The only friends I have, don't really like me

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I'll keep it short. I'm a final year Uni student, and this is my third attempt at Uni. I tried 1 year at 2 other universities, and it didn't work out for personal reasons, however this Uni I'm currently at has been just fine (So technically I'm a 5th year student!).

I have come to terms pretty quick that for whatever reason, my current 'friend group' that I've been in the last couple years, does not really like me. We have a group chat with all of us, but they'll organize an event and @ me, asking me not to come to this one, yet if they need help with work I'm the first on their radar.

The reason this worries me, is because they're the only 'friends' I've really had the last couple years, and I don't speak to anyone else. Once University ends, I was hoping they'd be people I kept in contact with, but now it's starting to get me down a bit.

I got a new job that I start in a few days (Just retail), hoping that will keep my mind of things, and will allow me to use my free time to earn money instead of worrying about not being invited to an event they're going too (Bowling, Cinema etc).

P.S. We're all on the same course

Any tips/Advice would be great! Thanks
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njdn
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#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'll keep it short. I'm a final year Uni student, and this is my third attempt at Uni. I tried 1 year at 2 other universities, and it didn't work out for personal reasons, however this Uni I'm currently at has been just fine (So technically I'm a 5th year student!).

I have come to terms pretty quick that for whatever reason, my current 'friend group' that I've been in the last couple years, does not really like me. We have a group chat with all of us, but they'll organize an event and @ me, asking me not to come to this one, yet if they need help with work I'm the first on their radar.

The reason this worries me, is because they're the only 'friends' I've really had the last couple years, and I don't speak to anyone else. Once University ends, I was hoping they'd be people I kept in contact with, but now it's starting to get me down a bit.

I got a new job that I start in a few days (Just retail), hoping that will keep my mind of things, and will allow me to use my free time to earn money instead of worrying about not being invited to an event they're going too (Bowling, Cinema etc).

P.S. We're all on the same course

Any tips/Advice would be great! Thanks
if it was me, I would just ask why they keep telling me not to come. And honestly, they sound like people you should remove from your life. they are just out there using you. I know it sucks being friendless, but if your "friends" are not really being friends, then there's not much difference anyway.
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lycheegal
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#3
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#3
wait they're actually asking you not to come? do they give any reasons? honestly that just sounds plain toxic
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username5585736
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#4
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#4
telling you not to come is a rudeness they get away with because it’s on text. they’re spineless too.

it’s too late to expect any other friends, but you probably shouldn’t stick with them if they’re using you for the work. let them do less well by not getting involved with them.

set your mind to focus on ur work and ur own studies and let them sink
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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(Original post by lycheegal)
wait they're actually asking you not to come? do they give any reasons? honestly that just sounds plain toxic
Only reason being that it's too much effort to make a group chat without me, so a lot of their conversations don't include me (That's a reason that was given by the group 'leader')
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by EconomicsStud3nt)
telling you not to come is a rudeness they get away with because it’s on text. they’re spineless too.

it’s too late to expect any other friends, but you probably shouldn’t stick with them if they’re using you for the work. let them do less well by not getting involved with them.

set your mind to focus on ur work and ur own studies and let them sink
I appreciate this advice a lot, thankyou
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lycheegal
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#7
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#7
(Original post by EconomicsStud3nt)
telling you not to come is a rudeness they get away with because it’s on text. they’re spineless too.

it’s too late to expect any other friends, but you probably shouldn’t stick with them if they’re using you for the work. let them do less well by not getting involved with them.

set your mind to focus on ur work and ur own studies and let them sink
idk if I agree it's too late to make other friends. Obvs you're in final year so busier with work and you mentioned getting a job but have you tried going to any uni societies that interest you? That's a good way to meet like-minded people
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londonmyst
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#8
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#8
These individuals do not sound anything like friends.
They sound like opportunistic users that only get in touch with you when they want something.
Are they in the habit of spreading nasty gossip about other people or asking to borrow money from you?
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username5585736
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#9
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#9
(Original post by lycheegal)
idk if I agree it's too late to make other friends. Obvs you're in final year so busier with work and you mentioned getting a job but have you tried going to any uni societies that interest you? That's a good way to meet like-minded people
Yeah i agree, i didn’t highlight it enough but i meant “don’t expect it”, not that it “can’t be done”

my bad lol

as for me, no, i haven’t been to any society’s to find like minds. the only thing kind of society id be interested in joinin is a human rights one; but each time i’ve checked there isn’t one specifically as broad as that.

don’t even think i could manage to be involved in a society bc i’m so reclusive nowadays! 🤦*♂️
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University of Huddersfield Student Rep
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'll keep it short. I'm a final year Uni student, and this is my third attempt at Uni. I tried 1 year at 2 other universities, and it didn't work out for personal reasons, however this Uni I'm currently at has been just fine (So technically I'm a 5th year student!).

I have come to terms pretty quick that for whatever reason, my current 'friend group' that I've been in the last couple years, does not really like me. We have a group chat with all of us, but they'll organize an event and @ me, asking me not to come to this one, yet if they need help with work I'm the first on their radar.

The reason this worries me, is because they're the only 'friends' I've really had the last couple years, and I don't speak to anyone else. Once University ends, I was hoping they'd be people I kept in contact with, but now it's starting to get me down a bit.

I got a new job that I start in a few days (Just retail), hoping that will keep my mind of things, and will allow me to use my free time to earn money instead of worrying about not being invited to an event they're going too (Bowling, Cinema etc).

