audiences perspective.

Her paranoia hits its climax when the twins are born. She begins to develop superstitions as suggested by the quote 'I feel something bad is going to happen'. Russell tries to show the audience that superstition isn't a lower class habit and that the only thing that differentiates Mrs Lyons and Mrs Johnstone is the number of figures in their bank account.

Overall, as the audience, we can infer that Mrs Lyons and Mrs Johnstone juxtapose each other through their opposite personalities. We also begin to recognise that not only does Mrs Lyons mess with Mrs Johnstone's head but also her own. I think that Russell's intention was to show that sometimes lower class indidviduals can be the most genuine.
Alright, there's a bit to unpick here. The first thing I'd say, is that it's not worthy of a 2 - I mean, it's not a perfect essay, but 2 is really, really harsh here. Perhaps take that as a compliment here though, your teacher knows you can do better.

In terms of the essay itself, there are two main problems I can identify: it's a bit vague, and it doesn't answer the question. By vague I mean you paint your point in broad strokes and leave out the bits like language analysis (particularly single world analysis) which is what really will get you the bulk of your marks in essay. Essentially, it feels as if you could have written about one or two less things and developed the rest much more - whenever I feel as if a good point is starting to emerge, the paragraph just seems to finish.

Then, my second point, it doesn't answer the question. You were supposed to write an essay on how Russell presents Mrs Lyons as a lonely and unhappy character, but you ended up writing an essay on how Russell presents Mrs Lyons, giving your own interpretation. You can see this most clearly by looking at your conclusion - which I don't think is necessary even, although I know this divides opinion - where you say that 'Russell's intention was to show that sometimes lower class individuals can be the most genuine.' That does not tell me that Mrs Lyons is a lonely and unhappy character. You could certainly have mode a point of the juxtaposition between Mrs Johnstone and Mrs Lyons, but you would need to explain how that accentuates Mrs Lyons' loneliness and unhappiness - that could be worth a level 9 with proper development.

Although it doesn't work for everyone, I think you really would benefit from following the PEAL (or rather PEAEAEAL) structure in order to make sure that you are continuously answering the question and to keep your writing relevant and not vague with clear and concise points.
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harlz_chalamet
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#5
i'm doing this for drama lmao - BB
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angelboo2323
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#6
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#6
(Original post by OscarF)
Alright, there's a bit to unpick here. The first thing I'd say, is that it's not worthy of a 2 - I mean, it's not a perfect essay, but 2 is really, really harsh here. Perhaps take that as a compliment here though, your teacher knows you can do better.

In terms of the essay itself, there are two main problems I can identify: it's a bit vague, and it doesn't answer the question. By vague I mean you paint your point in broad strokes and leave out the bits like language analysis (particularly single world analysis) which is what really will get you the bulk of your marks in essay. Essentially, it feels as if you could have written about one or two less things and developed the rest much more - whenever I feel as if a good point is starting to emerge, the paragraph just seems to finish.

Then, my second point, it doesn't answer the question. You were supposed to write an essay on how Russell presents Mrs Lyons as a lonely and unhappy character, but you ended up writing an essay on how Russell presents Mrs Lyons, giving your own interpretation. You can see this most clearly by looking at your conclusion - which I don't think is necessary even, although I know this divides opinion - where you say that 'Russell's intention was to show that sometimes lower class individuals can be the most genuine.' That does not tell me that Mrs Lyons is a lonely and unhappy character. You could certainly have mode a point of the juxtaposition between Mrs Johnstone and Mrs Lyons, but you would need to explain how that accentuates Mrs Lyons' loneliness and unhappiness - that could be worth a level 9 with proper development.

Although it doesn't work for everyone, I think you really would benefit from following the PEAL (or rather PEAEAEAL) structure in order to make sure that you are continuously answering the question and to keep your writing relevant and not vague with clear and concise points.
Thank you so much, I will definitely take on board these tips, I'm currently rewriting it!
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OscarF
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#7
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#7
(Original post by angelboo2323)
Thank you so much, I will definitely take on board these tips, I'm currently rewriting it!
Brilliant - and please do send over your updated essay, I'd love to read it!
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