P.S. We're all on the same course

Any tips/Advice would be great! Thanks
Hello,

I'm sorry to hear you've been experiencing this. It's really good that you've recognised this isn't how genuine friendship's are supposed to be. I'd suggest completely removing yourself from the situation as it's starting to get you down. I'd also recommended going to seek support from your University wellbeing service if needed.

It's never too late to meet new people and strike up new friendships. I'd suggest joining some societies, it'll get you doing some activities, having fun and meeting people who share similar interests. I think it's a good way of making friends outside of your course which is important. I'd also suggest sitting with different people during your lectures and seminars, that'll help you create a network outside of the people you currently know on your course.

Congratulations on the new job! This is another great way to meet people. If meeting new people is something you're open to, it'll happen. If you invest in those relationships, they'll start to grow in to meaningful friendships - just make sure you're aware of any 'red flags' or things that might be similar to what you've recently experienced.

Ultimately, the main focus of university for most people is achieving the best they can academically. However, I think being able to have a support network is a key part of that so hopefully this experience hasn't put you off friendships.

All the best!
- Rebecca, 3rd Year Psychology Student
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University of Bradford
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#11
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#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'll keep it short. I'm a final year Uni student, and this is my third attempt at Uni. I tried 1 year at 2 other universities, and it didn't work out for personal reasons, however this Uni I'm currently at has been just fine (So technically I'm a 5th year student!).

I have come to terms pretty quick that for whatever reason, my current 'friend group' that I've been in the last couple years, does not really like me. We have a group chat with all of us, but they'll organize an event and @ me, asking me not to come to this one, yet if they need help with work I'm the first on their radar.

The reason this worries me, is because they're the only 'friends' I've really had the last couple years, and I don't speak to anyone else. Once University ends, I was hoping they'd be people I kept in contact with, but now it's starting to get me down a bit.

I got a new job that I start in a few days (Just retail), hoping that will keep my mind of things, and will allow me to use my free time to earn money instead of worrying about not being invited to an event they're going too (Bowling, Cinema etc).

P.S. We're all on the same course

Any tips/Advice would be great! Thanks
Hey! I'm really sorry to hear this has happened, like others have said they've proved to not be your true friends and it may be worth cutting the ties here and now with this group. Can you leave the group chat and find other course mates that you can work on group projects with? Have you joined any clubs or societies at your university? If not, I'd really recommend having a look into them as that way you'll be around people who share a similar interest to you, and it can make conversation that bit easier. You could even look into volunteering opportunities or becoming a student ambassador - both fab ways of meeting new people and hopefully to make some really great friends.

Well done on your new job! I'm sure you'll be around some lovely people there who will invite you to fun days out like the cinema and bowling. Or you could be the one to ask them. Maybe try this approach with some other course mates, add them on social media and ask if they want to hang out or go for a walk.

You shouldn't be around people who bring you down, I'm sure you'll soon find people that want to be around you and bring you nothing but joy and positivity, but try not put too much pressure on yourself to find a new friendship group. Everyone experiences university differently, there's no right or wrong way. Some people meet their lifelong friends, others don't. It takes some people until their last year instead of immediately at Freshers. In the meantime just focus on yourself and your studies

I wish you the very best of luck with everything.

Becky
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concernedLMAO
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'll keep it short. I'm a final year Uni student, and this is my third attempt at Uni. I tried 1 year at 2 other universities, and it didn't work out for personal reasons, however this Uni I'm currently at has been just fine (So technically I'm a 5th year student!).

I have come to terms pretty quick that for whatever reason, my current 'friend group' that I've been in the last couple years, does not really like me. We have a group chat with all of us, but they'll organize an event and @ me, asking me not to come to this one, yet if they need help with work I'm the first on their radar.

The reason this worries me, is because they're the only 'friends' I've really had the last couple years, and I don't speak to anyone else. Once University ends, I was hoping they'd be people I kept in contact with, but now it's starting to get me down a bit.

I got a new job that I start in a few days (Just retail), hoping that will keep my mind of things, and will allow me to use my free time to earn money instead of worrying about not being invited to an event they're going too (Bowling, Cinema etc).

P.S. We're all on the same course

Any tips/Advice would be great! Thanks
This is really sad

Anyway they aren't you're friends, like not even partial friends they just aren't at all. Specifically asking you not to come then asking you for help with work is awful.

Cut contact with them and just flat out refuse any begging for help with work. Even if you have no "friends" you'll have your self respect.

Anyway OP this might sound harsh but the issue is probably that you're lacking in confidence or social skills. Try and think about how you're acting then change whatever it is e.g. if you lack confidence try speaking up more, if you're awkward talk to people more. A very good place to do this would be at your new retail job, dealing with customers will help with confidence and dealing with coworkers will help with social skills.

These are all things that you can improve massively. Things will get better if you actively work on this. I used to be friendless and massively lacking in confidence, now I've got plenty and act very assertively. You just have to actively work on it.
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Iyanuloluwa
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#13
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#13
Hi hi,Some people don’t like great things. I guess it’s their loss. Please don’t let it bug you down. Maybe you’re about to meet friends who will adore you. My DM’s are open if you need to talk to anyone. I just moved an entire continent to start university at Oxford and have met some of the most snobbish people ever in my 30 years of life. I just connect with my old friends and remind myself that it’s their loss. Enjoy your life mate!
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ReadandBench
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#14
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#14
I've seen really social people make friends easily. You can make friends through activities based on your interests which is one of the best ways to do so. Church was good for me too made a large range of friends around my age and a little older !

OP you have to work on your self esteem and social abilities. I'd recommend the book "Games people play" by Eric Berne.
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